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Age You Felt Safe Letting The Kiddos Roam


CountryGuy13
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So yes, know your kids. If they can handle the independence, set reasonable guidelines, and let them determine how much independence they continue to get. If they can't that doesn't mean you shouldn't go on the trip, but I also think it doesn't mean you get to let the crew and the rest of us have to deal with your little barbarians, either. ;)

 

Your kids are at the perfect age to do what they are suppose to do. My daughter was an angel until she was 15. Hope that continues (although unlikely) when they reach 14 and above -- the age where teenagers can become the best kids in the world in front of you and convince you that they are doing everything right ....until they are not....... just something to think about. Teenagers want to hang out with other teenagers and the attraction to the opposite (or same) sex can be overwhelming (those darn hormones).

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Your kids are at the perfect age to do what they are suppose to do. My daughter was an angel until she was 15. Hope that continues (although unlikely) when they reach 14 and above -- the age where teenagers can become the best kids in the world in front of you and convince you that they are doing everything right ....until they are not....... just something to think about. Teenagers want to hang out with other teenagers and the attraction to the opposite (or same) sex can be overwhelming (those darn hormones).

 

Yep, we were all teenagers once. Pushing boundaries is part of the deal. This gets back to "know your kids."

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Yep, we were all teenagers once. Pushing boundaries is part of the deal. This gets back to "know your kids."

 

Famous last words! Even "helicopter parents" don't know everything that goes on with their children. I don't expect you to understand now and hopefully your children will meet your expectations when they become teenagers and you will to continue to "know your kids".

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Famous last words! Even "helicopter parents" don't know everything that goes on with their children. I don't expect you to understand now and hopefully your children will meet your expectations when they become teenagers and you will to continue to "know your kids".

I did some crazy things as a teenager, therefore I assumed my kids would, as well. Dd21 is still miffed at how strict and suspicious I was with her (my oldest), since she never did anything to make me distrust her. She got excellent grades, had very nice, respectful friends, and at least I never caught her doing what she shouldn't be doing. Ds19 wasn't so bad, and he's off at college, as well. Because of dd's resentment, I'm more trusting with the next 3 kids (14, 14, and 16), and not just assuming they are going to do really stupid things, like I did. Dd16 hasn't ever had any teen attitude, and she's somewhat of a goody goody. I'm going to keep an eye on the 14 year olds, but I'm not going to assume the worst,

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@mjkacmom, Youi're on the right track with your younger kids. It's pretty much a fact that the stricter you are with teens (especially if it's unwarranted strictness based on suspicion rather than their actual behaviors) the more they will act out. Of course, you don't want to go too far to the opposite extreme either and be completely laissez-faire, but kids only rebel if they feel like it's a real rebellion.

 

Growing up, my parents would show an appropriate amount of concern for my well-being, but they wouldn't (for example) forbid me from going to parties just because there would be alcohol there. Consequently, I didn't drink because there weren't any "teen rebellion points" to earn by doing so. Even among my friends who did drink underage—those with less strict parents drank less frequently, drank fewer drinks in one sitting, and stopped drinking at earlier stages of intoxication.

 

Meanwhile, the friends and relatives with extremely strict parents had the deck stacked against them from the start. The cousin who wasn't ever allowed to date or interact with boys got involved with a 30 year old as soon as she turned 18 because she hadn't had any relationship experience up to that point and didn't know the difference between healthy and unhealthy attraction.

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Famous last words! Even "helicopter parents" don't know everything that goes on with their children. I don't expect you to understand now and hopefully your children will meet your expectations when they become teenagers and you will to continue to "know your kids".

 

Sounds like your kids gave you a real run for your money.

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Sounds like your kids gave you a real run for your money.

 

Actually, not as much as some children. I have only one daughter and, as I mentioned in an earlier post, she was clean-cut, got good grades, was a cheerleader in high school, etc. I really thought that I knew her and thought that she shared everything with me....... until she met the wrong boy. As posted, he is now dead (from drugs) and she is doing a great job raising her children (she married him - much to my dismay). Thankfully, she never got into drugs. She is a successful business woman and we have a very close relationship.

 

She taught me a lot and one of the things was that those of us that think we know our children may not (at least not when they get to around 15 or 16). I have friends who have one child that never went through that stage while their sibling(s) ended up doing drugs, running away, etc. As a result of my experience and those of my friends, I want to warn parents and share my story with them.

 

In hindsight, would I do things differently? That is hard to say. I couldn't lock her up at home and she was trustworthy in many ways. She and I discuss those years and she feels that I did all that I could (my DH even permanently attached her the screen on her bedroom window so that she couldn't sneak out). All of us do the best that we can as parents and pray that things end well. I have just learned not to trust as much as I did when she was a teenager.

 

In any event, not trying to derail this thread. Just sharing my story in the hopes of opening the eyes of parents that may (or may not) face what we did.

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Actually, not as much as some children. I have only one daughter and, as I mentioned in an earlier post, she was clean-cut, got good grades, was a cheerleader in high school, etc. I really thought that I knew her and thought that she shared everything with me....... until she met the wrong boy. As posted, he is now dead (from drugs) and she is doing a great job raising her children (she married him - much to my dismay). Thankfully, she never got into drugs. She is a successful business woman and we have a very close relationship.

 

She taught me a lot and one of the things was that those of us that think we know our children may not (at least not when they get to around 15 or 16). I have friends who have one child that never went through that stage while their sibling(s) ended up doing drugs, running away, etc. As a result of my experience and those of my friends, I want to warn parents and share my story with them.

 

In hindsight, would I do things differently? That is hard to say. I couldn't lock her up at home and she was trustworthy in many ways. She and I discuss those years and she feels that I did all that I could (my DH even permanently attached her the screen on her bedroom window so that she couldn't sneak out). All of us do the best that we can as parents and pray that things end well. I have just learned not to trust as much as I did when she was a teenager.

 

In any event, not trying to derail this thread. Just sharing my story in the hopes of opening the eyes of parents that may (or may not) face what we did.

 

Very well said Travelcat!

 

I have always said the very best of kids can be influenced to do crazy things when befriending other kids on a cruise so they "can fit in". Some parents will never believe that until something happens.

 

 

I believe in giving older kids some freedom, but to turn these younger kids loose to only occasionally "check in", in my opinion, is just not a good idea.

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At the end of the day we can't control what they do/the choices they make. If your kid had gone through life and always given you every reason to think they would make good choices on a cruise so you gave them freedom on board, and they ended up making bad choices, that's not on you. That's on them. As a parent you make the best decision with the information you have at the time.

 

Obviously there are parents out there who don't care about the impact their behavior, and that of their kids, has on the environment around them - and that can be exacerbated in a "closed" environment such as a cruise ship. But by the virtue of starting this thread in the first place it doesn't seem like the OP is one of those parents. But again, you never know, right? That's the point. Telling the OP not to give her kids any freedom - period, the end - is as irrational as telling the OP to control every decision their kid makes.

 

As a parent I don't want to try to control every decision my kids make. That sounds terribly frustrating and inefficient. If they have earned independence, there's nothing wrong with giving them independence appropriate to their abilities (social, physical, etc). If they stop earning it, don't give it to them. It is absolutely all about knowing your kids....and accepting that doing so doesn't guarantee they'll make the right decisions.

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My advice from much earlier in this thread remains. Give them the freedom that you think that they can handle but you physically check on them at random times rather than asking them to check in with you. This is the only way to know that they are where they said they would be.

 

I would add to that it is a good idea to keep children in pairs when possible. And, when they find a few "new friends", meet them. I would be concerned, for instance, if a 12 year old was hanging around 14 or 15 year olds. I'd check more frequently at first - until you are comfortable that they will be where they are suppose to be. Then you can go a couple of hours.

 

IMO, if we take our children on vacation to what is almost like a small city that they are unfamiliar with, it is our responsibility to do everything we can to keep them safe. Also, when you take your children on a cruise, it is a family cruise - not an adults cruise. Parents need to have their fun but not drink too much or get so involved with other adults that you forget about your children.

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My daughter was only 10 the first time we cruised, and my son was a toddler, so they stuck with us. But when she was 12, we let her go off on her own (she made friends in the kids' club) but there were rules:

1. No one is allowed in our stateroom.

2. You are not allowed in anyone else's stateroom.

3. When you are alone in the stateroom, put the "do not disturb" card in the door.

4. You will have breakfast and dinner with us every day.

5. You will stick with us on port days.

6. You will be in our stateroom by ship's curfew.

7. You will use the lifts (elevators) only for going up and down. Other people have to use them and they are not there for your amusement.

8. You are not to buy drinks, food, or anything else for anyone using your Seapass card (and she had a spending limit of $20 per day)

9. You are not to accept drinks from anyone.

10. Please remember that there are 5,000 people on this ship. Please behave sensibly and be aware of your surroundings.

 

I know, I sound like a mean mum, but the ship held more people than the village in which we live. I wanted her to have fun but I also wanted her to be safe. The rules worked well for everyone, and next year when we cruise with our son (who will be 12), the same rules will apply.

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  • 2 months later...
To jump on this thread, what about at night? We will have 10 and almost 7 year old. After they go to bed, what do most parents do. Do you split up and one parent stay behind and the other go do something or are there baby sitters available? Thanks!

My son was only 15 months old, but we would take turns at night and nap time who stayed and who went out. I personally would feel uncomfortable leaving a 10 and 7 year old alone in the room.

 

Sent from my XT1650 using Forums mobile app

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Hi, I'm new here and looking forward to our first family cruise in Spring when my youngest will be 4 year old. Are there age groups for smaller children?

We are fine for him to explore but not sure how to instruct him to keep away from the railings and stay inside. Any suggestions?

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Hi! My family has our first cruise in August (Oasis of the Seas), and we're beyond excited! I have a question on how much "freedom" to give the kids / tweens coming along with us.

 

At home, we're not exactly hover-parents - They go outside, around the neighborhood, etc. on their own. However, taking them out of the country for the first time and on a HUGE cruise ship they are not familiar with gives me SOME reservations about just letting them roam about. In particular, my 12 year old. While I think we'll be hanging out as a family most of the time (that's the point, isn't it?) I'd love for him to go hang out with other kids he meets without having Mom and Dad hover over him on occasion, but don't want him getting lost or in trouble either.

 

At what age did you feel comfortable letting the kids go off on their own on your cruise (if at all)?

 

When my daughter was 12, we let her have a bit of freedom on the ship with other teens. Of course we had rules, and I will share our "Kid's cruise contract" (don't give me credit for it, I got it from someone else on these boards a few years back ;)) We also always had dinner together every night. One thing that they didn't have on our last cruise was the Carnival HUB App with the chat feature, that makes things a little easier now and we'll definitely be utilizing that on our cruise in a few weeks.

 

I ---------------------------, agreeto the following rules while on our Carnival Liberty Cruise:

 

KIDS CRUISE CONTRACT

 

This is going to be a fun andexciting trip, but at the same we want you to be safe and courteous to otherson the ship.

1. Permission to go somewhere on theship without a parent will be decided for each circumstance. (Meaning…justbecause we may allow you to go to the buffet by yourself one day or the arcadeanother day, doesn’t mean that every time you want to go somewhere alone on theship that we will allow it.)

2. You will not be allowed to just roamaround the ship with no specific destination.

3. Under nocircumstances are you to go to anybody’s cabin and no one is allowed to come toours.

4. You will not go through any of thecabin areas/hallways. There is absolutely no reason for you to be in any ofthese locations except to return to your own cabin.

5. You will not play on the elevators.

6. Never ever accept a drink of any kindfrom anybody (other than mom & dad). If you leave a drink unattended, you will have to get a new one.

7. You will be required to check in at aspecific times set by mom and/or dad.

8. You will tell us where you are going,what you will be doing and who you will be with. If plans change, you have to let us know sothat we know where to find you if needed.

9. If you are in the cabin alone, youwill have the do not disturb sign posted. Not even crew members (room steward) areto be in there when you are by yourself.

10. You will be required to eat with the family for allevening meals in the dining room.

11. You will be courteous to the adults and others inthe pool. No splashing or “cannon balls” to be cute.

12. You will not be obnoxious, loud, or rude whether ornot we are with you. We expect you to bewell mannered using please, thank you, and excuse me at all times. Hold thedoors for adults that are passing through at the same time as you, allow peopleto get off of the elevator before you step on. Just because somebody else isrude does not give you the right to be rude.

13. Absolutely no running on the ship!

14. No cutting in line at the buffet. And do not takemore than you can eat. If you are still hungry you can go back for more.

15. Easy on the ice cream, you have all week! J

_________________________________________________

Signed Dated

 

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Hi, I'm new here and looking forward to our first family cruise in Spring when my youngest will be 4 year old. Are there age groups for smaller children?

We are fine for him to explore but not sure how to instruct him to keep away from the railings and stay inside. Any suggestions?

It depends on the cruise line, carnival i think has a 2-5 year old group in the kids club. They will get ahold of you if the child is upset and needs to be picked up by you. There are older age groups too if your older kids want to go to the club also.

 

Sent from my XT1650 using Forums mobile app

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