Funniest Complaints Heard While Cruising

On Navigator last year, on a rather inclement sea day, the internal bars and so on were, understandably, quite busy.

I was queuing at the Coffee stand on the Promenade, and was next-but-one to be served. A lady - who was already on my radar, as she had come up to me and told me I shouldn't be allowed to take part in the trivia as I had already won one - appeared, and went straight to the front of the line, which was then about a dozen folks long.

When I politely pointed out the queue, her reply was "I'm 78 years old...... you'll be old yourself one day".

I replied that I sincerely hoped I WOULD be old myself one day, but that I also hoped I hadn't forgotten my manners in my old age.

She just glared at me, tried to stand her ground but the server diligently served those waiting in line, ignoring her raised finger and demands for a latte (no "please" being uttered by her).

After two or three minutes, she glared down the line (which was getting no shorter) and stomped off.

I was just leaving the laundromat when an elderly couple asked me for help using the machines. While I was showing them the lady produced a plastic bag with washing powder. I asked her if she had brought that from home as most people had spent time on a land tour pre cruise.yes she had.

What are the chances of getting through customs in Canada, where they were from, through customs in China at airport and again onto cruise ship with a plastic bag of fine white powder? Not something I would want to try.

Once on Indy, while enjoying our suite loungers on the pool deck (first time in a suite), an older woman looked at us shortly after claiming our spot and said "these chairs are reserved for suite guests" I told her I was aware. She asked to see my seapass, so instead of speaking my mind I ignored her. She then left to talk to a pool deck employee who immediately came up to us and asked to see our seapass. I showed him and all was well. He then asked the woman who raised the fuss to check her card also and she said" I left mine in the cabin". The staff member asked her what cabin she was in so he could verify the information. She and her husband left in a huff. I smiled and told her to have a nice day. We never saw them in the suite loungers for the remainder of the cruise.

Justice!:')

On EOS a few years back they had a cheesy Tee Shirt sale. Some ROBUST woman FLUNG herself onto to the table to scoop up as manybcheap $5 tee shirts she could carry.

I was amazed the table did not collapse:eek:

DH and I were assigned to a table for 4 in the MDR, with another couple. On the first night, they order pistachio ice cream for dessert. It arrives and they are shocked there are no pistachio pieces in the ice cream. "How can there be no pistachio pieces?!?! Who ever heard of pistachio ice cream with no pistachio pieces?!?!" The great pistachio rant lasted through all of dessert and coffee. DH and I could say nothing to them the rest of the meal because they never shut up about the pistachio ice cream long enough for us to get a word in.

 

The next night, they order the pistachio ice cream for dessert again. And again, they are shocked, shocked I tell you, that there were no pistachio pieces in the ice cream. The rant repeated exactly as the night before, and lasted just as long.

 

Night 3, they order the d@mn ice cream again. They are no less shocked than the two previous nights about the absence of pistachio pieces. It was like Groundhog Day. It happened every single dinner of the 7-night cruise. Each night they were legitimately surprised about the missing pistachio pieces. I can only assume the experience was so traumatic for them that they erased all memory of the pistachio ice cream each evening as some kind of coping mechanism.

 

DH and I turned lemons into lemonade (well, more like grapes into wine) and invented the Pistachio Drinking Game on night three. We were feeling no pain by the time we left the MDR each night.

I have read through this entire thread (to date). Thanks so much to all of you for the few hours entertainment. But this story about the ice cream just cracked me up. Great story and great telling. It is really hard to believe but so hilarious!! :')

Just remembered one that occurred not on the ship, but on a ship's tour to the Mendenhall Glacier in Alaska. After the ranger finished her information presentation and asked for questions, one lady in our group said "The glacier is dirty, why don't you clean it?" The ranger never missed a beat and replied, "Sorry Ma'am, that's not in my job description."

DH and I were assigned to a table for 4 in the MDR, with another couple. On the first night, they order pistachio ice cream for dessert. It arrives and they are shocked there are no pistachio pieces in the ice cream. "How can there be no pistachio pieces?!?! Who ever heard of pistachio ice cream with no pistachio pieces?!?!" The great pistachio rant lasted through all of dessert and coffee. DH and I could say nothing to them the rest of the meal because they never shut up about the pistachio ice cream long enough for us to get a word in.

 

The next night, they order the pistachio ice cream for dessert again. And again, they are shocked, shocked I tell you, that there were no pistachio pieces in the ice cream. The rant repeated exactly as the night before, and lasted just as long.

 

Night 3, they order the d@mn ice cream again. They are no less shocked than the two previous nights about the absence of pistachio pieces. It was like Groundhog Day. It happened every single dinner of the 7-night cruise. Each night they were legitimately surprised about the missing pistachio pieces. I can only assume the experience was so traumatic for them that they erased all memory of the pistachio ice cream each evening as some kind of coping mechanism.

 

DH and I turned lemons into lemonade (well, more like grapes into wine) and invented the Pistachio Drinking Game on night three. We were feeling no pain by the time we left the MDR each night.

They were clearly nuts.:)

I'll get my coat, my taxi is waiting...

In the late 1990's was on an Hawaiian American cruise. Captain and staff talked up cruising by Kilauea at night. Night arrives and we're on deck and you can see the lava flow and lots of steam. No boom/crash or explosions but pretty impressive.

A woman in front of me says "That's IT????" I replied "Well, madam, if we had paid more for the cruise they would have turned up the gas jets!"

RCL has recently started to list AA meetings in the CruiseCompass as "Friends of Bill & Lois." Our names. At the nightly cocktail party several people asked us what was that event we were hosting each night!

I once overheard a fellow passenger asking, in all seriousness, if the crew left the ship by helicopter to go home every night and back in the morning. Someone who was better able than I to keep a straight face assured them that they did indeed leave and that the helipad was on the top deck. A couple of nights later, I happened to run across this gullible couple again and heard them talking about how they still hadn't been able to locate the helipad.

We were on a cruise one March heading towards tbe Suez Canal. The lady in front of me at the service desk was telling the receptionist that she had booked a balcony cabin, but there was no sun on her balcony, so the Captain should turn the ship around! Amazes me that some staff can remain straight faced and so polite.

We were on a cruise one March heading towards tbe Suez Canal. The lady in front of me at the service desk was telling the receptionist that she had booked a balcony cabin, but there was no sun on her balcony, so the Captain should turn the ship around! Amazes me that some staff can remain straight faced and so polite.

LOL. So, she wanted him to back through the Canal? Good one.

Last March/April we were on a Panama Canal cruise with Celebrity. The Cruise Director had told us all about a pair of rare flightless birds, thought to be extinct, which had been discovered on one of the islands. Game wardens had been keping watch over them. The birds had produced an egg which was due to hatch, so there were lots of media folk hidding in the bushes ready to take photos. The birds were called Yadslooflirpa. Our ship would be passing the particular island about 1pm that day.

Well, the promenade deck and jogging deck were packed with passengers hoping for a glimpse of these birds. Many passengers had binoculars or zoom lenses on their cameras.

The convoy was rather slow and the onboard naturalist spoke about the flooding of the area when making the canal as well as the discovery of the birds. We were all really excited about a possible sighting.

Well, did that CD and naturalist have all us passengers going! And for so long! That day was April 1st. And the bird's name was "April fools day" backwards.

When the men confessed their scheme, we could hardly believe that they had tricked nearly the whole ship. It was a really good day and taken in good humour by all.

Overheard a gal ask what the numbers above the elevator meant.

Great thread, cannot make some of these things up.

Overheard a gal ask what the numbers above the elevator meant.

 

Great thread, cannot make some of these things up.

LOL. I may be able to partially explain this one - I think. My DH comes from a small farming town. Over the past 50 years it has, of course, grown but all in all it is still a small town. So, we are visiting and my niece has a son the same age (8) as my DGS. We are staying on the third floor of the hotel. The biggest one in town. Nephew is all excited to be going up three whole floors. He didn't realize buildings went that high.

DH and I were assigned to a table for 4 in the MDR, with another couple. On the first night, they order pistachio ice cream for dessert. It arrives and they are shocked there are no pistachio pieces in the ice cream. "How can there be no pistachio pieces?!?! Who ever heard of pistachio ice cream with no pistachio pieces?!?!" The great pistachio rant lasted through all of dessert and coffee. DH and I could say nothing to them the rest of the meal because they never shut up about the pistachio ice cream long enough for us to get a word in.

 

The next night, they order the pistachio ice cream for dessert again. And again, they are shocked, shocked I tell you, that there were no pistachio pieces in the ice cream. The rant repeated exactly as the night before, and lasted just as long.

 

Night 3, they order the d@mn ice cream again. They are no less shocked than the two previous nights about the absence of pistachio pieces. It was like Groundhog Day. It happened every single dinner of the 7-night cruise. Each night they were legitimately surprised about the missing pistachio pieces. I can only assume the experience was so traumatic for them that they erased all memory of the pistachio ice cream each evening as some kind of coping mechanism.

 

DH and I turned lemons into lemonade (well, more like grapes into wine) and invented the Pistachio Drinking Game on night three. We were feeling no pain by the time we left the MDR each night.

LOL that reminds me of a Princess Cruise we took with my brother and his wife and two friends who had just gotten married (in my back yard the day before the cruise).

I was sitting between my wife and my SIL at dinner - each night the just-married friend would order the bitter-sweet chocolate cake, and each night his new bride would loudly say - "you don't like bitter chocolate!". It would come and he would eat it all - next night exactly the same - Groundhog Day was a great description. My legs were black and blue from my wife and my SIL kicking me each time. The last night or two when the dessert menus were handed out I started sliding my chair back from the table to avoid being kicked.

Wish I had thought of the drinking game!

English bacon kind of looks like Canadian bacon but with a bit of American bacon stuck to the end :D English bacon is from the back, American bacon (or streaky bacon as it's called in Britain) is from the belly. It's very, very delicious. Especially on a white bread sandwich with ketchup. Yummmmmm

Ketchup! Nooo you have to have brown sauce with a bacon 🥓 sarnie.

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

Ketchup! Nooo you have to have brown sauce with a bacon 🥓 sarnie.

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums

In UK, this issue is almost as divisive as Marmite. I love Marmiite but cannot stand brown sauce - my bacon sarnie is with tomato ketchup (or even better as a BLT).

I could start on egg banjos but it would confuse our US readership:confused:.

Less a complaint more than a face that says it all.

The Never Ending Birthday

Last year we cruised right after my son's 19th birthday. Not sure how they do it but each night they seemed to bring cakes and do the birthday sing deal to several people in the dinner hour. I never told them my son had a birthday near sail time so I can only assume they get birthdays around or near the night of dinner from guest info.

No one told them but BOY OH BOT DID THEY KNOW about his birthday.

The first night with cake and song went nice. He was little embarrassed but handled it well because it was a one time deal. At least he thought it was a one time deal. Again I don't know how they get names and birthdays for dining celebrations if you do not actually request one but they had his this one cruise became the never ending birthday for my Ryan.

FOUR different nights along came a cake and the waitstaff singing to him.

Yes, the easiest thing in the world would have been to tell them but it was almost impossible since they hid the little cake for a surprise until the last moment so you didn't know it was coming AGAIN until they were all gathered around the table. You can't really say *You did this last night... the night before..,. and the night before.. * when they are already standing there with candle lit and singing. There was no way to stop it gracefully do that Conquest cruise will forever be the cruise of Ryan endless birthday.

No complaint really but there is still funny to be had in the story and this picture of his face as he sees them coming with yet another cake and chorus of * Happy Birthday to you... *

Ketchup forever! (Not really since I'm allergic to tomato now, and also can't eat pork so I don't get to eat bacon, hmm this doesn't sound fun anymore!)

Less a complaint more than a face that says it all.

The Never Ending Birthday

Last year we cruised right after my son's 19th birthday. Not sure how they do it but each night they seemed to bring cakes and do the birthday sing deal to several people in the dinner hour. I never told them my son had a birthday near sail time so I can only assume they get birthdays around or near the night of dinner from guest info.

 

No one told them but BOY OH BOT DID THEY KNOW about his birthday.

The first night with cake and song went nice. He was little embarrassed but handled it well because it was a one time deal. At least he thought it was a one time deal. Again I don't know how they get names and birthdays for dining celebrations if you do not actually request one but they had his this one cruise became the never ending birthday for my Ryan.

 

FOUR different nights along came a cake and the waitstaff singing to him.

 

Yes, the easiest thing in the world would have been to tell them but it was almost impossible since they hid the little cake for a surprise until the last moment so you didn't know it was coming AGAIN until they were all gathered around the table. You can't really say *You did this last night... the night before..,. and the night before.. * when they are already standing there with candle lit and singing. There was no way to stop it gracefully do that Conquest cruise will forever be the cruise of Ryan endless birthday.

 

No complaint really but there is still funny to be had in the story and this picture of his face as he sees them coming with yet another cake and chorus of * Happy Birthday to you... *

Ohhhh My goodness!! Poor Ryan,

HE looks like a deer caught in the headlights, (of an oncoming train that is..) I kinda know how he feels though, my wife and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary (March 17,2015) at the steakhouse on the Carnival Dream. However, she had forgotten OR 'neglected' (or SO she claimed) to tell me,that she had told Carnival about our anniversary when she made the reservations (Yea, RIGHT!!) So, after a delicious dinner, I'm sitting there like big goof, wondering WHY no check, when I see the entire wait staff approach, with BIG smiles, and I'm thinking, 'Uh-OHHH, I've been HAD!!' And it was the whole smear, special dessert, small cake, bottle of champagne and singing. One of the young girls on the waitstaff was so delighted to find out that we wanted to spend our 20th anniversary with them.So, maybe SOME day Ryan can pass the surprise honor on to his offspring, and have them whisper, 'Gee, Thanks Dad.. :)

Mac

Every cruise my kids have a birthday. Or anniversary. Or retirement. We just pick a date, fill it in on the personalizer and viola!

Just off Liberty, May 14-21 ... while waiting for an elevator on Saturday, last day heading back to Galveston, an older couple came up. The gentleman, in his prominent New Yorker accent, was explaining to his wife that he had "just checked the speed of the ship and that the captain was traveling 7 KNOTS FASTER going back to Galveston than he had on the two days going down to Roatan. He (the captain) KNEW that the ship would go faster but CHOSE to go slower and literally WASTED AN ENTIRE DAY at the beginning of the cruise. That was just unacceptable and unnecessary." He was not a happy camper ... errrr, cruiser, and his poor wife must be used to his complaining because she was just shaking her head and looking up at the ceiling, not saying a word. ;)

On one of my cruises I was in the buffet for breakfast and there was a tray of Bacon marked "English Bacon". There was an elderly American couple in front of me. The man remarked that it looked good and it was unfair that it was only for English passengers. I replied that it was for everyone and that they should help themselves. The woman said "Oh no We don't want to risk getting into trouble." I sighed as I helped myself to some. The Jamaican man replenishing the sausage links could hardly keep from bursting into laughter. :rolleyes::D

Did they stay away from the French fries and French toast as well?

In UK, this issue is almost as divisive as Marmite. I love Marmiite but cannot stand brown sauce - my bacon sarnie is with tomato ketchup (or even better as a BLT).

 

I could start on egg banjos but it would confuse our US readership:confused:.

I hesitate getting into a food conversation with someone who loves Marmite - but doesn't a fondness for brown sauce go along with Marmite-tolerance? And without brown sauce how do you dress up your chip buttie?