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Cunard Queen Victoria Review - Greek Isles July 2017


SonofTertius
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Part 1 of 5

 

Boarding

Boarding went smoothly enough. The whole process from beginning to end took less than half an hour and our bags were in our cabin before we had arrived to it. It was a hot day in Athens and water was provided in the tented waiting area. The porters and check in staff were all professional and friendly and we did not have any issues in finding our cabin.

 

Upon arriving at our cabin, Joy Lyn; our amazingly brilliant cabin stewardess was waiting for us in the corridor and greeted us each by name. This made a huge good impression and set the tone for the whole cruise in terms of this lady's service and interest in her passengers. Joy showed us around the cabin and explained how things worked etc. We were very impressed with her and she looked after us for the rest of the cruise - her service was the highlight of the whole week.

 

 

The Cabin

The cabin was fine. We were on deck 4 with a window overlooking one of the lifeboats so our view was pretty much a bit of sky and a big orange and white plastic looking elephant thing hanging from some steel beams and cables. The day we were in the Albania Bay, we had a sea view for a good 8 hours as they used the life boat to take people ashore. Some seasoned cruiser will probably used this opportunity to correct my shipping vocabulary as the correct term has sadly escaped me.

 

The bathrooms are small. There's no other word for it. They are probably smaller than today's average because I'm comparing them to the Majestic Princess bathrooms which have a better and more convenient layout. The shower head is low and I kept bashing my head into it - I'm only 5'11. The shower curtain, yes curtain, was probably from 2007 as it was a crumpled up bit of cloth full of holes at the top. It also did not stop the water from spilling out over the edges and the whole bathroom floor was soaked after each session. Joy did notice this and changed the curtain halfway through our stay for a new bit of cloth which didn't work properly, not her fault. There's no light in the shower so the only 2 lights in the bathroom are over the mirror and in my opinion, are not suitable to provide light enough for the shower. There's also no handheld and washing hard to reach areas proved to be challenging during the first 3 days. It would be easy only if your are a contortionist. There's a lack of shelving in the corners where the mirror is. They could easily fit at least 2 more shelves per side into the corners to provide enough space for all the things we titivate ourselves with on a daily basis. Also, one of the shelves is occupied with the ship's amenities so you basically only have 1 for guest use.

 

Wardrobe space is ample and they provide enough hangers however, the metal clips on the hangers are probably also from 2007 as they don't clip properly anymore - all the springs are worn out. So each day it became rather a ritual to pick up trousers from the bottom of the wardrobe.

 

The desk is a nice touch however there is a design fail; sockets provided on the desk are literally flush with the surface so nothing with a cord can be plugged in without damaging the cord in some form or another. There are also no USB sockets and for a ship that classifies itself as modern and luxurious, this is a definite fail. The kettle for tea and coffee is also a nice touch and we used it quite often - they could have perhaps sourced a less noisy kettle though. Yes I know I'm knit picking but for Cunard's rates, you'd expect perfection, no?

 

The new Samsung TV's have been dumbed down and all their features have been disabled - why would they do this? Most people these days like to connect their personal devices to the set. It is not possible on the QV yet other ships I've sailed on even promote this as one of their unique selling points. Also, the TV is not interactive - no films or music on demand, nada, zilch, nothing. You have to watch and listen to what they pipe out and that is it. They do provide a TV schedule however, the timings are not synchronised so whatever info is provided on the time sheets are always a couple of hours off to either side of the advertised slot. We gave up after a while and never even switched the thing on.

 

The beds and pillows were comfortable - no complaints there. It would be interesting to know however how often they are supposed to change the sheets as ours were not changed once during the whole journey. I've seen some posts on CC mentioning that they had the same issue during a two week cruise.

 

The AC in the room worked well and we like it as cool as possible and do mind a direct blowout over the bed however, as it the outlet is located exactly above the left side of the bed, some people might find it disturbing. You are also not able to switch the thing off - it's either hot or cold air being piped through, much like the TV channels. No other choices.

 

Soundproofing is good or, maybe it seemed good because of the lack of kids on our deck at the time. We slept well and didn't hear any doors banging, nor did we hear adolescent screams and chatter. Phew!

 

There's ample space under the beds for your empty luggage and we found a secret chest of drawers with towels and blankets under the bed. This was probably to make up the sofa bed with if there had been a third wheel in our party. All in all, the cabin was comfortable and we did enjoy spending time in it - even though it might not sound like it. I'm just trying to give an objective account of my experience. (Part 1 of 5)

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A "tender" is what they call the boats that take you ashore.

 

The beams and cables that the boats attach to are called the winding gear. Mrs Toad calls them "Hangers" - because the boats hang off them !

 

And as previously discussed, an imbecile designed the placement of the sockets, i.e. you can't plug anything in if it has cord coming out of the bottom of said plug.

 

Again, correct about the TV. Everything was disabled. Bluetooth oddly was not disabled but you could not connect your moby using it. We had the TV on maybe twice, and that was just me trying to get it to do something.

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Thanks for posting your review. I will be following with interest. The bathroom sounds like a bit of a nightmare, and I am really surprised the shower curtains were not renewed during the recent refit.

To be honest it's beyond me why they even put TV's in cabins. I'd be pretty sad going away and spending time watching tv.

Any photo's?

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Presumably there are other sockets in the cabin that can be used with a plug that has a lead exiting it at the bottom?

Unless you move the bedside tables and unplug the lamps thrn the answer is No. The sockets there are European 2-prong ones ( like you d find in Germany)

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A "tender" is what they call the boats that take you ashore.

 

The beams and cables that the boats attach to are called the winding gear. Mrs Toad calls them "Hangers" - because the boats hang off them !

 

And as previously discussed, an imbecile designed the placement of the sockets, i.e. you can't plug anything in if it has cord coming out of the bottom of said plug.

 

Again, correct about the TV. Everything was disabled. Bluetooth oddly was not disabled but you could not connect your moby using it. We had the TV on maybe twice, and that was just me trying to get it to do something.

 

 

 

Tender! It was on the tip of my tongue. I'd almost called it muster before deciding to go with life boat [emoji6]

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Part 2 of 5

 

 

The Bars

Even though we are not people who tend to drink, a point was made to visit most of the outlets in order to experience the ship in full. I am not able to remember all their (the venues) names, nor am interested to, so please forgive the errors if there are any.

 

Drinks are expensive. There is no other word for it - much like the bathrooms being small. The places we frequented more than others were the Commodore Club which is right above the bridge with an amazing view, the Golden Lion Pub which is somewhere on deck 2 if I'm not mistaken, and the Gin Bar (or fizz bar, or some other pretentious name) on the third deck mid ship. Oh yes, we also spent time in the Winter Garden or "Conservetories" as I heard some northerners call it one day - made me chuckle. I'll touch on each of these lightly and separate. Here goes.

 

The Commodore Club is very impressive. It has sweeping views and the furniture and fittings are mentionable in terms of helping create the proper atmosphere of a proper cruise ship bar/club. During the day almost no one goes there and we found it like a ghost ship bar most of the time before 18:00. If you do decide to visit the bar between 17:00 and 18:00 and you might not be properly attired for the post 18:00 daily Downton Abbey theme throughout, be prepared to be consistently reminded by the waiting staff from 17:40 onwards that you are not allowed in the area after 18:00, if not suitably dressed. We were even told one afternoon that they'll only serve us the drinks if we promise to leave by 18:00. It was perhaps meant to be in jest however, dress code on the Queen Victoria is a serious thing - even in the sweltering Mediterranean heat bouncing off the ocean. So this bar was fine, apart from being harassed about your attire midway though your £14.00 gin and tonic. They also provide some nuts and crisps when you purchase a drink. The nuts and crisps are free by the way. One afternoon an antipodean couple was so impressed by the free nuts that they asked for more. 3 times they asked, and all 3 times these crisps and nuts disappeared into a ziplock plastic bag cleverly hidden in what's was probably a £2000 leather handbag - or a very, very good fake one. Yes people, these were some of the personalities we were travelling with on her majesty Queen Victoria - people who slip nuts and crisps into their handbags, 3 times. I've done it myself on other occasions, but twice is generally the limit per drink for me, and I don't have a £2000 handbag.

 

The Golden Lion Pub (or at least I think it's called that, or is it golden dragon?) is a pub. It looks like a pub. It smells like a pub. It sounds like a pub. The food taste like pub food normally does. None of this gourmet pub fare or decor. Imagine a pub in perhaps Newquay mid 1980's overlooking the sea. I say mid 1980's because the decor is exactly that. This is the Disneyland of pubs - it's truly awful. It was probably my imagination but I could swear that whilst having lunch there on day, I could smell the Rothmans Kingsize and stale ale-breath coming off the walls. And then there are the pub quizzes. Don't even get me started. I guess the same reason why people go and have a full English breakfast at an English cafe during their all inclusive in Benidorm is the reason for someone to enjoy spending time in an authentic pub, on a cruise, in the middle of the Aegean Sea. It boggles my mind. So we ordered fish and chips one day, here in the pub - it was 100% authentic! It's was amazingly oily, stale and the mushy peas looked like old bits of mint bubblegum which someone had scraped off the bottom of a school desk - tasted like it too. The service was poor. It is almost as if the waiting staff in the golden dragon pub are there as a punishment. They had probably arrived late for shift at the Queens Grill (this is one of those places on the ship where plebs like me was not allowed to get in to) and got sent straight down to the golden dragon pub for the remainder of their shift. It's a sad, sad place.

 

We had discovered the gin fizz place by accident on the first day of the cruise as it was muster station C. Yes we sat there during our drill and admired the 28000 or something potential recipes the barman would be able to concoct with just gin, a mixer and a plethora of what seems like a selection of pic a mix for posh people - stuff like freeze dried basil foam and rehydrated eagle spit from the highest pink salt peak in the Himalayas. I kid you not - entertain yourself one day if you are on this cruise and go read this fizz gin menu, it will kill a good couple of hours. It so much more entertaining that having spa mud chucked at your feet for $120. So I have to confess; I didn't really buy any drinks here, I simply came here a couple of times to s****** at the menu and the punters who fell for paying $25 a martini just because it is infused with the hair follicles of an 18th century countess who resided in Bournemouth.

 

The Winter Garden is no less fun than the other drinking holes on the ship. It goes through stages though. Early in the morning you find the runners and chair-hoggers resting here. The runners resting and having some juice after their 6 laps around the deck, the chair-joggers ready and waiting to jump out and clip their towels onto deck chairs and sun loungers. It was on this cruise that I learnt about the subtle art of chair clipping. For those of you who don't know - chair/towel clips are like big clothes pegs which some cruisers use to 'mark' their sun-loungers with. They start clipping really early in the morning and by around 9am, normally half of the deck chairs and loungers have been clipped, with not a person in sight. You see, these seasoned clippers wake up early to go clipping and then might even go back to sleep or get off the ship for the morning (whilst their chairs are being left alone by non clippers). They come back at around midday and the clips have reserved their chairs - like magic you see. It's always fun to secretly swap clips around and watch clipper faces when they return to the Lido deck after spending half the day at port. Enough about the towel-clips though. More about this in pool-deck section, later in the review. During the late afternoon you'll find loads of people snoozing here. Nice place for a nap I guess. Be prepared for light harp music during the late afternoon sessions, with even more fellow passengers joining in on what seemed like an attempt to break some sort of Guinness world record mass napping event. Still, it was always calm and quiet. This area is also, much like the Commodore club, very empty during the day, apart from the nappers of course. Service here is almost non existent - the times which I sat down at the tables, not once did a waiter approach us to offer food or drink. I know it's might seem like a first world problem, but I had to get up and place my own orders each time at the bar. Oh PS; we disputed ALL the service charges and made front desk remove it from the billing. No service = no service charge, no tips. We only tipped the 2 people who looked after us. Many others had the opportunity though - they just didn't bother. Service on this ship in general, was awful. I'm of course not speaking for the 'grill' or in other words, first class passengers. (Part 2 of 5)

 

 

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Part 2 of 5

 

 

The Bars

Even though we are not people who tend to drink, a point was made to visit most of the outlets in order to experience the ship in full. I am not able to remember all their (the venues) names, nor am interested to, so please forgive the errors if there are any.

 

Drinks are expensive. There is no other word for it - much like the bathrooms being small. The places we frequented more than others were the Commodore Club which is right above the bridge with an amazing view, the Golden Lion Pub which is somewhere on deck 2 if I'm not mistaken, and the Gin Bar (or fizz bar, or some other pretentious name) on the third deck mid ship. Oh yes, we also spent time in the Winter Garden or "Conservetories" as I heard some northerners call it one day - made me chuckle. I'll touch on each of these lightly and separate. Here goes.

 

The Commodore Club is very impressive. It has sweeping views and the furniture and fittings are mentionable in terms of helping create the proper atmosphere of a proper cruise ship bar/club. During the day almost no one goes there and we found it like a ghost ship bar most of the time before 18:00. If you do decide to visit the bar between 17:00 and 18:00 and you might not be properly attired for the post 18:00 daily Downton Abbey theme throughout, be prepared to be consistently reminded by the waiting staff from 17:40 onwards that you are not allowed in the area after 18:00, if not suitably dressed. We were even told one afternoon that they'll only serve us the drinks if we promise to leave by 18:00. It was perhaps meant to be in jest however, dress code on the Queen Victoria is a serious thing - even in the sweltering Mediterranean heat bouncing off the ocean. So this bar was fine, apart from being harassed about your attire midway though your £14.00 gin and tonic. They also provide some nuts and crisps when you purchase a drink. The nuts and crisps are free by the way. One afternoon an antipodean couple was so impressed by the free nuts that they asked for more. 3 times they asked, and all 3 times these crisps and nuts disappeared into a ziplock plastic bag cleverly hidden in what's was probably a £2000 leather handbag - or a very, very good fake one. Yes people, these were some of the personalities we were travelling with on her majesty Queen Victoria - people who slip nuts and crisps into their handbags, 3 times. I've done it myself on other occasions, but twice is generally the limit per drink for me, and I don't have a £2000 handbag.

 

The Golden Lion Pub (or at least I think it's called that, or is it golden dragon?) is a pub. It looks like a pub. It smells like a pub. It sounds like a pub. The food taste like pub food normally does. None of this gourmet pub fare or decor. Imagine a pub in perhaps Newquay mid 1980's overlooking the sea. I say mid 1980's because the decor is exactly that. This is the Disneyland of pubs - it's truly awful. It was probably my imagination but I could swear that whilst having lunch there on day, I could smell the Rothmans Kingsize and stale ale-breath coming off the walls. And then there are the pub quizzes. Don't even get me started. I guess the same reason why people go and have a full English breakfast at an English cafe during their all inclusive in Benidorm is the reason for someone to enjoy spending time in an authentic pub, on a cruise, in the middle of the Aegean Sea. It boggles my mind. So we ordered fish and chips one day, here in the pub - it was 100% authentic! It's was amazingly oily, stale and the mushy peas looked like old bits of mint bubblegum which someone had scraped off the bottom of a school desk - tasted like it too. The service was poor. It is almost as if the waiting staff in the golden dragon pub are there as a punishment. They had probably arrived late for shift at the Queens Grill (this is one of those places on the ship where plebs like me was not allowed to get in to) and got sent straight down to the golden dragon pub for the remainder of their shift. It's a sad, sad place.

 

We had discovered the gin fizz place by accident on the first day of the cruise as it was muster station C. Yes we sat there during our drill and admired the 28000 or something potential recipes the barman would be able to concoct with just gin, a mixer and a plethora of what seems like a selection of pic a mix for posh people - stuff like freeze dried basil foam and rehydrated eagle spit from the highest pink salt peak in the Himalayas. I kid you not - entertain yourself one day if you are on this cruise and go read this fizz gin menu, it will kill a good couple of hours. It so much more entertaining that having spa mud chucked at your feet for $120. So I have to confess; I didn't really buy any drinks here, I simply came here a couple of times to s****** at the menu and the punters who fell for paying $25 a martini just because it is infused with the hair follicles of an 18th century countess who resided in Bournemouth.

 

The Winter Garden is no less fun than the other drinking holes on the ship. It goes through stages though. Early in the morning you find the runners and chair-hoggers resting here. The runners resting and having some juice after their 6 laps around the deck, the chair-joggers ready and waiting to jump out and clip their towels onto deck chairs and sun loungers. It was on this cruise that I learnt about the subtle art of chair clipping. For those of you who don't know - chair/towel clips are like big clothes pegs which some cruisers use to 'mark' their sun-loungers with. They start clipping really early in the morning and by around 9am, normally half of the deck chairs and loungers have been clipped, with not a person in sight. You see, these seasoned clippers wake up early to go clipping and then might even go back to sleep or get off the ship for the morning (whilst their chairs are being left alone by non clippers). They come back at around midday and the clips have reserved their chairs - like magic you see. It's always fun to secretly swap clips around and watch clipper faces when they return to the Lido deck after spending half the day at port. Enough about the towel-clips though. More about this in pool-deck section, later in the review. During the late afternoon you'll find loads of people snoozing here. Nice place for a nap I guess. Be prepared for light harp music during the late afternoon sessions, with even more fellow passengers joining in on what seemed like an attempt to break some sort of Guinness world record mass napping event. Still, it was always calm and quiet. This area is also, much like the Commodore club, very empty during the day, apart from the nappers of course. Service here is almost non existent - the times which I sat down at the tables, not once did a waiter approach us to offer food or drink. I know it's might seem like a first world problem, but I had to get up and place my own orders each time at the bar. Oh PS; we disputed ALL the service charges and made front desk remove it from the billing. No service = no service charge, no tips. We only tipped the 2 people who looked after us. Many others had the opportunity though - they just didn't bother. Service on this ship in general, was awful. I'm of course not speaking for the 'grill' or in other words, first class passengers. (Part 2 of 5)

 

 

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Funny review - authentic fish and chips :)

 

If this is the level of service on the QM2 in December we will be very disappointed.

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Funny review - authentic fish and chips :)

 

If this is the level of service on the QM2 in December we will be very disappointed.

 

 

 

Thank you. There's more to come. I am VERY disappointed with Cunard - hopefully they pull their socks up by December.

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Sorry to hear that you had such a poor experience but it's good to hear that the dress code is being enforced.

 

 

 

They can enforce away Hattie. I've enforced my business to another line. I wouldn't have minded if the service fell into place with the dress code - it didn't. They are trying for Downton Abbey but all they achieve is Keeping Up Appearances.

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Wow! This not the QV I know and love. It will be interesting to see what it's like in three weeks.

 

 

 

I hope that they were just having a bad week. We went on with high hopes and all we are bringing home with us are mediocre memories.

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Most amusing review.

I think you have nailed the Golden Dragon/Lion. A comfort zone for the Middle England clientele.

I felt it was a bit down market for Cunard (the rest of which I loved BTW).

Looking forward to the next installment.

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POne afternoon an antipodean couple was so impressed by the free nuts that they asked for more. 3 times they asked, and all 3 times these crisps and nuts disappeared into a ziplock plastic bag cleverly hidden in what's was probably a £2000 leather handbag - or a very, very good fake one. Yes people, these were some of the personalities we were travelling with on her majesty Queen Victoria - people who slip nuts and crisps into their handbags, 3 times. I've done it myself on other occasions, but twice is generally the limit per drink for me, and I don't have a £2000 handbag.

 

Listen, do you think people who can afford £2000 leather handbags, can afford £2000 leather handbags because they pay for their own crisps and nuts? Of course not. That scene from The Sopranos where Paulie's mom and her friends go to lunch and dump the bread rolls and sugar packets into their doggy bags is a representative one.

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Hi

 

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to post your revealing review....I am curious how you found the Chart Room.

 

 

 

Deck Chair

 

 

 

Hi Deck Chair, I sadly didn't have the cojones to spend any time in the chart room. It looked lovely though. Lots of brown and gold - like most of the ship.

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A liked part 2 I must say.

 

On our cruise (the previous one to yours), I never noticed any dress rule enforcement at all. And we did see people in the Commodore lounge after 6 not adhering to said rules (we were since we were on early sitting).

 

There was also the odd person on formal nights in the MDR clearly not conforming to either a DJ, dark suit, or any suit. Plus one guy in the Queens Room at 10PM in a tracksuit and baseball cap. Of course, they may have been spoken to be a member of staff and simply told said member exactly what do with their request !

 

One thing I did think about a couple of evening in the Commodore was maybe that people's dress was somewhat false. Maybe even a parody. So SonOfTertius's observation about more of Keeping Up Appearances and opposed to Downton Abbey is rather well observed; i.e. the dress requirement is a parody of Downton.

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Part 3 of 5

 

 

Dining

Probably one of the most important aspects of any cruise would be the food. Now I'm no full-blown glutton, but food plays a major part in my life and one of the reasons why we selected the QV was because of the apparent satisfaction previous passengers had conveyed over the quality, freshness and presentation of meals on this ship. The food in general was satisfactory (verging on being arbitrary) well, apart from the 100% authentic fish and chips with mushy peas we had to endure in the 100% authentic Golden Dragon onboard Pub. But that was the issue; it was bog standard food which was presented in the most extraordinarily pretentious manner, directly out of the gastronomy guidebooks of 1985 - almost as if old fashioned servings on shiny plates with tweezer-placed endive garnish would make it taste better. Well, it did not. Now some of you are probably thinking that I'm again nitpicking and that this is one of those first world problems which only ungrateful middle class wannabes might have issue with. May I remind you; we are all in the same boat - literally and figuratively. And that boat (or ship for the ones burning to correct me) is the Queen Victoria in all her Hyacinth glory.

 

Dinner in the main dining room, Britannia was the epitome of drab. The menus selections are poor, with very few choices and a combination of flavours which must have escaped from the dining halls of a public school in Derby. There was nothing interesting on offer and classic dishes which should have been great were murdered by either too little or too much seasoning and/or gravy. Gravy on almost every I ate - I like meat. To be fair in terms of not being able to review all the meals on offer, we did decide that we would skip the Britannia after the third meal there and join the clever people in the Lido restaurant, more about that later though. On a positive note, the service in the Britannia was good. The waiters had good knowledge of the food and wine lists although, and this happened in most of the outlets, they have a trick which allows the company to make more money off you. Here it is; when you ask for a glass of wine for instance, the first response from them generally is; "would that be a small or a large glass sir?" They have perfected it into an art form where they pull their faces in such a way when they say the word "small" that you instantly think that it would be a thimble with 3 drops of wine. You instinctively then decide to go for the large glass. The large glass is then a double serving of the small glass. So, you end up ordering 2 glasses of wine instead of one not realising that the pricing only lists the small glasses in the wine list. In the end, they have sneakily ensured that your wine expenditure is double what you'd budgeted for. Nice trick. I picked up on this after the 2nd day and confronted one of the servers about this. He just shrugged and smiled. Careful because they do this with the hard stuff as well. Instead of asking if you'd like a double or a single, they ask you if you'd like your drink in a large or small glass. Like supersize me right?! You instinctively ask for a large glass and voila, they bring you a double gun and tonic instead of the single you'd wanted in the first place.

 

As you by now can probably imagine, the Britannia dining room was on the naughty list in my book. Based on the offerings they had and the fact that dressing up for mediocrity became tiresome after 3 days, we ended up having most of our meals onboard at the Lido restaurant. Yes, the buffet. Yes the place which is generally reserved for third class passengers when it comes to Cunard. In their defence and with all honesty; even though the dishes were not altered in a daily basis, there was enough to choose from and have something different at every mealtime. The food was always fresh and the layout easy enough to navigate without getting lost between salads and sauces whilst looking for the cheeses. Service here was OK as well. They run it efficiently and the Lido eventually became the highlight on our cruise. Sad right?! Yes I know. Just remember though; we chose QV to have the proper Cunard experience and was totally put off by it, by Cunard, by the QV after just the third day. We eventually divided that we'd stick to casual, stay on deck 9 and have a relaxing journey without having to endure 38 degree Celsius weather in black tie and pomp - yes the ship does have AC but you are still able to see out the windows and spot the Mediterranean heat rising off the Aegean Sea. The Lido's offerings for breakfast was good as well. They have ample dishes however, most of the selection is directed towards the same people who enjoy Pubs and all inclusive holidays - no sense of adventure in terms of offering some local breakfast dishes or anything out of the ordinary. Most people love a full English yes but, not every single day. The coffee was nothing to write home about though; very weak and out of a machine. I would have preferred freshly brewed but I guess that it's up to personal preference. Oh yes, they also have a gluten and dairy free station - also fine but the same 5 dishes every day. What I did pick up on was that during our 7 days on board, not once did they serve prawns in any shape or form. Most other ships I've been on have at least one seafood evening at their buffets. I assume that it is too expensive for Cunard and was cut out as a cost saving method. No blue cheese nor Stilton either. The cheese platter stayed the same throughout the cruise with only Brie, cheddar and Edam available. Pity.

 

The Spa

We didn't use it. If we did we'd probably have to mortgage the house right now. Before going on the cruise I had thought of perhaps booking maybe a massage or steam treatment or something as a treat but when I saw the prices my heart sunk. To give you an example. On this Daily Programme newspaper thing they sometimes print advertisements or 'specials' in terms of certain services or outlets in the ship. When they do this you immediately know that those outlets have probably not seen footfall and that they are desperate to get people to use them. So on the 4th evening we saw a promotion for a shave in this programme; at $97.00. That's 97.00 USD for a shave. Now it didn't say what was included in this shave or who was going to do it for you but at $97.00 dollars for a shave I'd expect the commodore himself to shave me whilst the string quartet plays the best of Celina Dion in the background, live. Oh there was another promotion during the days we were at sea; a mud mask for your feet. For $137.00 USD. To get mud chucked at your feet. I don't have anything else to say about this. Because we couldn't really afford shaving done by the commodore or mud fights, we thought that we would perhaps spend a day in the steam area which looked really tranquil and completely empty of people. I know understand why it was empty. $35.00 dollars per session. Yes you had to pay extra to enjoy the splash pool which was heated to the exact same temperature than it was outside on the Lido deck. I'm talking about the 'calming' relaxation area just next door to the ping pong tables and the pool deck bar. It would seems that cruise ships would rather ask ridiculous prices for their services and have their crew stand around not doing much as opposed to selling services at reasonable prices and thus creating experiences for guests who would perhaps then come back again and become regular punters. No, not on Cunard. They are so. Obsessed with having the premium, exclusive label that they would rather have empty outlets 'proving exclusivity' as opposed to a business model which makes profit and creates regular return customers. I thought I'd just mention it again - $97.00 for a shave!

 

The Library

This was great! It is perhaps a necessity on Cunard ships because people might die of boredom if they didn't have anything to read. Unless you of course like piano and harp recitals or talks about how the Mediterranean seas are being utilised in the smuggling of heroin from North Africa - no joke! THIS was the topic of one of the talks held in the theatre on 2 occasions during the cruise. I thought perhaps we had some tour-group from Interpol onboard but no - the lecture hall was almost empty during this talk so I realised that it was probably aimed at the nappers. But, the nappers found the Winter Garden where they could nap with the soothing sounds of harp music rather than the boring monotone of a person who's talking about his experience in fighting the drug lords of Europe. Sorry I'd gone off topic. The library is a much needed amenity on QV! I loved it. I took out 4 books and read them all. They have a great selection of tat which were easy to read but also have sections for people who would rather try to look intelligent by holding a book of 17th century poems in order to score points in the sophistication department than understand what they are reading. As I saw in the winter garden quite often, many books were also used to cover faces/eyes of the nappers from the direct sunlight.

 

The Gymnasium

Another area I had really enjoyed. It is well laid out and have ample equipment which are all in excellent condition. The views from the gym are amazing as it is located right above the bridge and below the commodore club. The ceiling is quite low though so if you like to incline your treadmill you need to be careful that you do not bump your head. Since food played a big role during my cruise, I'd spent most of my time between the Lido buffet and the gym. A good couple of hours per day. The water fountain by the entrance of the gym should be changed though. It is old and tatty and you are unable to fill you water bottle with it directly with the stream. You need to use a paper cup to transfer the water. The stream is also very weak and people have to almost touch it with their mouths in order to drink - I smell a norovirus outbreak happening soon. The changing rooms next to the gym are not really cleaned in a regular basis either with lots of wet towels in the floor during the day and paper towel bins overflowing at most times. Nice tip; there is a free to use sauna in the male changing room with a huge floor to ceiling view. Not many people know it's there. It's always empty, so if you like a bit of Scandinavian relaxation, it's there and available for your private use. (Part 3 of 5)

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A liked part 2 I must say.

 

On our cruise (the previous one to yours), I never noticed any dress rule enforcement at all. And we did see people in the Commodore lounge after 6 not adhering to said rules (we were since we were on early sitting).

 

 

They were quite strict about it during our week. Almost to the point of being aggressive.

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