Tired of the Responsibility!!

As the one who seems to do the 'finding of the cruise', all the research and all the other stuff that goes with having a fab holiday I sometimes find I'm worn down by the responsibility. Am I alone?

We usually decide on a destination/date together and then it is left to me to find something that fits the criteria. If DH 'approves' out comes the credit card, booking made and then everything else is left to me.

I'm convinced that if I didn't go near the computer again he would simply throw a few items (whether they were suitable or not) into a case and just arrive at the port ready to board :eek: Not sure what he'd do about excursions, etc.

I've asked him to take a more active role in making decisions but he always says 'but you know where to look better than I do' - well of course I do, because he won't :(

For example; as part of our next cruising package we will be on the Breakaway for 7 nights. Wrapped round this cruise is to and from New York on the QM2; couldn't be more different if you tried. I have explained to him the differences (he enjoys the formality of Cunard) but I'm not totally convinced he 'gets it'. So now, while he is really looking forward to the trip, I have this little nagging thought at the back of my mind that if he hates it will he blame me and then tell me I should have explained it better.

Actually this is the worst case scenario. WE ARE BOTH looking forward to the trip, especially as it includes 5 days in New York over Christmas. What more can any girl want........:D:D

BTW I've just watched a Cruise Show programme on the tv and it showed the Breakaway. She looks amazing; can't wait until December.

I'm with you on this. I'm the one that researches everything, finds the cruises/hotels/flights, etc. I sort out the excursions and onboard reservations et all. I don't just have to do this for my husband but for whoever is coming with us (parents/children/in-laws/aunts). The reason why I do it all is apparently "because you enjoy it" and "you know where to look".

I'm not saying it isn't appreciated but it takes the shine off the holiday if you spend all your time wondering if/hoping that everyone is enjoying themselves, that you haven't forced them into doing something they hate.

Would I have it any other way, no probably not.

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Don't have this problem,we do and discuss everything together,where one has weakness in ideas,planning,paying,finalising, the other has strengths,and visa-versa.

Its called team-work,love,happiness.

When something goes wrong,no-one is to blame

.

Perfect,not-quite,far from it,we just try to do the best we can for each other.:):)

I LOVE every second of research, bookings, planning, reservations...etc. :):):) Prepping is half the fun!!!:D

We decide together, book together and after that we do not do a single thing other than pack and impatiently wait until cruise day. If we choose to do an excursion we will go back online together and choose about 4 and narrow it down to one by embarkation day, purchase on ship. I refuse to stress before or during vacation.

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The basic decision as to date, itinerary and ship of course needs to be agreed upon; but the last thing lining up the details needs is a committee - when you are on line looking at flights to the port and you see a good opportunity, do you book it, or wait for approval, and perhaps lose it? Are you to be trusted to pick a motel, decide on other details, or not.

In any family unit, one or the other is more detail-oriented - and ideally there is a level of confidence so the other will trust the organizer.

I do 99% of the search and schedule of flights, hotel and cruise. I enjoy the thrill of the hunt to get the best deal for the entire vacation. DW loves to cruise and this is my way of saying "Thank You" for all she does for our family. I tell her all she has to do is pack her bag and have fun. We will be married 39 years next month. She is a keeper. :D

I do all of the planning for everything in our lives...and it works for us! I don't mind it, but it seems you do..so you need to speak up, and let him have at it! Maybe tell him the next trip is "on him"...and let him do the legwork...see how it turns out!

For my wife and I putting together a cruise is an exciting part of the cruise experience. Choosing a cruise and choosing what you'd like to do on the cruise requires communication and should be a 'team' sport. Mechanically assembling what we've chosen and agreed to is left to our excellent travel agent. The hard part is watching the 'slowness' of the countdown clock before boarding.

Sorry I can't relate. DH and I are very compatible in this way. I do all the planning, which I enjoy and he comes along for the ride, which he enjoys. I do have friends who neither like to do the planning of the trips but both enjoy going on the trips. They usually go to a travel agent and let them do the planning for them. I couldn't handle not being in control and I love searching out the deals to save us some money.

I do an incredible amount of research. I then narrow it down to two cruises, and say "pick one".

I do all of the planning for everything in our lives...and it works for us! I don't mind it, but it seems you do..so you need to speak up, and let him have at it! Maybe tell him the next trip is "on him"...and let him do the legwork...see how it turns out!

Same here - everything! It works for us. He brings other skills to the relationship and does the things I hate to do. I can't remember the last time I vacuumed!

For vacations - I pick, I plan, I pack - DH shows up! We established a long time ago - if you do not want to participate in the planning you do NOT get to participate in any complaining! Which he does not. He does however make requests which I always work in.

I love the planning almost as much as the trip! I do sometimes sit down with him and show him the ship if we are cruising or the Google map of if we are traveling in Europe.

For sure if it is becoming an issue - speak up and ask him for more help/input

As the one who seems to do the 'finding of the cruise', all the research and all the other stuff that goes with having a fab holiday I sometimes find I'm worn down by the responsibility. Am I alone?

 

We usually decide on a destination/date together and then it is left to me to find something that fits the criteria. If DH 'approves' out comes the credit card, booking made and then everything else is left to me.

 

I'm convinced that if I didn't go near the computer again he would simply throw a few items (whether they were suitable or not) into a case and just arrive at the port ready to board :eek: Not sure what he'd do about excursions, etc.

 

I've asked him to take a more active role in making decisions but he always says 'but you know where to look better than I do' - well of course I do, because he won't :(

 

For example; as part of our next cruising package we will be on the Breakaway for 7 nights. Wrapped round this cruise is to and from New York on the QM2; couldn't be more different if you tried. I have explained to him the differences (he enjoys the formality of Cunard) but I'm not totally convinced he 'gets it'. So now, while he is really looking forward to the trip, I have this little nagging thought at the back of my mind that if he hates it will he blame me and then tell me I should have explained it better.

 

Actually this is the worst case scenario. WE ARE BOTH looking forward to the trip, especially as it includes 5 days in New York over Christmas. What more can any girl want........:D:D

 

BTW I've just watched a Cruise Show programme on the tv and it showed the Breakaway. She looks amazing; can't wait until December.

Sorry, I'm going there since we're only getting one side of the story.

Maybe, just maybe,, you're the problem.

Maybe in the past he did try and everything he did, he got shot down.

Maybe he got shot down so many times that he just said screw it. No matter what he did, how he did it, or why he did it was just never good enough.

Or,,, he loves you and appreciates you so much that he would rather stay out of your way so you can make the dream holiday that will make you happy and that's all that concerns him.

Either way, I'm sure that he appreciates you coming onto a world wide web site and emasculating him like this.

Sorry, I'm going there since we're only getting one side of the story.

 

Maybe, just maybe,, you're the problem.

 

Maybe in the past he did try and everything he did, he got shot down.

Maybe he got shot down so many times that he just said screw it. No matter what he did, how he did it, or why he did it was just never good enough.

 

Or,,, he loves you and appreciates you so much that he would rather stay out of your way so you can make the dream holiday that will make you happy and that's all that concerns him.

 

Either way, I'm sure that he appreciates you coming onto a world wide web site and emasculating him like this.

Seriously? Holt Cr@p!! Judgmental much????

There is NOTHING emasculating about OP's post but for you to read all of this into a simple post clearly you have emasculating issues of your own!!!!

Seriously? Holt Cr@p!! Judgmental much????

 

There is NOTHING emasculating about OP's post but for you to read all of this into a simple post clearly you have emasculating issues of your own!!!!

Hey, if you feel it's okay to come on a web site that all your cruising friends read and throw your life partner under the bus,,, then okay.

I would never do such a thing.

Perception is reality.

I commented on what I read and understood the poster to be saying.

Hey, if you feel it's okay to come on a web site that all your cruising friends read and throw your life partner under the bus,,, then okay.

 

I would never do such a thing.

 

Perception is reality.

I commented on what I read and understood the poster to be saying.

What about her post is "throwing her life partner under the bus"? or emasculating?

I read a wife expressing minor frustration that her husband is not more hands on in the planning. That's all

Interesting thread evolution: from cruise planning to no-holds-barred marriage encounter.

Sorry, I'm going there since we're only getting one side of the story.

 

Maybe, just maybe,, you're the problem.

 

Maybe in the past he did try and everything he did, he got shot down.

Maybe he got shot down so many times that he just said screw it. No matter what he did, how he did it, or why he did it was just never good enough.

 

Or,,, he loves you and appreciates you so much that he would rather stay out of your way so you can make the dream holiday that will make you happy and that's all that concerns him.

 

Either way, I'm sure that he appreciates you coming onto a world wide web site and emasculating him like this.

Nope, I'm definitely not the problem. He knows I love doing the research and that if I find something that I know he/we will like I will ask him his opinion. I would never make any major decision without his input. Our last trip also included 5 days in New York (he absolutely loves the place) and I suggested drawing up some sort of provisional itinerary so that we were not waking up and wasting time deciding what we wanted to do that day. Once again I did the leg work (I've been married to him long enough to know what he likes and doesn't) produced a list and asked for his input. He didn't change a thing.

BTW we've been fortunate to visit NY 4 times and not once have we been to a museum :( because it's not 'his thing' . I've not pushed this because there is nothing worse in doing something that you know your partner will hate. Maybe this time I should put it on the list and tell him that as I've done all the research I want to go to a museum - not sure which one, but I'm sure I'll find something after I've done all the trawling through the web :D

Read my post again. In no way am I emasculating him.

Seriously? Holt Cr@p!! Judgmental much????

 

 

 

There is NOTHING emasculating about OP's post but for you to read all of this into a simple post clearly you have emasculating issues of your own!!!!

Except for the leap to the "emasculating" comment, the previous poster raised a valid issue: some folks cede "control" to the family "planner" solely to avoid being browbeat.

Who knows what is the reality of the OP's situation. That said, a process she could do to ease her angst under the current conditions (as she sees them) is to:

A) get what preliminary input (preferences) is readily available from her partner.

B) share what are her personal preferences.

C) agree with partner on "ranges" of time/place/budget and any other variables critical to that family.

D) she does her regular research

E) she plans the trip (door to door)

F) PROVIDE SPOUSE 48-72 HOURS TO VOICE ANY DESIRED CHANGES (ALONG WITH RESEARCHED DETAILS REGARDING ACCOMMODATION OF THE CHANGES). Note: per OP's post, nothing will be forthcoming.

G) with/without the spouse providing any further review input, she makes the various bookings.

H) she shares the final plan with spouse

I) she explains/reminds spouse that any other modifications per his "deal breaker" preferences are his responsibility. (Again, per OP, nothing will come)

This is not how we do it (we split responsibility for researching/booking certain things and then have planning meetings as needed). But, the above will work whether the OP's situation is as she describes it or even if it's the browbeating scenario (as long as she doesn't counter spouse's final "executed" changes.

Nope, I'm definitely not the problem. He knows I love doing the research and that if I find something that I know he/we will like I will ask him his opinion. I would never make any major decision without his input. Our last trip also included 5 days in New York (he absolutely loves the place) and I suggested drawing up some sort of provisional itinerary so that we were not waking up and wasting time deciding what we wanted to do that day. Once again I did the leg work (I've been married to him long enough to know what he likes and doesn't) produced a list and asked for his input. He didn't change a thing.

 

BTW we've been fortunate to visit NY 4 times and not once have we been to a museum :( because it's not 'his thing' . I've not pushed this because there is nothing worse in doing something that you know your partner will hate. Maybe this time I should put it on the list and tell him that as I've done all the research I want to go to a museum - not sure which one, but I'm sure I'll find something after I've done all the trawling through the web :D

 

Read my post again. In no way am I emasculating him.

New York is great for someone who does not like museums -- if there is any particular area of interest, there is likely to be a museum which focuses on it: natural history, model rail roads, newspapers, old fire engines - you name it - find an interest of his and I bet you can find a museum.

I do all the planning for us. My wife helps pick the area we want to cruise to. I do the rest. I tell people I have a full time job. I am the CPO (Chief Planning Officer) for Paul (me) & Jeannie (DW) Retirement travels.

Nope, I'm definitely not the problem. He knows I love doing the research and that if I find something that I know he/we will like I will ask him his opinion. I would never make any major decision without his input. Our last trip also included 5 days in New York (he absolutely loves the place) and I suggested drawing up some sort of provisional itinerary so that we were not waking up and wasting time deciding what we wanted to do that day. Once again I did the leg work (I've been married to him long enough to know what he likes and doesn't) produced a list and asked for his input. He didn't change a thing.

 

BTW we've been fortunate to visit NY 4 times and not once have we been to a museum :( because it's not 'his thing' . I've not pushed this because there is nothing worse in doing something that you know your partner will hate. Maybe this time I should put it on the list and tell him that as I've done all the research I want to go to a museum - not sure which one, but I'm sure I'll find something after I've done all the trawling through the web :D

 

Read my post again. In no way am I emasculating him.

I am certain you deserve a museum! We have found museums most interesting with a knowledgeable guide - they bring the art to life and provide the history & back story to the pieces you are viewing. Perhaps that would help interest your husband. The Met is fab!

BTW - I saw no emasculating!

I call my husband my travel agent. He does it all with just a little bit of input from me. Except for booking us into a few really ratty hotels pre- and post-cruise, most of the time he does a great job.

It would actually be too stressful for me.

Now it's the Museum Board in addition to the Dear Abby Board. If you and your husband have different interests in the attractions of NYC, may I suggest you are not joined at the hip (unless you are, then I refer you to the Marriage Counselor Board). Don't drag him to a museum, go on your own. Let him do something in NY on his own that you would not enjoy. Then meet for a great dinner and a show.

You could always do a trade - he does something you like and you do something he likes - who knows - you each might discover you like the other thing!