Offers to hold women's arms when being escorted into dining venues

DH and I just got off a SB Quest Norway cruise, where we had a good time (see my separate thread for links to a review and photos). In the dining venues, personnel would routinely stick out their arms to me in an invitation to hold on to them as they escorted us to our table, even when seas were calm or we were motionless in port. They appeared to do this with all women, and I am wondering what the purpose of this gesture is in this day and age when clothing is simple and casual, and when seas are calm on a cruise. Are they required to do this, for liability purposes, to minimize falls because some women wear heels? Or is it for style?

Perhaps the practice dates back to the old days of cruising, as something perceived to be appropriate and stylish, as with the escorting of a noblewoman. I did a lot of transatlantics on big ocean liners back and forth as a child for transportation purposes and do not remember any waiter ever sticking his arm out to my mum in the dining rooms, and the seas back then were often very, very rough. But we were only in tourist class cabins and dining rooms, so maybe arm-offerings were happening in first class, for support, or other reasons.

It seemed particularly odd on this cruise when a tiny petite female escort offered her arm to larger, more imposing female pax who outweighed the escort by at least 50 pounds and could have easily knocked her over had there been a sudden and unexpected swell.

I do not walk with a cane or appear obviously frail, or wear stilettos, and the seas were so calm the entire cruise you could hardly tell you were at sea, so obviously the purpose of the arm offerings was more symbolic than for real support. I declined the extended arms with a polite "no, thank you" and a smile each time, and was surprised that over half the mostly male personnel acted offended when I declined to hang on to their sleeves. I certainly would have hung on if the seas were rough, however, so as to potentially minimize the chances of my accidentally landing in someone's chowder.

I did see one non-frail man offered arms by two young attractive MDR lady crew members, one on each side, and he had a big wide grin on his face as he clutched them, so obviously at least some people like this. I have seen the arm-offerings on Silversea as well, but on Europa 2, I believe the offerings seemed to be only to obviously frail people.

On Crystal I have seen them offer the arm to oblivious people who may need some assistance as the waiters are lined up at the entrances to the MDR. It is a nice gesture and one can decline it politely. Nice to know that chivalry is not dead.

There is also the carrying your plate for you in the colonnade. It is quite amusing watching people's faces as there plate is removed from their hand and carried to the table for them.

I think both are traditions which Seabourn continue with. Some people like them, some don't .

I think it is a lovely touch that harkens back to days before my time. I hardly need an escort so it has nothing to do with frailty and age as I have been enjoying it since my first SB cruise when I was in my 40s. I especially appreciate that the lovely female hostesses of more recent voyages escort me (a female). Just a nice touch, IMHO, but you can always politely decline. (I usually decline the plate carrying.).

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I'm torn on this one. Some ladies love all the arcane courtesy of being escorted to their table and/or having their plate carried. It doesn't happen very often in "real" life after all. Others find it unnecessarily pretentious, even condescending and irritating. I don't know if staff are instructed to do it but a polite "no thanks" usually works, although there have been occasions when they seem reluctant to take "no" for an answer.

There is also the carrying your plate for you in the colonnade. It is quite amusing watching people's faces as there plate is removed from their hand and carried to the table for them.

 

I think both are traditions which Seabourn continue with. Some people like them, some don't .

We feel the reason for plate carrying (happens on Silversea, Paul Gauguin, etc. too) is two-fold. It is (to us) a charming gesture and also a way to better insure a plate of food getting from point A (buffet) to point B (table) intact, as the staff are younger and usually more nimble than the guests.

That was a big difference I noticed on Regent - no plate carrying in the buffet restaurant.

Actually I am quite happy eitherway.

However, as I now walk with a limp and use a stick I am delighted with the plate carrying which you also get on Oceania and quite often (if disabled or elderly) on Holland America.

In the case of Oceania they do not just carry the plate they join you when you arrive at the buffet and go round with you until the plate is full.

After the initial surprise years ago on our first Seabourn cruise, I have never given a thought to being escorted by a waiter to a table, and usually have a little chat on the way. They have to show you to the table anyway, and it has never struck me as anything other than a charming way of doing so. DH often has a waitress on his arm also, probably because we usually dine early when there are plenty of staff at the door.

Re plate carrying in the Colonnade; when possible without making a fuss I say no thanks, I can manage. I think all the staff are now used to this, and comply happily.

I think it's nice.

But Mrs Gut will already be on my arm.

Guarantee it.

The Seabourn "way" is to offer a waiter's arm to both men and women and so there is no sexism or patronization here.

I enjoy this gesture since it is another friendly encounter with the terrific, warm, confident and conversant MDR and Colonnade staff to interact with my party and me.

Happy and healthy sailing!

Presumably those who object to this voluntary service also object to men opening doors or giving there seat to a lady or indeed standing up when a lady joins the table. This was the way I was raised :D

Presumably those who object to this voluntary service also object to men opening doors or giving there seat to a lady or indeed standing up when a lady joins the table. This was the way I was raised :D

Me too, except the standing part has gone as standing is itself a problem for me now days.

Presumably those who object to this voluntary service also object to men opening doors or giving there seat to a lady or indeed standing up when a lady joins the table. This was the way I was raised :D

I adore a Gentlemen. DH was raised that way. also. I believe they call it "MANNERS".

I adore a Gentlemen. DH was raised that way. also. I believe they call it "MANNERS".

I agree with you 100%. Too many of the niceties have gone to the wayside. It is a pleasure in this one lovely spot of life to enjoy it.

While sailing on the SB ships, more often than not, a female server would show me to my table with arms linked. I think its very nice!

Presumably those who object to this voluntary service also object to men opening doors or giving there seat to a lady or indeed standing up when a lady joins the table. This was the way I was raised :D

I love all of the above. Especially the gentleman standing when I join the table. Add to that the gentleman always walking on the outside of the pavement (sidewalk). These little courtesies are fading out now and it is very sad, but the modern woman does not seem to enjoy them.

I echo all those comments from those who rather like this escorted gesture. Kind, friendly, welcoming and well-mannered. Not to mention perfect if you are wearing stilettos -or have had an extra glass of champagne before dinner!:D

What's not to like?

I very much enjoy this little gesture but as it is easy to politely refuse I don't see why the OP has made such a big deal out of it -- complete with a rather awkward thread title.

Me too. I love it. Lets me have a wee chat with a new member of staff and ask where they're from etc. All part of the Seabourn socialising.

I adore a Gentlemen. DH was raised that way. also. I believe they call it "MANNERS".

Yes, I agree 100% and what a sad commentary that some find it archaic. I will continue to enjoy being escorted to my table on Seabourn. If you don't want to be escorted just say no thank you and allow we that enjoy the rapidly disappearing niceities in life to be escorted to our tables.

I do find the title of the thread and the question of what is the escorting to the dinner table all about a little unusual as it is obvious why it is done.

It is good manners,courteous and a bit of good old fashioned Seabourn theatre.

Long may it remain.

I would be delighted to take someone's arm and let them escort me to my table.

My DH stands when the other ladies join us at our table and they seem to enjoy that as well.

I'm torn on this one. Some ladies love all the arcane courtesy of being escorted to their table and/or having their plate carried. It doesn't happen very often in "real" life after all. Others find it unnecessarily pretentious, even condescending and irritating. I don't know if staff are instructed to do it but a polite "no thanks" usually works, although there have been occasions when they seem reluctant to take "no" for an answer.

Clearly based on the responses, the practice is in place because people like it, apparently whether they need support or not, and if that is what customers want, it of course makes sense for SB to continue it and I have absolutely no intention of going on a "no arm support offers" lobbying crusade! The oddest part to me, however, was that when I did smile and say "no, thank you", so many of the potential male escorts acted visibly offended. In hindsight perhaps it is because to them it meant I was declining to use that opportunity to socialize with them, as some pax apparently do during the brief walk, so it somehow meant I was putting them or the importance of their jobs down, which was not my intent. I had not thought of that aspect, so maybe I should just start accepting their arms to avoid potential unintended insults, e.g., when in Rome . .

I never decline the carrying of my plates, however (DH does as he thinks it will make the very busy waiter's job easier if he can skip carrying a healthy customer's plate). Plates are a bit precarious to navigate through the crowded Colonnade without risking spilling or dropping even though I do not heap them. I also do not decline the opening of doors for me, as many doors are usually heavy due to the fire-proofing and I have weak and painful upper body muscles, or I am carrying stuff.

I can see that single ladies might appreciate this gesture as being helpful as well as mannerly. However it completely threw me on my first cruise as I had my husband with me to escort me, so it seemed odd and rather awkward to take someone else's arm and leave him to follow on alone. For that reason I now always decline.