Thanks, everyone. Lesson learned. I'll be honest, this is not the greatest introduction to this type of vacationing, and I hope it doesn't cloud the trip.
I'm surprised there isn't more concern from cruisers over what, to me, seems like a shady advertising practice. First-time cruisers aren't necessarily going to be aware that it can't be taken at face value. It certainly wasn't clear to me, and I was definitely not assigned "best" as stated (quite the opposite, in fact). That is my major issue with this.
Harris, I'll watch for your reply - thanks again!