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Would you defend the waitstaff? How?


Poohb
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I'm on vacation and have no desire to correct the behavior of another person unrelated to me if I am not being personally effected by it. I have seen verbal and physical fights on shore while on vacation and will not intervene. It's not my problem. I have not desire to get into a physical conflict with another person which can easily result. A lot of the above incidents also involve the abuse of alcohol, and I do not which to spend vacation time correcting the behavior of drunks. This is always a lost cause. Instead, we should look at banning or controlling the distribution of alcohol on ships.

 

The problem with the "not my problem" attitude is that it's far more pervasive than just snotty behavior at the dinner table. Acting indifferent when you see someone being treated poorly, in any aspect of your life, on the grounds that it's not affecting YOU personally, is just as bad. People want the world to be a better place, and one of the ways we can do that on an individual level is to stand up for people out of the goodness of our hearts and by doing what is right.

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The problem with the "not my problem" attitude is that it's far more pervasive than just snotty behavior at the dinner table. Acting indifferent when you see someone being treated poorly, in any aspect of your life, on the grounds that it's not affecting YOU personally, is just as bad. People want the world to be a better place, and one of the ways we can do that on an individual level is to stand up for people out of the goodness of our hearts and by doing what is right.

 

I get this sentiment. But you are blurring lines of distinction that are critical here. A fellow customer being abusive towards an employee is an issue between that customer and the business for the employer to handle. The LAST thing that is going to help is to have another customer get involved. This is virtually guaranteed to escalate the situation. This would be something that I as an employer would find to be in NO WAY helpful.

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I get this sentiment. But you are blurring lines of distinction that are critical here. A fellow customer being abusive towards an employee is an issue between that customer and the business for the employer to handle. The LAST thing that is going to help is to have another customer get involved. This is virtually guaranteed to escalate the situation. This would be something that I as an employer would find to be in NO WAY helpful.

 

I wholeheartedly disagree, but we've made both of our points and I think it would just be beating a dead horse. I do respect what you have to say.

 

Atmna lk ywma tyba!

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I wholeheartedly disagree, but we've made both of our points and I think it would just be beating a dead horse. I do respect what you have to say.

 

Atmna lk ywma tyba!

You are on holiday, by all means be assertive and tell the rude people they are upsetting you as well as the waiter but let the crew or security handle it because if it gets physical you might end up getting hurt or thrown off the ship for fighting.
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We were witness to a member of the cruise directors staff being horribly abused over a TRIVIA quiz.

My DH, who is the most placid man I know, sat there & listened for a minute & then got up & interceeded on the staff member's behalf.

The guy was obnoxious & squaring up to the crew member. My DH tried reasoning with him quietly, but he just wanted to shout & swear, so my DH told him what would follow if he didn't shut up immediately. His wife dragged him away in the end.

He went straight to guest services and put a complaint in about the crew member. Our group all provided written statements in support of the trivia host.

I was really shocked that DH stood up, when I asked him why, he simply said he can't abide bullies.

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We were witness to a member of the cruise directors staff being horribly abused over a TRIVIA quiz.

My DH, who is the most placid man I know, sat there & listened for a minute & then got up & interceeded on the staff member's behalf.

The guy was obnoxious & squaring up to the crew member. My DH tried reasoning with him quietly, but he just wanted to shout & swear, so my DH told him what would follow if he didn't shut up immediately. His wife dragged him away in the end.

He went straight to guest services and put a complaint in about the crew member. Our group all provided written statements in support of the trivia host.

I was really shocked that DH stood up, when I asked him why, he simply said he can't abide bullies.

That was very brave of your DH but a little silly because unless you are well trained in self defense techniques he could have got himself hurt.

The security staff will be properly trained to deal with these situations.

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Another thread inspired me to ask. Scenario: Dining Room, tablemates that were assigned to sit with you. One (or more) of these people decides to be rude, demanding and demeaning to the waitstaff. How would you as a kind, human being react and what would you say to the get the arrogant guest to shut up, leave or be respectful? Would you also say something encouraging to your waitstaff?

The arrogant guest to shut up ? I'll assume the guests behavior effected everyone else at the table. Bring it to the attention of the management, making them aware that the needs of the many out weigh the needs of the one, and perhaps that one can be seated else where.

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Poohb, we will be sure to use some of these suggestions on you next May when we are sitting at the same table :')

 

 

Another thread inspired me to ask. Scenario: Dining Room, tablemates that were assigned to sit with you. One (or more) of these people decides to be rude, demanding and demeaning to the waitstaff. How would you as a kind, human being react and what would you say to the get the arrogant guest to shut up, leave or be respectful? Would you also say something encouraging to your waitstaff?
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That was very brave of your DH but a little silly because unless you are well trained in self defense techniques he could have got himself hurt.

The security staff will be properly trained to deal with these situations.

Agree. You just never know who you're dealing with. Best left to the professionals. I've seen too many people hurt thinking they were doing the right thing.

 

Sent from my XT1254 using Tapatalk

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Sadly we have experienced this both times that we sailed in a suite and went to the special suite location for breakfast (happened to be Chops Grille). We witnessed other passengers speaking very rudely to staff, putting them down to their face and also behind their backs, putting in ridiculous and impossible-to-fulfil requests which of course the staff would be critiqued for their 'failures'.

 

We handled it in two ways -- first, we always went above and beyond in praising the staff, I seem to recall saying very loudly one morning that my cornflakes were 'simply divine' in an over-the-top gesture to reassure the staff they were doing a fantastic job. I absolutely laid it on as thick and LOUD as possible and assured the staff that everything was perfect just as it was. (One morning when I'd suffered a bout of vertigo and had been nauseous all night and could only face some plain toast in the morning, the number of times I had to insist that I was perfectly fine with plain, completely unbuttered, unseasoned, un-anythinged toast was hilarious to the point of exasperation -- these poor folks had been so trained that we all want to have crazy requests that a simple offering of toast was something that didn't compute with them!)

 

The other way we handled it, sadly I should say, is just by avoiding those areas. On our second cruise in a suite, we went to breakfast the first day and witnessed the worst behaviour I've ever seen in terms of demoralising, demeaning, and being rude behind the persons back. I could not face being near those people again and we avoided that particular couple as much as possible for the rest of the ship, and opted to either skip breakfast or go to the MDR for breakfast the rest of the cruise.

 

Of course, I'm a pacifist who hates confrontation, but I do occasionally partake in ye ol' passive-aggressive tactics, hence my layering it on thick about how fantastically wonderful the service was whenever I overheard someone complaining about the most ridiculous of things!

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I would not get involved if it was simply a matter of someone acting in a way that I thought was rude or inappropriate. That I believe is for the staff to handle and part of their job spec.

 

If a fellow guest acted unreasonably towards a member of staff which would be construed as personal criticism, aggression or even a complaint then I would intervene if I thought that the behaviour was unjustified. I would do this by pushing back on the criticism as part of polite conversation. If it needed to go further then I would look to support the staff member in any dispute that followed.

 

I would always look to act in a non aggressive manner and present my point of view to the member of staff, management and to the guest who for whatever reason was unhappy.

 

My wife works in a supermarket and sometimes comes across the difficult customer. It tends to be repeat offenders so clearly an issue with personality traits. On occasions it has led to the customer making unreasonable complaints or acting aggressively. Always an upsetting matter for my wife but what she really appreciates is the support from other customers in that situation. I believe the same applies in hospitality. For this reason, I don't agree with the "nothing to do with us" brigade.

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It seems to be about 50-50.... ....those that would stand up for what is right and those that would cower an slink away.

I would look that person in the eye and tell them "enough!". But I would also stand my ground, it is my table I would not crawl away to another table and I would be sure to speak directly to the Maitre D' and advise of the situation.

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@Texasmunk I totally agree especially if we had a table in a good location, and I would also want to speak with the maitre'd to make sure that someone in supervision knew that the wait staff were NOT at fault in case the rude passenger made a formal complaint about them.

 

Exactly why out of 16 cruises I have yet to share a dining table with strangers. Breakfast or lunch, ok. Dinner---NO

 

I always insist on a table for 2 ever since the husband of a couple that we friended got to where he constantly ogled me every time we had dinner together. Lol you can experience ALL KINDS of bad behavior from fellow passengers....

 

I would not confront the boors but I would absolutely make sure that the disrespected employee's boss would know that he or she was not at fault.

 

THIS....as I just wrote up there.....confronting the other diner carries all kinds of risk but I would DEF try to defend or help to cover the wait staff in one or more ways.

 

Maybe the crew are trained and so on to expect and deal with bad behavior from passengers and maybe some or most are able to deal with it....but for how long and how well? How about when it gets to the point that they start having anxiety attacks every time that they have to check in for work? This is one big reason why I would NEVER be rude to a crew member no matter how bad their service was and if I ever saw a passenger attack a crew member then I would try to interact with that crew member in some kind of reassuring way to counter the negative experience. You just never know when a bad experience may be the tipping point for a service person or when your kind or friendly gesture may make a very important difference for that person. This may sound sappy or something to some people but I know very well myself how much it has helped sometimes to carry home a good memory that counteracted a bad or even traumatic experience at work.

 

 

Speak to the maitre'd and try to be supportive in some way to the wait staff....and NEVER give up a good table location because of some other passenger's stupid behavior.

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No snarkiness, no losing it on the offenders, but I would make every effort to shut down their comments with kindness.

“Do you think you can remember to refill my drink?” Yields-

“Oh, if you need it badly, I won’t mind getting it for you.”

“You call this medium rare???” Yields-

“I bet they can cook one up quickly, what dessert are you going to try tonight?”

Yes-he will likely get annoyed at the Pollyanna approach-but if his annoyance at me curbs his behavior. Win.

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It seems to be about 50-50.... ....those that would stand up for what is right and those that would cower an slink away.

 

Funny, to me it seems about 50-50..... .....those that would insert themselves into a situation they don't belong, resulting in the unnecessary escalation and those that would recognize an inflammatory situation and do what they could to avoid exacerbating it!:cool:

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Interesting topic. I guess I am one of the lucky ones. I have never had a bad experience with over the top rude people (on a cruise that is but in "real life" yes ). I have dined with others and everyone has been nice and some lots of fun. I have seen drunk people of course but they mostly just acted stupid but not rude. I have had more experience with children who's parents are taking vacation from their responsibilities and let their children roam un- controlled being rude to everyone, but that's a topic for another day. Lastly to the person who suggested limiting the distribution of alcohol-----.ah......no.

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Ok..so, I'm not good with rude behavior and will let the person know in a polite way. However, there are times when the person could be crazy as hell, and I don't want to say something and then have prove that "I'm not the one"...so, in that instance, I would assure the wait staff of their superb service, talk to the Host and the Concierge and change my seating.

 

There are normally 6 of us. We normally don't sit with others for a number of reasons...1. We sometimes just go to the Windjammer on whim and hate leaving anyone at a table alone and 2. We had a gentleman pull out his dentures and lick them clean during dessert...needless to say that one sealed the deal.

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In answer to the OP's question, I would not confront the passenger; however, I would defend the wait staff by verbally complementing them on their service for our table.;)

 

Will share a couple of our past experiences at a large table. We have some good friends, who we cruise with from time to time and his wife is diabetic. She asked everyone at our table if we minded that she give herself her insulin shot while at the table. Her injection was pre-made before she came to dinner and she knew exactly when to take it. She was very, very discreet while doing this (I was sitting next to her) and I am sure no one else even knew what she was doing.:cool: No one had a problem at all with the way she did this.

 

Now, on to the next experience. We had 6 couples at our table, and had recently met both couples in the DL on a previous cruise and decided to cruise with them again. As above, the wife of one couple was diabetic and asked if she could give herself an insulin shot while at our dinner table. Since our good friend had done this in the past, we did not see a problem with this. Mistake!!:eek: Well, she proceeded to lay all of her stuff out on the dining table, pricked her finger and dabbed up the blood on her napkin, then held up the insulin bottle to draw out the insulin for ALL to see, and gave herself the shot! Am I being heartless to think this is so wrong?!!:rolleyes:

 

BTW, the 2nd woman was also a "constant" complainer in the MDR, as well as the DL, and complained about nearly everything! She couldn't understand why the DL couldn't make her a white Russian and why the WJ never had any blueberries for her breakfast, so she brought her own blueberries on board with her. The other couple with us decided not to return to the MDR and ate elsewhere for the rest of the cruise. Forgot to mention that the cruisers sitting at the table next to ours befriended us after the rude couple left the table, and complimented us on how patient we were with them and expressed their sympathies to us!!

 

That's my story folks!:(

Edited by SilkySal
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I have never encountered rudeness toward staff at the dinner table, thankfully. However, we were sitting by the pool having lunch on a Princess ship when an apparently intoxicated man in the hot tub screamed two or three times across the deck at a bartender, demanding a drink. The bartender had been serving other customers the first two times he was yelled at, but came running to take the guy's order as soon as he could. The passenger was incredibly demeaning and rude even though this crew member was doing everything to satisfy him (leaving the bar to take an order is above and beyond for a bartender IMO). Another passenger finally came over and scolded the man, allowing the bartender to get back to his station.

 

Even though I could tell he was shaken up, he got right back to working. I went and asked the bartender what protections he had from customers treating him that way - if he could deny service and walk away. He didn't seem to think he had that power, so I asked how I could help. He said the only thing I could really do was put in a positive comment card, mention the situation, and then if the drunk and rude passenger filed a complaint my comment card would help in the crew member's defense. I did write a comment card, and I made sure to give feedback on my post-cruise survey. Luckily I have only run in to a handful of people like that in all of my cruises.

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Now, on to the next experience. We had 6 couples at our table, and had recently met both couples in the DL on a previous cruise and decided to cruise with them again. As above, the wife of one couple was diabetic and asked if she could give herself an insulin shot while at our dinner table. Since our good friend had done this in the past, we did not see a problem with this. Mistake!!:eek: Well, she proceeded to lay all of her stuff out on the dining table, pricked her finger and dabbed up the blood on her napkin, then held up the insulin bottle to draw out the insulin for ALL to see, and gave herself the shot! Am I being heartless to think this is so wrong?!!:rolleyes:

:(

 

While I'd agree that wiping the blood on the napkin is rather rude, there's no problem at all with doing a blood sugar test, or giving a shot at the table. She even asked, so it's not like anyone is going to pass out from a needle phobia. Is there somehow something inherently offensive about drawing up a shot?

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My scorecard reads:

 

Like @Texasmunk

I would not give up the table. I am fairly skilled at ignoring the behavior of others, thank you air travel.

 

Like @ma23peas

I also use the "suggestion" not "confrontation" style. Like, "If you are unhappy with the servers, they can move you to another table. Just ask the host. No reason to let it ruin your dinners."

 

I will always say my meal, service, etc. is fine. I won't ignore their comments, or pile on. I will say it directly to the complainer but in a purely conversational way and tone.

 

I tip the staff, always address them by name, say please and thank you, and give them high scores. I do not defend them or apologize for other people. I think it is very kind of those of you who do, I just really don't think they are all that bothered by clearly out of control people.

 

I do not ever try to handle a drunk person, unless it is happening somewhere I am getting paid to do so. In those situations, I ask to speak to someone, and make them aware they have a problem.

 

Exceptions: Racist comments. Sexually abusive or demeaning comments. Cursing with children present. Physical threats. Personal Insults. As human beings, we should not tolerate these, or stand by quietly. I have not had any of them happen on a cruise, but have had to speak up in other situations. This normally is a simple "Don't talk to her like that. Your out of line." Most people when called on it, will cast it off, but they'll also stop. I also recently watched a woman stop an irate person yelling at the desk agent, by taking out her cell phone and recording him. Amazing how that made him alter his behavior.

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