Kids addressing our room steward...

The Southern Way is to use Mr. or Ms. Firstname. I find that the degree of courtesy in the rest of the communication though is just as important or more important that the title of address (Asking instead of demanding, saying please, thank you, etc)

I find this thread fascinating. As we were raised in Chicagoland, my brother and I were taught Mr/Mrs/Miss LASTNAME. My brother has since moved to Virginia and the way his children and the kids on the block always use Mr FIRSTNAME. It doesn't seem as polite to use first names when addressing any adult.

Oh... Is that what it is? I grew up in the north, as did my wife. But we now live in the south, and that's the place our kids have always been. I assumed it was a "new thing", but maybe it is just more common down here in the south. Although we're in a town of mainly northern transplants.

The Southern Way is to use Mr. or Ms. Firstname. I find that the degree of courtesy in the rest of the communication though is just as important or more important that the title of address (Asking instead of demanding, saying please, thank you, etc)

Oh, and to close this out:

"I find that the degree of courtesy in the rest of the communication though is just as important or more important that the title of address "

Oh yes, that's the FIRST step. Agreed.

Thanks, everyone. I think we've got plenty of ideas from this thread - too bad not everyone is as mindful about these things you all have mentioned. There are few things that will turn me against someone faster than overhearing them say a version of "I pay your salary!"

The Southern Way is to use Mr. or Ms. Firstname. I find that the degree of courtesy in the rest of the communication though is just as important or more important that the title of address (Asking instead of demanding, saying please, thank you, etc)

I find this thread fascinating. As we were raised in Chicagoland, my brother and I were taught Mr/Mrs/Miss LASTNAME. My brother has since moved to Virginia and the way his children and the kids on the block always use Mr FIRSTNAME. It doesn't seem as polite to use first names when addressing any adult.

To be frank, I find Southerns do it to be respectful while typically with Northerns it is trying to be formal. Again, just my impression but when speaking to Northerns over the years, it wasn't really about being more respectful and courteous, just trying to be more formal and stiff.

I generally preferred speaking with people from the West and the South. The West Coast was generally just very causal and laid back, to the point they hated being called sir or ma'am. While a lot of people from the North would insist on it to the point of being rude.

There is a saying: “When in Rome...”. I hope your efforts to discourage does not extend to telling other people’s children to ignore their parents’ efforts to “civilize” them.

I always find it interesting when people make a decision to treat something meant in a kind and respectful way as a negative. Seems the opposite of tolerance, to me.

I'd go with Mr/Ms 'name on the badge' by default too, which in my experience (all mainstream lines) has always been first name only for room stewards, waiters, bartenders etc. It did sound odd to me as a Brit when I first came over this side of the pond, but I've done a lot of volunteering in schools and the kids (and teachers when speaking to me in front of the kids) address me as 'Mister Martin' unless I tell them they can ditch the mister. Every age from Grade 1 to 12 does it on both sides of Canada, and I'm well into three digits of kids tutored so it's definitely a normal thing.

 

There are definitely cultural nuances though - every adult Filipino I've ever gotten to know went through a phase of also calling me Mister Martin as we moved from stranger through acquaintance to friend; like some other posters above kids of friends call me Uncle regardless of their background, totally normal in UK and 'white' Canada historically, but here in Vancouver I get called just Uncle by younger east Asian folks who don't even know my name on occasion (I'm really not looking forward to when I get promoted to Grandfather!!!) - so I'd be inclined to ask the staff what their preference is. The last thing you want to do is make them uncomfortable while trying to do a nice thing!

When I first became a teacher I was initially taken aback by my Hispanic students calling me either teacher or mister. Then I had an epiphany that they were direct translating the usage in Spanish where is is common to call people by their titles - professor or senor, respectively - and that was their way of being respectful. So whatever someone calls me, I try to look to their intent - which is almost always kind and respectful - rather than setting up some expectation based on the words.

I'd guess that in this case the stewards will feel respected, because it seems apparent that the kids behavior towards them will be respectful. We talk about First World Problems. This sounds like a Great Kids Problem.

My wife is teaching on the middle East where everybody is called by first name. Ms. First name, Mr. First name.

No offense taken. It is more important the kids say please and thank you.

Odd. It comes up as very odd, as well as outdated.

We moved to the US deep south over 14 years ago and I am still not used to others calling me Mr. Firstname. Makes me feel like I am in a stage production of Gone With The Wind. But I try to be sensitive that to some in would be considered disrespectful to do otherwise, but I do discourage it where I can.

It doesn't seem odd or outdated to me (an east coast northerner), but is different than how I was raised, which is more like Sauer-kraut, below.

I find this thread fascinating. As we were raised in Chicagoland, my brother and I were taught Mr/Mrs/Miss LASTNAME. My brother has since moved to Virginia and the way his children and the kids on the block always use Mr FIRSTNAME. It doesn't seem as polite to use first names when addressing any adult.

We also had Title LASTNAME or Aunt/Uncle FIRSTNAME if they were a close enough relation to be odd to call by their last name. Title FIRSTNAME seems less formal, but not any less polite to me.

I've had children refer to me as Teacher or Miss Teacher, Mrs. (my child's name)'s mom, Miss First Name, and Mrs. Last Name. The only one that makes me bristle a little is First Name, no title if we don't know each other. When I started working in my 20's I struggled calling my elder co-workers (especially managers) by their first name, but had one who set me straight that "Mr. ___ was his father, and to call him First Name."

As previously stated, intent and attitude can often show more respect than the words themselves. OP - I think it is great that you are teaching your children to be respectful to others:)

I'm from SoCal originally. About as "casual" as you get. I still use "like" and "dude" in my speech.

However, I grew up hearing Mr./Mrs./Miss FirstName as normal. Still do with my kids camp counselors, etc. Seems normal and not outdated at all.

So, I think that's a very respectful way to address the steward. I believe most of the cruise lines themselves just have the first name intending for you to address them by first name only (without the Mr./Mrs/Miss) as a way to feel more comfortable with the steward. I think a previous poster was alluding to that already.

I find this thread fascinating. As we were raised in Chicagoland, my brother and I were taught Mr/Mrs/Miss LASTNAME. My brother has since moved to Virginia and the way his children and the kids on the block always use Mr FIRSTNAME. It doesn't seem as polite to use first names when addressing any adult.

It's not. However, it's seen as more polite than simply using the first name without the Mr./Mrs./Miss. That's the whole point. The cruise line just gives you first name. Adding the Mr/Mrs/Miss to it adds formality and respect beyond simply using the first name.

Yes, you can ask for last name. However, there may be reasons why the steward may not want to or be able to give out the last name, ranging from cruise line policy to privacy.

Our children did call the Mr./Mrs. (first name) when we were on DCL, and they were children.

Since cruising as teens they have dropped the Mr./Mrs. but they have learned from watching us to always be polite & friendly, and get to know your steward. We have found over the years that being friendly & showing an interest in them & where they are from are some of the best memories of our cruises. Only once (Allure, I believe), did we have a steward we rarely saw, only complained when we did--really made it difficult to get to know! Seems she injured herself halfway through the cruise and another steward took over & we were able to get to know him--he was rewarded for the extra work he had to take on!

I wish I could get our kids to leave the room a bit tidier when they leave for the steward--BUT we did provide an EXTRA EXTRA tip for them when the kids (only 1 is still a teen!) are with us!

Is it not the case when a person (cabin attendant, waiter, teacher, whoever) introduces him- / herself by first name, then it is more than ok for you (or your kids) to address that person by first name?

Mr/Mrs first name in this case would be very polite.

If your steward is Indonesian calling by the first name is the norm. By adding Ibu (female) or Pak (male) before their first name would be the way to go. Example if his name was Kadek, you could address by saying Pak Kadek. Sorry I can’t help on other languages!

When we started cruising my daughters were 4 & 7, we told them to learn how to say thank you in the crew members language. 5 years later they do it without thinking.

Last names aren't common in all cultures.

Just have them use Mr or Ms <first name>.

Mr. or Ms. LastName is way too formal for my tastes, and other than their elementary school teachers, my kids have never used this formality. All other adults are Mr. or Ms. FirstName.

Most times I have spotted a card in the cabin, advising the name of the steward. This is typically backed up by the steward appearing and telling you the same thing. If it's something like Perwadfretrakers they normally say "I am Perwadfretrakers - everybody calls me 'Wads' then you know what to do. If the children want to call the guy "Mr Wads" I am sure this will be acceptable all round.

Regards John

Most cruise lines only have a first name on their crew's nametags: I would have them address crew by "mr/ms firstname" if this is the case. After all, stewards call the passengers by just their first names. In all of my dance classes as a child this was how I addressed my instructors, so it feels appropriate for this situation as well.

Yep. I've been called Mr. Firstname more times than I could begin to count. Sometimes I even refer to my friends that way when talking to my son or his friends. Go ask Mr. James. While we are used to it in the South, I wonder how it comes across to people elsewhere.

The last thing you want to do is make them uncomfortable while trying to do a nice thing!

It never would have occurred to me to have my son call our cabin steward "Mr. Firstname" because it's customary in our world for kids to refer to adults by just their first names. Having kids use the "Mr./Ms." seems perfectly fine to me, but asking for the cabin steward's last name when he/she doesn't provide it to you just seems intrusive.

IMO, I am not sure you really need a prefix like Mr or miss in front of their name, although that would help but it is more about how they speak and treat the staff that would be more important. There is a big difference between saying "I want .... Mr XXX." as opposed to "Can I please have .... XXX"

(y)(y)(y)

IMO, I am not sure you really need a prefix like Mr or miss in front of their name, although that would help but it is more about how they speak and treat the staff that would be more important. There is a big difference between saying "I want .... Mr XXX." as opposed to "Can I please have .... XXX"

Thumbs up x 2, Mic

Yep. I've been called Mr. Firstname more times than I could begin to count. Sometimes I even refer to my friends that way when talking to my son or his friends. Go ask Mr. James. While we are use to it in the South, I wonder how it comes across to people elsewhere.

We moved to SC from Ohio, and it was so strange when I heard my first "Miss Kathy". I'm used to it now. But I still hate Ma'am. lol Makes me feel old. ;)

We moved to SC from Ohio, and it was so strange when I heard my first "Miss Kathy". I'm used to it now. But I still hate Ma'am. lol Makes me feel old. ;)

Just wait to the day when you realize the feeling fits :D.

IMO, I am not sure you really need a prefix like Mr or miss in front of their name, although that would help but it is more about how they speak and treat the staff that would be more important. There is a big difference between saying "I want .... Mr XXX." as opposed to "Can I please have .... XXX"

I was waiting for an Aussie to chime in!

In the land down under, there aren't too many people you would add mr/mrs to their first or last name (even some schools here let students call teachers by their firstname).

Totally agree about it more being about how they speak / treat the staff.

Also i think the most respectful thing you can do is address someone how they have asked you to address them.

We moved to SC from Ohio, and it was so strange when I heard my first "Miss Kathy". I'm used to it now. But I still hate Ma'am. lol Makes me feel old. ;)

Yes ma'am.

A good friend of mine is a drug rep and use to work in the NYC area, before that he worked as a beer distributor in the area. He said quite a few people got very angry at being called Mr. and wouldn't speak to him until he called them by their first name.

I have to admit, I find it weird when older people call me Mr. Firstname. I know it is a sign of respect, but really throws me because I'm the one who should be saying it to them.

Back to the original topic, I'm sure the crew would thrilled to simply be treated with common courtesy. My wife is Filipino, and one cruise there was a large Filipino family also cruising. The crew told her that family would refuse to even acknowledge them, they very much felt superior to the crew. My wife is a very kind soul to begin with and when you combine that with being Filipino herself, we generally are well taken care of on the ship.

Maybe ask the steward how he/she prefers to be addressed? I got in a big argument with an acquaintance who wanted his kids to address me as Mrs X. I HATE being called Mrs X and prefer to be called by my first name. I appreciate him wanting to teach his kids manners but seems to me I should choose what I want people to call me....maybe your steward has a preference.