Have cruises ever made you less sociable? less inclined to be social? bad experiences

Hello All,

this is a bit of a existentialist/ off topic query - but of late have been having this conversation with my partner - so just wondering if there have been similar experiences for others.

We've travelled a lot independently making our own arrangements etc for many years - and originally started doing ship/ cruise holidays due to the destinations being unable to travel to independently in the same time frame.

while we don't need outside engagement and enjoy time together - we met an awful lot of of very interesting people chatting - pre dinner drinks and some large tables etc....it was a highlight of certain trips...to the point we met up some friends afterwards and invited others to stay and vice versa.

then we had a run of bad luck on cruises ...

- the family who stuck to us like glue...and turned up a few years later on another trip....bumming drinks(sat down to dinner every night at a group table and ASKED for a taste of our wine( purchased bottles not inclusive)- then proceed to pour them selves a large glass each) and invading our space every time we were outside our cabin - politely telling them we were going to have a romantic dinner or quiet reading time did not deter them....not helped by a maitre d - who decided we should sit with them every night- and when we asked for table for two - was annoyed....even sitting reading quietly one of the family would show up to chat - when nothing about a bobtail with sunglasses, headphones and a book - would shout come talk to me...:)

- the racists/ people of certain politics - who when they heard the barman asking where we were we from originally - proceeded to tell us how they shad moved to our birth country but other nationalities should be kept out...

- the parents who kept sending their adult son with alternative social skills to talk to us - and ask really personal inappropriate questions about our life choices.( "is your wife barren?"......i kid you not)

- and a few other 'choice' guests along the way .....

now i feel it's almost too dangerous to chat to someone on a cruise - as sod's law - they'll be someone we'll have try and avoid for the remainder...

it's not that we aren't able to be forthright- but a ship environment is one where you are confined with people and do you want to have to argue with them - or try and avoid... or?

on a land holiday /restaurant etc - i'll never be in same place for 10 nights running and also - you can just walk out of the door( not possible on a ship but gangplank was looking good once family above appeared second time :)) - so land based will be polite chat if conversation interesting- but am not looking for new best friend....

so in a roundabout way - am wondering- if ship travel makes you less inclined to talk to fellow passengers in passing etc - in case they cling to you for 10 days or you have to try and avoid for 10 days?

i have no notions that bobtail would be everyone's cup of tea - but then i don't approach people- and would never invite myself along with them or never scrounge drinks etc from them - that mindset is just is alien to me.

(i correct myself- the odd time on formal nights i have approached and politely told a woman that their dress is beautiful- especially when obviously an intricate or vintage formal dress of beautiful material someone has beautiful kept - but it's a 'sorry to disturb you- but your dress is really beautiful- have a nice night'....usually when someone is waiting at bar etc next to me ...)

just wondering has the confined nature of ship travel made some people less inclined to chat to fellow passengers after bad experiences ? on another thread someone started the worst table mates they had had - and now like us prefer tables for two.

have we had a lot of bad experiences or the normal mix?

Bobtail....

At dinner, in another luxury line, we met with a couple with whom we had chatted several times during drinks, and the woman said... "We are so happy to have met with you..such a fine, cultured, likable couple...nobody is able to tell you both are hispanic!" Just like that, with a big smile, the bigotry gun was pointed. Oh well, we had a lovely trip sans the couple from then on since my DH's response, emitted also with a big smile, made them understand they were neither cultured nor likable. Sometimes we need to be respectfully clear to uphold ourselves.

At dinner, in another luxury line, we met with a couple with whom we had chatted several times during drinks, and the woman said... "We are so happy to have met with you..such a fine, cultured, likable couple...nobody is able to tell you both are hispanic!" Just like that, with a big smile, the bigotry gun was pointed. Oh well, we had a lovely trip sans the couple from then on since my DH's response, emitted also with a big smile, made them understand they were neither cultured nor likable. Sometimes we need to be respectfully clear to uphold ourselves.

well done you and your DH.

i am at that point now where i probable will next say " i find your politics and personality dislikeable so would prefer not to socialise/chat with you any further' .... however my partner would prefer no drama - so we end up avoiding people than confronting their nastiness.... but i am probably at that point in life and experience that i will say something the next time....as have held it in too much.

- i left out some of the greats - the man at the bar who i was not talking to - i was just ordering a drink - he overheard my accent and said " oh you're xxx nationality - well you mustn't be a guest on here - xxx can't afford cruises- you must be staff"

- or in siciliy when an italian rescue boat was bringing refugees to a red cross tent on the pier - having literally being dragged from the sea - man shouted out " you should just line them all up and shoot them' - i wasn't talking to him but was standing next to him..... i have to say have never forgotten the hatred in his voice.

both individuals above were the same nationality.... but different trips.

I've never encountered the 'clingy' problem on either Seabourn or Silversea cruises.

I cruise quite often on my own and most of the time during those solo cruises I'm happy to socialise with other guests. SB guests tend to be intelligent, well travelled, interesting people. Other times I'm travelling with my partner and often we prefer to have dinner alone because at home we don't see that much of each other due to business commitments. So open dining works very well, we can choose to have a table just for the two of us, or we can join another table, or we can dine with friends made on previous cruises.

The politics thing has raised its head on one Seabourn cruise. It was about 3 months after the EU Referendum and at the same time Donald Trump was on his US Presidential campaign. Lots of guests wanted to talk about either one or the other (or both!) and for me, travelling solo that time, it got old very quickly.

As for talking to other guests in passing, yes I do it all the time. I always say 'Good Morning/Evening' when someone goes by in the corridor for example, or when waiting for coffee at Seabourn Square. Just a brief pleasantry is all. Sometimes it leads to a longer conversation, sometimes not. But no cling ons so far!

I've never encountered the 'clingy' problem on either Seabourn or Silversea cruises.

 

I cruise quite often on my own and most of the time during those solo cruises I'm happy to socialise with other guests. SB guests tend to be intelligent, well travelled, interesting people. Other times I'm travelling with my partner and often we prefer to have dinner alone because at home we don't see that much of each other due to business commitments. So open dining works very well, we can choose to have a table just for the two of us, or we can join another table, or we can dine with friends made on previous cruises.

 

The politics thing has raised its head on one Seabourn cruise. It was about 3 months after the EU Referendum and at the same time Donald Trump was on his US Presidential campaign. Lots of guests wanted to talk about either one or the other (or both!) and for me, travelling solo that time, it got old very quickly.

 

As for talking to other guests in passing, yes I do it all the time. I always say 'Good Morning/Evening' when someone goes by in the corridor for example, or when waiting for coffee at Seabourn Square. Just a brief pleasantry is all. Sometimes it leads to a longer conversation, sometimes not. But no cling ons so far!

thanks Isklaar - have hopes for seabourn- the crowd here seem nice - so i am hoping our luck has changed... :)

otherwise i was starting to look at cruises where there was no english languages or guests or french or german or other languages i understand:)...

Wow. Amazing the nerve of some people. I'm not even judging them for their thoughts or opinions but shocked at what can only be determined to be brazenness or ignorance.

thanks Isklaar - have hopes for seabourn- the crowd here seem nice - so i am hoping our luck has changed... :)

 

otherwise i was starting to look at cruises where there was no english languages or guests or french or german or other languages i understand:)...

Hopefully you'll be fine on Seabourn, but on the other hand you could just be one of those people that seems to attract - ummm -- "slightly eccentric" people!

Hopefully you'll be fine on Seabourn, but on the other hand you could just be one of those people that seems to attract - ummm -- "slightly eccentric" people!

are you saying its not them it's me!! :) i must want it :) they can sense my need to be brought down?!:)

my partner and i do enjoy each other's company and will laugh and joke a lot together - and are both story tellers to each other - so i wonder do the oddballs see us - go ' ah that couple are having a good time together- lets go and spoil it!!" :)

Wow. Amazing the nerve of some people. I'm not even judging them for their thoughts or opinions but shocked at what can only be determined to be brazenness or ignorance.

i think when ignorance and nastiness - have a quickie in an alleyway- you end up with those kind of horrible people

i think when ignorance and nastiness - have a quickie in an alleyway- you end up with those kind of horrible people

ROFL. With quips like that it's no wonder people want to associate with you.

yes but i really need to practice my princess bride speech for the oddballs....

you know..

" my name is Bobtail Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

We have met a great many people on Seabourn and very few who we chose to avoid subsequently (a well kent Australian lady springs to mind). In fact we have met many very pleasant, very interesting and very well travelled people and have enjoyed their company. Hopefully they have felt the same way about us.

Subjects to avoid include politics, religion and making moralistic judgements about others. Discussions about the state of the deck or the slowness of the internet are generally good ice breakers.

We have met a great many people on Seabourn and very few who we chose to avoid subsequently (a well kent Australian lady springs to mind). In fact we have met many very pleasant, very interesting and very well travelled people and have enjoyed their company. Hopefully they have felt the same way about us.

 

Subjects to avoid include politics, religion and making moralistic judgements about others. Discussions about the state of the deck or the slowness of the internet are generally good ice breakers.

that's good to know about seabourn - my problem is not breaking the ice - rather i now avoid responding to those who attempt to join our conversation - due to hateful ignorant comments from people in the past.

So it;s not me bringing up politics etc - its someone deciding to butt into our conversation having heard our accent or our small talk with a barman - and tell us their politics and opinions on our life choices.....

the effect that has had on how i respond to someone is that i am now very cautious...so in the past if i was standing in a bar and someone said in passing to me - 'singer has a great voice '- i might have said "yes - so did the other group here last night etc " or something that may or may not lead to conversation...

however now after having had negative experiences with guests( on high end and jumbo ships but not seabourn)....my response might be more " indeed' ....or to nod and smile briefly with no verbal interaction...

so was wondering had negative experiences on seabourn or other cruises made others cautious to engage on ships when it is a somewhat confined space..

yes but i really need to practice my princess bride speech for the oddballs....

 

you know..

 

" my name is Bobtail Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Lol! Y'all sound like a lot of fun. Great thread. I feel that if you cruise long enough you will encounter those you prefer to avoid. On our recent Viking Oceans cruise a group of us said the cruise would be perfect if we could just send half the passengers home.:eek: but then, put any 900 folks together for 4 months and I guarantee there will be a few you just don't get along with. With our accumulated life experiences, we don't hesitate to be as direct as it takes to make those leave us alone. I would rather be nice but some people just won't let you........;p

Lol! Y'all sound like a lot of fun. Great thread. I feel that if you cruise long enough you will encounter those you prefer to avoid. On our recent Viking Oceans cruise a group of us said the cruise would be perfect if we could just send half the passengers home.:eek: but then, put any 900 folks together for 4 months and I guarantee there will be a few you just don't get along with. With our accumulated life experiences, we don't hesitate to be as direct as it takes to make those leave us alone. I would rather be nice but some people just won't let you........;p

i can imagine for 4 months there would be a few divisions - and that's fine and life - it's more the people who want to ignorantly make comments on your life - and insist on clinging on to you.....like make up your mind - be civil and the conversation continues - or be ignorant and i have someplace to be fairly immediately.....but don't be ignorant to my face about my culture and life choices etc - and wonder why i speed walk in the opposite direction next time i see you or....

and this is everyman for themselves - pretend to be asleep if i am sitting on deck( doesn't work in restaurants :))....my partner then unfortunately gets caught in conversation as they are very polite - while i make snore and drool noises with my sunglasses on....i then " wake up' with a start and snort.....and announce that i am going to the bar for water while escaping the ignoramuses....:)

as i said everyman for themselves - poor partner has to dig their own escape hatch......the fake sleep also works on planes when your partner meets their fifth cousin /neighbour/ oddball co-worker....

We have met a great many people on Seabourn and very few who we chose to avoid subsequently (a well kent Australian lady springs to mind). In fact we have met many very pleasant, very interesting and very well travelled people and have enjoyed their company. Hopefully they have felt the same way about us.

 

 

 

Subjects to avoid include politics, religion and making moralistic judgements about others. Discussions about the state of the deck or the slowness of the internet are generally good ice breakers.

Roxburgh, I mostly agree with the last paragraph, especially at initial interactions. But that includes avoiding the assumption that everyone at a communal dining table or on an excursion is of similar and “correct” views on politics, religion, morals, economics, the relationship of man to the universe, and perhaps even whether or not cats or dogs are superior beings. In my opinion that means pax should not let a discussion at a group table degenerate into making condescending or derogatory remarks based on the assumption that fellow pax are all like-minded and anyone who has alternative views is stupid, uneducated, or a fair target for snide remarks, mockery, and jokes.

Bobtail,

although you will likely be pleased to know that SB and other luxury cruise pax seem to generally lean left politically for various reasons, they are actually almost always a mixed but intelligent, tolerant and pleasant group, so make no negative assumptions. Most are not clingy or like you described, and are civilized, and will take your headphone and book hint if you do not want to talk ( exceptions are those who think the universe revolves around them and their group, e.g., the selfie-stick addicts who push themsleves into the best view spot or to the front of a line, loudly take over an excursion with their unique desires and demands, or cannot stop talking about their wealth, their importance, or their virtue).

I personally prefer to give people I just meet the benefit of the doubt and listen to each person individually and see if people have anything interesting or unique to say on controversial topics from perspectives I have not previously heard, to make me think, but only after a few drinks, if they bring up a topic.

Ultimately, no risk, no reward, so go ahead and comment on the nice dress etc, have no fear on SB ( I would not say the same thing if you go on Hapag-Lloyd luxury ships, there the older German culture is mostly to mind your own business and not bud in).

BTW, though I am not entirely clear why you think your question is “existential”, as for the cat vs dog controversy I mentioned, it is quite clear that cats are the ones with the greatest existential angst and more likely to be of the view than dogs that “hell is the others” but also yourself:

you will likely be pleased to know that SB and other luxury cruise pax seem to generally lean left politically for various reasons

Hmm - I have not found that to be the case at all on either Seabourn or Silversea, I'd have actually said marginally the opposite but closer to evenly balanced.

We have consistently found people to be intelligent, good company and from extremely diverse backgrounds and never leave the ship without making a few good friends along the way.

Never had a hanger-on, thank goodness.

So my husband I and I work in hospitality, spending a lot of time each day answering questions and being nice to people who sometimes don't deserve it. On vacation we tend to stick to ourselves, which I'm sure some people view as "stuck up" or "aloof" of what have you. We just want to be left to enjoy our time by ourselves (not sure when taking a cruise turned in to "meet your new best friends for life", although happy for those that do). We love talking to the crew and getting to know them (something a lot of people don't even bother doing) and telling them about us if they ask.

But as for our fellow guests...on our most recent cruise (Viking Ocean) we reluctantly got on a tour bus and within 30 second a woman (from Texas we would come to find out) leaned forward as asked us (a gay couple, in 2018...) "Hey. Where are your wives?" No joke. I looked at my husband and said, "Are you the wife today or am I?" She totally didn't get it.

We met other nice people that we exchanged polite conversation with, but between our work and reluctance to roll the dice we do find that we aren't very social.

So sorry that someone from Texas ( my state) made such a comment russg 140.

We found that most passengers from the United States on our recent cruise lean right politically. And, many seemed to assume that we would agree with their views. I had stop one passenger (one of the few obnoxious passengers we met) from exclaiming loudly that people who criticize the president are stupid. Yes, I did walk away as soon as I could, but we were waiting to board tenders and it wasn't an immediate getaway.

I have found most Seabourn passengers to be easy to get along with and very pleasant. Did not notice any clinginess. We enjoyed having dinners for two as well as dining with people we met on the cruise.

Every cruise is different with a unique “vibe”; not just the itinerary or the ship or even the weather but also the demographics. We have mostly met friendly people who are welcoming and easy to talk to but we have learned to tread carefully with certain subjects just like grandma warned us, our old friends Politics, Sex and Religion.

We’ve met several gay couples over the years and nearly all of them said they like cruising in general, and Seabourn in particular, because they feel comfortable in that environment. We certainly never witnessed any hostility or homophobia but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen of course.

We’ve never encountered any “clingons” either and think that may have something to do with the fact that in this particular sector of the market people can take a hint and respect boundaries. Oh, and trust me, scratch the surface and there are plenty of Deplorables on board too!

Hmm - I have not found that to be the case at all on either Seabourn or Silversea, I'd have actually said marginally the opposite but closer to evenly balanced.

 

We have consistently found people to be intelligent, good company and from extremely diverse backgrounds and never leave the ship without making a few good friends along the way.

 

Never had a hanger-on, thank goodness.

Definitely think the ships lean a little more right. The boards lean more left IMHO. And its easier to take a political swipe when hiding behind a keyboard and a computer screen. I prefer never discussing politics :halo:, but many people just cannot help themselves.

Sadly, there are hateful cretins on cruise ships and I guess that they feel entitled to spout their poison in the comfort of their cruise ship zone. That's how it goes.

But the quote from the earlier poster about the refugees won't be forgotten any too soon and it disgusts me. So much so that I am not sure

I would follow my own advice to deliver a sharp look his/her way and immediately move away fast before anything else happened:

"- or in siciliy when an italian rescue boat was bringing refugees to a red cross tent on the pier - having literally being dragged from the sea - man shouted out " you should just line them all up and shoot them' - i wasn't talking to him but was standing next to him..... i have to say have never forgotten the hatred in his voice."

What a vile character, not worthy of consideration, except to avoid afterwards at all costs.

Happy and healthy sailing!

Markham you were probably considering a sharp *hook* rather than a sharp look! The latter goes to smokers :), or perhaps children.

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I have some theories as to why the passengers on SB lean right--at least those from the United States. We have found that many of them are entrepreneurs--and own their own businesses (as opposed to being professionals) and seem particularly sensitive to government regulations and tax policy. Most did not seem to be social conservatives.

We only discussed politics with some like minded passengers from the United States and sometimes with people form countries other than the United States if they asked about President Trump.

We always opt for shared tables on Seabourn and have met great, interesting people.It doesn't always gel but you can usually find some stimulating topics.

Some that stay in the mind (as they didn't go so well)

1 Shared a table with two American couples two lawyers from Oregon and a business owner and his wife from Texas.They wanted to debate Trump.After 20 minutes I needed to change the subject (As a Brit I even tried Brexit!).No success, when it looked like it was going to move onto personal abuse I used stern words.(My wife would not leave the table as she wanted the soufflé).That worked briefly but then the conversation died but not the acrid glances.

2 Dined with an Aussie couple and a couple from Switzerland.Started well, Aussies good fun but then the Swiss started to express extreme views(IMHO) on immigration,low cost airlines(had allowed poor folk to overcrowd airports) and even sexual preferences. On this occasion we adjourned with the Aussies to the Observation bar and my wife had to miss the obligatory soufflé!