Tell me your cruise ship jokes.

Carnival [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

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Edinburgh lady called Morag is at the cocktail bar on the QM2. She meets up with Agnes, from Glasgow - who won her cruise on the Maryhill bingo.

"I am hee-aaaaa-rrgh" says Morag with that snooty Morningside accent - "Because my husband, you kneowwww, wwarks Fawr Cuoooooooonard"..

Agnes pipes up - "Hoi - ma husband works hard an' aw ye know but ther's nae need to swear aboot it!" :eek:

I have heard the following over the years..... What time is the midnight buffet? (Which they do not have anymore....). Do the crew sleep onboard? (No, they take boat to shore each evening...). What happens to the ice sculptures after the melt??

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Do these elevators go to the front of the ship?

how will i know which pictures are mine?

An older lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 82 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood the parrott started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat". "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table". "Hey, why are all these cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course! They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

What do you call an azipod that doesn't work?

A lazi-pod.

OK, that one got me to laugh!

"After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?""

An older lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

 

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

 

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

 

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 82 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood the parrott started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat". "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table". "Hey, why are all these cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course! They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.

After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

Okay. I admit. I laughed out loud at the parrot joke.

Book a balcony room on the Breakaway.

Go outside.

There's your joke.

Book a balcony room on the Breakaway.

 

Go outside.

 

There's your joke.

Wow. You are so bitter that you could take a thread about cruise jokes and turn it into something angst-ridden? Maybe you should talk to someone about your issues. You definitely exemplify the feeling that Gem/Breakaway cruisers have about "Like the Ship/Love the Crew/Hate the Local Cruisers."

Blockety Block Block... Bye, Felicia.

A very nervous first time cruiser approached the Captain: "Do ships like this sink very often?"

"Not too often," replied the Captain. "Usually it's only once."

You know that slight bump you feel when the ship has finally pulled entirely into the port?

Pier pressure.

:rolleyes:

Why didn’t the cruisers play cards?

Because the Captain was standing on the deck.

;)

Book a balcony room on the Breakaway.

 

Go outside.

 

There's your joke.

I agree! :cool:

Wow. You are so bitter that you could take a thread about cruise jokes and turn it into something angst-ridden? Maybe you should talk to someone about your issues. You definitely exemplify the feeling that Gem/Breakaway cruisers have about "Like the Ship/Love the Crew/Hate the Local Cruisers."

 

Blockety Block Block... Bye, Felicia.

You haven't been on Breakaway, have you? ... prepare yourself .. :cool:

Wow. You are so bitter that you could take a thread about cruise jokes and turn it into something angst-ridden? Maybe you should talk to someone about your issues. You definitely exemplify the feeling that Gem/Breakaway cruisers have about "Like the Ship/Love the Crew/Hate the Local Cruisers."

 

Blockety Block Block... Bye, Felicia.

Yeah because "jokes" are never angst-ridden.

Book a balcony room on the Breakaway.

 

Go outside.

 

There's your joke.

i just booked the secret balcony room,,,8738:cool:

How high above sea level is the port?

Carnival [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

 

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NCL. Norwegian Cruise Lines :'):'):'):')

Background context: the Captain was updating us this morning on the status of our very-delayed arrival in Port Canaveral due to fog. There was quite a bit of hand-wringing going on about flights etc.

(Over the loudspeaker): "An annoucement to the passenger who lost a $10,000 Rolex watch in Jamaica..(pause)

...

...

The time is now 8:38 am."

It got more than a few chuckles.

Every time we sail away from Pier 66 in Seattle, I will point out Frasier's apartment to random strangers up on deck.

When do we change our money to Hawaiian money?

I cant wait to get my passport stamped from New Mexico!

A blonde sees a flier on a bulletin board that reads, "Cruise -- Only $5." She goes to the address on the flier and hands the receptionist $5. The receptionist nods to a burly man reading a newspaper. He walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.

The blonde wakes up tied to a log floating down river. To her right, she sees one of her blonde friends. "Do you think they're going to serve food on this trip?" she asks.

Her friend replies, "They didn't last year."

"Hate the Local Cruisers."

Kettle, meet pot.