I'm second guessing a cruise I gifted to in laws

My hubby and I are frequent travelers, along with our 4 year old son. We've cruised a few times and always enjoyed it and my in-laws have made comments about wanting to cruise. They both retired this year and have a modest retirement budget so we knew that a cruise wouldn't be possible for them unless we paid for it. For their retirement gift, we booked the FOS for a 7 day Eastern itinerary (St. Thomas, Coco Cay, and St. Maarten).

We just returned with them from a trip to Disney (i *know* cruising & WDW are totally different- but just hear me out). My MIL has had hip replacement surgery 2 years ago & honestly never followed through with her physical therapy & as a result is very unsteady and stiff when she walks. I could recognize this at home but whenever we see her it's usually for big gatherings (where I assume she's exhausted & that's why she wants to sit and rest) or if she comes over & is slow moving around, I thought it was because she was just stiff because she just got moving & had been sitting too long. We went to Disney & we planned for 2 1/2 days in the parks with them (it ended up being 4 hours in one park and 2.5 in the other). Before we left she said she'd need a wheelchair, so we rented one. On the other days, we did very little except go to a resort for dinner and that lack of activity seemed to please her quite well. I should note that my in-laws are in their mid 60's, so not old at all.

We're home now & I am genuinely concerned about the cruise & my gut instinct is that it will be a waste of a trip. She doesn't like the idea of being in a wheelchair so she only wants a manual one that someone has to push her but yet she simply does not want to get up and move, almost ever. She just wants to sit (I now know that this is a lifestyle choice that existed well before hip issues). I think walking from the cabin to deck 4 for dinner will be all that she'll really want to do. The effort needed to get off the ship will probably not be worth it to her & that doesn't even consider what is needed to actually navigate around the island.

My hubby and I are not rock-climbing kind of active people and we do enjoy plenty of uninterrupted time sitting on our balconies. I know she will WANT to explore the ship, see the islands, etc. but will likely choose to remain pretty sedentary (but feel upset because she's missing out). Can someone help me understand if a cruise will still be worth it. I know that plenty of people go on a ship and spend 7 days on their balcony or in a bar or relaxing somewhere, but these circumstances are different because that's not what she WANTS to go on a ship to do.

Specifically-

Is a cruise ship a poor vacation to gift to them if she chooses/can't/won't move around a lot but yet will want to?

How do those in manual wheelchairs navigate around the ship? How difficult is it?

On the islands, would you say it's still possible to enjoy them if you don't want to be on a beach AND don't want to do walking? What would some examples be of the activities to do? (We've taken the island tours before, which usually have landed somewhere of interest where you can walk & shop, I don't know if they are all like that?)

Thank you!

In 2012 we did the same cruise with my MIL. At home she almost never goes out and has no stamina due to some health issues. She uses canes and/or a walker to move about. For the cruise we rented her a scooter as we knew she'd never navigate the ship with canes. At first she was reluctant but soon realized if she wanted to leave the room she needs to use it. Our room attendant was great about helping her park and charge it each night. The dining attendants helped her get to the table which was in a far back corner of the main dining room. She would drive the scooter to the table and then they would drive it away and bring it back at the end of the meal. By mid week she was very independent moving about the ship without us. She loved that the bathrooms were accessible with the scooter as well.

She stayed in the ship in Coco Cay as it was tendered. Though when we got off was did see some beach wheel chairs so she may have been ok. She got off the ship easily in St Maarten and St Thomas and toured around the shops at the port. We did not do any excursions as we had been to both ports before.

Each day we would tell her where we were going to be and then allow her to choose to come and join us when she was ready.

She can hang out at the pool while the rest of you can do what you want. There is a lift at the pool so she can get in and out herself. Some soaking in the pool or tub might help her hip.

I can see why you are second guessing. Of course it´s hard to tell without knowing your MIL and nobody will know until after the fact, but I would say a cruise might still be not so bad.

From your post it seems there are only 2 Islands within the week, plus Coco Cay which is mostly a beach day. So whatever she feels like there´s only really two Islands to potentially miss out.

Most places offer excursions that are geared towards those who can´t walk around much. So it´s basically a bus trip Sightseeing. This way she gets to see the Islands without it being to strenous. Coco Cay should be a Relaxing beach day and if she chose to stay onboard, there´s not that much she missed out on.

Seadays are perfect for doing as much or as less you wish.

There´s one Thing you can´t solve for her. If she wants to do stuff, but doesn´t because she chose not to do so, that´s out of your power and it´s her very own fault and it shouldn´t make you feel bad about it.

As Long as you give her the Option participating, by i.e. providing a wheelchair for her to make longer distances and her decision is to rather stay put, her choice.

All in all I´d say a cruise with not too many ports might even be the best choice given the circumstances, but clearly you know her better.

Cruising can be a great family vacation as long as everyone understands that not everybody needs to be together all the time doing the same exact thing. In fact, our last cruise was a family vacation with 14 family members, as old as 74 years old. My elderly parents, while still in great health, chose many times to stay in their cabin, even missing some ports because quite simply they didn't feel like moving. In the meantime, other family members would be up and about doing all sorts of activities. My dad said that it was the best vacation he's taken in a long time.

Reading your story about your trip to Disney, I can tell you that what we would've done had we been traveling with my parents is that they would've skipped the parks altogether, or they would've come out for a few hours, I would've taken them back to the hotel before lunch, and I would've gone back to the park and rejoined the rest of the family while my parents relaxed. That would've been our compromise.

When I was a child, my grandparents used to pay for the rest of the family to go on cruises. But they would NOT leave their cabin, or at most, they'd find a quiet spot and stay there. They were perfectly happy lounging all day long while the rest of the family did their thing. They would come out for meal times, have a great time, and go back to their cabin. And they LOVED it.

Based on my experience, I think that the cruise is a great idea, but let THEM enjoy the cruise THEIR way. Don't feel forced to do the same exact thing or be together all the time (they may actually want some time alone to do whatever pleases them).. Respect their limitations and let them tell you how they'd like to spend their day. With all due respect, reading your post it seems that too much "forced togetherness" may have been the culprit of some of the issues, and not necessarily the type of vacation chosen.

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I agree with Tapi...as long as you & your in laws are happy doing your own thing, the cruise could be a great experience for both of you! But NOW is the time to have the conversation about everyone's expectations for the trip...if your in law's are expecting you to curtail all YOUR activites because they are not up to it (as in the disney trip) then there are going to be issues....if however they are fine with relaxing on the ship or doing a less taxing excursion on their own, while you do what you want then it will be fine...

As others have said, there are excursions with very little walking involved. If your FIL is coming then she will have companionship on the excursions. My DH no longer enjoys the most active excursions either but we still have a good time. Maybe you could help them choose the right excursions. It is a generous gift, and beyond that, you can't control how they spend their time on the ship.

What are your MIL's interests? I think the great thing about a cruise is that there is something for just about anyone to do. I agree with TAPI. Don't feel obligated to do everything together. Agree on this before you cruise. Agree on what you will be doing together, like dinner every night, or breakfast in the MDR, or a show. That way you can all have fun.

I think you chose the perfect ship for this kind of situation :)

The shore tours described as "panorama" usually are bus sightseeing tours that don't require much if any walking. I think your inlaws might really enjoy the ambiance of the ship. I've noticed on some cruises that a lot of the older people stay on the ship at port calls and there's usually some sort of low key activity such as trivia available for them if they want to participate.

not the same but IL is disabled and can walk but not a lot of distance or extreme at one time. She has cruised 2 times now and is going with us again in May. We have taken a manual wheelchair with us and it works great. She goes with the flow and pushes herself to makes sure she has the best time possible and enjoys her trip to the fullest. She sometimes will walk behind the wheelchair when in port and use it as an assistant. Also she will wheel herself sometimes as well. Other times we will push. It is fine and she enjoys herself. As well as we enjoy ourself. So best I can say is help her understand to go with the flow and have a great time. She will know her limits and if they can be pushed.

It is a lot easier to fold up a wheelchair then break down an electric scooter. That said, I would still rent a scooter.

You should really talk her into it. The pushing of her in the chair will get old real quick pushing her while on the ship or on land. Even getting her up and down the gangway will be a PIA in a chair. There are excursions with capabilities to take the scooter. She can feel more freedom with it.

She can keep up with all and enjoy the scenery together without people huffing and puffing from pushing her around.

I see too often people pushing chairs not looking happy while on vacation. Do not be the group I would see switching off to push. Be the one walking along side or close to a smiling women enjoying her time and view.

First off, personally I would never want to spend my vacation with my inlaws and I would never subject my wife to a vacation with my parents.....and we all get along great.

I don't think a cruise vacation will be a waste for your inlaws but who has to push the manual wheelchair around? Do you really want to be doting on your MIL the whole time?

It's sad that she's so relatively young in regards to being a retiree and that she's not mobile enough to fully enjoy her retirement.

My hubby and I are frequent travelers, along with our 4 year old son. We've cruised a few times and always enjoyed it and my in-laws have made comments about wanting to cruise. They both retired this year and have a modest retirement budget so we knew that a cruise wouldn't be possible for them unless we paid for it. For their retirement gift, we booked the FOS for a 7 day Eastern itinerary (St. Thomas, Coco Cay, and St. Maarten).

 

We just returned with them from a trip to Disney (i *know* cruising & WDW are totally different- but just hear me out). My MIL has had hip replacement surgery 2 years ago & honestly never followed through with her physical therapy & as a result is very unsteady and stiff when she walks. I could recognize this at home but whenever we see her it's usually for big gatherings (where I assume she's exhausted & that's why she wants to sit and rest) or if she comes over & is slow moving around, I thought it was because she was just stiff because she just got moving & had been sitting too long. We went to Disney & we planned for 2 1/2 days in the parks with them (it ended up being 4 hours in one park and 2.5 in the other). Before we left she said she'd need a wheelchair, so we rented one. On the other days, we did very little except go to a resort for dinner and that lack of activity seemed to please her quite well. I should note that my in-laws are in their mid 60's, so not old at all.

 

We're home now & I am genuinely concerned about the cruise & my gut instinct is that it will be a waste of a trip. She doesn't like the idea of being in a wheelchair so she only wants a manual one that someone has to push her but yet she simply does not want to get up and move, almost ever. She just wants to sit (I now know that this is a lifestyle choice that existed well before hip issues). I think walking from the cabin to deck 4 for dinner will be all that she'll really want to do. The effort needed to get off the ship will probably not be worth it to her & that doesn't even consider what is needed to actually navigate around the island.

 

My hubby and I are not rock-climbing kind of active people and we do enjoy plenty of uninterrupted time sitting on our balconies. I know she will WANT to explore the ship, see the islands, etc. but will likely choose to remain pretty sedentary (but feel upset because she's missing out). Can someone help me understand if a cruise will still be worth it. I know that plenty of people go on a ship and spend 7 days on their balcony or in a bar or relaxing somewhere, but these circumstances are different because that's not what she WANTS to go on a ship to do.

 

Specifically-

 

Is a cruise ship a poor vacation to gift to them if she chooses/can't/won't move around a lot but yet will want to?

 

How do those in manual wheelchairs navigate around the ship? How difficult is it?

 

On the islands, would you say it's still possible to enjoy them if you don't want to be on a beach AND don't want to do walking? What would some examples be of the activities to do? (We've taken the island tours before, which usually have landed somewhere of interest where you can walk & shop, I don't know if they are all like that?)

 

Thank you!

I am unclear as to whether you are going with them on this 'retirement gift cruise' or not?

My grandmother has cruised with us, she wants to be "out-and-about" but has trouble walking the long distances. So, we take one of those quick-fold travel wheelchairs (like this one http://www.amazon.com/Medline-Transport-Wheelchair-Brakes-Blue/dp/B000BJEZ8I/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1391357598&sr=8-2&keywords=travel+wheelchairs. It folds in half quickly so you can stow it in the cabin, get it in the back of most tour vans, etc.

Are you going with them?

I can't speak for having our parents go with us and being limited on doing things, but our daughter and husbands sister will be joining us to Sydney, I let them both know, they are free to go as they please and do their own thing and we will have our time to enjoy the trip together. There might be an excursion they really want to do and we wish to go elsewhere, that is fine, this way no one is kept from doing what they want. Believe me we will have loads of time together, 54 days for this trip so we will no doubt want our away times.:)

If everyone wants to go and have a good time I would not second guess the cruise retirement gift. But I wouldn't do it unless she had an electric scooter, it's about $250 for a week including insurance but they are great. It will be in her cabin when she get's there and just leave it there when you leave. It would be easier if they had an accessible cabin with a larger door and a little more room. Ports like Coco Cay might be a problem, but the other port would be ok to get off and drive around a little. The electric scooter will give her some additional independence so she isn't always looking for someone too push. Tell her there are a lot of scooters on-board used by people that need a little help. You will likely need a manual wheelchair to get on and off the ship. You may want to allow a little more time to get on and off the ship, so I would also suggest that perhaps you get there a day early and leave a day later to reduce the travel stress. Good Luck

You can contact RCCL pre-cruise and ask for assistance embarking and disembarking. My DH can get around the ship with a cane (abet slowly) but needs help with the ramps etc getting on and off.

RCCL provides a wheelchair and "pusher-person" for that purpose. It works very well. We notify a specific porter when we arrive at the port and RCCL takes it from there - to check-in and boarding.

At most ports of call the ramp to disembark is on a low deck fairly even with the dock. It's rare you can't take the elevators to that deck - thus easy on and off in most cases.

There are walkers these days that have a seat in case the user gets too tired or has to "stand" in a line. If this is an option it may be cheaper in the long run to purchase one rather than renting it.

Since your in-laws have commented about wanting to cruise, I feel that with some discussion of expectations, etc. they will likely love it. It is a very thoughtful and generous gift. My parents enjoy spending nearly all the time together with us when we visit, or have vacationed together. And 'own time' is easier on a cruise, in my opinion.

I\m hoping that this is a family cruise, as I think your in-laws would really enjoy the time with you and their 4 yr. old grandson. And imagine all of the new and amazing things they will be experiencing on their first cruise, that you can share in first hand. Wonderful meals with no cooking or cleaning, no making the bed, complimentary room service. Relaxing in the Solarium, playing trivia in the Schooner Bar, delighting in watching your son at the H2O Zone or playing miniature golf, seeing the shows onboard. Even seeing the ship for the first time, experiencing sail away, and just being out on the ocean!

A scooter sounds like a great idea and would be waiting for her in their stateroom, and left there after the cruise. My mom is very much like your MIL (although she will be 85 this spring!). She prefers to just sit in her recliner at home and doesn't walk long distances. A scooter would be perfect for her if she were to cruise again. She was never open to it until she used one to get around at Longwood Gardens in PA.

Maybe show your MIL the 3 wheel electric scooter available via Care Vacations: http://www.cruiseshipassist.com/html/scooters.html and see what she thinks. She would probably be more comfortable with the freedom it would offer- both onboard and in port, than a wheelchair.

I hope that you have a fun and memorable cruise! ;)

Having parents who have been avid cruisers, but are now reaching the stage in life where things are more difficult to manage, I can understand your trepidation. My father has early-stage Parkinson's and had surgery last fall to remove part of his lung due to cancer. He has recovered from the surgery, but is very unsteady on his feet.

They had a river cruise in France scheduled for this spring. Mom had broached it a few times that maybe he wasn't ready to go, but he kept shooting down her concerns. We talked to her over Christmas and told her that she needed to just come out and tell him that she knows he isn't ready and give examples of why (he has fallen a few times) and that she is concerned of what could happen, etc.

I talked to them yesterday and they have cancelled the cruise. Dad is disappointed, but isn't taking it as being his fault.

So, my advice: you and your spouse need to sit down with your MIL and talk frankly to her. Explain that you have concerns about her ability to walk on the ship and in port (using the Disney trip as a reference), her desire to use a manual wheelchair, etc.

Give her options if she goes: renting a motorized scooter, staying onboard/in her cabin, doing shore excursions that are bus tours. She may want to go and be happy to spend all her time in her cabin, but it would be good for all of you to talk about it before hand.

I hope it works out for you and that you have a great time. Best of luck.

Your MIL sounds very much like mine except mine had a knee replacement about 4 yrs ago...gave up on the therapy and now walks worse and is in same pain as before the replacement.

She has a "quitter" mentality.

I think it's very difficult to change somebody's outlook if they're not willing to change.

Has your MIL hinted around that maybe the cruise isn't the best idea or are you just feeling that way?

Are you going with them?

We're leaving on the Brilliance in 4 days...we wanted my MIL to come because my FIL passed away recently and she has never gone anyplace. We offered to pay for her...she said she won't ever go on a cruise because she's "afraid of water and can't swim". So there goes that idea! My MIL is 69 going on 89 unfortunately.

Hey, maybe we can introduce them! lol

We did a Canadian cruise with my mom & MIL. My mom has mobility issues, but doesn't use a wheelchair or scooter. (She probably would benefit from one though) We planned the trip so we had a balance of activities to do in ports. When she was tired she'd sit, usually my 15yo would also be tired & hang with her & we'd come back & get them. We did the bus/tram tours in town. Those don't have a lot of walking & you can find them where you can bring your wheelchair with you.

The other thing though was my mom was perfectly happy just sitting in the cabin or on deck with her crossword puzzle book. She also really enjoyed trivia.

It is very important to talk about expectations prior to the trip as was previously mentioned. Like I said my mom is happy to sit & hang out, but my MIL likes to be moving & going to every activity and show. So we often split up during the day and regroup before dinner, eat & split up again.

If you are going with them, why not research on the port of call forums for excursions that can be just the 5 of you in a van seeing the sights on the islands where you can plan it around all your interests, allow MIL input and do research with her too.

Good luck :)