What would you do in this situation?

[NEcruisers????]

As the mother of two adult sons who have graduated a few years ago, and three daughters who will soon graduate... I only wish I would have had the opportunity to spend one-on-one time with each of them on a cruise, such as you are doing. As both boys have gotten older and now have full time jobs along with responsibilites that go along with growing up, they now don't have time such as this, to spend with me (not to mention with three daughters I don't know if I could take the time away from them). Don't get me wrong, it's just the way life is at the moment.

So...

I would take the cruise, with your son, then when your step son graduates, give him the option to cruise alone with you or his Dad.

Just my opinion...

[Kidsx5]

I would charge the grandparents exactly what it would cost them.

 

And I think it is awesome you are considering taking your stepson. I grew up in a divorced family and my step-mother NEVER would have taken me, even if someone was paying. She drew the boundaries very clearly between her and my dad's son, and "us" (myself and my other brother from my dads 1st marraige). So I just think that it is great that you are taking your stepson-whether on this cruise or one in the future!

[mcfaddensfarm]

Right! Do you think it will be a problem getting your step-son's Mom to sign that notarized letter? Since last year, cruise lines have really cracked down on that sort of thing. Good luck, and hope it all works out for you!

 

Question--if my husband has sole legal/physical custody and his mom only has visitation during school breaks, do I still need the signed form from her? I don't think there would be any problem at all getting it. We've talked before and she isn't against me or anything. We could get it, I was just wondering if I had to. Would I just need one from my husband for him?

[boulders]

Question--if my husband has sole legal/physical custody and his mom only has visitation during school breaks, do I still need the signed form from her? I don't think there would be any problem at all getting it. We've talked before and she isn't against me or anything. We could get it, I was just wondering if I had to. Would I just need one from my husband for him?

 

From your wording, I'm not sure whether your dh has sole legal/physical custody if the mom gets visitation. I'd get it clarified by your dh's divorce lawyer.

[mcfaddensfarm]

From your wording, I'm not sure whether your dh has sole legal/physical custody if the mom gets visitation. I'd get it clarified by your dh's divorce lawyer.

 

For the past 5 years he has had sole legal/physical custody of his son. Before that his mother had custody but he primarily lived with his grandparents since he was a toddler because his mother had some substance abuse problems. Just this past year though, my husband worked up some documents with the court to allow him to visit his mom for specific times during his breaks from school (summer, spring break, Christmas break). It is strictly visitation, no custody involved, and it's specifically worded in the documents that he has to return to his father's home after each visitation. So long story short (too late!) my husband has sole legal/physical custody. What she has is strictly just visitation.

[imsulin]

Question--if my husband has sole legal/physical custody and his mom only has visitation during school breaks, do I still need the signed form from her? I don't think there would be any problem at all getting it. We've talked before and she isn't against me or anything. We could get it, I was just wondering if I had to. Would I just need one from my husband for him?

 

Yes, you still would need the signed and notarized letter from her- as well as your husband....mainly because you are taking her son out of the country, and she is still a legal parent. Even if your husband were going, HE would need the letter from her. There have been posts in the past saying that people have never been asked for these letters, but there have also been posts saying they have. Cruise lines seem to have cracked down on these documents since last year, so it's better to be safe than sorry. If they can both be present at the same time for signing and notarizing, that would be great, as you would only have to carry one letter, instead of two. I'd also suggest getting two originals - one set to take with you, and one set to leave with your husband. Have the letter be as detailed as possible, including flight and cruise dates and itineraries. It really is better to be safe than sorry! A lot of it has to do with parental or non-parental kidnapping, Homeland Security, etc. I know it sounds like a hassle, but it really is necessary. A couple of other things: If you and your son have passports, I would have the grandparents pay for one for your step-son. I'd also have them pay for 3rd party trip insurance, neither of which should be counted in their total price to be split. I'm just suggesting what I would personally do. I still think it's great that you're doing this! When my youngest daughter graduated from high school, I took her and her BFF to a great all-inclusive resort in Puerta Vallarta (friend's parents paid for her). Good luck to you, and please stay in touch!

[mcfaddensfarm]

Thanks for the input. I'll let everyone know what we need. She is in a different state than us so I'll have to have two different letters. I sent off an email this morning to the grandparents with a detailed list of everything that would incur costs on the cruise--airfare, cruise, gratuities, insurance, passport, spending money, soda card, etc. Everything I could think of. At this point it's in their hands, whether they think it's something they want to pay for or not. My step son knows that it could go either way and he's prepared for that. (He's almost 17 and mature enough to know what the situation is.) He also knows that if he doesn't go on this cruise, we will try to do another one in the future that he can go on. Thanks again for everyone's input!

[imsulin]

Thanks for the input. I'll let everyone know what we need. She is in a different state than us so I'll have to have two different letters. I sent off an email this morning to the grandparents with a detailed list of everything that would incur costs on the cruise--airfare, cruise, gratuities, insurance, passport, spending money, soda card, etc. Everything I could think of. At this point it's in their hands, whether they think it's something they want to pay for or not. My step son knows that it could go either way and he's prepared for that. (He's almost 17 and mature enough to know what the situation is.) He also knows that if he doesn't go on this cruise, we will try to do another one in the future that he can go on. Thanks again for everyone's input!

 

It sounds like you have all bases covered, and best of luck to you!

[prpattycakes]

I would just let them pay the whatever the extra charge is to add him, since you already paid for you and your son.

 

I booked and paid my cruise with my 2 kids and then my mother in law wanted to join us so she paid whatever the extra cost for her was.

[einsteinsmom]

Not sure if you have called to check for space or not, but I would do that. I have tried to book a cruise in the past that had bookings available, but none with the extra beds I needed.

[Julienatul]

Just have him pay the 3rd person rate since the rest is what you would be payng normally if it was just the 2 of you.

 

Have a great cruise!!

[RoadTripFanatic]

Just a thought....

Is your stepson working? If so maybe he could contribute to help ease the grandparents bill? Maybe he could use his allowance/salary to help pay for things like the passport, soda card, excursions etc. Look for the little things that add up for him to pay for. Summer is almost here and maybe he could make some extra $$ mowing lawns, yard work, summer job, etc.

[sas80]

Obviously with the situation I'm about to pose to you has no "right" answer. And hopefully I don't stir up any type of controversy or anything with this, but I honestly want to get a feel for what you think about this so I can make an "informed" decision...Please bear with my while I try to explain the whole situation:

The background:

I booked a cruise for my son & I as a graduation present on Oasis of the Seas. I booked it literally on the first day it came available for booking. A couple (or was it a few?) years ago. Since that time, I have recently gotten married and along with that was blessed with a step-son who gets along great with my son.

 

As much as I want to bring both my new husband and step-son on this cruise (they've never cruised before), this past year has been a very bad one for us financially with my husband's business and we just don't have the extra money for two more people (or even one more if we took just my step-son). My husband & I spoke at length about this and he said that he thinks that since I originally booked this as a special trip for my son & I for his graduation (which only happens once), that we should go ahead and still go, just the two of us. I spoke to my step-son about it and told him that we will try to plan a cruise for him when he graduates in 2012. He says he is okay with us and understands the situation.

 

Now....for the decision making part:

When my step-son went to visit his mother & grandparents for spring break, he told them about the cruise we're taking and explained to them what's going on. My step-son's grandparents (his mothers' parents) are talking about possibly paying his way for the cruise so he doesn't have to miss out. They want to know how much it will cost for his portion of the cruise and his flight. Technically he would be a 3rd person on the cruise and would therefore have a lower fare ($800). But my husband says that we should just add up the total fare and divide it by three people ($999 each). He is not a small child that will not be able to take part in all the cruise has to offer--he will be 17 at the time of the cruise, will be staying in the same cabin as us, will be eating the same food as us, etc. His grandparents are not struggling financially but are not filthy rich either. Kind of "middle ground".

 

What would you do in this situation? Again, not trying to incite a riot or anything--everyone is welcome to their opinions but I'm hoping this won't turn into some kind of bashing session. We are good, honest people and I'm just looking for an idea of what I should do in this situation. Thanks!

 

As long as you are happy to have step son along...

 

you know what I would do?

 

I would write each scenario down on a separate piece of paper. Detail the costs, taxes, soda cup charges, incidentals, shore excursions, etc (whatever you were going to originally include in the cost)

 

Present each piece of paper to the grandparents and let them decide which cost they want to incur. They will pick one or decide it is too expensive all the way around. Either way, you were 100% truthful from the start.

[CanadianTwosome]

Thanks again for all the input. Another thing I should probably clarify is that when I was originally hoping to add both my husband & my son to the trip, my husband wasn't entirely sure he wanted to go. He has never cruised before and is not a "vacation-y" kind of person. That's why it's not that big of a deal if he doesn't go. (I think he kind of looked at our financial situation as a good "out" for him, lol.) He really doesn't mind.

 

At this point I'm most likely just going to lay it all out to my step-son's grandparents and just make it clear that if they want to pay for it they will be paying for ALL of it (cruise, flight, gratuities, drink card, extras, etc.) because it was originally just planned for my son & I and we don't have the money for his part of it. After they see the whole cost, they may just decide it's too much and not do it. If they decide to go ahead with it, then they know what they're getting into ahead of time because I've laid it all out in dollars.

 

My son & I have cruised together just the two of us for all but one of my cruises and so I'm okay with having my step-son along. I did double-check with my son too, just to reiterate that it's okay to tell me if he'd rather it just be the two of us and he said it was okay with him. I think we're both more thinking along the lines of how fun it will be to share the cruising experience with someone who is totally new to cruising. I know that my son won't be allowed in the teen group and my step-son won't be allowed in the adult places my son will be. But that's the beauty of cruising--there's something on board for everyone. They will both be able to exercise their independence and we can also have family time.

 

Understand too that this isn't one of those family dynamics where the grandparents hate me because I'm the new wife of their daughter's ex-husband kind of thing. They have been divorced since their son was a toddler. The grandparents like me and I communicate pretty regularly with them because they are the ones who helped raise him when he was younger. I don't think this was any attempt to undermine me or create problems. Probably more of a "meaning well but maybe should have talked to me privately first" kind of thing. Oh well, it doesn't always happen that way and we deal with it as it comes.

 

That's what I love about these boards...they're kind of therapeutic. They allow you to voice things and sound them out before you make decisions. :D

 

I think this is exactly what you should do - and likely exactly what the grandparents are expecting. They are well aware that the only reason you didn't immediately call and book your stepson in is because of your current financial situation. They have asked what the costs will be and there is no reason not to give them a complete breakdown.

 

I have to say, I'm very happy to be reading posts from someone who is in such a great family situation. I commend all of you for being reasonable and not allowing the realization that two adults couldn't live together to influence the rest of everyone's lives - especially your stepson's! :)

[highbridge5]

It might be the last time that your son has a chance to vacation or spend any significant time with this step-brother. A perfect reason to take both boys.

 

It sounds like you have a good plan and that your relationship with the grandparents is sound and that you can lay out the costs and let them choose with no hurt feelings.

 

Given your own financial situation, you owe it to yourself to do a good job of anticipating the cruise costs for the stepson, this way you won't be surprised at the end of the cruise and the $$ from the grands was not enough.

 

Try to give them only one bill; nothing is more awkward than giving someone a price and then having to go back and ask for more... Better yet, overestimate by 50 or $100 and plan to return the overages. No one ever minds getting money back...

 

hb5