How do you deal with rude people?

[brigittetom]

I have been reading these posts wondering why anyone would stare at someone in a wheelchair in the first place other than just to say hello and I just had a horrible thought.

 

My mom had a stroke 3 years ago and is paralized on one side. Since then, when we cruise, I have many times watched the folks in wheechairs. My purpose is to watch how well they manage and wonder if my mom would be able to manage taking another cruise. I've also been known to visually follow the progress all around the pool deck. I'm not obvious about it but you've certainly given me food for thought. :o In my defense, I'm also very aware of the need to be considerate of these navigators.

[Oceanwench]

Often when DH is maneuvering his power chair -- trying to exit a restaurant or a store, or going in/out of our van via the ramp -- people will stare. Sometimes it makes him self-conscious.

At Disney World, when we take the bus, people waiting in line will stare at him as he backs his scooter onto the lift.

 

I tend to think it is more a curiosity than anything else. But it does affect him, knowing there are eyes on him.

 

A number of years ago I worked for a newspaper where one of our reporters was doing a weekly "challnege" from readers, with $$ going to charity. She would write a story afterward.

 

DH challenged her to spend a day in a wheelchair. The $$$ went to the MS Society.

The reporter, a young, beautiful and athletic girl in her 20s, said it was the most difficult challenge she had to undertake in the series.

She talked about the stares she got, and also the comments about being "too pretty to be in a wheelchair."

She told us how she and a friend went into a crowded restaurant, and a silence came over the lunchtime crowd as everyone stared at her.

[guardhouse]

Yep.

[DesrtDrmr]

I have experienced all of those things, too, in the wheelchair and on my scooter. My favorite thing to do to the "stare-rs" is to say hello and ask them a question...........any question. I usually get an answer and an expression of interest or a joke about my scooter or chair, and that's fine.........sometimes I don't get any answer. :( I think one of the worst places on a ship is where the photos are posted...........for one thing, you can't get through, and for another, noone will ever let you near the pictures. We try to go at very off times.

When I have been ignored at the elevators, it's been good fun to visit with the little children in strollers, toddlers holding on to their parents hands, or looking over their parents shoulders if carried...........it's amazing that they are so cute, and make so many funny faces etc, when their parents aren't looking. Many people push past strollers, too. I wish I'd paid more attention when my kids were at that stage. Of course, this worked best when sailing from Puerto Rico, where there were so many children on board when we sailed, NOT during a holiday period.

[bouy]

Has this ever happened to you.

when ever we open our cabin door to go inside someone always stops and remarks about the size of the cabin. And why is their cabin so small.It gets to the point sometimes I will wait untill no one is around to go inside. One time I said to someone who made a remark and started to stick thier head into the cabin to look that I would gladly a give up this cabin if my husband could get the use of his legs back. With that they left.People don't understand that you have to have the extra room to get around.But people don't think,they just see that you have something better than they have.

[Valentine's Mom]

You ought to have to travel with a service dog. People always stop me EVERYWHERE that I go. Constantly asking me how I got MY dog on board and why can't they bring their dog. I always keep a service dog identification on her but for some reason people don't care to see that. Although she is my life line and I love her to death I would love to be able to go to dinner or a show or even be alone in my room and not need her help. She is a very cute small dog only weighing 9 pounds and people often do not even believe that she is even a service dog. She is a medical response dog and doesn't have to support me or guide me while walking but she was born with a special gift that allows her to detect things ahead of time like seizures, migrain headaches, drop or rise in blood sugar and changes in me caused by my MS.

 

Believe me it's a real pleasure to meet those few people who know what a service dog is and how to act around them. I do enjoy the children who are always wondering about her and I always take time to explain how special she is. It's just amazing how people react when they think they arn't getting as much as someone else and don't stop to think about the reason things are as they are.

[Umbarger]

Has this ever happened to you.

when ever we open our cabin door to go inside someone always stops and remarks about the size of the cabin. And why is their cabin so small.It gets to the point sometimes I will wait untill no one is around to go inside. One time I said to someone who made a remark and started to stick thier head into the cabin to look that I would gladly a give up this cabin if my husband could get the use of his legs back. With that they left.People don't understand that you have to have the extra room to get around.But people don't think,they just see that you have something better than they have.

 

Bouy,

 

I hear you!!!!!! I too waited until no one was around to open our cabin door. People would do double takes and stop and stare whenever our cabin door happened to be open. They would stick their heads in and ask, How did you get this big cabin? Hello? My mother is sitting in a wheelchair and they have no clue? One person had the gall to say "you lucky dogs." Oh yes, My mother is one lucky dog!!!!!!!!!

One day I would really like to say back to them "When you have a stroke and are in a wheelchair you can have one just like it." Alas, I am far too nice and just smile politely.

 

Linda

[Queenie2]

My theory is that there are just some rude people out there -- they are rude to ABs as well as PWDs. Yesterday at the airport, as we were waiting to board, this lady just pushed through our group (knocked down one lady's suitcase and knocked another lady off ballance) and then went to the front of the line (one group was already boarding) and just pushed everyone away and jumped on the plane. Everybody was dumbfounded that she had that much nerve. We all just pretty much stood there with our mouths open.

 

Good Lord - I can't imagine sticking my head in somebody elses room/cabin!! Some folks just have no manners.

 

Candy

[Shebbieal]

Maybe I am just a little off-kilter!!!!

 

Whenever I use a bus that utilizes a lift and people are watching, I do the Miss America wave and blow kisses. People are naturally curious and look, I don't have a problem with it, I think laughter breaks the ice.

 

I also LOVE going up to other people in chairs, and to kids in strollers and asking them if they want to race. Their expressions are priceless!!!!

 

I am also very assertive and vocal whenever I am "slighted".

 

Kill people with kindness, it works almost all the time.

 

Sherry

[curly4dana]

this post is directed specifically at guardhouse...

i work for nordstrom!!! my store is in south florida and i want to apologize for anyone in my company that did not respond to your wife.

in my store we go above and beyond ANY call of duty to serve ALL of our customers, handicapped and able bodied. i am embarrassed to say the least. if you were treated that way in my store, there is no question that my store manager would have rectified the problem immediately if not sooner!!!

here's a perfect example...last sunday i was working in my men's furnishings dept. when an elderly gentleman was shopping. he walked with a cane and must have lost his balance, because he fell! needless to say he scared me 1/2 to death, but my ONLY thought was to make sure he was ok. i ran to him to make sure he was awake and alert. my store manager and my loss prevention people were at his side in a flash! we got our wheelchair for him, a bottle of cool water and asked him if he wanted us to call 911. he didn't. he was taken by a bus from his community to the mall and was being picked up by them as well. i took him in the wheelchair over to our food court, got him lunch, and stayed with him for the next 3 hours until his bus arrived!!! now...i could have "dumped" him in the food court and been done with it...but that is just not the nordstrom way!!!! i stayed and talked to the fellow and made sure he was ok until his bus came. i also alerted the driver to the fact that he'd fallen and would he please make sure the nurses on call were made aware as well.

when i got back to the store, my manager was proud of the fact that i stayed with him so long and didn't rush back to the selling floor.

i might add that i, myself am handicapped from a car accident 15 years ago. depsite my ailments, i'm able to work and stand and remember to be mindful of others. the more i work for nordstrom, the more i realize how important that is!

please come back to our beautiful store!!! don't let a couple of bad apples ruin your "nordy" experience! if you do came back...and if that should happen again...ask for the store manager and watch how fast that changes!!!! you have my word!!!!

[Civilwarbuff59]

The only times I had difficulty with my wheelchair on my last cruise (the first time I had used one) was at the elevator after the lifeboat drill. Even though they postioned me so as to let me get out first, a number of people rushed around us. The problem was intensified because at least half of the elevators were being dedicated to luggage delivery. Interestingly, though, I have a different take on things. I don't really think anyone around us was being intentionally rude. They were excited to dump the life preservers and get on with their cruise. One of the staff from the purser's office walked by and when she came back by several minutes later and we were still waiting, she basically made a group of people diving for next available elevator wait and got me where I needed to be. I was grateful for her help. Incidentally, no one reacted angrily (at least in front of us) - I think they just hadn't been paying attention. After dinner and shows and things, I just made it a policy to wait and let things clear out before I even tried the elevators and never had another problem. In fact, I was surprised by the number of offers of help we got all during the cruise. I also think it has a lot to do with my attitude - I spend a lot of my hard-earned money on a cruise to relax and have a good time. Even if I were the absolute last person on the elevator, I am not going to let it ruin my fun.

[Pegleg1]

I have experienced all of those things, too, in the wheelchair and on my scooter. My favorite thing to do to the "stare-rs" is to say hello and ask them a question...

 

I like to ask them if they'd like an autographed picture! :D

 

Actually, I'm a big strong guy who's 53 years young and I get around very well for shorter distances. I do have a prosthetic right leg, and nerve damage to my left leg, so I use my whellchair whenever I'll have to walk or stand for anything longer than 10 min's or so. I almost always wear shorts so people can see my prosthetic and I very rarely get any comments/looks until I get up and walk or stand. Then it's like; "You Faker"!!! :eek: Especially when they see me playing ping pong (Which I can do for about 5-10 min's)

 

My days are measured in how many steps I take each day. If I haven't walked much, at night I'm fine. If I walked or stood a lot, by 5 or 6pm I'm "toast" and believe me, I really need that WC then. I'm curious to see the reactions I'll get on formal/in-formal nights when I won't be wearing shorts and I get out of my wheelchair to go to the bar to get a drink or something!

 

Kids are great though, when they stare or even have the nerve to ask what happened to my leg, I tell them I used to be an alligator wrestler, but I wasn't very good at it!! :D

[OldinJersey]

I find it hard sometimes not to hit people with the scooter. (rentals at Disney til now) People have no clue that many scooters do not stop on a dime the way a person can, and don't allow distance/time when leaping in front of you, usually dragging or chasing a toddler or two.

The rec.arts.disney.parks usenet group has discussed this quite a bit over the years. The main conclusion, which I agree with, is that people do not "see" you. You are not at eye level and so you don't register for them. They walk in front of you, cut you off as you are driving etc. cause they don't notice you. I notice them...at least I notice the sea of butts around me at my eye level. sigh.

I did have a problem at Disney the last time though no one said anything to me. The buses must load me and my scooter before anyone gets on the bus. We stayed at Animal Kingdom Lodge and a zillion toddlers (when is it coming, when is it coming?) sit in the heat waiting for the bus and when it comes they can't let the kids on the bus til I am loaded first. CRABBY parents. A day of the glares and we moved to a hotel on the monorail.

[Valentine's Mom]

I know what you mean susieslow. The scooters do stop pretty quick but sometimes not quick enough. I use one often due to MS and know to watch out for these things but my DH used one at Disney World a few years back, due to an injury and ran up the back of a man's heels. I have seen these people look right at me and then walk directly in front of my scooter. They see me but it just doesn't register. My DH says I need an air horn. LOL Someone may jump overboard if I honked that horn.:eek:

I'ts a sad thing that those parents glared at you instead of taking this great opportunity to teach the child. I'm sure that we have all heard the person that says "I'm going to have to get me a scooter so I can go ahead of the line." That line drives me crazy! I just want to tell them that I'd gladly trade places with them if they would like to sit here for hours and I could walk about this wonderful ship, play basketball, swim, climb the rock wall or ice skate. Instead I just smile and say sorry they told me to go here. One of these days though, when I'm tired and feeling the MS, and tell them just how rude they really are.

 

I have a small service dog that travels with me everywhere. I had to put a big sign on my scooter saying SERVICE DOG to keep people from trying to pet her and generally distracting her from her job. Do you think it worked? Of course not! We were at the mall today and it took forever to get down one hallway because every few feet someone was stoping me asking to pet her, what kind of dog she is, and what is a service dog. I do try to be polite and answer their questions but I do have things that I need to do before the energy runs out.

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

[markyspx]

I've been having a pretty tough time with rude people myself, but luckily I found an e-book written by some guy who really gives you an incite of what you need to know. On that aspect it has terribly helped me in my life since I dug it out after a lot of freakin reasearch. I strongly recommend it to anyone that wants to improve his/her life and deal with those of awful manners.

 

Hope it helps you ;)

 

http://www.dealwithpeople-howtotakecontrol.weebly.com

[kitty9]

I've also been "petted" and told I was too "pretty to be in a wheelchair". Usually this is done by little old ladies, who also talk to my husband rather than to me. I try to laugh it off... I figure you either laugh about it or you begin plotting world domination. And I just don't have time to dominate the world. Yet.

 

I've had just the opposite experience. I had polio at age 2, and have been using a cane and a parking placard for many years, now that I've reached certain age--and now I sometimes have to use a scooter, many times I've had people walk up to my car, and pound on the window yelling at me for parking in a disabled space. Just because I was young, they thought I couldn't have been disabled. And, I've had people park right behind my car, watch me walk, and once a woman actually followed me in the store to make sure I limped the whole time.

 

There's nothing you can do with the rude ones. I've faced them almost my entire life, from elementary school on up. Unfortunately, it's just the way the world is. But, I have said a few times, to the really rude ones, "I hope neither you nor anyone in your family has to be in a wheelchair in the future, and I hope that if you do find yourself in a wheelchair, you meet people who are as rude as you've been to me". Boy, that shuts them up.

[LuckyBird]

As a person who has dealt with a mobility problem my whole life (I was born with CP) I have seen it all. One of the worst times was while at an amusment park, I had rented a wheelchair because a lot of walking wears me out, and I had recently had minor foot surgery. It was one of the worst accessibility experiences I had ever had. We asked when renting the chair what the procedures were for lines and things, and were told to go the exit of the ride and we would be put on the ride. At almost every ride, we had to explain to the staff what we were doing there, some even had to call the "boss" to verify the procedure. After several instances of this and nasty looks and comments I had reached the end of my patience. When one "lady" made a very loud comment about me cutting in line, and maybe she should get a wheelchair so she didn't have to wait in line also, and just kept going on and on, I lost it. I looked up at her, and told her I would be happy to trade places with her, she could have my wheelchair, my bad foot, and my legs that didn't work correctly and then she could put up with rude people like her.

[Starr Mtn]

Hope this reaches you, Kitty.

 

Please see my response re renting a scooter.

 

Truly feel you will enjoy your cruise experience

renting a power wheelchair !

[leoandhugh]

we have found one way to deal with the elevator problem and overcrowding is to go in the opposite direction from most of the traffic. If most people are going down to the dining room, we, with wheelchair and/or scooter, go up to the top and then come down. As for rude people, there is nothing to be gained by challenging them and their attitude; that is the way they are and nothing you say or do is going to change that and may just lead to further unpleasantness. Life is too short with enough problems to let them get under our skin:)

[ILoveScotland]

DH and I have been fortunate so far. We were in Rome for 4 days in October and used a wheelchair. Maybe people felt sorry for me pushing my aging husband, but sometimes I got more offers of help than I could accept. Still I was impressed by the courtesy of people.

 

Then we boarded the Galaxy where we rented a scooter for DH, and people were just great. I was probably the one being rude to him because I was convinced he was going to run over someone. :D

 

We did mostly private tours and one ship's excursion. Again the other passengers on the tours with us were wonderful.

 

Hugh, I do like your idea about going in the opposite direction on an elevator. I'll try that next month when we go to the Southern Caribbean.

[LambKnuckles]

Like many others, I run a block for Mom. She has a powerchair and if no one lets her on or they just keep walking in front of her, I'll say "Here, let me block traffic for you, come on now!" in a loud, firm voice. I'll do that for anyone who's having problems with 'traffic.'

 

Now, when Mom runs over my toes, I tend to yell louder... and use different words... :p

LK

[Sashalanda]

My husband is able bodied and occ loses his subtly too so don't feel bad.

I have been fortunate on cruises but have absolute horror stories of our local walmart. I just have my say when they run me over. I only use my wc for long distances or cruises. Cruises because my problem is neuropathy both legs and arms. My balance is horrid on solid ground so you can imagine on a boat. I want to try it with my cane on calm days but my over protective husband wont have it. He makes jokes as he guides me thro the ship. I think he likes pushing me around cause it gives him an icebreaker. He is shy..I am not. I get the looks being that I got disabled in 2003 at ripe age of 45. Mostly just elderly ppl. They give me mean looks like I should get up and let them use my chair lol. Could just be they dont like my perfume or me in general and nothing to do with my chair though lol. I don't usually get fussed about it..just handicap parking. I rage on that one. That whole system is so abused and our local police wont do anything about it. They dont get the money from the tickets..the state does in our state so of course they dont bother.:mad:

[Hebe]

We just got back from a Celebrity TA and I must say people were very good with the elevator. In fact, we had people who got off just to let us get in. Sometimes people whould come up and then say -- let's walk -- it is only a few floors. It also could be the age of the passingers and we had less than 10 kids on the entire ship.

 

There are times the elevators are full -- like dinner time when everyone is trying to get to one spot but we just learn to ride the opposite way and then back up/down.

 

Now, to the scooter people. We also had an out of control scooter rider who would run you down. I wanted to stop her a few times and tell her slow down before she hurts people. The other complaint I had was scooter people who would go to the shows and park their scooter in the only spots where the manual wheelchairs could be parked. They park them there and then walk down to a seat. It would have taken only a few more steps to park it at the side and let the manual chairs have the space.

 

The ship we were on only had 6 wheelchair rooms and I must say -- we were the only room that had a wheelchair user in the room.

 

While we were in all docked ports, we did have one set of ramps which were really two sets of steps (about 8 to each flight). While I was concerned, four men did carry the wheelchair up both sets of steps.

[daveco58]

We just got back from a Celebrity TA and I must say people were very good with the elevator. In fact, we had people who got off just to let us get in. Sometimes people whould come up and then say -- let's walk -- it is only a few floors. It also could be the age of the passingers and we had less than 10 kids on the entire ship.

 

There are times the elevators are full -- like dinner time when everyone is trying to get to one spot but we just learn to ride the opposite way and then back up/down.

 

Now, to the scooter people. We also had an out of control scooter rider who would run you down. I wanted to stop her a few times and tell her slow down before she hurts people. The other complaint I had was scooter people who would go to the shows and park their scooter in the only spots where the manual wheelchairs could be parked. They park them there and then walk down to a seat. It would have taken only a few more steps to park it at the side and let the manual chairs have the space.

 

The ship we were on only had 6 wheelchair rooms and I must say -- we were the only room that had a wheelchair user in the room.

 

While we were in all docked ports, we did have one set of ramps which were really two sets of steps (about 8 to each flight). While I was concerned, four men did carry the wheelchair up both sets of steps.

 

I have run into this parking the wheelchair behavior on ocassion. My solution is usually to move the offending wheelchair/scooter into the middle of the aisle, and push my brother into the spot. Then I watch and laugh as the rude jerk retrieves their chair, while apologizing to all the people trying to get around it.

As far as elevators, I really don't recall many problems, but when I have, shaming people usually works.:cool:

[franu]

I feel uncomfortable about the term AB being attached to anyone not using a type of mobility aid. Some of the people that are being judged have invisible disabilities.

 

I can walk short distances but not always. I will sit down and wait for the elevator to be clear or the line to be gone so that I may proceed. I will do this even though it may take 2 hours. Standing for more than about three minutes is very difficult. I can't do shopping unless the riding cart is available but to look at me you would never believe that anything was wrong and that maybe I am just lazy.

 

Please don't assume that everyone standing is AB.

Fran