How do you deal with rude people?

[cruisindarryl]

Wow, I really didn't expect such a response. I was more or less being, or trying to be, humorous and as I stated, most of the time we just smile.

 

I guess my reaction stems from our first cruise on the SS Oceanic when elevators were few and very small. We would wait for the next one, and the next one and the next one... once, 8 times the elevator opened up and no room for my sis. This was when you couldn't get to the dining room without going 'up and over' using the elevator. Now, there are plenty of them and they are huge. Besides that was over 20 years ago... so i need to get over it.

 

I do understand what you all are saying and I thank you for readjusting my outlook on it. Also, I realize that people here do not know that I am one of the most easy going people there is and most things i spout are satirical and to be taken with a huge grain of salt. That aside..I guess I am so protective of her that it comes out in ways that I need to watch.

 

I will still always get off the elevator if someone else with a WC, walker or stroller needs it, just like I give up my seat on the bus when someone needs it but I will not make those comments anymore. That will probably please my sister as well.

 

That's why I love this board....feedback!

 

Thanks again and y'all take care

 

=CD=

[TheDMan]

I would like to add my .02. My fiance and I are both little people. And we both use scooters for long distances. I heard it said once that being an "LP" is like being born a celebrity without the money. There is not a day goes by or anyplace that we go, that we are not stared at. On most days it really doesn't faze us but sometimes if the person just will not stop staring or there are comments, then we may say something. Most times though we just smile and say hello.

 

I really haven't had any rude behavior as for as elevators go on cruise ships. Most people that I've encountered will step aside and let us through.

[roselea]

Because of his stroke, my husband lost his eye sight on the right side of both eyes. If he pays attention, he doesn't have a problem when in a scooter, but if he gets distracted, he might not watch where he's going. So, I usually walk in front of the scooter saying "excuse us please" and people usually move their legs so he won't run over them. His subtleness has also left him since his stroke. Recently when we were in Aruba at the beach, he was walking by a well developed young lady who was sunbathing. He stopped and said quite loudly, "Wow!" The men around broke out laughing but I tried to hurry him on. We all have to laugh at different situations.

I can identify with is! My husband had a retinal hemorrhaege and lost the sight in one eye due to TIAs. I have to watch he doesn't run into folks or furniture that are on his blind side. He is also inclined to voice thoughts that might better be kept to himself! I just say that he has minor brain damage due to by-pass surgery and express the hope that the recipient of his remark will be lucky enough to live to a ripe old age in good health.

Judy

[Red-Bird]

We aren't going to change rude people...but we should be careful we don't change into rude people.

 

Roz

 

I do so agree with you

[WEELYNCRUZER]

I find that the elevators are full at dinner time. We try and book a room on the same deck. That eliminates the problem. If thats not possible we get there a few minutes late and the crowd is gone. I have found the best way to ruin a vacation is to sress out over something that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Most people are actually very considerate when given a chance. On a ship or in a shopping center people are basically kind. Make sure and thank them.

[karenem]

Thanks, everyone, for the education. (I'm AB but read a lot.) I'll definitely be talking with my kids before our cruise to avoid some embarrassing gaffes. They're 3 and 5 (and 13, but I'm not worried about him!), and haven't had much exposure to people with walkers/wheelchairs, etc.

[phatmatt]

I have nerve damage and some muscle issues that required the use of a wheelchair during the time I was looking at graduate schools. While taking tours of various universities, I was shocked by the number of people who would stand directly in front of me during the tour so all I could see was their bottoms.

 

Since I've regained most of my mobility, I've tried to be more aware of whether I'm blocking the view of someone who is seeing things from a lower perspective, but I never did figure out how to politely tell people that I'd rather see the sights of the tour than get an up-close-and-personal view of their rears. Coughing and/or and saying a polite excuse me did little to nothing, and my mom (who was pushing my w/c) was hard pressed to resist running my footrests into their ankles to push them out of their way. Is there a nice way to say, nice bum, but can you shake it a bit to the left?

[Moeve]

Just gotten off the Jewel and have a little story for you...... it is n't always the AB who are rude and disrespectful.The Jewel has most of its elevators at mid ships. We (my folks are over 60 and even if they don't need any aids yet - they are showing a few signs of age - so walking 6 decks is not really relaxing) got in on Deck 11 and were heading for Deck 5. The elevator stoped on deck 8 and I could see this woman in a WC waiting for the elevator. Now since becoming more aware of the problems facing wc passengers I do try to be helpful. I turned around to tell my folks to go on I would walk and meet them there. I then turned around and told the woman I would get off and make space for her..... You should have seen my face when I heard her comment - my jaw just dropped!! You bl***y right you are getting off - you can walk!!! It was said in such a nasty way - I was in such shock I thought I had misheard her. However the older gentleman who got off with me mumbled something about miserable B***h - I figured I had heard right.

 

Fortunately this was only a 4 day cruise with 1 day left of it - but I ended up actually actively looking around to avoid this woman. Gee that doesn't really help make AB more comfortable or willing to help. I hope she never has to rely on the help of fellow cruisers with that attitude.

[ash4020]

The elevator stoped on deck 8 and I could see this woman in a WC waiting for the elevator. Now since becoming more aware of the problems facing wc passengers I do try to be helpful. I turned around to tell my folks to go on I would walk and meet them there. I then turned around and told the woman I would get off and make space for her..... You should have seen my face when I heard her comment - my jaw just dropped!! You bl***y right you are getting off - you can walk!!! It was said in such a nasty way - I was in such shock I thought I had misheard her. However the older gentleman who got off with me mumbled something about miserable B***h - I figured I had heard right.

 

:eek: :eek: :mad: :mad:

I'm usually the first one off an elevator if a HC people needs one. I have back and slight nerve problems that make walking more than one flight of stairs tetious, so I know how nice elevators are to use. Luckily, I am still able to walk stairs. You did NOT have to get off the elevator, but instead was doing it to be nice and she says THAT to you? I don't care if you are HC, AB, blind, deaf, green or purple, manners are manners and should be shown by everyone! I understand she may have been waiting for a while to get on the elevator, but to be so rude to someone who was making an effort to be nice to you is appalling. I'm sorry, but if that had been me, I would have turned around and got back on the elevator and told her that she could continue to wait until her attitude improved.

[ash4020]

Is there a nice way to say, nice bum, but can you shake it a bit to the left?

 

I think Miss Manners would say that was appropriate. ;)

[ZellaLamb]

Is there a nice way to say, nice bum, but can you shake it a bit to the left?

 

Oh yes, this is a major problem for me. Where ever we go where there might be a crowd, I resign myself to a bums view. Baseball games? Forget it. Everyone stands when they are excited. Concerts? Why do folks even buy a seat when they never use it? I can bring my scooter right up front where I can't imagine anyone getting in front of me, but sure enough, someone will step right up. I never know quite what to say. I've tried excuse me, tapping them on the back, even running right up the ankles. I've even thought about lighting their shirt tails on fire. Ah well. Now I just avoid crowds. To be fair, most people will move if asked. I just have a really hard time asking.

[Quampapetet]

I understand she may have been waiting for a while to get on the elevator, but to be so rude to someone who was making an effort to be nice to you is appalling. I'm sorry, but if that had been me, I would have turned around and got back on the elevator and told her that she could continue to wait until her attitude improved.

 

Seriously. Elevators are not ONLY for people who cannot walk, which sounds like what she was inferring.

[Quampapetet]

Where ever we go where there might be a crowd, I resign myself to a bums view. Baseball games? Forget it. Everyone stands when they are excited.

 

I'm not in a wheelchair, but I have mobility and lethargy problems so I don't stand at ball games. The other day, the woman diagonally in front of me and her hubby/boyfriend in front of me stood up at one point when something exciting happened. Then she realized I prob'ly wasn't going to stand up (she'd seen my service dog at my feet), so she sat down and told her hubby/boyfriend to sit down, too. I thought that was so nice! :)

[suvicki]

My hubby went to a rock concert, with my daughters a while ago. He was given a great place sit in his wheelchair and the bouncer moved anyone who stood infront of my hubby to make sure he go a great view.

[sometimes_cruiser]

I'm shocked at some people's behavior. My dad has had 2 strokes and would be so upset if someone disrespected him in these ways.

 

I have to say, though, that just because someone looks AB'ed, doesn't mean they are. For instance, I have sciatica and having a bad flare up for a month or so now. I'm leaving for my honeymoon cruise this Friday, and now I will be in a lot of pain at times, and eager to get back to my room to lay down (the only time I can get comfortable).

 

The last time I cruised I was completely AB and most of the time, took the stairs.

[bktx1]

I have problems with sciatica too, compounded by a ruptured vertebrae. I have started doing abdominal exercises, like situps, crunches and also lunges, and they really help in controlling the pain. Yoga helps too, but I don't have the patience for that.:rolleyes:

[ash4020]

I have problems with sciatica too, compounded by a ruptured vertebrae. I have started doing abdominal exercises, like situps, crunches and also lunges, and they really help in controlling the pain. Yoga helps too, but I don't have the patience for that.:rolleyes:

 

Three bulging disc and degenerative disc disease here. I have sciatica in both legs as well as leg numbness and hip pain. I went through three weeks of PT and it has helped so much. I can honestly said it was worth it and has changed my life. I haven't taken a pain pill or muscle relaxer in over a month. So if you are having problems, it might be an option worth looking into sometimes_cruiser.

[grandmaR]

I am not really disabled, or at least I try not to be. I'm overweight, and I have nerve pain and arthritis, but I can walk maybe half a mile. I can do 15 minutes on a treadmill at a pretty brisk pace. What I can NOT do is stand for more than about 3 minutes without being in terrible pain. There's a lot of standing on cruises. So I carry a cane with a seat, and when I have to stand in line to board the boat or for dinner or whatever, I sit on the cane seat.

 

I've never asked for a wheelchair, but sometimes people seem to think I need one. I was trying to check in for a flight at the Madrid airport, and we were standing (or rather I was sitting) in a long line. The ladies keeping people in line came and asked me if I wanted a wheelchair, and I declined. A little later she came and asked again, so I said OK. We were over 2 hours early for our flight and even with the wheelchair and going to the front of the lines, it still took us 45 minutes to get from where we were in line to the gate.

 

But when it came time to get on the plane, the wheelchair lady pushed me down to the door of the plane, and then I got up to walk onto the plane. There were three other people there. A man and woman and someone who was probably the woman's mother in a wheelchair. And the woman looked at me in a nasty way and made some remark about "people who don't need it getting.." I didn't quite hear what she thought hat I was getting (because I'm a little bit deaf too). I didn't know how to respond, so I ignored her. I didn't ASK for the wheelchair after all.

 

My mother walked with a cane also and sometimes at places like Disney she'd get a scooter. I went on a trip to Spain with her when she was 83 years old, and she had a heavy metal folding cane. We took a side trip to Segovia and we had lunch and were walking back to the bus when we were accosted by gypsies. They had tablecloths they were selling draped over their shoulders to conceal their hands and one of the girls in our group had her AmExp card stolen. My mom had lost her change purse to a pick pocket in a bookstore several days before, and we knew that we had to be on guard. So my mom strode down the center of the street, with a straight outstretched arm swinging her heavy metal cane in an 180 degree arc around her, and saying NO NO NO with every step. SHE didn't lose anything. They backed off from her.

 

Another somewhat interesting story - we were staying in a condo in NC in late February and we came back from dinner and saw this fat guy and 4 bags was/were lying in the area at the bottom of the ramp up to the stairs. I think he had tripped on a little lip of the sidewalk that was about 2".

 

We walked over to where he was lying - I had my cell phone out in case of a trap, and Bob asked him if he was OK and could he get up and should we call 911. He said not to call 911, but he couldn't get up. So Bob tried to help him without success but he was too heavy.

 

I walked around and looked at the situation and than told him firmly "You need to get up on your knees", and then I helped Bob to get him up to his knees. Then I said firmly, "Now one foot", and he did that, and from there with him pushing on one foot and us lifting he was able to get up. He asked me if I was a nurse. I said, No, but I'm fat and have trouble getting up too.

 

He said he had tried to take too much stuff to his room (which was on the THIRD floor) and he would put his bags back in the car and just take up what he needed for the night. I think he had some kind of sleep apnea machine.

[malvasia]

My husband and I will be cruising RT from Seattle to Alaska in September. I have a type of muscular dystrophy that affects both my muscles and my heart. While I am able to get around without a cane in my home, I need to use a cane and/or my husband's arm when we go out. I only use HC parking if there aren't any regular spots nearby, or if the ground is sloped, as I never want to take up a space that someone with more mobility issues might need. This will be our third cruise, and I have never asked for a handicapped room in the past, but I am wondering if it would be reasonable to ask Princess to put me in one if that cabin was not needed by someone more severely disabled. I have trouble stepping up into the bathroom (which was the design on both of our previous cruises), and could really use the handrails for getting off of the toilet and for using the shower. To my knowledge, there are no cabins available for those of us who don't need the extra room, but could really benefit from some simple modifications. What are your thoughts?

 

I am 49 years old, and don't "look" disabled, whatever that means, that is until you see me walking slowly and struggling to catch my breath. If there is one thing that has become crystal clear to me since my disease set in, it is that you should never judge a book by it's cover. I too have had a few people glare at me during the rare times that I use my HC placard. I have also heard people comment when I have used the early boarding and need assistance call for flights. I rarely get half way to the plane before people are crowding past me. I do not want to use a WC except under extreme conditions, as my limited muscle strength will only deteriorate once I stop walking, but I am considering borrowing a light-weight travel chair to get around while we are in port. I was exhausted after our last trip.

 

Thanks in advance for your help and for listening to my gripes. I am so lucky to be alive that I feel somewhat guilty for even voicing my concerns.

[grandmaR]

I was given a handicapped room on my last cruise. I didn't ask for it, so I can only assume that it was available and not needed for anyone else. I appreciated being able to sit in the shower.

 

I have heard of people requesting the handicapped rooms who were not handicapped so that they would have the extra room, and making someone who really needed a chair not be able to get their chair in to recharge the batteries. So I felt really guilty that I had this big room. But I didn't ask for it, and I guess someone had to be there so it might as well be me if no one else needed it.

[skf]

Just gotten off the Jewel and have a little story for you...... it is n't always the AB who are rude and disrespectful.The Jewel has most of its elevators at mid ships. We (my folks are over 60 and even if they don't need any aids yet - they are showing a few signs of age - so walking 6 decks is not really relaxing) got in on Deck 11 and were heading for Deck 5. The elevator stoped on deck 8 and I could see this woman in a WC waiting for the elevator. Now since becoming more aware of the problems facing wc passengers I do try to be helpful. I turned around to tell my folks to go on I would walk and meet them there. I then turned around and told the woman I would get off and make space for her..... You should have seen my face when I heard her comment - my jaw just dropped!! You bl***y right you are getting off - you can walk!!! It was said in such a nasty way - I was in such shock I thought I had misheard her. However the older gentleman who got off with me mumbled something about miserable B***h - I figured I had heard right.

 

Fortunately this was only a 4 day cruise with 1 day left of it - but I ended up actually actively looking around to avoid this woman. Gee that doesn't really help make AB more comfortable or willing to help. I hope she never has to rely on the help of fellow cruisers with that attitude.

I would have said something even ruder than her & left without her.

[Moeve]

I was just so completely "HUH" that I just couldn't say anything - as I said at first I thought I had misunderstood her but the elderly gent who got off with me had the right words for her - that is when I realized I HAD heard correctly but ALSO understood correctly.

 

I pleaded "bad hair day" for her but I did find myself avoiding her for the rest of the cruise. I really didn't fancy another confrontation.

[whimseydeedoodah]

My husband and I will be cruising RT from Seattle to Alaska in September. I have a type of muscular dystrophy that affects both my muscles and my heart. While I am able to get around without a cane in my home, I need to use a cane and/or my husband's arm when we go out. I only use HC parking if there aren't any regular spots nearby, or if the ground is sloped, as I never want to take up a space that someone with more mobility issues might need. This will be our third cruise, and I have never asked for a handicapped room in the past, but I am wondering if it would be reasonable to ask Princess to put me in one if that cabin was not needed by someone more severely disabled. I have trouble stepping up into the bathroom (which was the design on both of our previous cruises), and could really use the handrails for getting off of the toilet and for using the shower. To my knowledge, there are no cabins available for those of us who don't need the extra room, but could really benefit from some simple modifications. What are your thoughts?

 

I am 49 years old, and don't "look" disabled, whatever that means, that is until you see me walking slowly and struggling to catch my breath. If there is one thing that has become crystal clear to me since my disease set in, it is that you should never judge a book by it's cover. I too have had a few people glare at me during the rare times that I use my HC placard. I have also heard people comment when I have used the early boarding and need assistance call for flights. I rarely get half way to the plane before people are crowding past me. I do not want to use a WC except under extreme conditions, as my limited muscle strength will only deteriorate once I stop walking, but I am considering borrowing a light-weight travel chair to get around while we are in port. I was exhausted after our last trip.

 

Thanks in advance for your help and for listening to my gripes. I am so lucky to be alive that I feel somewhat guilty for even voicing my concerns.

 

I've been where you are now. I have FSH muscular dystrophy and I can no longer stand or walk without being a danger to myself or others:o I can still transfer pretty well but need to be holding on to something when I do. I use an office chair to scoot around the house so that I can keep the functioning muscles in some semblance of working order.

I would advise you to request an accessible room and to seriously consider the use of a manual or electric scooter or chair. Trying to negotiate the bathroom lip or toilet without grab bars could easily result in a fall and you truly don't want that. Use of a chair or scooter will maximize your enjoyment of both the ship and the ports. Trying to enjoy anything when your legs are shaking and you're struggling for breath is impossible.

I understand your determination to use what you've got until it's gone but the purpose of a cruise is enjoyment and a break from the "everyday".

Please don't think that I am advocating use of an accessible room only to make things easier, I'm not. Like you, I rarely used my placard if I could park fairly close to my objective. Now that I use a scooter we tend to park further away because the scooter unloads from the back and we don't need the extra room of a for van use accessible parking space. The use of an accessible room would not just make things easier for you, it would provide a measure of safety.

I admire and respect your attitude and outlook. For me, things could be so much worse. I didn't get up this morning and walk to the bathroom or stand up to take a shower. But the lights came on when I hit the switch. I made coffee with clean water that came from the faucet. There is food in the refrigerator and pantry. No one shot at me or tried to harm me because of my beliefs or something I said. So even if my legs are pretty much for decorative purposes only, I still have it pretty darn sweet and I'm grateful.

Hope you have a grand time on your Alaskan adventure and hang in there!

[shipcutie]

Whimsey- I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful attitude. It is very easy to forget that there are people worse off then you and it is very easy to start feeling sorry for yourself when you have a disability.

 

I too felt like I should be leaving the accessible rooms for someone who needed it more and I did fine with the regular rooms until I hurt my arthritic knee on a tour bus. While they seem to be able to provide assistance ( shower seat, raised toilet seat, grab bars), they could not do much about that step into the washroom. As I could no longer weight bear on my knee for the next three weeks, I had to use a bed pan. This was not much fun for my companion. :eek: I think that sometimes we do have to think of ourselves ( and those traveling with us) and what would make our vacation more pleasant. Malvasia, I would not hesitate to ask about an accessible room and also make use of a wheelchair if you need it. I think you will enjoy your trip a lot more if you are comfortable and not so tired. I too make use of a wheelchair when I am in public, because I cannot walk long distances.

[malvasia]

Thanks Whimsey and Shipcutie. I really appreciate your input. We are already booked into a regular inside cabin (enjoyed the balcony rooms we had the last two times, but just can't afford it this time), so I will contact Princess to see if they can move us. My guess is that they will already be reserved, but you never know!

 

I do have another question for you folks. From our last two trips to Alaska, I know that the change in the tides can really make a difference on the steepness of the gangplank. I was able to slowly pull myself up the last time, but with great difficulty, especially when the gangplank turned into stairs. I noticed that the crew was using a lower deck to disembark. Do you know if it is possible for passengers with mobility problems to use that exit? I have a pacemaker/defibrillator, so I can't go through the metal detector anyway. I may bring a wheelchair to use when leaving the ship, but if we won't be doing much walking, it would be nice to just use my cane to get around.

 

I agree with both of you that a positive attitude is the key to happiness. We have so much to be thankful for, even if life does throw a few speedbumps in our path. I mean, after all, how bad can life be if we can all manage to go on a cruise now and then?

 

All the best,

Malvasia