What would you have done?

[juanarcin]

I am preparing for my second cruise in October with my girlfriend and a friend (both are first time cruisers). We're all very excited and we end up discussing our trip all the time, and from that comes stories and suggestions based on my first cruise. Yesterday while discussing these stories I was reminded of an incident I had happen during that cruise and I'm curious how more experienced cruisers would correctly handle this?

 

Let me start by saying that originally it was supposed to be me and my ex-fiance going on that cruise, but things went sour about 4-5 months before the cruise. Not being in the "partying" mood I decided taking a friend in her place might be a bit of a downer on their end. I obviously didnt have another woman to take (nor did I want one at that point of my life), so I decided to give the ticket to my 17 year old brother (I am 31). We dont spend a lot of time together so it was a great way to spend time and get to know each other on a deeper level. One night after about a week of cruising we had our first real "connection". We had been having great times every night but always in a very light hearted environment. On this night we were out late and returned to our room around 3am. We had been discussing some pretty heavy topics (family, life goals, etc). Basically I finally made that connection I wanted to make with him. We sat on our balcony and were having one of the deepest moments we've ever had when suddenly out of nowhere from th room next door we heard "Can you two shut up!"

 

We obviously woke up our next door neighbors, who I guess slept with the balcony door open. I guess thats their choice, I mean if they like to sleep with the noise of the ocean then good for them haha, but in my opinion they should also realize that other noises might come with it. From my point of view, I paid just as much as them and if I decide to enjoy my balcony at 3 or 4 am then I should have the ability to do so. anyway, Being with my brother and trying to set an example, I just left it at that...appologized and called it a night. However it bothered me. and I know if I were with friends or anyone else I would have probably asked them to report us to security if they had an issue with our noise level and let them sort it out. Also I might add that we werent being loud. no music or anything like that. and at that time of night out in the middle of the ocean, you tend to whisper...or is it just me? lol, anyway I'm curious if I was in the wrong and more importantly how would you have handled this?

[indigosails]

That's unfortunate. Yes, you have the right to enjoy your conversation. But it was 3AM, long past the "usual after-hours quiet time," and I'm sure your neighbors felt they had the right to their sleep. I would have gone inside and closed the door. Or gone to a deck in the aft and continued the conversation.

[paul929207]

If the neighbors had the door open, I would tell them to close it.

[dread_pirate]

I would have done exactly what you did - apologized and gone inside, no matter who I was with. It was 3 AM.

 

You also assume that your neighbors slept with the balcony doors open. Not necessarily so. At 3 AM, particularly if there was any alcohol involved, few people realize how loud they sound. I am a light sleeper, and often hear people talking loudly with windows and doors closed.

 

Yes, you paid for your balcony. Other guests also paid to use the hallways. How would you have felt if your neighbors held a party in the hallway?

 

Common courtesy goes a long way.

 

By the way, if you want to be a "role model" and teach your little brother, why do you want to teach him lessons that you yourself would not abide by were you with anyone else? If it's the right thing to teach your little brother, then it's the right thing to do. Period.

 

And I believe you know it.

[calliopecruiser]

If it was just a conversation (i.e. no loud laughter, no music), I would have ignored them and continued my conversation. I would not have stopped and gone inside, but I also wouldn't have said anything to them. If they wanted to pursue what they saw as a problem,then they would be free to do so.

 

Now, if they'd gotten up, come outside and spoke to me personally, I would probably have apologized and continued my conversation inside.....But being shouted at by a stranger to "shut up"? Nope, that won't get any apologies or spur me to change what I think is acceptable behaviour.

[sail7seas]

Iwould have taken the conversation inside.

Given the late hour, I would not feel it appropriate to be bothering neighbors trying to sleep. They probably could have handled it more tactfully/gracefully but nevertheless, you were disturbing them and IMO it would be a good choice to go into your cabin to continue your chat.

 

[jamessemaj]

I would have done exactly what you did - apologized and gone inside, no matter who I was with. It was 3 AM.

 

You also assume that your neighbors slept with the balcony doors open. Not necessarily so. At 3 AM, particularly if there was any alcohol involved, few people realize how loud they sound. I am a light sleeper, and often hear people talking loudly with windows and doors closed.

 

Yes, you paid for your balcony. Other guests also paid to use the hallways. How would you have felt if your neighbors held a party in the hallway?

 

Common courtesy goes a long way.

 

By the way, if you want to be a "role model" and teach your little brother, why do you want to teach him lessons that you yourself would not abide by were you with anyone else? If it's the right thing to teach your little brother, then it's the right thing to do. Period.

 

And I believe you know it.

 

I agree and couldn't have said it better. The action he took was the proper thing to do. The alternatives he considers are wrong.

[juanarcin]

I would have done exactly what you did - apologized and gone inside, no matter who I was with. It was 3 AM.

 

You also assume that your neighbors slept with the balcony doors open. Not necessarily so. At 3 AM, particularly if there was any alcohol involved, few people realize how loud they sound. I am a light sleeper, and often hear people talking loudly with windows and doors closed.

 

Yes, you paid for your balcony. Other guests also paid to use the hallways. How would you have felt if your neighbors held a party in the hallway?

 

Common courtesy goes a long way.

 

By the way, if you want to be a "role model" and teach your little brother, why do you want to teach him lessons that you yourself would not abide by were you with anyone else? If it's the right thing to teach your little brother, then it's the right thing to do. Period.

 

And I believe you know it.

 

Alcohol was not involved, not sure where you got this from...it wasn't mentioned in my post. As far as noise goes, It was my first cruise so im not familiar with most ships balcony structures, but the ones on this particular ship (Mariner on rcc) was pretty sound proof. Of course you can exagerate the noise and disprove how sound proof they are, but I believe it would keep out a reasonable amount of noise. I actually feel that the noise through the walls would be louder than from balcony...if the door was closed.

 

On a sidenote, I'm on vacation. If I want to stay up til 3am talking then I dont feel anyone should tell me I cant. or where i can and cant as long as i am in the room i rented (not the hallway as that is community space). I feel as long as I am not interupting anyone then I should be allowed to talk...in this case yes someone was interupted. however what I dont agree with is that they were interupted because they chose to have their balcony door open. It could have been resolved by closing it and would have made more sense than shouting at me to shut up. By the way, my alternative of having them call security was not meant as a retaliation or me trying to give a "what are you gonna do about it" type of attitude, but rather a way of having someone with authority make a decision for us. We both felt we were in the right and that can go nowhere. Have someone else hear both sides and decide for us is all I was saying.

[zookiebird]

Sounds to me like they had their balcony door open. If so, I would have politely asked them to close their door since having it open can cause a lot of a/c problems.

[sail7seas]

Alcohol was not involved, not sure where you got this from...it wasn't mentioned in my post. As far as noise goes, It was my first cruise so im not familiar with most ships balcony structures, but the ones on this particular ship (Mariner on rcc) was pretty sound proof. Of course you can exagerate the noise and disprove how sound proof they are, but I believe it would keep out a reasonable amount of noise. I actually feel that the noise through the walls would be louder than from balcony...if the door was closed.

 

On a sidenote, I'm on vacation. If I want to stay up til 3am talking then I dont feel anyone should tell me I cant. or where i can and cant as long as i am in the room i rented (not the hallway as that is community space). I feel as long as I am not interupting anyone then I should be allowed to talk...in this case yes someone was interupted. however what I dont agree with is that they were interupted because they chose to have their balcony door open. It could have been resolved by closing it and would have made more sense than shouting at me to shut up. By the way, my alternative of having them call security was not meant as a retaliation or me trying to give a "what are you gonna do about it" type of attitude, but rather a way of having someone with authority make a decision for us. We both felt we were in the right and that can go nowhere. Have someone else hear both sides and decide for us is all I was saying.

 

 

 

YOu did ask our opinion.

It's fine you don't agree with it but you are the OP and asked. :cool:

 

 

(there is no such thing as a soundproof outdoor veranda on a cruise ship)

 

 

[boogs]

On a sidenote, I'm on vacation. If I want to stay up til 3am talking then I dont feel anyone should tell me I cant. or where i can and cant as long as i am in the room i rented (not the hallway as that is community space). I feel as long as I am not interupting anyone then I should be allowed to talk...in this case yes someone was interupted. however what I dont agree with is that they were interupted because they chose to have their balcony door open. It could have been resolved by closing it and would have made more sense than shouting at me to shut up. By the way, my alternative of having them call security was not meant as a retaliation or me trying to give a "what are you gonna do about it" type of attitude, but rather a way of having someone with authority make a decision for us. We both felt we were in the right and that can go nowhere. Have someone else hear both sides and decide for us is all I was saying.

 

So, how would you feel if you were in your bed at home trying to sleep on a warm night with the window open to get some cool air, and your neighbors were in their yard talking until 3 AM? Something tells my you'd be annoyed as well. Consideration for others should not be taking a vacation the same time you take yours.

[sail7seas]

Alcohol was not involved, not sure where you got this from...it wasn't mentioned in my post. As far as noise goes, It was my first cruise so im not familiar with most ships balcony structures, but the ones on this particular ship (Mariner on rcc) was pretty sound proof. Of course you can exagerate the noise and disprove how sound proof they are, but I believe it would keep out a reasonable amount of noise. I actually feel that the noise through the walls would be louder than from balcony...if the door was closed.

 

On a sidenote, I'm on vacation. If I want to stay up til 3am talking then I dont feel anyone should tell me I cant. or where i can and cant as long as i am in the room i rented (not the hallway as that is community space). I feel as long as I am not interupting anyone then I should be allowed to talk...in this case yes someone was interupted. however what I dont agree with is that they were interupted because they chose to have their balcony door open. It could have been resolved by closing it and would have made more sense than shouting at me to shut up. By the way, my alternative of having them call security was not meant as a retaliation or me trying to give a "what are you gonna do about it" type of attitude, but rather a way of having someone with authority make a decision for us. We both felt we were in the right and that can go nowhere. Have someone else hear both sides and decide for us is all I was saying.

 

 

 

IMO, the question is not if you CAN, it is if you should.

It isn't all about me, me, me when you are in a community setting.

It's about having manners and courtesy and consideration.

Were you out there at 7 P.M., I would agree more with you but not at 3 A.M.

 

The neighbors you were disturbing also paid for their cabin. And it was their vacation as well, not just you. They have a right to get a night's sleep.

 

You had a perfectly convenient place to continue your conversation just a few footsteps away.

Think of others when making your choices.

IMO

 

[juanarcin]

I would also like to point out that yes, I did ask for your opinion and I greatly appreciate it. I hope I am not coming off as being defensive. Im far from it. I asked if I was in the wrong and according to many of you I was, I will gladly accept that. what i disagree with is being told that it was too late for me to be talking. I agree it was late…but im not in a prison where we have lights out. I thought I was keeping the noise level VERY reasonable. This is the only reason I feel I was in the right. I would not be defending myself if I were blasting music or sitting out there telling jokes in the middle of the night with everyone laughing. We were having a very quiet conversation about my brothers fears with moving onto college. And as far as being respectful, I think it goes both ways. meaning that even if I were in the wrong, yelling at me to shut up was not the best way to handle it. Either way I greatly appreciate your points of views. :)

[sail7seas]

I'm curious......

 

Please humor me. :)

How long ago was this cruise where you had this incident?

 

[juanarcin]

this was last october, Eastern Mediterranean. Not sure what you mean by humoring you...but i'll play along

[sail7seas]

I would also like to point out that yes, I did ask for your opinion and I greatly appreciate it. I hope I am not coming off as being defensive. Im far from it. I asked if I was in the wrong and according to many of you I was, I will gladly accept that. what i disagree with is being told that it was too late for me to be talking. I agree it was late…but im not in a prison where we have lights out. I thought I was keeping the noise level VERY reasonable. This is the only reason I feel I was in the right. I would not be defending myself if I were blasting music or sitting out there telling jokes in the middle of the night with everyone laughing. We were having a very quiet conversation about my brothers fears with moving onto college. And as far as being respectful, I think it goes both ways. meaning that even if I were in the wrong, yelling at me to shut up was not the best way to handle it. Either way I greatly appreciate your points of views. :)

 

 

 

I did say your neighbors could have handled the situation more tastefully/gracefully. ;)

 

[/b]

[calliopecruiser]

So, how would you feel if you were in your bed at home trying to sleep on a warm night with the window open to get some cool air, and your neighbors were in their yard talking until 3 AM?

 

I know this question wasn't to me, but I want to answer it because I think it speaks to a common idea: if you want to maximize your control over your environment, don't stay in a hotel (or cruise ship, or apartment, or condo) smack next to a bunch of other strangers. Stay in an isolated place where there's no one else around who might not do the same things you like/want to do at the same time and so won't be doing anything to disturb you. But if you want to share the amenities and cost benefits of staying close to a bunch of other people, understand you might have to put up with some perfectly ordinary things that you don't like or don't want, or when you don't like or want them. Someone having a conversation 20 feet away while you're trying to sleep is one of those things, in my opinion.

[uppitycats]

I think what you DID was the proper and only thing to do. Yes, it's "your vacation", yes, you thought you were being quiet, yes, they had their balcony door open, yes, they could have handled it better..

 

but you did the polite and graceful thing, and moved inside. Once inside you and your brother were still by yourselves...no reason you could not have continued your quiet conversation, was there?

[lady_cruiser]

I think the OP set a very good example for his younger brother by not starting a fight. I would say if they were walking down a street and was provoke by someone, so for no reason, then yes, defend yourself. But in this case, no, he did the right thing.

 

I also think that the person next door could have worded it a little different too. A simple "can you two please talk a little quieter, we are trying to sleep out here" would have been better said then a "shut up."

[aohkay]

The OP sounds a little confrontational IMO. But kudos for NOT taking it any further with security. You did the right thing to take your conversation inside; it's called being a good neighbour.

 

City by-laws, hotels, resorts etc. generally have a noise restriction after a certain hour.

 

I can't believe you've let this situation fester within for 7 months though...

[NoobCruise]

I would have gone inside. It was the polite thing to do. I think a simple test of what you should do, is ask yourself if the roles were reversed, how would you like to be treated? If I was trying to sleep and a neighbor was outside talking and keeping me awake, I would appreciate it if they would move the conversation inside.

 

However, after being told to "shut up", I can understand being annoyed and ignoring it. That was rude. Courtesy is often rewarded with courtesy, and so rudeness is also likely to be returned.

[jamessemaj]

I would have gone inside. It was the polite thing to do. I think a simple test of what you should do, is ask yourself if the roles were reversed, how would you like to be treated? If I was trying to sleep and a neighbor was outside talking and keeping me awake, I would appreciate it if they would move the conversation inside.

 

However, after being told to "shut up", I can understand being annoyed and ignoring it. That was rude. Courtesy is often rewarded with courtesy, and so rudeness is also likely to be returned.

 

I'm not religious, but do endorse some of the scriptures, such as the Golden Rule, whether you meant to refer to it or not.

[sail7seas]

this was last october, Eastern Mediterranean. Not sure what you mean by humoring you...but i'll play along

 

 

It is a common figure of speech. To ask one to 'humor you' is to request they have patience and to do something you request in order to make you happy......

 

Seven months is a long time to have been dwelling on this situation.

Hope our discussion here today has been useful in your putting it in perspective.

 

[Shorex]

I would have said, "Oh, I'm so sorry. We were so engrossed that we didn't realize we were disturbing your sleep. I apologize." And quietly slipped inside to continue the discussion in low voices.

 

Anything else escalates what could become a difficult situation. When the first "wrong" is mine, the first apology is also mine.

[luddite]

At 3 AM it was time to go inside and not make so much noise.

Or go to an outside deck area away from cabins and continue the conversation.