What would you have done?

[juanarcin]

It is a common figure of speech. To ask one to 'humor you' is to request they have patience and to do something you request in order to make you happy......

 

Seven months is a long time to have been dwelling on this situation.

Hope our discussion here today has been useful in your putting it in perspective.

 

 

Thanks for clearing that up, I had heard this term before but never gave it much thought. As far as the seven months, as I mentioned this came up as a result of discussing my previous cruise to the people I will be cruising with in a few months. Believe me I wouldnt dwell on it this long haha. It came up and we started comparing what the best way to handle it would have been so I got curious to bring it up here. And yes this conversation has shed some light on me. Good info to keep in mind for my next cruise. :)

[bplazo]

I think that the op handled it well because I am not sure that I would have gone back inside especially if they had their balcony door open. He has the right to sit on his balcony no matter what time it was. However, I would have made sure that I was not speaking loudly.

[fleckle]

.......On a sidenote, I'm on vacation. If I want to stay up til 3am talking then I dont feel anyone should tell me I cant. or where i can and cant as long as i am in the room i rented (not the hallway as that is community space).....

Would you feel that way if you had not been on a cruise ship but in your own apartment or hotel room?

 

If you are at home where you paid good money for your own condo or apartment or duplex, or even inside your own hotel room that you paid for, does that give you the right to make sounds that disturb nearby neighbors at 3 am as long as you stay within your own space?

 

The fallacy with this type of reasoning is that although you yourself are staying within the space you rented, your sounds are not confined to the space you rented but are invading the space of others.

 

I agree that you did the right thing by apologizing and going inside.

That is what most rational people would have done under the circumstances.

[Cruisin' Chick]

Sounds to me like they had their balcony door open. If so, I would have politely asked them to close their door since having it open can cause a lot of a/c problems.

 

I seem to remember seeing some posts in the past about passengers being called by the front desk and asked to close their balcony door as it's affecting the climate control. I've never had a balcony cabin so I don't know if there's some sign posted in these cabins.

 

I would have said, "Oh, I'm so sorry. We were so engrossed that we didn't realize we were disturbing your sleep. I apologize." And quietly slipped inside to continue the discussion in low voices.

 

Anything else escalates what could become a difficult situation. When the first "wrong" is mine, the first apology is also mine.

 

Whether or not, the neighbor's door was open or not, sitting and talking on one's balcony at 3am could be considered a nuisance, IMO. Many people really don't know how much their voices can carried (we have to keep telling our teen, who doesn't realize how much she projects -- must be all those vocal lessons). Maybe someone's a light sleeper (I'm the type who is and will wake up easily). And I can see someone waking up at 3am because people are gabbing outside their room could be terse and abrupt. Why fault them when it's your doing?

 

Some years ago, we were staying in Key West, post-cruise, but unfortunately during spring break. The college kids were up partying til early morning. Some were on the beach, but unfortunately a group of college kids were packed in one room, having a party around 3:30am. Had to call the front desk to complain -- we weren't about to confront them. About an hour before, our 3-yr-old had night terrors (that's when a toddler will start screaming, eyes open, but really asleep). The few times she had them at home was one thing, but we were worried that we would bother people in the rooms near us. So we swooped her up and took her for a walk near the beach (all of us in our jamas) -- which is why I knew there was a party at the beach. Since we didn't hear from anyone, we had to guess no one was in their room then or just soundly asleep.

 

We often do have our upstairs window open during the summer, rather than run the A/C (fortunately, if someone wants to break in, they'll have to be an incredibly good climber, but then I'll probably hear them in time to call 9-1-1;)), but our neighbor on that side is a cigar smoker and often goes outside for a smoke. But of course, just in the evening and not later on while we would be asleep.

 

So maybe if you or anyone else is up late at night and wants to be social, there is the pool area or lounges you can go to. In fact, on our last cruise, I was walking outside early one morning, and the teens were having a chat by the pool. Better there, than on a stairwell by cabins.

[bplazo]

I am remembering a few years ago we stayed in the Milan hotel in downtown San Juan and we had trouble sleeping because of all the sirens, partying, noisy people in the streets below. I would have liked to yell out the window to shut up but I just took a couple more sleeping pills.

[Oldgoat61]

You did the right thing, and you also set an example for your younger brother!

 

[navybankerteacher]

OP raised an interesting exercise in ethics. Assuming there was no shouting, he was making appropriate use of his balcony, even though it was past the time most people go to sleep. His neighbor had the right to a quiet night's sleep and could reasonably expect quiet fro his neighbors. The thing is complicated by the fact that the neighbor had his balcony door open, contrary to the request of the ship's owners: yes, he was entitled to quiet, but his leaving the door open was not like leaving a window open at home. The neighbor was clearly out of line in shouting "shut up" in a situation where his violation of ship's policy made the conversation audible; but the OP skowed class in deferring to the request. OP was put in a difficult situation, but handled it well -- while he could have maintained his right to use his balcony 24 hours a day, he recognized, better than his neighbor, the rights of others. That's what ethics is about: handling situations well, not necessarily winning.

[juliawinston]

If it was just a conversation (i.e. no loud laughter, no music), I would have ignored them and continued my conversation. I would not have stopped and gone inside, but I also wouldn't have said anything to them. If they wanted to pursue what they saw as a problem,then they would be free to do so.

 

Now, if they'd gotten up, come outside and spoke to me personally, I would probably have apologized and continued my conversation inside.....But being shouted at by a stranger to "shut up"? Nope, that won't get any apologies or spur me to change what I think is acceptable behaviour.

 

This. They handled the situation very rudely. As Dr. Phil says, "You teach people how to treat you." They would learn that they don't get me to do what they want by telling me to shut up.

[GORDONCHICK]

A little different perspective than the others I've read - this is a med cruise? Where the itineraries are usually very port intensive? Yep, I'd want my sleep too. Many view this type of cruise as "once in a lifetime" and to be too tired or sluggish to enjoy the day's port would upset me (as the cruiser in the other cabin).

 

I realize the OP wasn't out on the balcony with the intention of disturbing others, but most mature adults who are inadvertantly disturbing others make amends when this is pointed out to them - like the OP did. But now the OP has 2nd thoughts about acting like a mature adult? Seriously?''

 

OP - what you DID was right, what you thought you maybe should have done is not.

[Suitcasefull]

OP raised an interesting exercise in ethics. Assuming there was no shouting, he was making appropriate use of his balcony, even though it was past the time most people go to sleep. His neighbor had the right to a quiet night's sleep and could reasonably expect quiet fro his neighbors. The thing is complicated by the fact that the neighbor had his balcony door open, contrary to the request of the ship's owners: yes, he was entitled to quiet, but his leaving the door open was not like leaving a window open at home. The neighbor was clearly out of line in shouting "shut up" in a situation where his violation of ship's policy made the conversation audible; but the OP skowed class in deferring to the request. OP was put in a difficult situation, but handled it well -- while he could have maintained his right to use his balcony 24 hours a day, he recognized, better than his neighbor, the rights of others. That's what ethics is about: handling situations well, not necessarily winning.

 

Well said. As much as I would hate to be awakened by conversation, (and, true, the neighbor perhaps had no idea of the circumstances), remembering my most meaningful conversations when a teen were in the wee hours of the morning gives it a different twist. Any time a teen wants deep conversation, go for it! I'm glad you had this time with your brother and suspect it means more to him than you realize. Personally think you handled it well. Hope this cruise is a great one.

[sail7seas]

A little different perspective than the others I've read - this is a med cruise? Where the itineraries are usually very port intensive? Yep, I'd want my sleep too. Many view this type of cruise as "once in a lifetime" and to be too tired or sluggish to enjoy the day's port would upset me (as the cruiser in the other cabin).

 

I realize the OP wasn't out on the balcony with the intention of disturbing others, but most mature adults who are inadvertantly disturbing others make amends when this is pointed out to them - like the OP did. But now the OP has 2nd thoughts about acting like a mature adult? Seriously?''

 

OP - what you DID was right, what you thought you maybe should have done is not.

 

 

Thumbs up. I agree with it all.

[grand isle joe]

Good for you for connecting with your brother. Sometimes people go through life and towards the end they have "regrets" about wanting to grow closer to family members. :)

 

 

.............plus your not suppose to cruise with the doors open.....but I bet that was not the only rule your grouchy neighbor chose to violate. Hope you keep close to your brother and have many more great times.:)

 

 

 

 

p.s. was he/she a diamond?.....................:D

[circuitrider]

If you want to get a good night's sleep, close your balcony door. It's fine if you want to risk it, because you just love the sound of the ocean below. But if you can hear a quiet conversation, then just close your door. If sound carries so well...what if the OP also had HIS balcony door open, and was having a quiet conversation inside? In this situation, the OP was probably in the "least wrong", as he was actually using the balcony when the balcony door was open. Unless his neighbor was sleeping on the balcony I guess.

 

If you're a light sleeper, and will be in a motel/cruise ship/similar accommodation, bring earplugs. Lots of arguments can be prevented with a simple set of earplugs.

 

But...I would have done the same thing. I'm a pretty non-confrontational kinda guy.

[Nebr.cruiser]

I'm sorry this is apparently still bothering you, but you did the right thing. It is almost always better to err on the side of politeness and consideration than go the other way.

 

I agree that the neighbor could have asked you to quiet down much more tactfully, and I bet if he had you would not still be stewing about this.

 

Many times we don't realize just how loud we are when involved in a conversation or activity. It always sounds worse to an outsider. I'm not saying you were loud, I'm sure you weren't, but really, any outside noise at 3 AM could disturb someone in the close quarters of a ship.

 

Good for you for bonding with your brother and for handling this like a man and not a spoiled member of the Me generation.

[Happy ks]

I once lived in a condo that was right above the hot tub, spa, jacuzzi, whatever you want to call it. Thank goodness I was renting and easily got out of there. People just have no idea how loud they are talking when there is noise, such as the jets in a spa or the sounds of the ocean.

 

Many people are making the assumption the neighbors had the door open. What if they didn't? What if numerous people in adjacent cabins are being disturbed? How would the op feel, if after staying up until the wee hours, the neighbors decided to come out and talk loudly at 6 or 7 am?

 

The point is, we all have to be respectful of others. We use our balcony a lot, but never listen to music or talk loudly out there, even in the middle of the day.

 

So...I think both parties were in the wrong. The op for talking on the balcony at 3 am and the rude responders, they could have asked more politely. Next cruise, if you want to talk into the early morning hours, go to a public place away from where others are sleeping or in your cabin with the doors closed.

[ithaca gal]

I agree that the OP did the right thing at the right time.

 

Maybe the neighbor had the door open -- and you are not supposed to have it open. However, I feel that a person should be able to assume that no one is going to be having a conversation on an adjoining balcony at 3 a.m.

 

I agree that the neighbor could have been nicer about asking for quiet, but I'm guessing that they were lying there thinking that their neighbors would go inside at any moment and finally just lost it.

 

I don't know how I would have handled the same situation of hearing a chat at 3 a.m. -- hopefully a bit better -- but I do know I wouldn't chat on my balcony at that hour!

[euro cruiser]

The OP did the most he could do ... but he would have been perfectly within his rights to stay right where he was, continuing his conversation while ensuring that their vocal level was only loud enough to be heard by the two of them. Everyone with normal hearing is capable of doing this.

 

I'd bet that the neighbor had been laying there fuming for quite a while before they exploded; had they handled the situation more calmly when first disturbed (as in "hey guys, we're trying to sleep, could you keep it down please") the OP likely would have acted immediately and forgotten all about it.

 

The notion that any of us has purchased the right to perfection is ludicrous. We have chosen to vacation in a small, communal situation that comes with noises and all other kinds of inconveniences that happen when a lot of people are in a confined space. Everyone has to learn to give a little; in this case, the OP gave a lot. He took the high road and the neighbor should be ashamed of him/herself.

[euro cruiser]

As for the teachable moment with the younger brother, the OP did teach him a lesson about being considerate and polite. On the other hand, he taught him nothing about standing up to a bully.

 

I'd like to hope that had this happened to me I would have been calm enough to let it roll off my back at the moment, continued my conversation but at a very quiet level, and then followed up the next day either in person or with a note to the neighbor expressing my sincere apologies for disturbing them and suggesting that, in the future, they let me know immediately if I am doing something that is bothering them (rather than wait until they get out-of-control angry).

 

I'd like to hope that ... but when confronted by a bully it's not always easy to turn the other cheek.

[Donder1]

I also think that the person next door could have worded it a little different too. A simple "can you two please talk a little quieter, we are trying to sleep out here" would have been better said then a "shut up."

Well, they could have said worse. I'd be very annoyed hearing folks talking out on the balcony at 3 AM.

 

The way I see it, the whole boat is common space in a way. And, everyone vacationing likely wants to rest, have a good time, really just enjoy themselves.

If everyone truly understands that concept, then being considerate and having good manners will ensure all a great cruise. Sorry, I think that you were wrong in your assumption that it is OK to talk out on the balcony at 3 AM.

[euro cruiser]

What if the OP had been smoking on their balcony at 3 AM and the smoke drifting in through the neighbor's open door disturbed them? Would they have been wrong to be doing that, or would it have been okay since they would not have the option of going inside their cabin to smoke?

[dread_pirate]

I would also like to point out that yes, I did ask for your opinion and I greatly appreciate it. I hope I am not coming off as being defensive. Im far from it. I asked if I was in the wrong and according to many of you I was, I will gladly accept that. what i disagree with is being told that it was too late for me to be talking. I agree it was late…but im not in a prison where we have lights out. I thought I was keeping the noise level VERY reasonable. This is the only reason I feel I was in the right. I would not be defending myself if I were blasting music or sitting out there telling jokes in the middle of the night with everyone laughing. We were having a very quiet conversation about my brothers fears with moving onto college. And as far as being respectful, I think it goes both ways. meaning that even if I were in the wrong, yelling at me to shut up was not the best way to handle it. Either way I greatly appreciate your points of views. :)

 

When everything is dark and quiet, voices can cut through the air. People often don't realize how much and how far their voices carry, even if they believe they're speaking softly. (By the way, whispering carries further than speaking.)

 

That being said:

1) Yes, the neighbors were wrong if they had their balcony door open. However, this is simply the OP's assumption; as a light sleeper, I can tell you that it is quite possible that the door was closed.

 

2) Yes, the neighbor could have been more polite in asking you to keep it down.

 

3) In either case, you did the right thing.

 

Is it just the rudeness that disturbed you? If your neighbor had yelled, "Please keep it down - we're trying to sleep" would that have been OK, or would you still believe that you were in the right? Would your neighbor have had to get out of bed, put on a dressing gown or come out in pajamas to ask for quiet?

 

Since your position is that you're paying for your balcony, what difference does it make to you if you're talking quietly or holding a party at 3 AM? If you are able to do what you want on your balcony, then shouldn't you be able to do anything you want at any time?

 

Considerate is considerate.

 

I guess I'm not sure what your issue is.

[Happy ks]

What if the OP had been smoking on their balcony at 3 AM and the smoke drifting in through the neighbor's open door disturbed them? Would they have been wrong to be doing that, or would it have been okay since they would not have the option of going inside their cabin to smoke?

 

 

 

That happened to us on a cruise, a cool weather cruise when air conditioning was not on. The woman smoking at 2 am was within her rights as smoking on the balcony was allowed at that time. We know it was a woman because we could hear her hacking away. The smoke smell woke us from a dead sleep and permeated our cabin, we could still smell it the next evening after coming back from a shore excursion.

 

We simply closed our door after that night. It was lovely sleeping with the door open the first few nights, pity we couldn't do it the whole cruise. As long as it is allowed on the cruise ship you're on, there is really nothing you can do about it.

 

I have less sympathy for the people who just want to talk loud enough to be disruptive, you can do that in your cabin with the door closed.

[juanarcin]

Is it just the rudeness that disturbed you? If your neighbor had yelled, "Please keep it down - we're trying to sleep" would that have been OK, or would you still believe that you were in the right? Would your neighbor have had to get out of bed, put on a dressing gown or come out in pajamas to ask for quiet?

No need for them to come out, just a nicer way of asking would have been better. If they feel I was being rude then maybe I was, but I can assure you it wasnt intentional. Poping firecrackers on the balcony at 3am would have been intentional rudeness...whispering on a balcony isnt. Just the same Yelling at me the way they did was INTENTIONAL rudeness and I dont see how thats better than simply letting me know they can hear me. I think before you ask for someone to stop something you should also stop and consider how much Intention is in their actions. Are they intentionally disturbing you? then yes get angry...are they not even aware they are disturbing you? then just let them know they are and most people will be civil enough to stop.

Since your position is that you're paying for your balcony, what difference does it make to you if you're talking quietly or holding a party at 3 AM? If you are able to do what you want on your balcony, then shouldn't you be able to do anything you want at any time?

 

This goes back to being rude. I mentioned in another response that I should be able to do anything AS LONG AS IT DOESNT BOTHER ANYONE. and even though in this case it did bother someone, it was not intentional, just as someone else mentioned "what if I were smoking and the smoke went into their room because their door was open" there was no way for me to have known that their door was open and that they were being bothered. And to answer your question about how do I know that their door was open? It becomes very obvious at that time of the night when you hear them yelling at you that it isnt coming through a closed balcony door. Their voice was clear and unobstructed. you can tell.

 

I guess I'm not sure what your issue is.

 

I've mentioned this one about twice on here because I see a lot of people saying that its a shame that this still bothers me 7 months later. The thing is that it isnt bothering me. in fact it didnt bother me too much back then. It struck a chord for a few seconds as I realized someone just yelled at me to shut up in a very rude way. Me and my brother stared at each other and I could tell he was waiting to see what my next move was, he just stared at me with a shocked stare. I thought about it for a few seconds... I sort of smiled and giggled and told him, I guess were being louder than we though, lets call it a night, then I yelled back, sorry! In my head I knew we werent being loud and that their balcony door was open, but i wasnt going to argue all of that to my brother.

 

Now if you're wondering why this entire thread if it didnt bother me? I am going on another cruise with two other people and many topics have come up between us as we discuss and plan our cruise. This story was brought up by my brother when we were all having dinner. It turned into a big discussion between us on how we would have each handled it and the next day after discussing it for a while I was curious how more seasoned cruisers would have handled it. but to be honest with you I was over it by the next morning after it happened ::D

[juanarcin]

I also want to clear up the nature of our conversation. Without explanation some people might picture us out there every night having beers on the balcony. We never sat out there late into the morning talking. On this particular night we were out in the nightclub that they have on the ship. It ended at 2 am. We came back to our room. I went to take a shower and when I came out I saw him on the balcony. I asked him if he was going to bed soon or if he was staying out there for a while. He told me he would just be a few minutes...he said he "likes thinking out there and has a lot on his mind". Now I dont have kids but I'm sure most of you do. If that was your rebelious teenage son/daughter out there finally giving you an opening to a real discussion what would you have done?

 

A: Tell them "ok goodnight"

B: Tell them "Well People are sleeping so if you want to talk lets talk inside"

C: Go out there and talk with them

 

I know that taking the conversation inside is what would happen in a perfect world and the right thing to do. But lets be honest, when these oportunities come up are we really thinking "what will the neighbors think?" I dont know about you but I rather seize the moment and have a heart to heart with them AS LONG AS WE ARENT BEING LOUD! those are the keywords. now Yes maybe people can still hear me, Yes maybe people are light sleepers and YES maybe I was wrong because of it, but at the moment these arent the things you stop and think about. at the moment your family is whats important and we tend to be a little selfish when it comes to those matters, but i honestly thought I was being responsible by keeping the noise down, apparently not responsible enough but thats another story. But I would also like you to stop and ask yourself HONESTLY, which of the three options above you would have done faced in this situation. and I am pretty sure that the majority of you would have done the same.

[notentirelynormal]

Now if you're wondering why this entire thread if it didnt bother me?.... but to be honest with you I was over it by the next morning after it happened ::D

 

With all due respect, it doesn't sound like it's over for you. Many, if not most, have told you that you handled it fine and that maybe you too could have been more considerate about sound traveling in the dead of night. I get it. You had an opportunity to talk and you took it.

 

Yet, here you are on this board asking the question and not once have you said... great, ok, I handled it fine. What you've said is but, but, but..... Ok, the guy was rude. In the other guy's book, you were rude. Call it a draw for that moment in time. You both could have made other choices. However, every single time you come back on the boards to again explain how you were "wronged" you lose credibility in it not bothering you and frankly I think you are blowing this single comment way out of proportion.

 

I know that my son and friend stayed up very late every night on one of our cruises. They talked all night long 2 cabin doors down from us. My door was open and they were on the balcony. I'm an extremely light sleeper. Nobody heard them talking, so is it possible, just maybe a tad, just a teenie weenie little bit that you might have been talking louder then you think you were?

 

The talk door was open with your brother. At that point it should have been no big deal to move inside once you realized that it was bothering other people. You really need to get over it.