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Funniest things heard on a cruise ship


CodyC815

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I'm creating a comic series as a project for a design class, and I decided to do it about the funniest (or stupidest) things heard or said on a cruise.

 

The main one that comes to mind is the woman calling customer service as soon as she boarded because she paid for an oceanview cabin and all she could see is the parking lot.

 

Does anyone else remember any funny moments from their cruise or something a cruise director might have mentioned that would be worth adding to my series?

 

Thanks!

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When we were anchoring in Belize, the ship stirred up the bottom a little, creating a brown cloud in the water around the ship. Later in the cruise, at the senior officer Q&A, a woman asked the Captain why he would dump sewage so close to shore. His response was classic. He said, "Yeah, that reminds me. I really need for you passengers to cut down on your caffeine and fiber."

 

What was better, he never did explain what it really was. The look on her face was priceless. :D

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I'm creating a comic series as a project for a design class, and I decided to do it about the funniest (or stupidest) things heard or said on a cruise.

 

The main one that comes to mind is the woman calling customer service as soon as she boarded because she paid for an oceanview cabin and all she could see is the parking lot.

 

Does anyone else remember any funny moments from their cruise or something a cruise director might have mentioned that would be worth adding to my series?

 

Thanks!

 

 

This must be a running joke the staff telll cruisers. I heard this from a bartender on the Oasis 3 weeks ago.

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I don't know if this falls into the category of what you are looking for, but there are some really cute, cruise-related 'kids say the darndest things' stories in this old thread...

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1304284

 

The two that I still sometimes remember and chuckle over years later are post # 3 about the kiddie pool, and the one about the 'chocolate man'.

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On a 10 day Princess, which tends to be an older crowd (think lots of 'snow' on the roof). Sitting in the theatre close to show time, a couple walks in and she says 'look at all these people. How are we ever going to find them?' He replies, with a straight face, 'oh, just look for the white haired couple.' Not sure if he was joking or not but I almost spilled my drink laughing.

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Joff Eaton on Independence of the Seas did a whole bit on this during the farewell show. Questions included:

 

  • "Does the crew live onboard?"
  • "Does the ship generate it's own electricity?"
  • "Is the water in the toilets seawater?"
  • "Does the ship dock in the center of town?"
  • "Is the fish of the day caught by the crew each morning?"
  • "How far above sea level are we?"
  • "Are there two sittings for the safety drill?"
  • "Can I film the ship leaving port from the dock?"
  • "What do you do with the ice sculptures after they have melted?"
  • "Is the island completely surrounded by water?"
  • "How do I know which pictures in the photo gallery are ours?"

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Joff Eaton on Independence of the Seas did a whole bit on this during the farewell show. Questions included:

 

  • "Does the crew live onboard?"
  • "Does the ship generate it's own electricity?"
  • "Is the water in the toilets seawater?"
  • "Does the ship dock in the center of town?"
  • "Is the fish of the day caught by the crew each morning?"
  • "How far above sea level are we?"
  • "Are there two sittings for the safety drill?"
  • "Can I film the ship leaving port from the dock?"
  • "What do you do with the ice sculptures after they have melted?"
  • "Is the island completely surrounded by water?"
  • "How do I know which pictures in the photo gallery are ours?"

 

Canned bit used by almost all cruise directors on almost all cruise lines.

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Heard this one from a cruise director:

 

CD gets a call from guest services after a day on Cozumel. A guest is trying to reheat a piece of pizza in their cabin but the microwave won't work. The head of hotel services was on his way to assist the guest asked if the CD want to come along. Joined by the captain and head of engineering they confirmed what they figured the problem was.

 

The guests were attempting to reheat the pizza in the safe.

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Joff Eaton on Independence of the Seas did a whole bit on this during the farewell show. Questions included:

 

  • "Does the crew live onboard?"
  • "Does the ship generate it's own electricity?"
  • "Is the water in the toilets seawater?"
  • "Does the ship dock in the center of town?"
  • "Is the fish of the day caught by the crew each morning?"
  • "How far above sea level are we?"
  • "Are there two sittings for the safety drill?"
  • "Can I film the ship leaving port from the dock?"
  • "What do you do with the ice sculptures after they have melted?"
  • "Is the island completely surrounded by water?"
  • "How do I know which pictures in the photo gallery are ours?"

 

Adding to those:

 

"Do these stairs go up or down?"

"Does the elevator go to the front of the ship?"

 

And my all time favorite from a travel agent no less...

 

"Why aren't there any ships sailing out of Atlanta?"

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We were lounging on the upper deck by the railing next to two older women. They were commenting on how nice the ocean view was. One got up for a bit, and came running back a minute later saying how she had been to the other side of the ship, and saw the same ocean view. "I had no idea we would be *completely* surrounded by water," she said.

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Several years ago DW and I were on a cruise on what was then the largest cruise ship in the world, the Grand Princess. The Captain held a Q&A session one evening and was answering all types of questions about the ship when someone asked, "Can this ship go through the Panama Canal?" He thought for a second and then said, "Once." Yes, the ship is too wide for the canal which is 110 ft wide. The Grand Princess is 118 ft wide. :D

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The two stories that spring to mind are about preparing to disembark at the end of the cruise.

 

In the first one, a couple on their first cruise are enjoying drinks in a bar on the last night. She says to her DH, 'We need to put our cases out tonight before we go to bed.' He replies 'That's ok, you finish your drink. I'll go back and do it now'. She returned to the cabin shortly after, saw the cases outside and went to bed. Next morning she opened the wardrobe and saw everything still inside. When she asked her DH, he replied she had only told him to put the cases outside, not to pack them. They had to get large bin bags from their steward to carry their stuff off the ship, and then pack their cases in the terminal before they went through customs.

 

In the second story, a family are cruising, and the husband tells his wife that as he is tired, he will go back to the cabin and pack their cases, and she should take the kids to the show and come back later. Some time later the wife and kids go back to the cabin to find the husband sitting on the floor outside wrapped in a towel. He says he packed the cases, then remembered that he wanted to pack the clothes he was wearing. He stripped off and packed the clothes, then thought he would just quickly put the bags outside. Unfortunately the ship lurched and the door swung shut, trapping him outside. He had noticed a housekeeping trolley further up the corridor and taken a towel from it, and then had to wait for his family to return before he could get back into the cabin.

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I witnessed this first hand on the 5/12 Freedom sailing:

 

"Where are the hallways to get to our rooms?"

 

Note, it was about 10 minutes before the 1:00pm time for the rooms to be available. The stateroom attendant standing by the wall/door advised that it was not time yet and that the door would open at 1:00pm. (There was a large sign on the closed door stating that staterooms would not be ready until 1:00pm.)

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A couple of years ago at the blackjack table on the Oasis during a day at Sea, a gentleman who had been at the table for most of the afternoon and evening , stood up, looked at the dealer and asked in all seriousness, " where can I get a cab ? " needless to say the entire table cracked up.

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Loved this one: is the water in the toilets fresh? Why..do you plan on drinking it??

 

Also, I made a complete gaffe trying to make my ice cream cone at Sprinkles. I THOUGHT my friend and I were alone. The ice cream was coming out too fast and making a mess. I said, " This is ____ up right here" I turned around and there were two elderly (hopefully hard of hearing) women standing there!

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On our first cruise , ( back in the dark ages ), we were going though the buffe line. There was someone there to take your plate and set you. When he reached for my DH plate, my Hubby turned and said "heck no, go fix your own plate".

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