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Inquiries at sea......by straight folks

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I have to admit I expected to get flamed, to get over it. Sometimes I wonder if how we react or respond is dictated by age or where we are from.....east coast and west coast corridor states can be so much different from Bible Belt states. Poster Boytjie has met me, and I must admit he and his Richard have really impressed me with their outlook on life.

Years ago when I had hair queries were a bit different. In my late 20's I would be asked if I was traveling alone...I would say yes. Next question...your not married? No. Never been married...no, then the killer....why not. Some wives would go as far as to ask why not, what's wrong with you? As I was in the military, and wearing dress blues on formal night I couldn't exactly use a snappy reply. In my mid 30's still in the military it became disturbing because some actually would say you aren't gay are you? Since this was before don't ask don't tell, I would find myself lying, as I could not out myself only to get angry with myself for lying. Now much older but perhaps no wiser I figured I would not be queried.....yet it continues. And the bigger the ships, the more people that seem to be nosey. I appreciate the responses to my post. I sail on the Norwegian Jade right after Thanksgiving.....these responses may provide me with a greater ability to handle simple curiousity, ignorance, stupidity, arrogance or hate. I still think I need a bets skill set, but life is a journey and learning is an unending process. I just. Wonder if traveling single has something to do with it.....years back I was always told women sail alone, single men don't....unless they're you know.....

Hope to read more responses and thanks to all for not getting on my case about posting this thread...

 

I've been asked twice once on board. I was traveling with family and friends and needed some alone time. I was approached and asked; but it was because he wanted to invite me to join him and his husband and some others for the LGBT meet and greet. The second time was on another cruise. I was chatting with someone at the meet and greet and another guy joined the general group. Asked me if this was the LGBT meet and greet and if I and the guy I was chatting with were gay. After saying yes to both, he made it clear he was straight, and proceeded to close the bar with me as everyone else wondered off for the night. LEt's just say I had my doubts about him being straight; more like he was really unsure...

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Very interesting thread!

 

I have the benefit of being a solo traveller. Never been asked about my sexuality, but I am usually accused of being a crew member. I've been verbally abuses for it too! Quite funny though.

 

The thing that frustrates me are the gay couples who almost always take pity and say 'you'll meet the right guy'. Why is there always the assumption that gay men want to be partnered off?

 

For the same reason straight people with try setting me up with their female cousin, coworker, friend. Couples (gay or straight) think that singles are inherently unhappy.

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This is a good thread!

 

I am a woman who is trans and at dinner on board with our children my wife and I were asked "which one is the mother?" I did say I was their father and it was taken as a joke and got laughs. This was with a lovely gay couple that we have become friends with and like very much. I did treat it as a teaching moment and sat down in private telling them about me and offered to answer any questions about being trans they had.

 

We had a cabin attendant ask if we wanted our beds separated with an apology that they were together. I just told him no.

 

On a shore tour once I was asked if I "had the surgery?" I am tempted to say "let's talk about your genitals/ surgeries first" but I didn't :-).

 

I can sort of understand their confusion if you said that you were the kids' father if they didn't realize you were trans. The room stewards are in an awkward position not really knowing what the guests would prefer in terms of how the bed should be set up, but I've never had one bat an eye about it. Someone asking about the surgery is completely out of line. I give you credit for a) biting your tongue and not saying anything and b) not decking them!

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How you kept your composure is impressive in my eyes. Sometimes I wonder if people are stupid or just insensitive. As empathy for other human beings is almost dead these days replaced by judgement I wonder where we will be in 10 years as a society.

I know we are all grown ups, but it amazes me what some people have to put up with.

I will take heed on some of the guidance provided in previous responses. The tough part is crafting comebacks not knowing the other persons potential for escalation. Makes me think of the time I was asked why I wasn't married....having had substantial pre dinner cocktails I responded by saying well I never found the right man. The wife said you mean women, I Said no, man. Her husband then threw his beer in my face. Ya just nevah know. Gee maybe

I need a big burly mate to make them apprehensive in asking rude questions....heaven knows my ugly mug doesn't deter them👹

Peter....role play? Good comeback. Hope to sail with you and Richard in the future, hopefully a RSVP cruise someplace exotic. I considered the Feb cruise , but as a single, the cost was substantially more than the Windstar Star Breeze I booked. Not a gay charter, but a much more intimate ship. I will say I don't find rude people on the smaller ships but there can always be that one...

The responses from other posters on this thread have been interesting, sad, informative but most important not judge mental....goes to show we are all together in the journey through life.

Now to countdown till the Jade in Nov......the personalities on the cruise roll call are very strong....should be an interesting cruise. Everyone's responses should provide me some good responses to queries....or is it queeries. 🤓

 

I really hope you called security about the guy that through the beer in your face. I don't know of any cruise line that would stand for that.

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Sort of on topic: My wife and I were cruising a few years ago on HAL and we decided to go to the Mariner's lunch. It was a huge crowd there and we hadn't met anyone on the ship yet and there really weren't any tables just for two, mostly tables that seat 6 or 8. We meandered through the dining room and saw two elderly ladies and asked if we could join them. We made polite small talk with them and found out that they were mother and daughter who regularly cruise together. They were very elegant and genteel in their manner and we were so glad that we found the perfect dining companions.

 

Several minutes later a husband and wife in their late fifties or early sixties asked if they could join us. Both of them were hard of hearing and wearing hearing aids but the background noise in the room was interfering and they couldn't hear conversation very well. So they were speaking very loudly and when replying we had to speak loud to be heard and had to repeat ourselves often. I really felt bad for them because they were trying hard to follow the conversation and to participate. The wife asked us if we were a couple and I said yes that we were and she loudly said so you are lesbians, how wonderful. And she was very loud. She starts asking me how long we had been together and if we were married, etc. Keep in mind that she is being very loud and since I'm not one who likes a lot of attention and I know that her saying the word lesbian has gotten a lot of attention from tables around us. And her excitement prompted the mother of the elderly ladies to ask her daughter what was being said. The daughter whispered something to her mother but in all the noise the mother couldn't hear her so the daughter repeated it, still the mother didn't understand so the daughter said quite loudly, THEY ARE LESBIANS. The mother said, OH.

 

Needless to say I changed the subject pretty quickly. I was fine with the one of one conversation with the couple or even with the whole talbe but not with all the tables in our proximity. We did make it through the dinner but politely excused ourselves shortly after dessert. As soon as my wife and I were out of there we started talking about the whole lesbian conversation and we laughed our butts off. At the moment it wasn't funny but it totally was after and it still is. We haven't been asked since then if we are a couple but I think that I will take into consideration how private the conversation is before I answer. I'm not ashamed of it but I also like to be more in control of who I share such intimate information with.

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LOL fantastic story. At least they didn't say "Oh wonderful, we know a lesbian back home" If you had stuck around after desert they might have asked about health or financial issues or perhaps social security numbers. :-) I am sure you thought "oh it is wonderful that you are heterosexual" but you didn't want to yell it.

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So, to clear things up for me, if someone asks if my partner and I are brothers - they are really asking if we are gay???

 

That's right. And if they ask whether you and your brother are partners then they're asking where you're from.

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I look them straight in the eye and say no we're not Brothers he's my spouse. End of all doubt.

 

Happens to us all the time.

 

"Are you guys twins?"

 

"No, we're husbands."

 

Easy.

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We have never been asked directly but two older/middle aged men travelling together might be looked at askance. Generally I don't wait. We talk about our lives matter of factly and don't leave anything out. Mind you we never curse (like we do at home) and anything we talk about is polite and fitting for public consumption. If people prefer that we not be ourselves then we prefer to spend our time with other people.

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If people prefer that we not be ourselves then we prefer to spend our time with other people.

 

Thank goodness we get to pick our friends.....they DO NOT get to pick us.

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We’re a group of 8 who often vacation together: one straight married couple and three gay male couples. We usually share a table, and enjoy dressing well and making the dining experience special.

 

On one vacation, a gentleman got up from the adjoining group table and said “we’ve been watching you since the beginning of the cruise, and I was voted to be the one to ask ‘what’s the story here?’”

 

We all sort of smiled, not quite sure how or how much to answer. But Fatima, the one female at our table chimed in with “Well, this is my current husband, Jeff, and this was my first husband, Bernard, and this was my second husband, Gary, and this was my third husband...”. She continued around the table introducing us, and with a cheery “Thanks for asking!”

 

After that, there were no more questions! And we all had a good laugh.

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Hello, I would like to suggest you check out a fellow by the name of Dan OConnor on YouTube and his website He specializes in communication with people and he is terrific at doing it. I watched one of his videos speaking about such a topic "What to say when people ask a strange question' One of his responses was "That's an interesting question, why would you ask it?" Dan is very good at what he does and well worth a listen and you just may have that answer next time soneone asks.

As a solo cruiser at least once on every cruise I am asked if I am gay. I once read that coming out is a ongoing thing and not a once and done deal. I still have a discomfort with being asked even after this long a life. Couples have told me they are never asked since it is assumed two people

of the same gender traveling together are automatically gay/lesbian.....stereo typing once again.

I cannot think of a question that could be asked of a straight person that has the significance of being asked if you are gay, so I am at a loss for a return question . To not respond is a cop out in my mind, and to say it's none of your business seems to be saying yes. To ask why are youre asking is still backing down, but I can't see why I should have to answer or be put into a situation to have to answer. I find my self getting angry at myself for getting uncomfortable with the inquiry....and find myself saying, put your big boy pants on and answer the question. On my last cruise after socializing for three days with the same group of people at the Vibe on the NCL escape I was asked .....well are you or aren't you.......I was stopped dead in my tracks.

I hope I won't get flamed by responders who think this is a stupid question, but is there a comfortable way to handle a situation like this. I cant figure it out....some people say I had no idea, some say we wondered based on things you said and yet other say, honey as soon as you entered the room we all knew. I am a very social person at sea, but find myself dreading inquiries or how I will respond if asked.

Have any of you experienced these inquiries and how did you comfortably handle it. I might note on a few occasions when I answered the question yes, the other person got real ugly......so the idea of being questioned has put me on edge. Any thoughts as long as they are not nasty put downs would be appreciated. Ones life experiences in being gay can be so different by age, family background, upbringing etc, so ones sensitivity levels can be greatly different. But I wanted to raise this issue and see what others think, and how they may have handled si ilar situations. By the way, I once responded ( having had numerous Long Island ice teas ) why are you interested.....I got a drink in my face and security called by the bartender who defended me.....

Thanks

Tom

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My husband and I have been together for over thirty years and have been on 36 cruises. About twenty years ago on a european cruise we were on our balcony and started to speak with our neighbors about the people in the cabin below us that were very loud. We started hanging out with them in the evenings before and after dinner. At first Tom seemed nervous around us but soon warmed up to us. By the end of the cruise we were great friends and still are to this day. Tom at the end of the cruise took me aside and told me that we had changed the way he felt about gay people. When we go on cruises with them now, he brags to others that Jay and I have been together for over thirty years and that we are the greatest couple,"straight or gay" he as ever met.

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My husband and I have been together for over thirty years and have been on 36 cruises. About twenty years ago on a european cruise we were on our balcony and started to speak with our neighbors about the people in the cabin below us that were very loud. We started hanging out with them in the evenings before and after dinner. At first Tom seemed nervous around us but soon warmed up to us. By the end of the cruise we were great friends and still are to this day. Tom at the end of the cruise took me aside and told me that we had changed the way he felt about gay people. When we go on cruises with them now, he brags to others that Jay and I have been together for over thirty years and that we are the greatest couple,"straight or gay" he as ever met.

 

The power of being fully out. It will change the world. Thanks for posting.

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We’re a group of 8 who often vacation together: one straight married couple and three gay male couples. We usually share a table, and enjoy dressing well and making the dining experience special.

 

On one vacation, a gentleman got up from the adjoining group table and said “we’ve been watching you since the beginning of the cruise, and I was voted to be the one to ask ‘what’s the story here?’”

 

We all sort of smiled, not quite sure how or how much to answer. But Fatima, the one female at our table chimed in with “Well, this is my current husband, Jeff, and this was my first husband, Bernard, and this was my second husband, Gary, and this was my third husband...”. She continued around the table introducing us, and with a cheery “Thanks for asking!”

 

After that, there were no more questions! And we all had a good laugh.

 

How brilliant!

 

My partner & I started cruising back in 1995 when he was 40 and I was 35. We cruised mostly with British Line P&O and I can't recall being asked directly. We always had fixed dining and whilst not sitting down on the first night and saying "hi - we're a couple", we were always completely open from the start, so it became obvious over a night or three that we were a couple. We never experienced any problems with that. I don't think I can recall anyone asking outright.

 

One of the sweetest moments I have experienced was after my partner died in 2012. I was with two older couples at breakfast and they had both quite recently celebrated their Golden Wedding Anniversaries. One lady then asked me if I had ever been married. I explained I hadn't but was with my partner for 26 years, that he had died earlier that year and that I had brought his ashes on this cruise to have them cast into the sea. Without any hesitation, she just said "You must miss him terribly". That sort of contact really boosts your thoughts on the quality of the human race.

 

Times have certainly changed since 1995 however. I now sometimes sail with a friend and on numerous occasions, other pax just assume that we are a couple and we have to gently point out we are just friends.

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So, to clear things up for me, if someone asks if my partner and I are brothers - they are really asking if we are gay???

 

That question has always baffled me. Though my husband and I are only six days apart, we look nothing like the other. He's 5'7", clearly of total Caucasian descent, thinning hair, power lifter build and hairy. I'm 6'4", half Japanese/half Scottish, full head of hair and lean. We'd been asked that before and I can't ever come up with any response but a look of total bewilderment, followed by, "Are you serious?"

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I've always made it a point when introducing us at the dining table is to just say "Hi, I'm Jeff and this is my husband Keith". It's possible we've had people change tables the next time, but I don't worry if that was the reason. I remember on earlier cruises where we all danced around the issue for the week, now I just tell them.

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So, to clear things up for me, if someone asks if my partner and I are brothers - they are really asking if we are gay???

Tell them it is still illegal for brothers to marry.

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Not too long ago my husband and I took a river cruise on Avalon Waterways. (Very much enjoyed it.) On a river cruise you very quickly learn to recognize everyone on the ship, because of the intimate size. We definitely were noticed right away as the only same sex couple (nobody had to inquire), and also as one of the youngest couples on board (I'm 46 and hubby is 56).

 

What happened at dinner surprised us... Avalon has an open main seating for dinner, and seating is first-come first serve at tables of 4, 6, or 8 persons. We hate to have to choose a table to join, so we would show up early, and usually would be seated at a table for 4 leaving two empty seats (every seat would eventually be filled). As it turned out, people were clamoring to be our table mates... some couples had gay children, others just found us terribly interesting and would say the funniest things like how they wished they could find a gay couple to be friends with back home, or how they missed their gay friends who have moved on (in more than one sense of the phrase). It turned out to be a bit of fun, feeling like we were celebrities, and helped us to overcome our dislike of open seating on cruises.

 

As a diffrent couple joined us each evening, our circle of on board friends grew, and soon folks were saving seats for us causing us to have to choose one table for dinner then promise to join another couple for after dinner drinks or breakfast the next morning... I have never been so popular in my life!

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These days I take these things as "teaching moments"; since most people are more aware of gay people I feel that inappropriate comments and questions should be handled straightforwardly.

 

At a recent baseball game - after having fun with the people around us - the Mets screwed up and the guy behind me yelled at them and called them "f*ggots". I turned around and said to him: "please don;t use that word because I am gay". He was stunned, told me I couldn't be gay so I pointed out to him that three of the four of us were gay. He apologized profusely (and his wife yelled at him); then he shook my hand... and then kissed it! :D

 

A few days ago on a flight from Paris to Miami two loud, obnoxious people were sitting next to us. There was no way to not hear there conversation. The woman asked the old guy next to her about cities in the USA - it was her first visit. She had a connection to Key West and he said to her: "don't go there... all the homos, you know, queers". So I turned to them and said: "please don't use that word because it is offensive and you are talking about people like me". It shut them up (for a while).

 

The more you say it, the easier it gets. If someone asks me, I would just honestly say "yes, I am" and carry on. It's their portable, not yours. And if they get nasty, just walk away.

 

I agree totally - how we manage these uncomfortable moments can say a lot about our own character. I am gay but I would never ask another person if they were gay or lesbian - I am not sure how knowing that makes the interaction any better. If I am enjoying the conversation it is because you are funny, smart, interesting, etc. and not likely because you are LGB.

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I used to assume that everyone knew we were a couple. We have been on several cruises in our 17 years as a couple. We do my time dining so we don't have to deal with rude people. My spouse is alot more outgoing so we are usually talking with people seated near us anyway. We have met a lot of people, gay and straight (they can't help it... they were born that way) on cruises. I have no desire to take a chance and sit with people we don't like (or don't like us) every night for dinner. We are actually flying into Miami to see some friends we met on a cruise a few years ago.

 

It has been a few years since our last cruise. We are now dads, and will be bringing our 2.5 year old daughter. I am not looking forward to all the comments that I know are coming. If you think being asked being gay is annoying, Try dealing with everyone basically asking where is her mother... it is so nice that you are giving her mother a break... She's out with the boys.... etc.

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As a solo cruiser at least once on every cruise I am asked if I am gay. I once read that coming out is a ongoing thing and not a once and done deal. I still have a discomfort with being asked even after this long a life. Couples have told me they are never asked since it is assumed two people

of the same gender traveling together are automatically gay/lesbian.....stereo typing once again.

I cannot think of a question that could be asked of a straight person that has the significance of being asked if you are gay, so I am at a loss for a return question . To not respond is a cop out in my mind, and to say it's none of your business seems to be saying yes. To ask why are youre asking is still backing down, but I can't see why I should have to answer or be put into a situation to have to answer. I find my self getting angry at myself for getting uncomfortable with the inquiry....and find myself saying, put your big boy pants on and answer the question. On my last cruise after socializing for three days with the same group of people at the Vibe on the NCL escape I was asked .....well are you or aren't you.......I was stopped dead in my tracks.

I hope I won't get flamed by responders who think this is a stupid question, but is there a comfortable way to handle a situation like this. I cant figure it out....some people say I had no idea, some say we wondered based on things you said and yet other say, honey as soon as you entered the room we all knew. I am a very social person at sea, but find myself dreading inquiries or how I will respond if asked.

Have any of you experienced these inquiries and how did you comfortably handle it. I might note on a few occasions when I answered the question yes, the other person got real ugly......so the idea of being questioned has put me on edge. Any thoughts as long as they are not nasty put downs would be appreciated. Ones life experiences in being gay can be so different by age, family background, upbringing etc, so ones sensitivity levels can be greatly different. But I wanted to raise this issue and see what others think, and how they may have handled si ilar situations. By the way, I once responded ( having had numerous Long Island ice teas ) why are you interested.....I got a drink in my face and security called by the bartender who defended me.....

Thanks

Tom

 

 

Unfortunately, you will probably always run into stupid and ignorant people. Maybe you could say, "sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't". (Mounds commercial, FYI).

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I used to assume that everyone knew we were a couple. We have been on several cruises in our 17 years as a couple. We do my time dining so we don't have to deal with rude people. My spouse is alot more outgoing so we are usually talking with people seated near us anyway. We have met a lot of people, gay and straight (they can't help it... they were born that way) on cruises. I have no desire to take a chance and sit with people we don't like (or don't like us) every night for dinner. We are actually flying into Miami to see some friends we met on a cruise a few years ago.

 

It has been a few years since our last cruise. We are now dads, and will be bringing our 2.5 year old daughter. I am not looking forward to all the comments that I know are coming. If you think being asked being gay is annoying, Try dealing with everyone basically asking where is her mother... it is so nice that you are giving her mother a break... She's out with the boys.... etc.

If someone asks about her mother, just say "I'm her mother, and I have the stretch marks to prove it.".

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If someone asks about her mother, just say "I'm her mother, and I have the stretch marks to prove it.".

Ha! Will do.

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As a solo cruiser at least once on every cruise I am asked if I am gay. I once read that coming out is a ongoing thing and not a once and done deal. I still have a discomfort with being asked even after this long a life. Couples have told me they are never asked since it is assumed two people

of the same gender traveling together are automatically gay/lesbian.....stereo typing once again.

I cannot think of a question that could be asked of a straight person that has the significance of being asked if you are gay, so I am at a loss for a return question . To not respond is a cop out in my mind, and to say it's none of your business seems to be saying yes. To ask why are youre asking is still backing down, but I can't see why I should have to answer or be put into a situation to have to answer. I find my self getting angry at myself for getting uncomfortable with the inquiry....and find myself saying, put your big boy pants on and answer the question. On my last cruise after socializing for three days with the same group of people at the Vibe on the NCL escape I was asked .....well are you or aren't you.......I was stopped dead in my tracks.

I hope I won't get flamed by responders who think this is a stupid question, but is there a comfortable way to handle a situation like this. I cant figure it out....some people say I had no idea, some say we wondered based on things you said and yet other say, honey as soon as you entered the room we all knew. I am a very social person at sea, but find myself dreading inquiries or how I will respond if asked.

Have any of you experienced these inquiries and how did you comfortably handle it. I might note on a few occasions when I answered the question yes, the other person got real ugly......so the idea of being questioned has put me on edge. Any thoughts as long as they are not nasty put downs would be appreciated. Ones life experiences in being gay can be so different by age, family background, upbringing etc, so ones sensitivity levels can be greatly different. But I wanted to raise this issue and see what others think, and how they may have handled si ilar situations. By the way, I once responded ( having had numerous Long Island ice teas ) why are you interested.....I got a drink in my face and security called by the bartender who defended me.....

Thanks

Tom

 

 

Tom, I believe the response should be tailored to who is asking. Long Island Iced teas aside, a polite "what an inappropriate question" and to move the conversation on with the weather or to politely excuse yourself with a trip to the loo will get the message across. It also gives them the opportunity to realize they were being an ass and apologize, or they will avoid you which you'll be grateful for.

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I hope you don't mind me adding to the conversation as a "straight folk"

 

Although I've never asked a person if they're gay or lesbian there's been times when I have been tempted to. I can't speak for others but for me it has been the desire to make that person feel as if they had nothing to hide.

 

I have several gay friends and over the years I've watched them wrestle with the problems of coming out in or acting natural in public areas. I can only guess how difficult it would be to hide a major portion of oneself. By asking and understanding I would hope it would make them feel more at ease.

 

On our last cruise my bride and myself had a cabin right next to a gay couple or at least I'm 99% sure they were gay since I actually didn't ask nor did they volunteer.

 

Perhaps I was reading into it more than I should but they seem very reserved in public. And although this just could be their personalities I could only think it maybe due to them being gay and not feeling at ease enough to show their emotions for each other.

 

Just my 1.5 cents.

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I agree totally - how we manage these uncomfortable moments can say a lot about our own character. I am gay but I would never ask another person if they were gay or lesbian - I am not sure how knowing that makes the interaction any better. If I am enjoying the conversation it is because you are funny, smart, interesting, etc. and not likely because you are LGB.

 

Well said. We get asked a lot if we are lesbian. We either get accepted, or they move on.

I actually am a nurse for a doctor who had been married to his husband for years. They travel a lot and never get asked. Go figure.

One cruise years ago that left out of Boston was filled with people that certainly did not approve of us. We wound up eating alone. We did have great fun in the nighttime bars and pubs... no one bugged us there.

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these wonderful responses and opinions are greatly appreciated. I have noticed a fair amount are from those traveling as couples and or with friends. I wonder if being alone has more to do with unexpected questions....

But next time I will be prepared a little bit better.....but I still think it’s rude.

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these wonderful responses and opinions are greatly appreciated. I have noticed a fair amount are from those traveling as couples and or with friends. I wonder if being alone has more to do with unexpected questions....

But next time I will be prepared a little bit better.....but I still think it’s rude.

A great thread you've had. We've cruised since 2004 & have never "really" had an issue. We've met many gay couples that were great to hang with & some who kept to themselves. We probably met the most enjoyable straight couples on the Eclipse in 2015. "Steph & Rick" were from the Bedford, Pa area. Steph was very outgoing, but Rick was a bit more reserved, at first. They really hadn't know any gay couples very well & really chose to hang with us most of the cruise. Age wise they were about 8-10 years younger than us. Also met some nice women on an excursion. Their husbands went off & did their own excursion. The wives said "ohhh we're going to adopt you for this excursion". They were a real hoot. As to the never had a "real" issue, we did a trip on Oceania's Riviera. We normally prefer to dine at a table for 2. On this ship, in order to enjoy the "free" specialty rest. you sometimes have to share a table. In Le Reserve we shared with a large group. 2 were a well known & well traveled gay couple(Jeff & Mike)These 2 were wine experts who travel the world teaching others about the virtues of fine dining & wine pairing. As we shared similar interests we hung out quite a bit. There were others at the table who enjoyed our company as much as we enjoyed theirs. One night in Polo Grill, we shared with another couple from Texas. She was pretty out going. Her husband Tom "figured" Richard & I pretty quick. He then rather quickly hushed her up & we just went through the dining process. Richard & I being foodies often "share" samples of our meals. That obviously didn't go over too well with Tom. We ignored him from then on. At the next meal in Jacques we saw them again. Luckily we shared with a table of 8 & had a fantastic time. Tom & his wife were at another table with another couple. They were very animated with this other couple. Glad for them & us!

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For the same reason straight people with try setting me up with their female cousin, coworker, friend. Couples (gay or straight) think that singles are inherently unhappy.

 

I get this. I am a straight woman in her 50's and when I got divorced the ink wasn't even dry when friends (gay & straight) kept wanting to partner me up. NO!! Happily single at t he time & for years after.

 

 

these wonderful responses and opinions are greatly appreciated. I have noticed a fair amount are from those traveling as couples and or with friends. I wonder if being alone has more to do with unexpected questions....

But next time I will be prepared a little bit better.....but I still think it’s rude.

 

Let me say I agree it is very rude to ask personal questions when I have known you 30 seconds or 30 minutes. Please don't let the occasional idiot sour you on the rest of us - cruisers that is.

 

I empathize on the rude personal questions & if it makes you feel any better it happens in to straight people too. I am in a 10 year relationship & not married. I get asked all the time why not? What is wrong that you don't want to get married? REALLY, that's your business. I have learned to use humor - Oh we are waiting until I get pregnant. Yeah like I said 57 & 59 here.

 

It is not the same as getting asked a sexual preference but it is intrusive & personal & none of your........ business.

 

BTW learning alot from this thread. Thank you

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My stock answer to "Are you gay?" has always been "Are you curious or interested?". Usually ends the questioning quickly- once or twice ended up in a date :)

Loved your answer.

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We have just booked our 64 and 65th cruises. Over the years we were sort of asked once. The story: On a round trip cruise to Europe and back we were seated at lunch with 6 other people, with two of whom we were relatively friendly, One of the couples at the table (truly vulgar in dress (so much thick ugly jewelry on him), speech and manner) asked the relation between myself and my traveling partner (now husband). I told them we were gay and a couple. The wife's response was priceless, though I'm sure they would have put a price on it. She said we weren't gay, she didn't believe it, I was fooling her. We loved it. Our friends at the table had to convince her we were telling the truth. She tried to process the information but could not find another neuron to make a synapse.

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Great tips and advice. I have enjoyed reading the posts in this thread. My husband and I live in the deep South (Mississippi) and have been lucky enough to never have never had to face bigotry or hate except from some extended family. After 15 years together, last year we got married on the Celebrity Eclipse, while in port in Fort Lauderdale before she sailed on a 12 day cruise. We have never really hidden the fact we were a couple in the course of the 7 years we have cruised, but we are also not really pda people. We have never had any issues, other than the "are you brother's?" question. If someone is listening when we talk, you can easily see that we are a couple, from the things we say such as talking about work and life at home...just from active participation in conversation such as talking about our niece and nephew, our home or our pups. We do the pics in the evening with the backdrops, and usually the photographers think we are just best friends until we say otherwise. Every cruise they want us to do the back to back pose (which we hate), must be a classic best friends pose, lol. But I was feeling a little anxious on our wedding day, as once we were married, the photographer took us to various spots on the ship for photos, and had us take more intimate shots such as kissing. But, it was my wedding day and I did not give a damn what anyone else thought. In the end, the anxiety was just a waste of my nerves, as people, young and old, stopped to tell us congratulations. Throughout the cruise, people we would meet and find out we were 'the ones that got married on embarkation day" and congratulate us. It seems I am more appalled at how many people (US citizens), while being friendly and sounding supportive, ask, "so is it legal to marry where you are from?" I have to wonder what rock they live under to not recall the massive news (and dissent) of the Supreme Court decision allowing gay marriage in every state 2 years ago.

I imagine it is harder for the solo cruiser, as when you are in social conversation, you discuss things more singular than when travelling with someone. I am a people watcher by nature, so I try to pick up on visual clues, things said in conversation, etc when meeting new people. But I am also horrible about inserting my foot in my mouth EVERY DAY, lol.

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