Allure: Confessions of a solo passenger

[hucifer]

Go Green!! [emoji172]

 

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Ooh, a fellow State fan!

[John&LaLa]

Go Green!! [emoji172]

 

 

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Seems to be the wrong shade of green 😉

 

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[Judie]

Ahhhh....cough, cough.....should I mention this?.....

 

I was born and bred in Ohio. That’s right, I’m proud of my Buckeyes. I’d like to apologize to a Michigan State alum after the whooping Saturday by OSU. As long as you bleed GREEN and not BLUE, we can be good friends. My Buckeyes will no doubt get whooped by UofM Thanksgiving weekend. Sigh.

 

Back to your outstanding review! I’m the queen of sarcasm in my family, so I love it!

 

 

 

 

 

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[hucifer]

DAY 1, part 2: THE SOCIAL REJECT

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

-- George Burns

 

So now it’s time to figure out my way back to the main areas and explore The Beast. I wish that I had left breadcrumbs. Pictures did not adequately prepare me for how massive The Beast really looks on the Boardwalk, or how lovely and serene Central Park can be both during the day and the evening. I found myself toggling between the two areas throughout the cruise. I thought the Solarium was the most beautiful and largest I’ve ever seen on a cruise ship. As if the Solariums on the other ships were afterthoughts, this one seems so delicately designed and arranged. It was another awe-inspiring area of this already impressive ship.

Who's a beast? Who is? That's right...you are!

The purtiest solarium this side of the Mississippi

Feeling like I have sufficiently given The Beast an initial inspection, it is time for my second tradition. Booze. I really am not a big drinker, folks. I was one of the eleven out of five thousand adults who didn’t bother with a beverage package. I don’t drink soda or fancy coffees or even wine. I am one of those freaks who think the ship’s tap water and Seattle’s Best coffee are perfectly acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Starbucks. But free works for me, especially because I am so cheap (ref. double loser para). Or maybe not so cheap, considering that as a solo I pay double for a person who doesn’t exist and therefore won’t share the Brut with me.

Don’t let my sarcasm fool you; I am single by choice. Been divorced for a year and a half and I enjoy my freedom, space, and wandering eye. It was no accident that my first solo cruise was on the aptly-named Independence. It represented a new chapter in life for me; one that I was happy to begin. Unlike my ex, who is on his second engagement since the divorce and is currently scheduled to be married this December. I don’t judge, it’s just that we have very different ideas of life after divorce. Okay, I judge a little. Anyway, one thing that drives me crazy is the number of people who ask before and after a solo cruise if I’m going to meet anyone or get any “action” on board…as if these are the goals of taking cruises. Like being single and alone is a bad thing, or that I can’t be happy without a man in my life, or as if I can’t go a week without bow-chicka-bow-bow. I get asked this every time I take a cruise since the divorce. I cruise because it is one of my favorite ways to vacation. I cruise alone because it is so empowering. Not to meet a man, and not for some slap-and-tickle. Certainly not for shuffleboard, as I think this cruise activity disappeared with the dodo.

 

So the booze. Digression Queen has to be reminded of what point she meandered away from. I can’t think of a more apropos drink than a pina colada. Mostly because I am a coconut prostitute. In real life I call myself something a little more objectionable than “prostitute,” but you get the idea. Want me to eat your nasty liver casserole? Throw some coconut flakes on it. Want me to drink a vat of poison? Pour in some coconut milk. It’s that easy. I probably shouldn’t have told you that. Anyway, with $50 on-board credit giving me an eyebrow waggle, I needed to start burning through it ASAP. Which is easy to do. I ask Isaac to make me a pina colada. He pours boxed pina colada mix, ice, and a drop of rum into a blender, then serves it with his signature double-point-with-a-smile. $15 for this. Hardly worth the price, but hey. A tradition is a tradition. Now I’m down to $35. That went fast. We haven’t even shoved off yet. I haven’t even unpacked 97.8% or whatever of my luggage.

Who's a blurry drink? Who? That's right...you are!

Well, as old people do, we eat dinner at 4pm to take advantage of early-bird specials on land, and we reserve the 5:30 traditional dining at sea. If I ate at 8:00 these days I would be face down in my bowl of soup, snoring away and making bubbles in the broth. I am too cheap to do specialty dining (ref. double loser para), and I happen to like traditional dining with the same people and the same wait staff. I’m old school that way. I ask for large tables to increase my chances of sitting with awesome people, but that is getting harder to do. Not the large table part. The awesome people part.

 

The first cruise I took as a single woman was with my best friend Ann. We have known each other for forty years. She is the antithesis of Wendy. Ann is my Good Influence friend. She would never get me drunk or take me to Places That Shall Not Be Named. If Wendy is the devil on my shoulder, Ann is my angel, always guiding me to do good. Wendy encourages me down the path that rocks. Anyway, Ann and I were assigned a table for eight, and fortunately, sat next to another set of girlfriends who were fun and engaging. But the other folks around the table all kept to themselves and barely acknowledged us all week.

Ann and I, clearly upset about leaving the Independence last year.

 

The next cruise I took was the solo trip on the Independence. I again asked to sit at a large table and got a table for six. Only one other person showed up all week. That’s it. She was a fellow solo cruiser and we clicked right away. But I was kinda hoping for a full table of awesomeness.

 

So now the Allure. On the first night, I show up for dinner at 5:25. Promptness is kinda my thing. I can’t stand making people wait for me for anything, as I find it rude for the other guests and the wait staff to show up late for dinner. So naturally, I am the first one at the table. No problem, that means I stake out my choice of seat. This is a table for ten. The odds of getting awesome people have increased. The waiter almost immediately runs up to introduce himself. His name is Gerry and he’s from Jamaica. Then he introduces Xin, his assistant from China. They are both very attentive and eager to greet me. All week I would be just about the only one making eye contact and asking them how their day was.

 

The first one to show up at my Potential Table of Awesomeness is Tom. He too is solo. He’s from Texas and has the most adorable southern accent. He sits two down seats from me and I ask, “Do I smell or something?” Yes, I really said that. So he sits next to me and introduces himself and silently wonders what he did to deserve this fresh hell. And I am silently apologizing for the fresh hell I would be giving him all week. I said, “We need to make room for the eight other awesome people who would be filling our table.”

 

No one else shows up for another ten minutes. Then…a young couple appear. They sit on the exact opposite corner of us, which should have been a giant clue for me of what the week would entail. I keep staring at them, creepily so, waiting for eye contact so that I can say hello and introduce myself. I am tempted to snap my fingers or stand up and shout booga booga booga! Just to get their attention. Maybe they felt my eyes burning into their souls, because eventually they made eye contact. Eager that a connection was finally made, I smile and say hello. They nod and I am about to introduce myself when they look away. This couple is a blast. Super glad they sat with me. Well, we have six more chances for awesomeness, cuz clearly…they ain’t it. But given my history with Table Awesomeness, I may have jinxed this table. No one else sat there all night. Four people at a table for ten, on opposite corners no less, two of which wouldn’t acknowledge that there were other people sitting there. I was so grateful to have Tom sitting next to me because if I was by myself it would have been an extremely awkward dinner.

 

I don’t take a lot of pictures of my food, so I have no photographic evidence of what I ate that night. I do remember that I enjoyed whatever I ordered. And I noticed that whenever Jerry or Xin attempted to interact with the Opposite Corner Couple, they didn’t make eye contact with them either, and limited their communication with everyone in general. Tom and I had very good conversation and I loved our wait staff, so it wasn’t a total loss by any means.

 

Shove off (“Sail away” for you purists) happens at 5:30, so I miss all the confetti-throwing fun. Of course I jest. I wish they still gave us confetti to throw into the sea so we could celebrate our escape from land. Whatever happened to the good old days when we carelessly threw our garbage into waterways and highways and sink holes and didn’t worry about the eventual annihilation to the earth. Then some crying Indian came along and made us all conscious and stuff. The guy was actually Italian. An Italian actor playing a Native American with glycerin tears. Everything is so fake. But I digress.

 

I also miss the first solo meetup. Usually the first couple of solo get-togethers are the most well-attended. But Allure, in all its brilliance, decide to schedule the first one during dinner. Really, Allure?

 

After dinner, I stroll through the Promenade to waste time before the show. When I see crew parked out on the side to sell specialty dining, I bee-line for them. You see, when I booked this cruise, the promotion included one specialty dinner for two people. Not wanting to pass up an opportunity to eat twice – FREE – I tackle a crewmember and explain that I am a solo guest and what could be done about this offer. She doesn’t know, but asks another crewmember who also doesn’t know, so he asks a third crewmember who also doesn’t know, but promises to go talk to his supervisor and let me know right away. About five minutes later he comes back and tells me that I can indeed eat twice through this promotion, but it has to be at the same restaurant. Then he says that a confirmation was sent to my cabin. “But I haven’t given you my name or cabin number,” I said. “so how could you have sent anything to my room?” He assured me that they knew who I was. I say, “You’re seriously creeping me out right now.” I walk away and think, well duh. How many other women are traveling solo with this promotion? Surely the process of elimination was easy to do. And no, I won’t stop calling you Shirley.

 

I have reservations to Mamma Mia! Don’t confuse the exclamation mark with enthusiasm, it’s just that the title includes one. The reason I am not enthusiastic about seeing Mamma Mia is because not only have I seen the theatre production in Detroit, but I had also watched the movie with an elderly Meryl Streep cast as Donna. Seriously people. Meryl Streep? I think Mamma Mia is a cute story with great music, but it’s a been-there-done-that kind of thing for me. I would have been WAY more excited to see Chicago, which used to play here. Mama Mia is an inferior choice to Chicago, kinda like Judy, Julie’s sister on the Love Boat. We all know that Judy is nothing more than a cheap replacement for Julie since she left the show, but everyone pretends that Judy is just as awesome. Which she isn’t. So, if I was seeing Chicago instead, it would have included an exclamation mark solely for enthusiasm. Chicago!

 

I sit down in the front row of the balcony. As usual, I’m early. As the theatre fills up, the seats to the left and right of me stay empty. People would look at the empty seats, look at me, then keep walking. By the time Mamma Mia started, I am surrounded by empty seats, while looking down to a packed theatre. Apparently I am a social reject. Or I do in fact smell.

 

[sniffs armpits]

 

Not sure how much you value the review of a smelly social reject, but I am shocked by this production. In a good way. It is GOOD. I mean, theatre-level professionalism. Arguably the best production I’ve seen at sea. And I saw Grease on the Independence last year, which I was way more excited about seeing. I would have gladly discussed my opinion about the performance with the people sitting next to me, but…you know…no one sat next to me. So yeah. I recommend Mamma Mia! (Exclamation mark intended for enthusiasm this time.)

 

…But I would still rather see Chicago.

 

 

See how every seat is taken? Yeah. SOCIAL REJECT.

After the show there is only one place I want to go: Jazz on 4. When I found out that the Oasis-class ships had a dedicated jazz club, I may have piddled a little in my pants. Not because I suffer from incontinence, but because I love live music, especially jazz. Oh man, was I excited. It was one of the biggest selling features of this class. I merrily skip down the stairs and into the venue. The Brasil ’17 Jazz Quartet is in the middle of their set. I didn’t stay long; after all, I’m all old and stuff and I need to sleep.

 

 

Sitting in my own urine right about now.



 

Up next: DAY 2, part 1: I FIND THE FUTURE MR. HUCIFER

[hucifer]

Ahhhh....cough, cough.....should I mention this?.....

 

I was born and bred in Ohio. That’s right, I’m proud of my Buckeyes. I’d like to apologize to a Michigan State alum after the whooping Saturday by OSU. As long as you bleed GREEN and not BLUE, we can be good friends. My Buckeyes will no doubt get whooped by UofM Thanksgiving weekend. Sigh.

 

Back to your outstanding review! I’m the queen of sarcasm in my family, so I love it!

 

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Ah, you did a ninja post while I was posting. Very sneaky.

 

No need to apologize. I am still gloating over our last victory with Michigan. It was beautiful. [sniff]

 

Hope you enjoy my latest installment, Sarcasm Queen.

[PhD-iva]

....wish that I lived in Florida? I LOVE the heat.

 

 

Really enjoying your review, but you should come to South Texas. We got HEAT! And not as many geezers as in FL!

 

Maybe your review will inspire me to step out and travel solo. DH doesn’t like to travel as much as I do (am part gypsy!).

 

 

 

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[LauraDryad]

I am absolutely loving your review. Your reference to Issac almost caused sparkling water to shoot out my nose from laughter. Reading your posts will make the 18 days until I sail away on Adventure go quickly. I'm tempted to bribe you with Samoas girl scout cookies to be your pen-pal from Illinois when you get home.

[Yorkvillain]

Fellow solo cruiser here.

 

 

Solo cruiser? I believe you sailed with 7 other dopes on your last cruise.

 

Tremendous review hucifer. For a minute there I thought I was reading a maureencruiser review. And that's a good thing! My pants are wetter than yours were at the Jazz Club. Love all the sarcasm. Looking forward to the rest.

 

And feel free to include more photos of Wendy at any time.

[hucifer]

Really enjoying your review, but you should come to South Texas. We got HEAT! And not as many geezers as in FL!

 

Maybe your review will inspire me to step out and travel solo. DH doesn’t like to travel as much as I do (am part gypsy!).

 

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I love Texas. And Texans. I would gladly live there too. Besides, a man with an accent...ooh yeah. Mama like.

 

My first solo trip was to WDW, back when I was married. I had a very supportive husband. I did not regret it at all, and that's when I learned to love solo travel. So I highly encourage you to try it.

 

I am absolutely loving your review. Your reference to Issac almost caused sparkling water to shoot out my nose from laughter. Reading your posts will make the 18 days until I sail away on Adventure go quickly. I'm tempted to bribe you with Samoas girl scout cookies to be your pen-pal from Illinois when you get home.

Do you know how happy that makes me when people pick up on my obscure references? I have a scattering of references to Love Boat, Seinfeld, Emperor's New Groove, etc in this report. The people that catch them are my new besties.

Eighteen days is nothing. Enjoy your cruise and we'll see you when you get back.

 

Tremendous review hucifer. For a minute there I thought I was reading a maureencruiser review. And that's a good thing! My pants are wetter than yours were at the Jazz Club. Love all the sarcasm. Looking forward to the rest.

 

And feel free to include more photos of Wendy at any time.

Not that I make a habit of sniffing seats before I sit down, but my nose did detect a slight hint of ammonia in the club.

 

I'm afraid that I don't have many photos of Wendy, so you'll have to settle with the one. She does have a certain je ne sais quoi about her, no? It sucks living in the shadow of a hot, well-endowed friend, which is why I really have to lay the personality down thick. Never works though.

[dreadpirate3]

Brevity is something you will not find here. Not with the queen of digression.

 

 

 

Okay, that made me laugh.

 

 

Either way, consider it a blessing. Thank you! :)

 

 

Okay, LOVE the screen name. But why #3? Were the first two taken?

Are you writing a trip report too? Is it full of sarcastic replies? Am I missing it?

Julio was a little TOO friendly, if you know what I mean. [nudge nudge wink wink say no more] So naturally I think he's up to something.

I am writing a preview and trip reports for my cruise on Freedom. Link in my signature.

 

The 3 is from my family of 3, but my now 19 year old son rarely cruises with us anymore. His first cruise in 2008.

 

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[BillOh]

Ooh, a fellow State fan!

 

 

Ok, you're with Sparty that's ok. and this time of year its ISHIGAIN Loved the report. Hope to return to Allure again someday.

[ramja96]

Listen, I just want to thank everyone who is either reading in anonymity ...

 

That would be me!

[Biker19]

Certainly not for shuffleboard, as I think this cruise activity disappeared with the dodo.

It's a bit out the way on Allure on deck 6 all the way aft behind the Aquatheatre. Actually, most ships still have them.

 

Biker, who's waiting for part 2.

[phabric]

Following along.

 

I did my first solo cruise in August to Alaska and going solo to Disney in March.

[j3dnight]

I've never cruised before but will soon leave for my first one. I travel solo to Europe or US places. I have three booked one of which is solo and in that solo cabin on Epic that is ALWAYS SOLD OUT ! I suppose I think I will fancy cruising. Looking forward to exploring your report.

[BillOh]

It's a bit out the way on Allure on deck 6 all the way aft behind the Aquatheatre. Actually, most ships still have them.

 

Biker, who's waiting for part 2.

 

 

Adventure had 4 stations on the outside deck, only 1 was completely stocked and ready to use. I couldn't get Gina away from the pool. I was the 6th grade champion of Wesleyville, PA.

[soccerdad72]

Adventure had 4 stations on the outside deck, only 1 was completely stocked and ready to use. I couldn't get Gina away from the pool. I was the 6th grade champion of Wesleyville, PA.

 

Completely unrelated to shuffleboard or solo cruising - but I grew up next door to Wesleyville (on the western edge of Millcreek). :)

 

By the way - enjoying the trip report, slow going as it's been. ;)

[EsJake]

Following along, love the tongue in cheek.

 

 

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[SeeingTheWorldBySea]

Quick question about Windjammer... I know it is crowded. I've read that in many reviews, but I wonder for breakfast is there a better time to go? Like early around 630-7am. We are traveling in march on allure and my father would be really upset if he can't enjoy the buffet (i swear he is only going for the buffet). I could take or leave breakfast but as long as I can send my parents up early to eat while the rest of the family gets ready that would be helpful. TY.

[John&LaLa]

Early is generally better, operating times vary by day. Opens earlier on port days

 

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[SeeingTheWorldBySea]

Early is generally better, operating times vary by day. Opens earlier on port days

 

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Thank you for your quick response!

[John&LaLa]

Thank you for your quick response!

Solarium Bistro/Cafe is a buffet as well, rarely crowded. And now they have real bacon. 😁. Well, at least Oasis does. 😉

 

 

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[BillOh]

Solarium Bistro/Cafe is a buffet as well, rarely crowded. And now they have real bacon. 😁. Well, at least Oasis does. 😉

 

 

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When did you make this discovery and why wasn't it pinned to the top of the forum with a sticky? This is major breaking news. I'll try to remember to check Symphony in 500+ days.

[John&LaLa]

Sometime in September. I told Bob

 

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[BillOh]

Sometime in September. I told Bob

 

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Noted, I'll have to stop badmouthing Bistro bacon till I try it again. I was so traumatized by it in 2011, I didn't go back for breakfast in 2013 or on Oasis in 2016.