Dining with strangers

[Ashland]

6 hours ago, pacruise804 said:

 

I've often seen this argument, but never really equated the MDR with a restaurant.  The main dining room to me is more like a banquet hall setting.  I've shared tables at weddings, work events, pancake breakfasts, etc.  It does not seem odd to me to do the same on a ship (although we do prefer anytime dining vs. traditional and meeting different people rather than necessarily the same all week).  The buffet seems like a cafeteria to me, and while I might sit near others I wouldn't expect to engage in conversation.  If we want a restaurant experience instead of a dining room experience we visit a specialty restaurant.

 

When we did the Winemaker's Table on Princess we expected to be seated with others (and it was a wonderful experience).  If we did a Chef's Table experience I would also expect to interact with others.  Both of these are more like excursions to me than typical dining experiences though, similar to a food tour on land.

 

We have shared tables at a few restaurants: hibachi tables (at least 10 and 20 years ago) generally are filled with multiple parties unless you are already a large group - my husband and I wouldn't expect a grill done just for the two of us; we also shared tables at an Amish restaurant with family style seating where long tables were filled and dishes passed between table mates vs. individual service. 

 

It wasn't meant as an "argument" but more of what we prefer personally. If we're not sailing with our extended family then our cruise's (25+ to date) are the time when we want to enjoy our time alone...43 years of marriage and we still enjoy that alone time.

[Luckiestmanonearth]

I would enjoy cruises a lot more if it weren’t for the other passengers.

 

Maybe I need to buy myself a one man dingy

[Capt_BJ]

driving cross country to a new posting

 

5yoa dd mentioned she couldn't wait to get there and see her friends

 

sorry sweetie but your friends are back where we left

 

no, I have friends, we just haven't met yet.

 

a side effect of growing up in a military family where we moved on average, every 3 years.

 

we ask to sit at a larger table with other folks .... most times we make new friends ..... or meet friends we'd not met b4

Edited January 23, 2019 by Capt_BJ

[Nic6318]

20 hours ago, Ashland said:

Just one of the many reason's we prefer not to share a table...I wouldn't consider doing this (sharing a table) at home in a local restaurant...why would I want to do this on a ship. JMHO.

 

 

Hi

 

The only reason it is still done, is because it  was "traditional" that passengers on a ship dine together. You have the opportunity to remain private on todays ships, but there is nothing wrong with sharing a meal with strangers, you might even meet someone you like. I have seen the posts "it's not worth the effort", yes, that's up to you.

 

For the OP. You use the term "embellish", I would suggest that there would be no reason to. You are not trying to impress anybody. These are complete strangers. If they have a problem with you, that's their problem. This is a brief moment to meet someone new. You likely will never meet them again. However, on rare occasions people make long lasting friendships, so what would be the point of lying. If that is your intent, then you might as well follow Ashland's tack and just not bother.

 

 

[MicCanberra]

3 minutes ago, Capt_BJ said:

driving cross country to a new posting

 

5yoa dd mentioned she couldn't wait to get there and see her friends

 

sorry sweetie but your friends are back where we left

 

no, I have friends, we just haven't met yet.

 

a side effect of growing up in a military family where we moved on average, every 3 years.

I like it and generally feel the same, but sometimes, you want to be on your own.

[MicCanberra]

In terms of embellishment, I don't do that but if asked something personal, I may not tell the whole truth. As in ' I am a Public Servant' but do not elaborate on what I do.

[Dani24]

Generally, we prefer to dine alone (partially because we don't get a lot of quality time together, due to work schedules, so vacations are our time to enjoy being together). But, I do love meeting new people and have no trouble sharing a table.

My husband is a little more leery of it. But he's had a lot of bad experiences. He works in law enforcement, and it is downright appalling some of the questions and comments people make, or how they can suddenly get really cold towards him because of his profession -- without even knowing him at all! Dining with strangers makes him nervous about what he's walking into. And he positively dreads the "what do you do?" question. As a result, he does sometimes "embellish" a bit. He might say he works for *insert city/agency*, for instance, but dances around what he does. Usually, I'll step in at that point and turn the conversation away from my husband back to the other person -- people love talking about themselves! But his "white lie" isn't meant to impress, it's meant to stave off inappropriateness.

Edited January 23, 2019 by Dani24

[Diamondring]

I've had occasions to be in Traditional seating in the MDR.  I've never minded telling others where we are from or what we do/did for a living.  On one such cruise we were traveling with friends and were seated at a table for 8.  The same questions came up on the first evening.  We told them where we live (in general terms) and our occupations, our friends did as well. He was a finance manage and she worked at a fast food restaurant.  The other 4 at the table never spoke to her again. What a horrible way to treat people.  On the 3rd day we requested a table for 4 and had a wonderful time for the remainder of our evening meals.  I never noticed this issue at the buffet.  On the flip side, we've met wonderful people and had fun and interesting conversations.  

[JMorris271]

18 hours ago, Hlitner said:

A favorite issue of both DW and myself.  We really enjoy meeting new folks on cruises, and over the years, have made some terrific friends while we cruise.  When eating the MDR (any meal) we usually ask to share a large table.  Many folks today simply do not know how to socialize with strangers, especially at meal time.  Even this thread we have some folks asking about how to deal with strangers...i.e. what questions to ask, how to answer, etc.  In our day this was just basic socialization and etiquette and folks did not even need to ask these questions.  Most knew hot to socialize, make small talk, and slowly work towards topics that seemed to please everyone.  While Americans tend to ask folks, "what do you do ..or what did you do"  most frequent travelers know that these are questions not to ask people from Europe or Asia.   On an initial meeting with folks we might talk about cruising, travel, "what are you planning in the ports," and gently work ourselves into questions about family and where folks live.  But if one detects any level of discomfort with those kind off questions you simply move on to other subjects until you find something that engages everyone (or most) at the table.  

 

We think socializing, face to face, is becoming a lost art.  Many younger folks spend their life on social media but are completely out of their comfort zone when they have to deal with any stranger face to face...with real eye contact.  A lot of folks, these days, do not routinely have family dinners and have never developed the skills for direct interpersonal contacts with strangers.   There is a long tradition, among cruisers, of sharing large tables and making new friends.   When we started cruising in the 70s, there were very few 2-tops in MDRs and tables for 6-10 were the norm.   Now, many folks insist on 2-tops and have all kinds of reasons.....but we wonder if the underlying reason is that they uncomfortable having to deal with strangers.   or to put it bluntly, they just do not have that skill.  Tis a shame.  When we think back over our many cruises (far more then 100) over the years, the best cruises (by far) were the ones where we made wonderful new friends...often in the MDR.

 

Hank

You could write a book. Many could learn something from it.

[MicCanberra]

Great idea - A Dummy's Guide on  'How to talk to strangers at a dining table'  

[Husky61]

Everyone is different.  We never dine with strangers on our cruises.  If it is just the two of us we dine at a table for two.  We are not interested in talking to table mates as some call them, and sharing small talk.

 

We are happy doing that.

[navybankerteacher]

2 hours ago, MicCanberra said:

Great idea - A Dummy's Guide on  'How to talk to strangers at a dining table'  

 

Sadly, there probably is a need for such a guide.  People do not know how to interact - maybe it’s smaller families so they grow up without many others; or job mobility, so they do not stay anywhere long enough to learn how to interact.  The art of conversation seems a rarity — you can talk about ideas - and not personal beliefs, facts rather than personal opinions, spend just a bit more time listening to others than making them listen to you;  it is even possible to talk about political issues —- as long as you stick to the issues and discuss them objectively,  rather than spout your opinion.

 

I guess it is easier to “shelter in place” at a two top than to risk interacting at a large table — but that does mean giving up one of the unique aspects of cruising.

[jagsfan]

We’ve always enjoyed our table mates over the last 35 years. Even when at first glance we thought we wouldn’t. Many many times we’ve had such good times we’ve been the last to leave the dining room. 

I still wonder, though, about the sweet elderly gentleman who said he didn’t mess with the Mafia and they didn’t mess with him. 

[GeezerCouple]

The entire idea of "embellishing" a response to "where are you from" or "what do you do" (or much of anything)...??

Why?

 

Last I knew, a cruise was not any type of "competitive endeavor" in terms of regular conversation.

 

GC

[MicCanberra]

Lies will eventually catch up with you even with strangers.

Embellishments are just what they mean, making the story more interesting but they do not have to be lies. BTW, I don't embellish either.,

[Mike981]

We debated on our trip a couple of weeks ago, but went with a two top on the Celebrity Equinox. And honestly, the tables are so close it's like you are sitting at a bigger table.

We had a FIP (formerly important person) sitting next to us early in the cruise and we were polite and chatted. I guess more listened to her. Then a couple of nights later we were seated by the same couple. My wife and I were having a good conversation when FIP speaks at us and says, "what you don't remember me you were drinking, or you don't want to talk to me tonight." I finished the conversation with my wife and in honor of the nice husband, I looked at her and said "good evening, how was your day?" I gave her a few minutes and then wen't back to my nice evening with my wife.
 

[MicCanberra]

43 minutes ago, Mike981 said:

We debated on our trip a couple of weeks ago, but went with a two top on the Celebrity Equinox. And honestly, the tables are so close it's like you are sitting at a bigger table.

We had a FIP (formerly important person) sitting next to us early in the cruise and we were polite and chatted. I guess more listened to her. Then a couple of nights later we were seated by the same couple. My wife and I were having a good conversation when FIP speaks at us and says, "what you don't remember me you were drinking, or you don't want to talk to me tonight." I finished the conversation with my wife and in honor of the nice husband, I looked at her and said "good evening, how was your day?" I gave her a few minutes and then wen't back to my nice evening with my wife.
 

LOl, I know what you mean about the 6" gap between the tables. Funny (not really) how she interrupted your conversation to insult you. The world has all kinds I suppose.

[sailing canary]

14 hours ago, fyree39 said:

Well, my experience goes back a couple decades.  The practice may have changed since then.

 

I have spent my entire life here - 70+ years - and have never come across this. Possibly in a crowded cafe or pub, but never in a restaurant.😀

[Toofarfromthesea]

20 hours ago, sparks1093 said:

Meeting new people is one of the reasons that we travel. Starting a potential new relationship off with an embellishment doesn't seem like a good thing to do (and granted we may never see them again, but still).

Us too, but for us it really isn't about forging relationships or friendships that would extend beyond the cruise.  We have found, when we are at a larger table in the MDR, that most folks of our generation - which is what we have been seated with - have had productive interesting lives and something to offer on the lost art of conversation.  

[Toofarfromthesea]

16 hours ago, navybankerteacher said:

It largely boils down to one’s experiences:   if as a child in a large family you experienced shared meals, if at college you took your meals in a fraternity or sorority, if in the military you ate with a group, if at work you shared your employer’s lunch room —- you might find  dining with others a comfortable and enjoyable experience — if you either did not experience the above - or happen to hold unhappy memories of past shared meals - you will naturally prefer the two top.

Not sure I agree, as my wife fits none of those, and other than 3  9-month years of eating in a college dining hall, neither do I, yet we both enjoy sitting at a dinner table and meeting people.  I think it is more an Outlook thing.  Some people focus inward on THEIR private experience and some are more outward oriented.  Neither is right or wrong or better or worse, because it isn't a one-sided fits all world.

Personally, I am not so much interested in their lives as I am in the life they led, if you see the distinction.

[Toofarfromthesea]

8 hours ago, MicCanberra said:

In terms of embellishment, I don't do that but if asked something personal, I may not tell the whole truth. As in ' I am a Public Servant' but do not elaborate on what I do.

If I tell you more I'll have to kill you?
😜
 

[Toofarfromthesea]

8 hours ago, Dani24 said:

Generally, we prefer to dine alone (partially because we don't get a lot of quality time together, due to work schedules, so vacations are our time to enjoy being together). But, I do love meeting new people and have no trouble sharing a table.

My husband is a little more leery of it. But he's had a lot of bad experiences. He works in law enforcement, and it is downright appalling some of the questions and comments people make, or how they can suddenly get really cold towards him because of his profession -- without even knowing him at all! Dining with strangers makes him nervous about what he's walking into. And he positively dreads the "what do you do?" question. As a result, he does sometimes "embellish" a bit. He might say he works for *insert city/agency*, for instance, but dances around what he does. Usually, I'll step in at that point and turn the conversation away from my husband back to the other person -- people love talking about themselves! But his "white lie" isn't meant to impress, it's meant to stave off inappropriateness.

It is really a shame that people would act that way.  Some of the best conversations we've had on ships have been with cops.   But thinking back, I can see a hesitancy to volunteer their job until after we had talked for a bit and they could tell we were relatively normal.

[MicCanberra]

1 hour ago, Toofarfromthesea said:

If I tell you more I'll have to kill you?
😜
 

Nothing like that, but it beats saying I sell shoes.

[babs135]

Best conversation stopper (in a nice way) was when we were all introducing ourselves to our table companions. The response was 'I teach Shakespeare to the inmates of one of the toughest men's prisons in the UK'!!!

Apparently they loved it, especially the sonnets.

Who knew?

[LynnTTT]

On one cruise my husband and I decided to just get a table for two, since it was our anniversary.  But the tables for two were all lined up about 6" apart so we ended up having conversations "down the line" and it was more or less a table for 8!!  And was fun.

I am a little concerned about the world cruise next year:  I hope we don't have the same people for 112 days!  I don't want to have dinner with my best friends for 112 nights in a row.  I'll have to check the etiquette