Changed mind....

[2xsin12mths]

So my husband and I have been on 20+ cruises and it's our getaway. We LOVE Carnival and have only cruised Carnival. On the last cruise my DH talked me into booking a family cruise, kids and grandkids. It will be the Xmas present for all and they will be very excited. So here's the issue.....I asked daughter #2's BF if he would like to go along. They have been together a long time and he will probably be a SIL eventually. He said yes and was very excited. I told him not to tell anyone, it's a surprise. Daughter #2 calls me today and says he told her and he can't go. He has anxiety issues and decided this is not something he can do. REALLY! Why couldn't he tell me that when I asked?? So, now she knows about the Xmas surprise and I already added him and paid. Final payment is due in 2 weeks. Here's the question.....I have daughter #1 and her husband and 2 kids in a room. If I move one of the grankids to daughter#2's room and cancel boyfriend will I pay a huge cancellation fee before final payment. And yes, this was early saver:( 

I'll ask my TA when she gets back from vaca in 10 days but I'm SO annoyed right now and thought maybe someone had insight. If I eat 1,000 over this I will be beyond annoyed! AND I told hubby this is last family cruise. Too much drama and no one even knows about it yet....it will get worse. Too many personalities with 12 ppl…..sigh!

[coevan]

8 minutes ago, 2xsin12mths said:

Final payment is due in 2 weeks.

 

 

final payment is due 90 days prior to sailing which would be in October. Have you called Carnival?

[siestakeys04]

I believe it’s a 50$ cancellation and just tell the agent to move the child in with the aunt. Of course the room that has three will now have two so hopefully there won’t be a huge price difference since there are less people in the first room. Do you think they would want a cabin for 4 if available? It will work out don’t get frustrated.

Edited August 2, 2019 by siestakeys04

[Elaine5715]

21 minutes ago, 2xsin12mths said:

So my husband and I have been on 20+ cruises and it's our getaway. We LOVE Carnival and have only cruised Carnival. On the last cruise my DH talked me into booking a family cruise, kids and grandkids. It will be the Xmas present for all and they will be very excited. So here's the issue.....I asked daughter #2's BF if he would like to go along. They have been together a long time and he will probably be a SIL eventually. He said yes and was very excited. I told him not to tell anyone, it's a surprise. Daughter #2 calls me today and says he told her and he can't go. He has anxiety issues and decided this is not something he can do. REALLY! Why couldn't he tell me that when I asked?? So, now she knows about the Xmas surprise and I already added him and paid. Final payment is due in 2 weeks. Here's the question.....I have daughter #1 and her husband and 2 kids in a room. If I move one of the grankids to daughter#2's room and cancel boyfriend will I pay a huge cancellation fee before final payment. And yes, this was early saver:( 

I'll ask my TA when she gets back from vaca in 10 days but I'm SO annoyed right now and thought maybe someone had insight. If I eat 1,000 over this I will be beyond annoyed! AND I told hubby this is last family cruise. Too much drama and no one even knows about it yet....it will get worse. Too many personalities with 12 ppl…..sigh!

There should be someone else covering for the vacationing TA.  

[Shaded Lady]

@2xsin12mths I perfectly understand.... we went on a family cruise last month- I was ready to shoot a few people by the time we got off the ship, and there were only 5 of us!

 

Your possible future SIL sounds just like my current SIL- we asked before we booked, were told yes, he will absolutely go. Then he spent the next year bad-mouthing cruising and talking about how we were all going to die, how he'd be really bored, how he just didn't want to go... so before final payment I talked turkey with my daughter... I asked if he wanted out of it because if he bailed after I paid for everything, I hoped she had good life insurance on him because I would make her a widow!

 

He finally agreed that he wanted to go, but I was terrified until we boarded that he'd find some excuse and screw up the trip. Even when we were onboard, I started calling him Eeyore, because he just wouldn't admit he was having a good time, even though it was obvious he was!

 

DH & I agreed that every cruise from now on is just us... if anyone else wants to join, they can book it, we'd love to see them onboard, but we just won't own their vacation, either paying for it or coordinating all of it.

[Eli_6]

I think you can switch one of the grandkids to the other room for $50 and you will just lose your deposit on them in the other room. 

[Eli_6]

And I also am booking and paying for everyone on a Christmas cruise and so far it has been a big pain in my behind.  My in-laws already bailed after acting interested, but fortunately did it before I booked. I booked the most suspect pair of the remaining on a $50 per person deposit special and won't pay the rest until the last possible day because of this sort of thing. 

[young_k92]

I'm trying to imagine a world in which someone, anyone, particularly someone I care about (family), being willing to book and pay for a cruise for me, let alone my entire family, and me not wanting to go or turning it down or "changing my mind." Ya'll who do it are saints, and if you need new family members, I'm nominating myself!

[scpirate]

3 hours ago, 2xsin12mths said:

So my husband and I have been on 20+ cruises and it's our getaway. We LOVE Carnival and have only cruised Carnival. On the last cruise my DH talked me into booking a family cruise, kids and grandkids. It will be the Xmas present for all and they will be very excited. So here's the issue.....I asked daughter #2's BF if he would like to go along. They have been together a long time and he will probably be a SIL eventually. He said yes and was very excited. I told him not to tell anyone, it's a surprise. Daughter #2 calls me today and says he told her and he can't go. He has anxiety issues and decided this is not something he can do. REALLY! Why couldn't he tell me that when I asked?? So, now she knows about the Xmas surprise and I already added him and paid. Final payment is due in 2 weeks. Here's the question.....I have daughter #1 and her husband and 2 kids in a room. If I move one of the grankids to daughter#2's room and cancel boyfriend will I pay a huge cancellation fee before final payment. And yes, this was early saver:( 

I'll ask my TA when she gets back from vaca in 10 days but I'm SO annoyed right now and thought maybe someone had insight. If I eat 1,000 over this I will be beyond annoyed! AND I told hubby this is last family cruise. Too much drama and no one even knows about it yet....it will get worse. Too many personalities with 12 ppl…..sigh!

Yes that's why we cancelled our family cruise.too much aggravation.just the wife and I from now on.

[CoolOne56]

2xsin12mths, don't give up on family cruises - you either Shaded Lady. 

• Next time, no surprise cruise, unless the kids are under 18 and can't pay their own way. 
• Let working adults pay their own way. Help them with payments if you want, but don't pay it all yourself.  People act differently when it's their money!
• Make it a mother, daughter(s) & friends cruise.

Happy cruising!

[NillaB]

3 hours ago, young_k92 said:

I'm trying to imagine a world in which someone, anyone, particularly someone I care about (family), being willing to book and pay for a cruise for me, let alone my entire family, and me not wanting to go or turning it down or "changing my mind." Ya'll who do it are saints, and if you need new family members, I'm nominating myself!

Agree- I'll volunteer myself and my two kids as well!

On a more serious note, are you sure it will work out not telling them? May cause drama because they made other plans.

[2xsin12mths]

Thanks everyone for your responses....I'm starting to feel better. I also CANNOT for the life of me figure out why anyone would not want to go on a free cruise. Who would be on the fence over this????

The "surprise" is at Christmas(and no, I will not do this way again) and the cruise is not till next May 2020. We are on Pride out of Baltimore so we can all drive to the port. AND we are going to 1/2 moon AND I rented 2 cabanas. Sigh...these kids don't deserve this.....me, hubby and Alchemy from now on

[mom2oneXY]

I agree...don't give up on the family cruise, but don't make it a surprise.  We have done several family cruises where we decide on the cruise together and sometimes my dad paid for it and sometimes he didn't.  Sometimes he "surprised" me with a gift card at  for excursions or the drink package or to help pay down the cruise.  I loved traveling with my dad and they are cherished memories for me and my son especially since he just passed this year, so don't throw in the towel yet!!!

 

If someone gifted me a cruise I would be so grateful, but a little stressed/anxious that someone else was making the decision for me.  I like to pick my own cabin and have some say in the ports and excursions.  I think it is great that you are willing to do this for your kids, but it might make the experience more enjoyable if you planned it together. 

 

It also might help your possible future SIL feel more in control of the situation which would help his anxiety.  Feeling like you have no control or lack of voice can just increase anxiety...especially if he was entrusted with the secret originally and couldn't talk to your daughter about it.  It probably festered - one of the ugly truths about anxiety.  Had it all been out in the open, I imagine the outcome might have been different.  

Edited August 2, 2019 by mom2oneXY

[hockeyguru32]

A couple shots of tequila will fix anything that ailes you

[young_k92]

2 hours ago, 2xsin12mths said:

Thanks everyone for your responses....I'm starting to feel better. I also CANNOT for the life of me figure out why anyone would not want to go on a free cruise. Who would be on the fence over this????

The "surprise" is at Christmas(and no, I will not do this way again) and the cruise is not till next May 2020. We are on Pride out of Baltimore so we can all drive to the port. AND we are going to 1/2 moon AND I rented 2 cabanas. Sigh...these kids don't deserve this.....me, hubby and Alchemy from now on

Speaking from personal experience with my Mom regarding this exact thing ("I don't think I could do a cruise because of my anxiety"), they should substitute "anxiety" for "control." That's what it comes down to. This will be the rule and not the exception in your dealings with future SIL. And, I'd venture to say, if you think back, this isn't the first example of it. I'm sure you'll enjoy the cruise more without him, but I sure hope you don't lose much money! And ignore the snarky comment about it being about the giver and not the receiver. Not true, but who cares anyway? Some people can't enjoy anything unless it was their idea and they're in charge. Run from those people.

[purplephenom]

2 hours ago, 2xsin12mths said:

Thanks everyone for your responses....I'm starting to feel better. I also CANNOT for the life of me figure out why anyone would not want to go on a free cruise. Who would be on the fence over this????

The "surprise" is at Christmas(and no, I will not do this way again) and the cruise is not till next May 2020. We are on Pride out of Baltimore so we can all drive to the port. AND we are going to 1/2 moon AND I rented 2 cabanas. Sigh...these kids don't deserve this.....me, hubby and Alchemy from now on

 

 

Because you asked- who wouldn't want a free cruise? Maybe people who have limited vacation time and prefer to spend it in other ways, or have already planned something else. Or people who have seen Titanic and Jaws one too many times and are nervous about it.  People who don't like the idea of big family trips.  All sorts of reasons- hopefully none of them apply to your family.

 

That said, you know your family.  Hopefully they will all be over the moon excited about this and everyone has a great time (except future SIL).  And hopefully, by next May, you will have forgotten about the frustration of getting this booked, and are excited about spending time with the family. 

 

If you can't get the cabins switched around, you may be able to just move someone into that cabin on board- it's not ideal, and you'd lose the money for adding future SIL, but you'd have more space once you got on board.  

[TNcruising02]

I can't imagine booking a family cruise and making it a surprise.  What if someone couldn't get the time off or had other plans for their vacation time?  I can see making it a surprise for children, but not for adults who have jobs, opinions about their own vacations, and have to schedule vacation days in advance.  Scheduling a surprise cruise for adults is a huge risk on day one!

I hope you can work things out.  It's a great gift for those who can take that particular week off of work and will be happy with the plans you made for them.

Edited August 2, 2019 by TNcruising02

[HillBilly Bob]

Moral of the story...NEVER book a cruise for other family members.   Tell them when you are sailing and they can join you when they purchase passage.  Easy Peasy.   Consider that they might NOT WANT to vacation with you and have other plans for THEIR vacation time.   

Edited August 2, 2019 by HillBilly Bob

[Shaded Lady]

To those of you beating up the OP, I understand that surprises are challenging for some people, but only she knows her family and how they will likely react to such a surprise. She already suspected, as I did in my story above, that the SIL would be the issue here and she cleared it with him FIRST! She gave him ample opportunity to express his concerns before she booked, and he did nothing. Waiting until after the cruise is booked, then bailing, worse yet, bailing by telling his girlfriend, thus spoiling her surprise and forcing her to do his dirty work, is just chickens&!%, in my humble opinion!

 

@2xsin12mths Use this as a learning moment- don't trust the future SIL to follow through on anything you consider important, cruise or otherwise!

[Shaded Lady]

6 minutes ago, HillBilly Bob said:

Moral of the story...NEVER book a cruise for other family members.   Tell them when you are sailing and they can join you when they purchase passage.  Easy Peasy.   

 

HillBilly Bob- I get that, but in some cases, even when it's not a surprise, your family members are not in a position to pay for the cruise. And if you are able to, want to, pay for their cruise, great. So if you do the right thing, and get them to agree to it first, it's just bush league to bail once the cruise is committed.

[coevan]

4 hours ago, 2xsin12mths said:

I'm starting to feel better. I also CANNOT for the life of me figure out why anyone would not want to go on a free cruise

 

 

No mental illness involved, we have friends that would NEVER go on a cruise ship. PERIOD. 

[christieSF]

28 minutes ago, coevan said:

 

 

No mental illness involved, we have friends that would NEVER go on a cruise ship. PERIOD. 

Funny enough, I was one of those people until my parents wanted to take us on a family cruise.  Since I wanted to travel with my family, we joined and now I can't get enough!  It's basically the only way I want to travel now to make up for lost time!

[2xsin12mths]

Just a side note: This is a completely paid cruise for all the kids and grandkids. The only cost they will have is the balance of the sail and sign card. And yes, all of my kids, and maybe even more so the grandkids, have been begging us to take a family cruise.

I didn't want the BF to feel left out cause I really do like him......I just wish he would have felt comfortable telling ME and not my daughter since she feels like she's in the middle now. My 10 YO grandaughter will be over the moon though since she will get to room with her fav Aunt!

[2wheelin]

2 hours ago, Shaded Lady said:

To those of you beating up the OP, I understand that surprises are challenging for some people, but only she knows her family and how they will likely react to such a surprise. She already suspected, as I did in my story above, that the SIL would be the issue here and she cleared it with him FIRST! She gave him ample opportunity to express his concerns before she booked, and he did nothing. Waiting until after the cruise is booked, then bailing, worse yet, bailing by telling his girlfriend, thus spoiling her surprise and forcing her to do his dirty work, is just chickens&!%, in my humble opinion!

 

@2xsin12mths Use this as a learning moment- don't trust the future SIL to follow through on anything you consider important, cruise or otherwise!

No where did she say she suspected a problem with the BF. She asked him just to see if he wanted to be included. Of course he did, and as she said, was excited. Probably never having sailed before, and wanting to please GF (and her mom) he said yes. When he thought about it, and realized he couldn't do it, he was not comfortable going to the mom. No surprise there. He did what he could. Give the guy a break.

Your last statement was totally uncalled for.

[HerbertandB]

6 hours ago, TNcruising02 said:

I can't imagine booking a family cruise and making it a surprise.  What if someone couldn't get the time off or had other plans for their vacation time?  I can see making it a surprise for children, but not for adults who have jobs, opinions about their own vacations, and have to schedule vacation days in advance.  Scheduling a surprise cruise for adults is a huge risk on day one!

I hope you can work things out.  It's a great gift for those who can take that particular week off of work and will be happy with the plans you made for them.

 

This is how I feel too.  I wouldn't want someone else deciding when and how I was going to vacation especially if I had limited vacation time.