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Non PC joke - but it’s the pub, so I guess it’s alright?

 

A blonde walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre

So the barman gave her one

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By the way, my tipple is wine, or a G&T.  Large Tanquary 10 with Fevertree classic tonic, lots of ice, wedge of lime, please

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14 minutes ago, Eddie99 said:

Non PC joke - but it’s the pub, so I guess it’s alright?

 

A blonde walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre

So the barman gave her one

Well now, that can taken two ways depending on the colour of your mind. I'll leave you all guess the way I read it😂😂

Avril 

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Posted (edited)
25 minutes ago, Eddie99 said:

By the way, my tipple is wine, or a G&T.  Large Tanquary 10 with Fevertree classic tonic, lots of ice, wedge of lime, please

Sorry Eddie bad news 😒 Were out of lime due to panic buying , I'm sure you'll battle on without it 😉😊

Expecting a delivery anytime soon .😁

Edited by kalos

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1 hour ago, Eddie99 said:

Chuck a cauliflower in then 🙄

No room for the gin then. He'd have to make it in a bucket. Then again....😉

Avril 

 

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Be careful,any sentance with fever in it will clear the pub.

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These guys are amazing ! They are working their socks off for us all. Yet they still smile .

If they can keep their spirits up then so can we .  Cheers and thank you to all  our UK NHS workers .😊❤️😊

 

 

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5 hours ago, Eddie99 said:

By the way, my tipple is wine, or a G&T.  Large Tanquary 10 with Fevertree classic tonic, lots of ice, wedge of lime, please

 

Nice save Eddie 😜

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Posted (edited)

 

 

Hope everyone's keeping safe and happy 🍸 😊

 

 

I went to see a faith healer today and he was rubbish,

 

                                             even the bloke in the wheelchair got up and walked out ! 😑😉

Edited by kalos

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                                                                         URGENT   NOTICE !  

 

Nail salons are now closed  ..........      😒

 

Eye Lash salons are now closed......    😒

 

Hair salons are now closed   .............  😒

 

Tanning salons are now closed  ..........😒

 

waxing salons are now closed  ............💔   

 

 

                 IT'S ABOUT TO GET UGLY OUT THERE  LADS, STAY SAFE  !  😁

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Walking around the supermarket  last night  I was shocked at how bare the shelves
were being left . 
I must admit it really made me feel mad.
In the next aisle was a guy and I could not believe my eyes what he had on his cart.
Eggs,beans ,butter,soap you name it, loads of it .
So I told him what I thought of greedy ,disgusting,  selfish panic buyers.
He totally agreed with me  and said......  "sorry mate I must carry on stocking these shelves ". 😏
 

Edited by kalos

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Kalos, you are a laugh riot!
You should do a stand up comedy show on every Cruise

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in fact I think you should apply to The Cruise lines as a stand up comedian.

Not only will you get a free Cruise, but they will pay you for it!

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26 minutes ago, drsel said:

in fact I think you should apply to The Cruise lines as a stand up comedian.

Not only will you get a free Cruise, but they will pay you for it!

Aww Bless you ...

Funny that as I was just saying to the wife the other day "I wouldn't go on a cruise if you paid me at the moment"

Still I can carry on with my day job ,which is sea sickness research.

My latest cure is sitting on a mountain top.  Works for some people 😏

 

best wishes and take care   Kalos

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I think he was trying to pull a fast one.

 

Also Man walks into another  Zoo - but the only thing he sees is a small dog - it was a S.hitzu
 

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36 minutes ago, kalos said:

 

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I think he was trying to pull a fast one.

 

Also Man walks into another  Zoo - but the only thing he sees is a small dog - it was a S.hitzu
 

I went to the same zoo. In one cage there was a Hovis loaf.  The sign on the cage said "Bread in Captivity"

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Some people are getting worried about the virus but I tell my friends I'm here for them 24/7 because it sounds

a lot better than saying I'm only here for them on 24 July.

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Keep on keeping our spirits up - thank you!

 

Just been for a walk to stretch my legs and felt a little teary to see children sitting on rugs on front lawns and speaking to grand parents through the window!  Strange times....

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16 minutes ago, dronnygirl said:

Keep on keeping our spirits up - thank you!

 

Just been for a walk to stretch my legs and felt a little teary to see children sitting on rugs on front lawns and speaking to grand parents through the window!  Strange times....

Thank you I will do my best and I  know my jokes will not be everyone,s cup of tea.

If I stop one person stressing out using laughter ,then I'm happy as well.

I hope others same as Wowzz join in and contribute,the more the merrier.☺️

 

 

 

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One of those romantic chats we have 😏.........

 

Me.."Do you remember that row we had twenty years ago when we sat down and wrote down each others faults?"
 

Wife. "Oh God yes, I still have mine somewhere, " she said with a giggle. 
 

Me.."Well I've now finished mine , " 
 

 

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At least with this self isolation I get to talk to my wife a lot more. Turns out she doesn't work at Woolworths now!

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6 minutes ago, wowzz said:

At least with this self isolation I get to talk to my wife a lot more. Turns out she doesn't work at Woolworths now!

😂😂

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