“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

[C-Dragons]

Thanks for the contributions... very funny! 😁
Next..?

Edited March 16, 2020 by C-Dragons

[leck57]

[bobndee]

[Bretty]

I just self installed Norton Antivirus and McAffee. If that doesn’t kill this effing Coronavirus nothing will!

[Texed]

Bretty,

 

You are full of it.    Jokes, that is.  🤠

 

[pattyj 1204]

So cute and just what I needed tonight. Thanks.

[MamaFej]

There are so many good Coronavirus memes out there, but a lot of them have a political tinge to them (both left and right-leaning) and aren’t appropriate to post here. 
But this tweet from Randy Rainbow should be safe. 

[CILCIANRQTS]

Same idea:

 

[cruisemom42]

 

Who do you have to know to get some Purell around here?

[QE2_Fan]

Bacon and Eggs walk into a Bar. 
The Bartender stares them down intently a moment before speaking

 

”Sorry we don’t serve breakfast”

 

 

[pethi]

A very nervous first time cruiser approached the Captain: “Do ships like this sink very often?” Replied the captain: “Not too often – Usually, it’s only once.”

[leck57]

1 hour ago, pethi said:

A very nervous first time cruiser approached the Captain: “Do ships like this sink very often?” Replied the captain: “Not too often – Usually, it’s only once.”

 

Reminds me of the aircraft joke.

How often do airplanes crash. Only once.

[leck57]

[MamaFej]

11 hours ago, cruisemom42 said:

 

Who do you have to know to get some Purell around here?

 

[MamaFej]

[MamaFej]

[RICCruisers]

Last night I went to Sam’s Club to buy a bag of food for my dogs.
Already in line, a woman behind me asked me if I had a dog.
I stare at her (those who know me will imagine my gaze 🤔🤦🏾‍♀️😳) ...but then why would I be buying dog food...right? 😝😝
So on impulse I told her no, that I didn’t have a dog, that I was starting the dog food diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but 15 pounds less!
I told her that it was the perfect diet and that all you had to do is carry the kibbles in your purse and eat one or two every time you feel hungry (I have to mention that practically everyone in line was interested in my story).
Frightened, the woman asks me if I ended up in the hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I answered...of course not!
I was admitted because I bent down to smell the ass of a bulldog and I was hit by a truck 😂😂😂
I thought the man behind her was going to have a heart attack...he was laughing so hard!

[C-Dragons]

 

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign - I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender is so embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the guy is telling his friend about it: "I told him I was blind and I got a free beer!" So the friend decides to take his dog into the bar. He sits down, and the bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs?" The man says, "What?! They gave me a Chihuahua?"

•  

 

[Bretty]

22 hours ago, Texed said:

Bretty,

 

You are full of it.    Jokes, that is.  🤠

 

Trust me, I need the distraction lol

[Merion_Mom]

[MamaFej]

It's not that I'm avoiding shaking hands for fear of catching the coronavirus. 

I'm avoiding shaking hands because people are out of toilet paper!

[chemmo]

Please keep the jokes coming!

 

 

Edited March 18, 2020 by chemmo

[CILCIANRQTS]

Ewwww!!

 

[puppycanducruise]

You people are great!

Thanks for the laughs - keep 'em coming.

[Chip and Dale]

A duck goes into a store to buy lipstick. 
 

Clerk: what colour would you like?

 

Duck: Red

 

Clerk: Here is your lipstick.....how would you like to pay?

 

Duck: Just put it on my BILL 😜