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“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

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... Tell me if you've heard this one before”.

 

Just a little bit of levity to lighten things up. I hope everyone will find something to contribute.

 

A guy walks into a bar.
He leans over and says to the bartender, "Hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something so amazing that I can guarantee you've never seen it before?"

The bartender says, "Okay, but it had better be good."

The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster.

He sets the hamster down on the bar. It scurries about, jumps off the end, turns a perfect somersault in midair, and lands on the piano. He then begins to dance across the keys, playing the piano beautifully.

The bartender says, "Wow! That was truly incredible! Have a beer."

 

The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, if I show you something else that is so amazing I can guarantee you've never seen it before, will you give me another free beer?"

"If it's as amazing as that hamster, then sure," the bartender replies.

So the man reaches into his other coat pocket and pulls out a frog. He sets the frog down on the bar, and the frog begins to sing beautifully. The bartender is again amazed, and gives the man another beer.

 

As the man is closed to finishing his beer, a guy at the other end of the bar walks over and says, "What a performance! I'll give you $500 for that frog." "It’s a deal!" the beer drinker says and sells the guy his frog.

 

The bartender shakes his head slowly. "Not that it's any of my business, mind you, but that was a real, live singing frog. Why would you sell it for only $500? You could have made millions off of it."

 

The man says, "Nah, don't worry. The hamster's also a ventriloquist." 
😁

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Loved it!!! 
 

NOW we need anyone and everyone to keep posting jokes! Laughter truly is the BEST medicine especially in these trying times. 
 

Who has another one?

Dee

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48 minutes ago, Chip and Dale said:

Loved it!!! 
 

NOW we need anyone and everyone to keep posting jokes! Laughter truly is the BEST medicine especially in these trying times. 
 

Who has another one?

Dee

Hopefully someone else will take a brief break from all the noise out there and surprise us? 😊

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LOL

 

I would tell you a Coronavirus joke, but you probably won’t get it. 

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9 minutes ago, PTC DAWG said:

LOL

 

I would tell you a Coronavirus joke, but you probably won’t get it. 

Thank goodness! 😉

 

Btw, that was very good. 😁

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1 hour ago, dopey1200 said:

Two guys walk into a bar....the third one ducks. 

I didn’t see that one coming... 😉

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Bumping this up... 

I'm sure many could use a chuckle right now.

Anyone else want to step up to the “mike” ? 😊

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John Travolta was hospitalised for suspected COVID-19, but Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever , and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive. 

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I just placed orders for a chicken and also for an egg with Amazon.

I'll let you know.

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An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn’t blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I don’t mean to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,

"Sir anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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A cruise ship is headed back from the Bahamas on its last night at sea. Right around dinner time, the captain gets on the loudspeaker.

“This is your captain speaking. There has been a mix up in our supply. While there are 1,000 passengers on board, we only have 750 meals for you all tonight. However, we do have an excess of booze, so anyone who is willing to give up their meal for tonight will receive free drinks for the rest of the cruise”

Two hours later, the captain gets on the loudspeaker again.

“Ladies and gentleman, I apologize but it appears we have run out of booze. On the upside, we still have 750 delicious meals for you to enjoy!”

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So this magician took his pet parrot on a cruise. Every day, the magician holds a magic show for the passengers. The parrot sits on his shoulder throughout the act.


Eventually, after days of viewing these acts, the parrot starts to get the tricks behind them all. So as the magician would carry on with his show, the parrot would ruin the act by exclaiming, “It’s in his sleeve!” or “It’s under his hat!” or “The assistant has it!”

One day, the ship ends up hitting an iceberg while the magician and his parrot are asleep. They awaken to find themselves stranded on the iceberg and the ship gone. For days, the magician and parrot sit there, just staring at each other.

Finally, the parrot sighs, “Okay, I give up. Where’s the boat?”

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Posted (edited)
Keep 'em coming.
Edited by AdGuyMG

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A sailor walks into a bar takes his seat and starts drinking. He leans over to the guy next to him and says "Hey buddy, you want to hear a Marine joke?" The guy says "Before you say the joke let me tell you this: I'm 6'0 190 lbs and I'm a Marine, my friend is 6'2 210 lbs and is also a Marine, the third guy is 6'5 250 lbs, he too is a Marine. So with that in mind do you still want to tell the joke?"

The sailor stops for a minute and thinks to himself, after a minute he tells the man "nah I dont want to explain it 3 times"

 

Den

 

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A polar bear, a horse and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?" 

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An old lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. A scraggly old man staggers over, takes one look, and says, "Jeeeez, that's the UGLIEST thing I ever saw!" The woman turns her nose up at him and says, "This happens to be a beautiful creature! Go away, you horrid man!" The old man yells, "Lady, I was talkin' to the duck!" 

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