“So a Penguin, a Horse and Polar Bear walk into a bar on the Edge...

[LGW59]

33 minutes ago, davekathy said:

but I would not be disappointed

[LGW59]

[goofysmom99]

[tallyho8]

At the end of a long shift a nurse walked into the bank, picked up a deposit slip, pulled a rectal thermometer out of her purse and started to write. When she realized what she was doing she looked at the astonished teller and without missing a beat said "Well isn't that just great. Some butt hole got my pen".

[davekathy]

[PTC DAWG]

[PTC DAWG]

[Denny01]

A senior citizen was driving happily;y down the road when his cell phone rang. Although he knew he should not answer while driving he saw it was his wife and he decided to answer in the event it was an emergency. The conversation went as follows:

Wife, “ Herman, I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on Hwy 101 heading south. Please be carefull!”

Herman, “ Heck, it’s not just one car, it’s hundreds of them!"
 

den

[davekathy]

[lyndarra]

On 3/28/2021 at 2:48 AM, PTC DAWG said:

Pygmy bear?

[davekathy]

[LGW59]

16 minutes ago, davekathy said:

with AI no problem, refills are free

[davekathy]

[goofysmom99]

[C-Dragons]

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked: “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” She responded: “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

 

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked: “Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

 

She again replied: “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He’s lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died.

 

The judge then asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said, “If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to prison!

[tallyho8]

[goofysmom99]

[goofysmom99]

[NMTraveller]

[davekathy]

[NMTraveller]

Rushing to get to the cruise port..

[davekathy]

[goofysmom99]

[centurycruiser]

[tallyho8]

Two women are walking their dogs. One has a big black lab, while the other has a little chihuahua. They pass a bar and the Lab owner says, "Hey. Let’s get a beer.” The chihuahua walker says, “That would be great, but we can’t take our dogs in there can we?” The Lab owner says, “C’mon. Watch me and follow my lead.” They stroll in with their dogs and the lab owner orders a beer. The bartender tells her, “Sorry, you can’t bring your dog in here.” “He’s my seeing-eye dog,” the woman replies feigning offense. The bartender quickly apologizes and serves her the beer. The other woman follows, her chihuahua in tow, and orders a beer as well. Again the bartender says there are no dogs allowed in the bar. “He’s MY seeing-eye dog,” the woman replies. “Yeah, right,” the bartender says, “A chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog? Give me a break.” Without missing a beat, the woman yells, “They gave me a freaking chihuahua???”