My theory on why some people are gun-shy about cruising solo.

[LandlockedCruiser01]

It's no secret that some people are gun-shy about cruising solo.  Heck, it took me until age 29 to get over that mental block.  And I think I have an explanation: social conditioning (read: peer pressure) during impressionable years.  (This is US-centric; EU/UK/Aus/NZ social norms may be different.)  After all, the earlier in life something happens to you, the harder it imprints on you.

 

Think about it: from middle school until early 20's, doing anything entertainment-related by yourself (seeing a movie, going to a dance, etc.), or at least being spotted doing so by your peers, carries a social stigma.  "Consequences" range from brief on-the-spot laughter, to quizzical looks, to months-long social ostracism.  That's about 10 years long, especially considering how impressionable and peer-centric people are at that age.  As a result, the social conditioning is so strong, that young people simply don't take such a risk, and instead always bring along a friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend, even for banal tasks like buying a new shirt at a mall.  Come to think of it, every solo cruiser I met was at least 30, although non-solo young adults reacted to me cruising solo mostly positively.

 

So... even when the years of silly "coolness theatre" are far behind, the social conditioning remains.  Some people can easily cast off the conditioning by a certain age, but not everyone. So for them, even at an older age when nobody gives two _hits who's cruising with their "crew" or partner, and who's cruising solo, the early-life imprinting rears its ugly head: "Don't do it! People will judge you!"  So they simply don't cruise solo.

 

Well, that's my theory.  What are everyone else's thoughts?

Edited March 6, 2022 by LandlockedCruiser01

[coastcat]

Makes sense to me!

 

Also, humans are generally social creatures. We like to interact and share experiences. Going solo means you lose that guaranteed interaction & sharing. Losing your safety net is scary - will you meet other people? Will you have any meaningful interactions with them? 

 

I think that's something NCL leverages well. If you're solo, no matter what ship you're on, you'll have access to a daily hosted solo gathering and arranged dinners/activities. You've got a safety net. So despite some pricing disadvantages for single occupancy (grumble grumble "Free At Sea" grumble), NCL has the reputation of being the most solo-friendly cruise line.

[rkacruiser]

3 hours ago, LandlockedCruiser01 said:

Think about it: from middle school until early 20's, doing anything entertainment-related by yourself (seeing a movie, going to a dance, etc.), or at least being spotted doing so by your peers, carries a social stigma.

 

Your theory is an interesting one, but, I wonder if whatever generation one is a part may have a role in your theory.  

 

1 hour ago, coastcat said:

Losing your safety net is scary - will you meet other people? Will you have any meaningful interactions with them? 

 

That is true, I think.  When one leaves the "comfort" of what you "know" to a new situation may cause a bit of apprehension.  

 

My cruising "safety net" has been mostly HAL and Princess cruises.  When I decided to try MSC and as a Yacht Club guest, that was going to be a very new cruising experience for me.  What type of guests will I meet?  Will I share anything in common with them?  All inclusive cruising:  that's going to be different.  And, what does one do when one has a Butler?  These were questions that I had before sailing.  I discovered that "the guests put their pants on the same as I do", there were things that I shared in common with them and discussion was just as easy to start as on other cruises, and I enjoyed ordering a drink and not having to sign a slip or give my cruise card.  The Butler question still remains a partly unanswered one for me.  I am certain that my Butler found me to be an extremely low maintenance guest.  

[LandlockedCruiser01]

4 hours ago, rkacruiser said:

 

Your theory is an interesting one, but, I wonder if whatever generation one is a part may have a role in your theory.  

 

I'm an older Millennial, not too far from Generation X.  And I remember clearly that these generations had very strict social rules during school years.  Coming to a dance and such by yourself got you hit with harder sanctions than Russia.

 

Post-Millennials/Generation Z, care to share how the social climate is in schools today?  Are there still "sanctions" against kids/teens who do things by themselves?  After all, the early-life social climate can affect one's decisions later in life.

Edited March 7, 2022 by LandlockedCruiser01

[rkacruiser]

47 minutes ago, LandlockedCruiser01 said:

 

I'm an older Millennial, not too far from Generation X.  And I remember clearly that these generations had very strict social rules during school years.  Coming to a dance and such by yourself got you hit with harder sanctions than Russia.

 

Post-Millennials/Generation Z, care to share how the social climate is in schools today?  Are there still "sanctions" against kids/teens who do things by themselves?  After all, the early-life social climate can affect one's decisions later in life.

 

I am of the Silent Generation.  I never felt "anything" when I attended a social activity by myself.  If it was a school related function, did I hope to meet some friends and have a pleasant event?  Yes.  If I didn't, so what?  I learned how to enjoy myself if that was what I needed to do.  

 

Maybe such experiences were a good introduction into adult life when I was a teenager.  An example:  I enjoyed music and my small city had a Community Concert Series where orchestras played classical/pop music, much like what the Boston Pops did.  I probably was the only high school student in attendance during those concerts.  I didn't feel alone.  I was not alone; I learned to converse with adult seat mates whom I didn't know. 

 

59 minutes ago, LandlockedCruiser01 said:

Post-Millennials/Generation Z, care to share how the social climate is in schools today?  Are there still "sanctions" against kids/teens who do things by themselves?  After all, the early-life social climate can affect one's decisions later in life.

 

I hope that others will chime in as to what they have experienced.  I agree that one's early life experiences have an important impact on one's later life.   

[LandlockedCruiser01]

42 minutes ago, rkacruiser said:

 

I am of the Silent Generation.  I never felt "anything" when I attended a social activity by myself.  If it was a school related function, did I hope to meet some friends and have a pleasant event?  Yes.  If I didn't, so what?  I learned how to enjoy myself if that was what I needed to do.  

Interesting.  It seems like doing your own thing was once lauded, rather than trashed.  After all, we Americans started out as renegades and outlaws telling the British to kiss out butts. Until something changed at one point in history.

 

I wonder if the Millennials' 90's-era social stigmas against going places alone were a residual byproduct of the Baby Boomers' 50's-era strict social norms.  You know: "must go to church", "must have have a white picket fence", "must keep up with the Jones's", etc.  You fit in or you get ostracized; no ifs, ands, or buts.  So while their kids didn't take on the same social norms, they took on equivalent social norms: "must wear Tommy Hilfiger (or Pac Sun)", "must listen to Eminem", "mustn't go anywhere fun alone", etc.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.

 

42 minutes ago, rkacruiser said:

Maybe such experiences were a good introduction into adult life when I was a teenager.  An example:  I enjoyed music and my small city had a Community Concert Series where orchestras played classical/pop music, much like what the Boston Pops did.  I probably was the only high school student in attendance during those concerts.  I didn't feel alone.  I was not alone; I learned to converse with adult seat mates whom I didn't know. 

This kind of thing would be "safe" to do even in my school years.  It wasn't an activity most teens would be interested in.  So you had plausible deniability.  In other words, it was either something you did with your grandparents as a courtesy or something you did for a music class you were taking. 

 

The rule against coming to entertainment events solo applied only to things popular with your peers.  So no wonder many people are gun-shy about cruising solo: cruising is "fun" and "popular", and early-life habits die hard.

Edited March 7, 2022 by LandlockedCruiser01

[ditmar2007]

15 hours ago, LandlockedCruiser01 said:

 

I'm an older Millennial, not too far from Generation X. 

I have no idea what my generation is called (1958), and I'm not sure it was part of my culture. 

I'm from Denmark - is it a US-thing, perhaps (as OP suggested)?

[coastcat]

7 hours ago, ditmar2007 said:

I have no idea what my generation is called (1958), and I'm not sure it was part of my culture. 

I'm from Denmark - is it a US-thing, perhaps (as OP suggested)?

 

It's a US thing. Here you'd be a Baby Boomer.

 

I'm in the earliest part of Generation X, the latchkey generation that's used to making cynical comments from the sidelines. Doing stuff quietly & alone was perfectly acceptable. I loved going to the mall or movies with friends but was never hesitant about going alone. It helped to have a driver's license and my own car, of course! 

 

(my husband was born in Ærøskøbing but was raised in the US and considers himself Gen X)

[kasaba]

It's true: so much of society is designed for couples, and it can feel weird walking around Noah's Ark alone. I'm WAY over the self-consciousness and I've finally gotten past worrying about being lonely and booked my first solo cruise (RC 3 night Bahamas), but I'm still kind of concerned about walking around a cruise port or swimming in the sea unaccompanied . . . hoping to connect with some excursion buddies!

[PhD-iva]

This is a very interesting conversation!

[LandlockedCruiser01]

On 3/10/2022 at 5:50 PM, kasaba said:

...but I'm still kind of concerned about walking around a cruise port or swimming in the sea unaccompanied . . . hoping to connect with some excursion buddies!

 

I solved that problem by booking excursions that had a beach component in a secure area.  There were lockers or a tour guide who watched your possessions.  One time, I had run into new friends from the ship, and swam with them, so no issue there.  Another time, I wasn't so lucky: swimming by myself was a bit lonely, but at least I didn't have to worry about my stuff.

Edited March 27, 2022 by LandlockedCruiser01

[alviriv1]

Great conversation. My first solo was a necessity. I was caring for an older parent and the nurse said I 'must' take time off. So my spouse booked me a cruise. And yes, I can see your point in  your theory from my experience on that cruise. It felt at times awkward to be the person 'alone'. But once I got past that, I enjoyed it. And now I love it. I just like when they are more solos, not for the company (I still feel awkward approaching others and making friends), but that so other people see it as a more normal thing. I kind of like the being alone part of being a solo cruiser.

[LandlockedCruiser01]

4 hours ago, alviriv1 said:

And yes, I can see your point in  your theory from my experience on that cruise. It felt at times awkward to be the person 'alone'. But once I got past that, I enjoyed it. And now I love it.

 

What's ironic is that the awkwardness factor of cruising solo vanished for me minutes after getting on the ship on my first cruise (Imagination, 2012).  I started talking to a 40-something couple (I was 29 at the time) while standing in line to get on.  When they asked me to take their picture once we were onboard, I ended up giving them pointers on photography, like taking advantage of light angles and such.  (Otherwise, their photos wouldn't look as good, and I was feeling helpful.)  They thought it was the coolest thing ever, and praised me for it.

 

That gave me a mental boost that lasted me until debarkation.  I had no trouble initiating and/or accepting conversations with new people for the rest of the cruise. Things just seemed to flow naturally.  I ran into that couple once later on the ship, and we exchanged warm hellos.  

Edited March 30, 2022 by LandlockedCruiser01

[hallux]

I'm a guy in my early 40's, when I told a friend that I went on my recent cruise solo they called me 'brave' for doing so.  I have no clue why, unless it's that the friend is a female and concerned about being vulnerable on the ship alone.

 

On my recent cruise my 'aloneness' was mitigated before even boarding the ship though, I ended up striking up a conversation with a woman and her two adult nieces while waiting to board.  After running into each other a few more times during the first 24 hours we ended up spending most of the rest of the cruise as a group, having dinner together from day 2 on.

[LandlockedCruiser01]

1 hour ago, hallux said:

I'm a guy in my early 40's, when I told a friend that I went on my recent cruise solo they called me 'brave' for doing so.  I have no clue why, unless it's that the friend is a female and concerned about being vulnerable on the ship alone.

 

I (male) was 36 when I took my last solo cruise.  We on CC all know that "brave" is often said as a backhanded compliment, comparable to "nice guy" in dating.  So I someone were to say it to me, I'd mildly call them out, like "how so?"  That's not to be confrontational, but to decide if I want them in my cruise social circle.

 

That said, no one called me "brave" on my last cruise.  Either they knew it was bad to say it or they didn't of it as "brave".  One woman called me "independent" and "decisive", and another called me "bad-ass".  There may or have not been a flirty element to those statements, but I found them to be 100% complimentary.  (I originally met those women in the piano bar on the second night, when I got people's attention with a well-timed comment.)

 

Come to think of it, I overheard someone ask one of the women: "He [referring to me] couldn't find someone to cruise with?", but she cut him off and backed me up: "He did what he wanted. So what!"  Now, THAT was highly flattering, considering how she wasn't a solo herself.  (I think neither of the people knew I heard their conversation.)

Edited March 31, 2022 by LandlockedCruiser01

[rkacruiser]

On 3/29/2022 at 8:56 PM, LandlockedCruiser01 said:

  I had no trouble initiating and/or accepting conversations with new people for the rest of the cruise. Things just seemed to flow naturally. 

 

My experience as well.  I tend to be reluctant to initiate a conversation with someone standing in line with me at the grocery, but, have no difficulty doing so when I am on a cruise.  Same thing if I am sitting at the Bar in a restaurant with people near me, but, on a cruise...no hesitancy whatsoever.

 

17 hours ago, LandlockedCruiser01 said:

I overheard someone ask one of the women: "He [referring to me] couldn't find someone to cruise with?", but she cut him off and backed me up: "He did what he wanted. So what!"  Now, THAT was highly flattering, considering how she wasn't a solo herself. 

 

I have had a similar experience, although, others in my group, including me, heard the exchange.  (The next day, the woman who made the comment apologized to me and we are friends to this day.)  I chalk such a situation as this as someone engaging their mouth before they do their brain.  Who isn't guilty of the same?  

Edited March 31, 2022 by rkacruiser

[LandlockedCruiser01]

4 hours ago, rkacruiser said:

My experience as well.  I tend to be reluctant to initiate a conversation with someone standing in line with me at the grocery, but, have no difficulty doing so when I am on a cruise.  Same thing if I am sitting at the Bar in a restaurant with people near me, but, on a cruise...no hesitancy whatsoever. 

This is spot-on! 👍  I'm the same way.  I'll think long and hard before seeing a movie or eat in a nice restaurant alone, but once I get on a cruise ship, all bets are off.  And yet, I gotta ask: WHAT IS IT about cruises where traveling by yourself and engaging strangers is perfectly OK, where it's from slightly odd to complete social suicide on other types of vacations?  HOW IS a cruise different from other types of vacations, like AI's, ski resorts, dude ranches, hotels in touristy towns, etc.?  Is it the fact that it's on a vehicle?  Or some psychological thing beyond my scope of knowledge?

 

4 hours ago, rkacruiser said:

I have had a similar experience, although, others in my group, including me, heard the exchange.  (The next day, the woman who made the comment apologized to me and we are friends to this day.)  I chalk such a situation as this as someone engaging their mouth before they do their brain.  Who isn't guilty of the same?  

I once had a horrible experience involving being solo.  I went to an AI with a friend during a college spring break.  But we had a falling-out early on, and hadn't spoken until the flight home, and I cut him out of my life upon landing at ORD.  Anyway, for all practical purposes, I was solo.  It was awkward as hell!  People looked at me funny, and bouncers got on their walkie-talkies when I walked by. Well, one night I went to the hotel nightclub to kill a boring evening, some guys followed me when I left. (Today, I suspect my "friend" was in on it.)  A sympathetic security guard saw it, pulled me aside to protect me, explained what was happening, and escorted me to my room. 

[Ukigirl]

Very interesting topic, I’m taking my first solo cruise in May and I’m excited and a bit nervous. What I didn’t expect is the reaction I’ve gotten from some family and friends, they can’t believe that me as a married woman would go on a cruise without (gasp) her husband. Happily married for 30 years and he just can’t get away right now and since I just retired, I’m going for it. I’ve heard everything from “you are traveling on your own, aren’t you scared?”  to “are you guys ok?” I’m looking forward to reading some books, sleeping in and just relaxing. I’m an introvert so meeting new people will be interesting but I’m excited 😊 

[rkacruiser]

19 hours ago, LandlockedCruiser01 said:

And yet, I gotta ask: WHAT IS IT about cruises where traveling by yourself and engaging strangers is perfectly OK, where it's from slightly odd to complete social suicide on other types of vacations?  HOW IS a cruise different from other types of vacations

 

My thought:  All on a cruise have one thing in common.   All made a conscious choice to be on that cruise.  That provides the basis for initiating conversations about all kinds of topics related to that cruise.  

 

I'd appreciate learning others thoughts about LandlockedCruiser01's question.  

[LandlockedCruiser01]

7 hours ago, rkacruiser said:

 

My thought:  All on a cruise have one thing in common.   All made a conscious choice to be on that cruise.  That provides the basis for initiating conversations about all kinds of topics related to that cruise.  

 

That's also true for other vacations, like AI's, ski resorts, etc.: people choose to go there.  They're all in the same place, engaging in the same activities.  So it should be a common ground there like it is on cruises.  And yet, cruising solo gets you at most a banal lack of understanding.  While going solo to an AI gets you followed by four sketchy guys when you leave its nightclub.   I owe gratitude to that security guard.

 

Or maybe it was my age that was the "problem".  Like I said in my first post, doing ANYTHING fun alone during college years is social suicide!  While after age 25, nobody really gives a damn.  Still, I don't think I'd enjoy an AI or what-have-you solo even today.  They lack the inexplicable camaraderie cruises have.

 

I wonder if it's a "transportation mindset" leaking into cruising.  I mean, a cruise ship is just a fancy means of transportation.  So someone cruising alone is extrapolated as someone, say, taking a commuter train alone to meet a friend.  While at an AI or a ski resort, you're at a destination by yourself, so extrapolation is impossible.

Edited April 2, 2022 by LandlockedCruiser01

[patrice1]

Interesting thread, I am a “boomer” and will be 70 yo by the time I cruise. While in my 30’s backpacked through Europe solo for four months because I couldn’t find anyone to go with me. Taught me to be able to do things alone and also reach out to other travelers when I needed company. Then met and married my husband. We traveled extensively but eventually became dedicated cruisers. Retired and moved from Florida to Lisbon, Portugal, where he was quickly diagnosed with cancer and passed 2 years ago after 30 years of marriage and countless cruises. I am now contemplating booking my first solo and am looking at a 4 day to see if I loved cruising with Bob or just cruising. Hopeful that the experience will be just as enjoyable as it has been in the past. My major concern is that a European cruise might be a language problem compared to an American one. It has been my experience so far after 4 years in Europe is that most people speak some English. I have been studying Portuguese, but ‘não ‘ta facil’ (it’s not easy)! 

[hrhdhd]

On 3/31/2022 at 10:07 PM, Ukigirl said:

Very interesting topic, I’m taking my first solo cruise in May and I’m excited and a bit nervous. What I didn’t expect is the reaction I’ve gotten from some family and friends, they can’t believe that me as a married woman would go on a cruise without (gasp) her husband. Happily married for 30 years and he just can’t get away right now and since I just retired, I’m going for it. I’ve heard everything from “you are traveling on your own, aren’t you scared?”  to “are you guys ok?” I’m looking forward to reading some books, sleeping in and just relaxing. I’m an introvert so meeting new people will be interesting but I’m excited 😊 

I've been married almost 28 years and have taken several solo cruises. Interestingly, no one asks those questions when my DH goes fishing for a few days with the guys and I stay home. 🤔

 

My last two have been solo, and my next three are as well. And I have a great time each time doing what I want to do.

 

I hope you enjoy your cruise.

[cruising sister]

On 4/3/2022 at 3:55 PM, patrice1 said:

Interesting thread, I am a “boomer” and will be 70 yo by the time I cruise. While in my 30’s backpacked through Europe solo for four months because I couldn’t find anyone to go with me. Taught me to be able to do things alone and also reach out to other travelers when I needed company. Then met and married my husband. We traveled extensively but eventually became dedicated cruisers. Retired and moved from Florida to Lisbon, Portugal, where he was quickly diagnosed with cancer and passed 2 years ago after 30 years of marriage and countless cruises. I am now contemplating booking my first solo and am looking at a 4 day to see if I loved cruising with Bob or just cruising. Hopeful that the experience will be just as enjoyable as it has been in the past. My major concern is that a European cruise might be a language problem compared to an American one. It has been my experience so far after 4 years in Europe is that most people speak some English. I have been studying Portuguese, but ‘não ‘ta facil’ (it’s not easy)! 

I just finished a cruise with my sister after my husband died. It was different from the ones I did with him but not in a bad way. I am doing a true solo cruise in September and will know more after that one if I want to continue. I have lots of FCC to use up so the cost is not so bad.  You miss him every day in every way so you will miss him them too. 

[Elaine5715]

I do think the same people who are uncomfortable eating alone in a restaurant are unable to see themselves cruising solo.  When I ask "Why?", they seem to think everyone is staring at them but when I ask them to describe even one person they remember from the last place they went, they can't.  

When onboard and folks find out I am solo, I don't mind their curiosity (most of the time).  When I look around both at home and on vacation, I know I would rather be traveling solo then traveling with a partner who is contrary or unpleasant.  Being solo does let you become invisible as others play out their drama.  My next three trips are with others and I may have extended one by a day for me time.  

[rkacruiser]

21 hours ago, Elaine5715 said:

I do think the same people who are uncomfortable eating alone in a restaurant are unable to see themselves cruising solo.  When I ask "Why?", they seem to think everyone is staring at them but when I ask them to describe even one person they remember from the last place they went, they can't.

 

These are people who are "not comfortable in their skin".  This is, I think, a skill that is learned as one grows up.  

 

A possible suggestion for such people when dining in a restaurant is to ask for a booth.  A booth may help provide the "security" that they feel lacking if they are sitting in a large dining room at a table by themselves.