How do you get up the nerve to speak to fellow passengers?

[Hflors]

I am a widow and alone for the first time in my life.  I am terribly shy around people I don't know.  I have booked on a world cruise and am now struggling at thought of making friends.  I don't want to spend 4 months by myself.  Anyone have some strategies for 'breaking the ice" and talking to strangers?  In the past I always had my husband who was liked by everyone he ever met, and I would gradually join the conversation.  Without him I am lost and finding it hard to meet people.  Any tips for what other solo's do?  

[calliopecruiser]

After a month or so of being with that small group, many of them won't be "strangers" - you'll be seeing many of the same people at restaurants, pool-side, or excursions.  You'll get to feel you know a little about them after seeing them and overhearing bits and pieces of conversation as you cruise. 

 

Don't push yourself to be someone you're not, but don't limit yourself to only being who you were before, either.  You don't have to "make friends" with people, but you also don't have to be alone -- even just being compatriots who share similar adventures will be a good start.  You could start with a comment about a shared experience - a food you both ordered, or a place you both visited.  If their answers are abrupt and perfunctory, that tells you all you need to know about them (that they're closed off socially), and it's not about you - so move on, and a little later try the same thing again with someone else.  You can do the same with a favourite pastime that you might engage in on board, like knitting, putting together a jigsaw, or reading on deck.......you'll find many will comment on what you're working on/reading, and you can do the same.  Again, it's a shared experience.

 

If you find yourself at a group seating event (a large dining table, or a bus or something) try choosing a seat in the middle, and allow other people to sit around you -- that way you won't feel awkward trying to choose a seat, and you won't be tempted to sit on your own to avoid the stress of choosing who to sit with.  You have the opportunity for small talk if you wish, but you don't need to - you can just smile pleasantly, say hello, and read your book (or eat your meal).  Or you can practice small talk (it's a learned skill, like any other), and eventually you'll discover it will either lead you to better conversations (yea), or it will be an unexciting way to pass the time (not the end of the world) and you start fresh the next day. 

 

In general, most longer-cruising passengers (i.e. longer than a week's cruise) are laid back and friendly after the first couple of weeks that allowed them to relax from their home stressors.   They're usually also very open to meeting new people.  See if the ship's library has any games or cards, and invite someone to play Scrabble or cribbage or something too.

 

And remember one of the things another passenger said to me on my first solo cruise: "You're cruising alone, aren't you?  I wish I was!".........Not everyone cruising with someone is happy they're cruising with that someone - they may be looking to share conversation or a game of cards with someone else.  Don't limit yourself to other people cruising solo.

 

Go, have a great time!

Edited August 7, 2022 by calliopecruiser

[rkacruiser]

calliopecruiser offers good advice and suggestions, OP.  I agree with all things mentioned.  

 

Some additional specific suggestions for opening a conversation:

--During  sailaway, standing at the rail with others nearby, making a comment about what is being seen or asking how was your day/what did you do today are good conversation starters.

 

--Sit at the bar and not a table during HH or at any time.  There likely will be others sitting next or near to you.  What are you drinking is a good opener.  If no one else, there will be a bartender with whom to converse.  Where are you from?  Do you have any family?  etc.  Most crew enjoy talking about their families, their homes. 

 

--If there are solo events, as there likely will be on a long cruise, attend the first two or three.  You may meet some like minded people like yourself.  If nothing else, you will get to know some others who are solos and as you come across them during your cruise, that may provide some conversation opportunities.

 

--Sign up for your cruise's Roll Call on CC and become an active participant.  You will get to "know" some guests before you ever get on the ship and they will get to know you.  

 

Happy planning for your adventure!  

[canuckcruzingirl]

Lots of wonderful advice has already been shared above - this is what works for me:

 

I carry a book (or e-reader) and/or my needlework everywhere when cruising solo - everyone interested in either will stop by and chat, whether it's in the theatre waiting for a show, the buffet, on deck, or anywhere I find a nice spot to settle in. (They want to know what you're reading, what you're making, etc.)

 

I'm quite shy so having other people initiate the conversation really helps me out - I have met so many nice people!

 

Best wishes to you, enjoy your cruise!

 

[new_cruiser]

Condolences on your loss. 

 

I think that most (all?) cruise lines that run a World cruise will have some kind of social gathering for the world cruise passengers. In some cases they repeat that every segment. That will give you a chance to meet and talk with people who will be familiar faces for the 4 months. 

[Honolulu Blue]

23 hours ago, Hflors said:

I am a widow and alone for the first time in my life.  I am terribly shy around people I don't know.  I have booked on a world cruise and am now struggling at thought of making friends.  I don't want to spend 4 months by myself.  Anyone have some strategies for 'breaking the ice" and talking to strangers?  In the past I always had my husband who was liked by everyone he ever met, and I would gradually join the conversation.  Without him I am lost and finding it hard to meet people.  Any tips for what other solo's do?  

First of all, congratulations on finding yourself on a world cruise!  I know it's a goal for many of those here.

 

Second, you don't HAVE to make friends on a cruise ship - even a very long one like a world cruise.  I, for one, put "talking" and "making friends" as very low priorities on my cruises.

 

Third, my fellow posters have already given great advice.  In case of a conflict, you should listen to them and not me.

 

Fourth, if you're bound and determined to be social, here are a few tips on how to do so:

 

• If available, get a big, fixed dining table for dinner.  This way you'll have the same people to talk to (or not) every day.  Eventually you'll find things in common to talk about, and maybe you'll become friends.
• Talk to your cabin steward.  You'll see them a lot, and they're used to crazy Americans and their gift of gab, so maybe it's worth getting to know them.
• Say hi to as many people as you can.  Some won't want to talk, and that's fine.  Don't blame yourself.  You'll eventually find someone who does want to talk.
• If you're interested in trivia, go talk to your competitors, or maybe join or form a team
• Go attend as many events as you can stand.  Where there are people, there are opportunities for conversation, and can friendship be far away?
• If there are singles mixers, go attend those.  I haven't heard much good about them, but you never know... you're there and I already know you're a great person. 🙂
• If you're a T-shirt kind of person, you can use that to make a statement or start a conversation

 

I hope you get what you want out of your future travels.

Edited August 8, 2022 by Honolulu Blue

[amyemilia]

I too am a recent widow (my husband died in 2020). My first cruise after he died was somewhat difficult, particularly the first few days.  That first night at dinner, sitting across from an empty plate was a heartbreaker. I wondered how I was going to get through the whole cruise without crying at dinner every night.  But then the server came by and I ordered my normal glass of Prosecco, and I raised my glass to the life that we had together, and the memories.  You will get through this too. Here are the things that worked for me:

• I signed up for a ship excursion at every port. I knew I would be safe, that I would be with a group, and that something interesting would happen that day. Mostly I kept to myself, but if couples looked like they needed a photo together, I offered to help. I complimented hats, asked where they got their backpacks and how they liked them. 
• As another commenter suggested, talk to crew members. I often start with learning where they are from.  On a recent cruise, I discovered my server was from Montenegro. This is a country that I knew nothing about, so we chatted about it and I read up on it in Wikipedia. I was able to ask intelligent questions, which delighted him. 
• I like to practice my Italian with anyone who will tolerate it. 🙂 
• Standing at the rail at anytime, but particularly when there is something interesting going on, is excellent for starting initial conversations. 
• My goal is not to create friendships, but simple human interaction.  A smile, a friendly wave if I recognize someone from an excursion - that’s enough for me.  
• Being a creature of habit helps. Sit at the same table, go to the same bar. Drink the same drink. Be recognizable, so that others will be able to wave at you, too!
• Be sure to have a notebook and writing instrument with you, to save a table or when you go get refills at the buffet. I’ve also had success with asking if I sit at a large table with others, although during this covid-recovery process that hasn’t been as easy. 

 

Since that first cruise as a widow in 2021, I’ve been on 4 other cruises. Each has been wonderful and soothing to my hurting heart. I remember how we watched the flying fish, and I visit the places that my husband loved to visit. It is hard but it is also healing.  Like you, I have signed up for a world cruise in 2023 (well, one leg of a world cruise!). I am looking forward to new ports, new memories. 

 

Be kind to yourself! 

Amy

[Hflors]

Thank you all for your replies.  I wish you all were on HAL's world cruise as that is where I will be and we all could become pals immediately!   You all have given me such inside info and I am feeling a bit confident.  OK so not totally but there is an inkling.  

 

Anyway I hope to meet all of you in my travels..

Helen

[WELDON]

I have met people in a few  ways. If I see a woman who looks like they are alone, I strike up a conversation.  On an excursion, sit next to a woman  sitting by themselves. If you are at an activity such as trivia,  just start making small talk with someone. This also works in reverse that someone starts talking to you. The same way you want to meet people, a lot of solo travelers are just as happy to have someone they know on the ship. It gets easier the more times you put yourself out there. 

[Mary229]

I am not recommending taking up smoking but there are some lively discussions and pleasant times in the smoking section.  I don’t smoke but both of my travel mates do and we meet a lot of great people.

 

but for us non-smokers I meet people over jigsaw puzzles, at the morning update meetings that your cruise director may host and other small gatherings.  Try taking the painting and craft classes, join the knitting group (check the roll call), play pickle ball or join the walking group, hang out in the hot tubs.  Select the small bus shore excursions.  Your roll call is your best friend. 
 

I will say on every long cruise we have taken, either me and sis or me and DH we have always had a tagalong for the duration.  I guess we look harmless and are fairly easy going.  One we met waiting to board in the waiting area, a few times on the roll call and some in the smoking area.  If you are a good driver and confident in your overseas driving skills you will find lots of people who want to team up with you to rent a car in port 

[Lakesregion]

On 8/7/2022 at 8:05 AM, Hflors said:

I am a widow and alone for the first time in my life.  I am terribly shy around people I don't know.  I have booked on a world cruise and am now struggling at thought of making friends.  I don't want to spend 4 months by myself.  Anyone have some strategies for 'breaking the ice" and talking to strangers?  In the past I always had my husband who was liked by everyone he ever met, and I would gradually join the conversation.  Without him I am lost and finding it hard to meet people.  Any tips for what other solo's do?  

Don't know which line you have booked for the world cruise but I have taken as a solo male a world cruise on Cunard and it worked quite well. (I am also rather shy and do not readily mix well). Cunard is excellent at setting up dining tables for singles (ask for a table for 8 - 10). Generally they assign by general age. Cunard also has a single meet and greet every morning in one of the alcoves in the buffet area (not many attend but you might look in early at one). They also have a singles meet and greet with the gentlemen hosts (they should be back on board now that Covid has past). Then in the evening in the Queens Room there is dancing every night and if you are a mind, the gentlemen hosts are there to dance with you. Be sure to sit at one of the small tables right on the edge of the dance floor. Hiding in the back will not get you a dance.

 

If by chance, you have booked the 2024 Cunard QM2 world cruise look for the "odd couple" -( my brother and I) at the age of 80 and 84 we will be doing the full 123 days, NYC - NYC and will be closing the disco at 3 am many an evening.

 

Now if you are not on Cunard, I have no ideas other than every line has numerous solos passengers and with rare exception, they all make a effort to help you get into the swing of a world cruise. Enjoy no matter what line you have booked. A world cruise is a fabulous experience.

[Zippeedee]

These are all good ideas. I find it helpful to join the cruise critic roll call (if there is one) for each cruise. Chatting with people online, joining the meet and greet and other activities helps to break the ice before you even board the ship. My last cruise had a lively group who got together almost every day to play Left, Right, Center. I met so many nice people. 

[cruiser3775]

Hflors, I am in the same situation as you, and taking my first cruise this November. Thank you so much to everyone for the very thoughtful replies, especially to amyemilia for sharing what must have been a difficult cruise.

I'm not a good joiner-in to big groups, and I don't dance or gamble, but I think I might cope at Trivia. This week,  I was having regrets and thoughts of cancelling, but you have all given me some confidence that my first solo cruise can be a good experience.

[Lois R]

Hi, some excellent replies on here for sure😀. I will also add finding one of the bars is a great way to chat with others. It is easy really, you can always ask, "Have you cruised with (whatever line you are sailing) before?" Or chat with the bartender. They are usually happy to chat with guests🙂

Hope you have a wonderful cruise and my condolences go out to you as well.

 

[wendyinvt]

I consider myself an introvert and cruised solo for the first time last year. From my experience, it is much easier to strike up conversations on a cruise because you already have something in common with everyone around you - you are enjoying your vacation! Out in the real world if you are waiting in line for coffee in the morning, you are surrounded by people in varying stages of morning routines/rushing around, thinking about work and school drop offs and to do lists, whereas waiting for your coffee on your cruise? Everyone is just looking forward to what's ahead that day, completely different mindset. I also found that a simple compliment can either strike up a conversation or, if the recipient isn't interested in chatting, you at least feel good for providing a compliment. I often carried a book around with me and when I saw another "book person" it was a great ice breaker. Don't overthink it or worry about it, I am sure you will meet some great people and have a wonderful time!

[VirginiaIsForCruisers]

There's a lot of good advice here. I am also an introvert and pretty shy. All of my cruises have been solo trips. I make up my mind to make an effort at least once a day no matter how hard it is.

 

I find it easiest in the buffet. I'll get my food and look for a table with others who are just starting their meal. I'll ask if I may join them and have never been told no. At that point, I'll ask where they are from and ask questions based on that. On my first cruise, I approached a table where a couple was dining and made a comment about the wife's wheelchair (it was purple!). I asked to join them and we ended up striking up a friendship that's been going since 2018. She told me that if I hadn't approached them, she wouldn't have talked to me because I have serious resting ***** face and seemed intimidating. But since I broke the ice and she got to experience my personality, we became friends. In fact, we have two cruises scheduled together in 2023.

 

I do also try to participate in some of the solo activities. On the cruises I've been on, they've been just before meal times, so it's easy to say, "hey, want to grab lunch?" I also like trivia events because it's easy to strike up a conversation with the folks nearby.

 

 

[amyemilia]

On 8/16/2022 at 11:06 PM, cruiser3775 said:

Hflors, I am in the same situation as you, and taking my first cruise this November. Thank you so much to everyone for the very thoughtful replies, especially to amyemilia for sharing what must have been a difficult cruise.

I'm not a good joiner-in to big groups, and I don't dance or gamble, but I think I might cope at Trivia. This week,  I was having regrets and thoughts of cancelling, but you have all given me some confidence that my first solo cruise can be a good experience.

You can do it! 

[cruiser3775]

Thanks for the encouragement, amyemilia. I think I have got past the bad patch now, and ready to go. I just booked some speciality dining.

[ILgirl]

I’m sure you will do fine.  I am a widow as well and have been solo on 5 cruises in the past year and enjoyed them all.  I just have to ask, please don’t take this the wrong way….if you are hesitant about talking to people on a cruise ship and doing your first solo….wouldn’t you want to try a one week cruise versus committing to four months?  You are far braver than I would have been.   Again, good luck to you, I’m sure you enjoy.

[cruiser3775]

2 hours ago, ILgirl said:

.if you are hesitant about talking to people on a cruise ship and doing your first solo….wouldn’t you want to try a one week cruise versus committing to four months?  

I agree. My first cruise is for 10 days, not four months.

[calliopecruiser]

11 hours ago, ILgirl said:

.if you are hesitant about talking to people on a cruise ship and doing your first solo….wouldn’t you want to try a one week cruise versus committing to four months?

I think a longer cruise is better with respect to getting to know people, because they're more likely to be more sociable because they'll see you more often. 

[Honolulu Blue]

20 minutes ago, calliopecruiser said:

I think a longer cruise is better with respect to getting to know people, because they're more likely to be more sociable because they'll see you more often. 

Also, longer cruises tend to be on smaller ships.  That makes it much more likely you'll see people over and over again - often in the same places at the same times.  Having something in common makes starting conversations much easier - at least for me.

[ILgirl]

But four months??!!?  That is a crazy long time to try anything you are having anxiety over. In my opinion and my opinion only.  I love solo cruising, it has opened a new world for me and I wish the OP the best.  

[calliopecruiser]

34 minutes ago, ILgirl said:

But four months??!!?

Probably not, but 3 weeks would be a good start.  I love solo cruising, but I probably wouldn't do a 4 month cruise either.  But I also wouldn't do a week long cruise.  My sweet spot is about 20-25 days. 

[ishap]

My kids always tell me I can find a friend anywhere, even though I don't consider myself a openly social person, but since I got divorced I find myself in the same situation.  Here is my tip for ice breakers or getting conversation...

 

I usually sit at the bar and people watch, listen to conversations.  If the people are having a personal conversation (like relationship, issues, etc.) I keep quiet.  If I hear an opener, like them talking about a movie, or someplace they have been or want to go, I usually interject a comment if I can relate.   That almost always gets the conversation started.  If people don't want to really talk to you, they give hints like turning back to each other, or changing topics so I take that hint and keep to myself again till I find someone else to talk to.  I've had many an interesting conversation with people and met some really cool  people that way.