Jim Gallup

A large number of Americans cannot pass the strict Drug and Alcohol tests required by most cruise lines.

If they get past those tests, they often fail the physical exams.

If they get through the physicals, they fail the criminal background checks.

For the small percentage who have survived all of the above, most cruise lines require multi-lingual staff. Most Americans speak only 2 languages; English and English louder.

And for the very few who have gotten past all of these obstacles, there is the uniquely American attitude that the American way is the correct way to do something, and every other way is the wrong way. That outlook usually finishes them off pretty quickly.

So the cruise lines hire Americans as jugglers, clowns, babysitters, and dancers. These positions have far more lenient requirements.

OK everyone, get those flamethrowers going.

If you hadn't guessed already, I have worked on cruise ships for many years. My employer's name doesn't matter.

I was forced to use wheelchairs, a scooter, and crutches for a 3 year period after a serious accident. Not nearly as bad as being confined permanently to one however. But I do have a lot of compassion for those who must use them.

Every week, I am responsible for the safety, comfort, and satisfaction of about 20 to 40 handicapped passengers AND about 2,500 non-handicapped passengers.

IrisF is a scooter user who realizes that it is not generally a good idea to take ship's shore excursions due to the difficulties she encounters. Unfortunately she is in the minority. The great majority of scooter users on my ship demand that we accommodate them regardless of inconvenience to all the other passengers, causing dangerous situations for the operation of the ship - or the impossibility of accommodating them in a primitive country.

And Iris, unfortunately we are now experimenting with automatic doors for our handicapped toilets. Guests often try to force them open, stripping the mechanism. Then it either will not close or will not open. It takes 2 or 3 crew to force it in case of emergency. Would you be willing to bet your life on the availibility of those 3 crew in a real emergency?

We often receive information that handicapped transportation is available in places like Mexico, Indonesia, and South America. More often than not, after we actually arrive there, we are told that the transportation actually never existed, "it's broken today", or is being used by someone else. Since the demand for this type of transport is quite limited, most tour operators in third world countries are reluctant to spend the large amounts of money required to furnish this sort of thing to such a small market. The cruise lines have very little leverage to force them to provide these things. Just like you , we are only guests in someone else's country. They do not operate by our rules.

The cruise lines do have larger cabins where wheel chairs and scooters can be accommodated. They are called Suites. Really large people often book suites when they just cannot fit in a standard cabins. Should handicapped cruisers receive a discount on suites? Should large people receive discounts on suites? I'm not even going to touch that hot potato.

You are absolutely correct that cruise lines should require proof that someone is handicapped before allowing him to book a handicapped cabin. We need a letter-writing campaign.

Queenie2. I wholehartedly agree that anyone on an organized tour should not complain about delays due to handicapped passengers. How would you like to spend a few weeks in my office while I meet with all those who do complain bitterly about this very subject and demand their money refunded? Of course they don't get the refunds after hours of negotiations. But then they do give poor ratings to the ship. These ratings reduce bonuses for the management and force us to waste endless hours writing reports and explanations to our head office - rather than using that time to take care of our passengers; handicapped and not.

And Queenie2. It seems that the 160,000+ members of CruiseCritic.com were not entirely supportive of this very important issue. Only 40 responses total?

What sort of support can we expect from the 1.2 million Americans who go on a cruise every month of the year?

leoandhugh,

Excellent point. I absolutely agree with your statement that anyone trying to take a scooter ashore in a non-ADA compliant country "is either ignorant of conditions or pushing their luck". But every week of the year I have anywhere from 10 to 40 passengers trying to do exactly that. When we point out that a wheelchair will not do so well on Puerto Vallarta's cobblestone streets or in beach sand, or that a scooter will not be allowed on a zip line tour, we get screaming, shouting, threats of lawsuits, personal attacks, spitting, cursing, punching. It never ends. What are we to do? If we make it easier for even more wheelchairs and scooters to come aboard ships, will this problem improve? Unlikely.

Last year in Hawaii, we had a blind couple sailing in a cabin. We provided every available handicapped device required by them. Then they insisted on taking a mountain climbing tour in Kona. This is a very strenuous tour that is quite difficult even for the sighted. They insisted and threatened legal action if we didn't allow them to go. The cruise line hired 6 mountain climbers at $1,000 each as escorts to literally carry these people up and down the mountain. Rather than the 6 hours the climb normally takes, this episode took 12 hours. The other passengers on the tour were rather upset at the long delay and demanded full refunds. They got them. The ship was delayed from sailing on time. We didn't miss the next port, but arrived quite late. Several hundred passengers demanded compensation. Many shore excursions at the next port had to be cancelled and refunded. In the end, the cruise line lost and spent over $150,000 on this fiasco. Is that fair? Who ultimately paid for the losses? The passengers. Is that fair?

Yesterday at the Captain's welcome reception, an elderly handicapped passenger lost control of her scooter and ran into 3 other passengers. We now have one broken foot and many scrapes and bruises. Who pays for this? The cruise line. Who pays us? You do.

Last cruise we had a "service dog" onboard. The owner of the dog left it unattended in his cabin most of the week.The dog bit the cabin steward who came to clean the cabin. Is this fair to the staff? Who pays for the medical bills? The cruise line. Who pays us? You do.

Last month on one cruise we had a group with 8 "service dogs". They were defacating and urinating allover the ship - indoors and out. Their owners did nothing to stop them. 2 passengers were bitten. One dog jumped into the swimming pool. We had to close it for the day to drain it, clean it, and refill it. There were dozens of complaints from passengers - all demanding compensation. Who pays for all of this? The cruise line - and then you.

As ships currently are required (by international law) to operate, scooters and wheel chairs are serious safety hazards. In any emergency situation, their very presence in ship's corridors or gangways (whether their occupants are in them or not) could cause any number of passengers to be injured or killed. Are we willing to gamble the safety and lives of many people in order to make handicapped passengers more comfortable on a cruise?

I remain wholeheartedly sympathetic to the plight of handicapped people. I will do anything possible to accommodate their special needs and ensure that they have a comfortable and enjoyable cruise with me. But we are talking about more than comfort. This is life and death. Are you willing to risk your own lives and the lives of others?

Current US Coast Guard and Flag state Regulations do not allow the construction of a cruise ship with public parking for scooters and wheel chairs.

US Coast Guard regulations do not permit the charging of an electric scooter in a ship's corridor. They see it as a fire hazard.

Those same organizations also forbid the parking of these vehicles in public corridors. They are a serious danger to passengers trying to escape a ship in an emergency situation.

What if the ship has an enclosed, fireproof, "garage" approved by the Coast Guard (assuming they would approve such a thing) to park all the scooters? Does anyone think that the ship's crew would have enough time - in an emergency situation, possibly with few or no functioning elevators - to get all those scooters to the proper cabins in time to save your lives?

So the cruise line installs one of those problematic automatic doors on your handicap cabin. Then there is a fire and/or power outage and the door stops functioning. How do you plan to get out of the cabin? If you call the locksmith, he might get to you in a day or two.

Right now a large ship can afford to assign one or two dozen crew to assist handicapped passengers in case of emergency/fire. All the other crew have other safety duties for the other passengers and crew in emergencies. These duties are mandated by US Coast Guard and Flag State Regulations. What happens when you add 25 or 50 more handicapped cabins that are large enough to accommodate your scooter or wheel chair, thereby encouraging additional handicapped passengers to sail on the ship? Who is going to assist all of them them in an emergency? Shall we force the cruise lines to convert revenue cabins to hold the additional crew required for these duties? Who is going to pay the millions of dollars required to do that, and who is going to pay a lot more for their cruise to make up the lost revenue fromn the cabins that were converted for crew use?

What happens to hundreds or thousands of panicking passengers when there are 50 or 100 wheelchairs and scooters blocking key escape routes?

You book a shore excursion on a cruise. The bus has 5 passengers in scooters, 4 in wheelchairs, and 30 who have no handicap. The tour is 5 hours long. Every time the bus stops somewhere, it takes 40 minutes to get the scooters and wheelchairs off the bus and another 40 minutes to get them back on. Do you want a refund?

A handicapped person takes a cruise with his scooter. The ship is ADA compliant when he boards in Miami. Unfortunately, most of the Caribbean, all of Mexico and South America, most of Europe, and just about all of Asia are not ADA Compliant - and most of these areas probably never will be. What do you expect the cruise line to do?

I speak to many handicapped passengers who blame me personally and my company generally because the Mexican Government does not make special provisions for them. I feel quite bad for them. But what do they expect me or my employer to do?

Discontinued freebies on cruise lines:

Refrigerated closets for the ladies' furs - About 1968.

Complimentary streamers to throw at sailaway - About 1970

Brass Band on embarkation day - About 1975.

Endless complimentary Beluga Caviar on embarkation day - 1988.

Midnight Buffets - 1995

Free sodas - April 2003

Discontinued items on cruise lines:

Thin Passengers - 1995

Well Dressed Passengers - 1998

Well Behaved Passengers - -1999

If you do find that you are forced to reverse the roll yourself, please be careful. The technology involved can be very tricky.

Then there is always carpal tunnel syndrome to think about.

Of course, bending at the waist to sit down on those darn toilet seats can be quite risky too.

Didn't I see a "Toilet Paper Rolls for Dummies" book at Barnes and Noble?

My personal recommendation is to cancel the cruise and use the money to buy DH a colostomy. That would solve a multitude of problems................

Have a great cruise, and keep smiling.