Solution to QM2 smoking arguments

[The Real PM]

Well, as we're talking about whingeing (we are aren't we?), I'm going to get a few little things off my chest right here on this lovely, friendly, discussive thread. Some of these are about old, well-worn, chestnuts and some are things that I have been prompted to think about by other, recent threads on here. Some are even "on topic" so, with a little bit of luck, that should serve to minimise the quantity of napalm that, no doubt, will shortly be heading in my direction.

 

Anyone with an enhanced attention span and sufficient interest to read to the bottom can take this as my personal manifesto for Cunard cruising.

 

J

 

<humor>

<rant>

<ontopic>

 

1. I couldn't give a flying fig who smokes where, when, what, or how. If the law is changed then the law is changed and Cunard will have to conform - as a non smoker it makes no damn difference to me. I was born and raised in a society in which almost everyone smoked and I long ago gave up worrying about it.

 

2. I do not believe that I am going to die of lung cancer because I happen to walk past the Casino and smell tobacco smoke, or because some bloke on a balcony four along from mine happens to exhale in my general direction. If I do, then tough cookies - we are all going to die of something eventually, the only argument is when.

 

3. There are worse vices on Earth than smoking. A propos of which I propose that the gym should be converted into the dedicated smoking lounge.

 

</ontopic>

<offtopic>

 

4. I conform with the dress code because I'm a conforming kind of guy. But, I couldn't give a tinker's cuss if someone chooses to turn up for dinner on a formal night in the Britannia Restaurant wearing flip-flops, PT shorts, and a ragged string vest - in fact I tend to the vew that, when someone does that kind of thing, it rather adds to the sum of human happiness. If anybody feels they must "tut tut" or "harrumph" then they should do so quietly so as not to disturb others. And, above all, they should complain about it in private not in public. In short, it's up to Cunard to enforce their own dress code and if they can't be bothered to do so it's no damn business of mine.

 

5. Life is way way way too short to waste any of it tying bow ties.

 

6. I have absolutely no interest in whether the cream goes on the scone before or after the jam, or whether it's clotted cream, whipped cream, pouring cream, double cream, single cream, sour cream, cream of tartar or cream soda. I also do not care whether it's jam that goes on the thing or freshly picked, dew soaked, succulent, organic strawberries. For anyone who is interested, my own approach to cream teas is to carefully slice the scone in half horizontally, spread the cream thickly and evenly on both slices, sandwich the aforementioned organic strawberries carefully between the two slices, toss the assembled delicacy in the nearest bin, and go and find a burger.

 

7. IMHO tea needs to be hot, wet and sweet. I couldn't care less if it's Earl Grey, Earl Brown, Earl Black or the Earl of Wessex - as long as it meets those criteria then it's fine by me. Ideally, I would be delighted if Cunard could provide me with a pint mug of the genuine British army variety made with condensed milk - but, hey, you can't have everything.

 

8. Cunard provide way too many eating irons on the dinner table. The food has yet to be invented that can't be eaten with a spoon (suitably sharpened along one edge if required).

 

9. Black pudding should be compulsory with all breakfasts.

 

10. I wouldn't travel Queen's Grill even if I did have the money.

 

11. I have no interest whatsoever in what name is printed on those funny little bottles that you find in the cupboard with the shower in it. I couldn't care less whether they are Gilchrist and Soames, Marks and Spencer, Morecambe and Wise or Brighton and Hove Albion (why do people always associate quality with having more than one name?). However, I really do wish that they could see fit to label one of them, in the largest font possible, SOAP,because I tend not to take showers with my glasses on.

 

12. The trivia quizzes should contain no questions about sport, movies, or pop music.

 

13. I couldn't care less who the Cruise Director is - I never listen to one damn word they say anyway.

 

14. The identity of the Captain also does not concern me in the slightest. As long as he stays relatively sober most of the time and manages to avoid other ships, large rocks, and hard quaysides that might bend something and spoil everyones' day, he'll do for me.

 

15. I don't care whether I get an electronic ticket, a paper ticket, a cardboard ticket, a stainless steel ticket, or a concrete ticket - just as long as, when I pole up at Soton, they will see fit to let me get on the boat. I also don't need any more of the little wallety things that the tickets (used to) come in as there is enough junk in my life at the moment, thank you very much.

 

16. Anyone sunbathing around the pools should be made to do so fully dressed. They should also be required to put their clothes back on before getting out of the water.

 

17. Jogging and other forms of strenuous physical activity should be permitted only outside a circle of radius 10 cables centred on the funnel.

 

18. I commend to the house the idea that passengers should be able to bring guests on to the ship before sailing. A small, dedicated workforce to assist in unpacking SWMBO's 3,746 suitcases would be most welcome. I could even be persuaded to part with a free bottle of Pol Acker to assist them in their endeavours.

 

</offtopic>

</rant>

</humor>

And here is a quote that sizes up Mr Cruachan and his essay. Bravo!

"Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom." ~Thomas Jefferson

[michael mac]

Cruise companies are very happy to sell passengers cigarettes and make 500% to 800% profit on each packet sold, think that's bad, you should see what they make on alcohol.

[Valentino]

ha ha, blooming brilliant and what makes this sight so darned interesting. Still got a big smile on my face which will remain there for the rest of the day as I related so much to a lot of the stuff you've written. ESPECIALLY the bit about SOAP, i can't tell you the amount of times I've put shampoo on my body and shower gel in my hair because i haven't got my damn reading glasses in the shower with me! Oh and yes, I really have put body lotion in my hair in place of conditioner! (mind you it was lovely and silky smooth afterward).

 

Sir, if they had a button to give out warm fuzzies for your posting, I'd be pushing it with a vengeance.

 

Thanks again for the laugh.:D:D:D

[Berserker]

ESPECIALLY the bit about SOAP, i can't tell you the amount of times I've put shampoo on my body and shower gel in my hair because i haven't got my damn reading glasses in the shower with me!

 

I use a combined product from Chanel. Smells nice, and ideal for the myopic.

[Cruachan]

i can't tell you the amount of times I've put shampoo on my body and shower gel in my hair because i haven't got my damn reading glasses in the shower with me!

 

Too flaming true. And I'll spare you my somewhat lengthy tale about the time I brushed my teeth with athlete's foot cream! On the up side, though, I've never had a fungal infection of the gums since then.

 

J

[Cruachan]

 

"Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom." ~Thomas Jefferson

 

Hey, I must squirrel that one away for future use.

 

Ta. v. m.

 

J

[brigittetom]

I also quit, but 25 years ago when I met my then to be wife. The problem was/is she is totally allergic to tobacco smoke and it makes it seem as if she is crying, so I had a choice. I think I made the right one as we've been married for over 23 years.

 

However, her problem has not gone away which means that she could never stay in a pub full of smoke, nor visit the casino with me on board QE2 or QV.

 

In days gone by, every home had ash trays. They may even have been very decorative and adorned coffee tables. My parents actually had an ornate Italian musical cigarette box for their guests even though they've never smoked.

 

Times have changed. Smoker friends never even ask for an ash tray, which is just as well as we don't posess one, they simply excuse themselves and go for a walk in the garden. Not that we've banned cigarettes, it's just no longer etiquette.

 

My wife actually comes along with me now on a Friday night for an hour or so in our local tennis club bar which became smoke free. Perhaps in future she can also come to the casino with me.

 

I have never objected to the smokers, but am quite pleased that more areas are becoming smoke free. Neither do I wish to deny smokers the right to poison themselves if that is their wish, so by all means have smoker's lounges, but please let the majority enjoy smoke free areas.

 

Stewart

 

It's a whole different story when someone is truly bothered by smoke, not just the attitude, "if I dont smoke, why should anyone else". I thought it was absolutely more than fair when years ago they started to turn some lounges into non smoking. Why not, smokers don't need to smoke in every room on the ship and neither do non smokers need each and every corner of the ship to be smoke free.

 

Just out of curiosity, there has been one non smoking night in the casino for every week on board. Would anyone be open to the idea of having one smoking night in the casino for every week. Or is it all or nothing?

[brigittetom]

 

they have taken their own “Road to Damascus”

 

.

 

I did not know that the Road to Damascus was the "high" road. I'll have to try to take it more often. :)

[garigoun]

 

5. Life is way way way too short to waste any of it tying bow ties.

 

>

 

Sirrah you go too far. This could mean the end of a beautiful friendship.

In fact I think Cunard should have separate restaurants and ball rooms for the self tied gentlemen and the pre tied oiks.

Gari

[Cruachan]

In fact I think Cunard should have separate restaurants and ball rooms ...

 

Gari, Gari, Gari,

 

a leetle inter-specific cultural sensitivity if you don't mind. Sir Martin may be reading this thread. Your remarks could be extremely hurtful to him - he is a deeply sensitive cat.

 

J

[brigittetom]

Gari, You might change your mind about pre tied. They now have Velcro. :eek:

[Cruachan]

They now have Velcro. :eek:

 

Now you're talking - that's what I call a bow tie.

 

J

[pepperrn]

I did not know that the Road to Damascus was the "high" road.

 

It is to some. How else would they crawl towards the moral high ground?

[BigMac1953]

Now you're talking - that's what I call a bow tie.

 

J

 

Honestly, you'll have it ending up like the top deck on a No 5 bus to Castlemilk at closing time on a Friday night.

 

Tying a bow tie is easy. Stand in front of the mirror, have a go, then shout "darling, can you help me sort this thing" to your wife/girlfriend/partner/boyfriend or all four. Then just stand there and let them get on with it. Simple.

 

Now, about your brown shoes.............

[brigittetom]

Now you're talking - that's what I call a bow tie.

 

J

 

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa

 

And they thought smokers were bad. :D

[brigittetom]

We have a friend who ties his on the dog first, then puts it on and tightens. Obviously he's single.

[The Real PM]

Sirrah you go too far. This could mean the end of a beautiful friendship.

In fact I think Cunard should have separate restaurants and ball rooms for the self tied gentlemen and the pre tied oiks.

Gari

No there is far too much discrimination already, with stuffing all the smokers into Churchill's for goodness sakes.

 

I say have classes. A class to learn how to stop smoking, a class for how to dress on formal nights, a class to learn how to tie bow ties, and a class to learn how to grin and bear all the damn classes!

[BigMac1953]

We have a friend who ties his on the dog first, then puts it on and tightens. Obviously he's single.

 

I've never actually seen anyone in the QG with a dog aound their neck.

[Berserker]

We have a friend who ties his on the dog first, then puts it on and tightens. Obviously he's single.

 

You're never single with a dog.

[Cruachan]

Honestly, you'll have it ending up like the top deck on a No 5 bus to Castlemilk at closing time on a Friday night.

 

Nothing, on this planet or any other,is like the top deck on a No 5 bus to Castlemilk at closing time on a Friday night :D

 

J

[Cruachan]

...a class to learn how to tie bow ties...

 

Oh you are soooooooooo transparent. You're just trailing your coat for Cunard to sign you up as their bow tie tying instructor! I can read you like a book, Gail. :)

 

J

[Cruachan]

We have a friend who ties his on the dog first, then puts it on and tightens. Obviously he's single.

 

I know a cat that might benefit from having a bow tie tied round his neck and pulled very tight. :eek:

 

How many dogs has your friend actually strangled? :D

 

J

[MrandMrsBeee]

I've never actually seen anyone in the QG with a dog aound their neck.

 

Not even a Vicar? Or maybe a Bishop as it is QG.

[Cruachan]

I've never actually seen anyone in the QG with a dog aound their neck.

 

Well, the dress code is black tie, so as long as it's a black dog everything should be fine.

 

J

[Selfloadingcargo]

I've never actually seen anyone in the QG with a dog aound their neck.

 

Perhaps on the top deck of the No.5 "vomit comet", sorry Friday night bus to "Chateau Lait"???

 

Mind you there were a few in QG on our last trip........