Need advice~Fiance's ex won't let us have the kids for vacation!

[gone_cruisin]

As I cannot speak for what a judge in Ohio would rule - but I can tell you that the judges in Texas told my boyfriend, it's up to her.

 

My bf has sole custody of his son and due to child support reduction suit she brought on last May, she refused to sign any paperwork letting him out of the country. She wasn't getting her way in court (judge told her she can't not pay child support just because she's now a stay-at-home mom), she held it over her sons head.

 

We pretty much laid down the rules to the son (14 years old). The boat pulls out of Ft. Lauderdale on Nov 19th........with or without him. And yes, we were going. If he was unable to convince his mother otherwise, he was going to have to spend Thanksgiving with her AND Christmas break.

 

Needless to say, he was not happy and made her life miserable until she did give in. We had our lawyers draw up paperwork agreeing to the cruise and she was locked in.

 

Get the agreement in writing!

[ScottsSweetie]

OP, I hope it works out and you keep us posted. I have a feeling that this is a situation that goes on every hour of every day in our society, and it truly makes me sad.

 

My only advice to you, after the judge rules in your favor, is to ask for the passports NOW so that you can safeguard them until the trip (perhaps have your lawyer put in a date for the passports to be transferred to you). I have a feeling that they could get "lost", or "misplaced", or "temporarily not able to be located", and you don't want that to happen at the last minute!

[ISurfTooMuch]

OP, I hope it works out and you keep us posted. I have a feeling that this is a situation that goes on every hour of every day in our society, and it truly makes me sad.

 

My only advice to you, after the judge rules in your favor, is to ask for the passports NOW so that you can safeguard them until the trip (perhaps have your lawyer put in a date for the passports to be transferred to you). I have a feeling that they could get "lost", or "misplaced", or "temporarily not able to be located", and you don't want that to happen at the last minute!

Absolutely agree. If the judge rules in your favor, make sure there is a specific date by which she must turn over the passports and make absolutely sure she knows that, if they aren't turned over, for any reason whatsoever, you will be going back to court. Judges really hate it when someone disregards their orders, so the threat of contempt of court, which will definitely include fines and possibly jail time, ought to get her attention.

 

But here's a question for everyone, maybe one that can't be answered. I wonder, do these vindictive exes become that way after the divorce, or do they already have this mean streak in them, and that personality trait is what triggers the divorce in the first place?

[eyeamacruiser]

Yes the papers say that we get them one week in the summer for vacation but she still refuses to let them go. The have tried talking to her about it but she really doesn't care what they think. She is actually not speaking to them at the moment because they want to go.

 

The divorce was final in 1995! She has had time to get over it!

 

Believe me, they NEVER get over it. She can stop them because they are minors. DO NOT get them to get their passports behind her back, you are violating your divorce agreement and will be in big trouble then.:(

[bplazo]

Believe me, they NEVER get over it. She can stop them because they are minors. DO NOT get them to get their passports behind her back, you are violating your divorce agreement and will be in big trouble then.:(

 

I think that they can get over it. There are two sides to every story, I know that I was very angry with my ex for a year or two but then decided that my daughter came first and we both compromisesd and my daughter is very much loved by both of us and we are good friends today.

 

If the children do not get to go they will be very angry with the mother, so hopefully she will put her feelings aside and let them go.

 

Good luck!

[stewpapa]

We have taken "our" kids (hers and mine) on 2 cruises...one RCCL and one Carnival....we always get the other parent's permission on a notarized paper no problem.....BUT we have never been asked to show them to anyone to get on the ship or at any port. We just use their Birth Certificates to board. They tell you that you CAN BE asked for them and should keep them with you, but again we have never used them. I would probably get birth certificates and take them anyway. They are 15 and 17 for Pete's sake. Leave it to her to get a judge involved if she continues to protest. She is probably bluffing....BUT I don't know her or the situation. She is crazy...they are almost 18 and will never forgive her for keeping them from such a great vacation!

[babyher]

*LOL*

 

 

I will never forget the judge (actually family court magistrate) who listened to one of my ex's rambling tales of woe several years after our divorce when she brought me back into court for some total nonsense.

 

Mind you a female magistrate.

 

She said "Honey I am a big Beatles fan so my advice to you would be "Obla Dee Obla Dah ...Life goes on" :) Your ex husband has moved on with his life beautifully and has gone over and above everything for his son that this court has ordered . She suggested my ex do the same."

 

My ex asked her what she suggested.

 

The magistrate said "Go to law school, pass the bar and get appointed to the family court bench. Thats what I did after my divorce."

 

My ex was pretty quiet when she walked out of that court room.

 

As I left ,the shook the magistrates hand and thanked her. I told her she was a God:)

 

She said "Nah thats the Supreme Court, but I'm working on it" *LOL*

[nrdsb4]

Believe me, they NEVER get over it. :(

 

Not true. There are people in the world capable of conducting themselves like grownups. :)

[nrdsb4]

Absolutely agree. If the judge rules in your favor, make sure there is a specific date by which she must turn over the passports and make absolutely sure she knows that, if they aren't turned over, for any reason whatsoever, you will be going back to court. Judges really hate it when someone disregards their orders, so the threat of contempt of court, which will definitely include fines and possibly jail time, ought to get her attention.

 

But here's a question for everyone, maybe one that can't be answered. I wonder, do these vindictive exes become that way after the divorce, or do they already have this mean streak in them, and that personality trait is what triggers the divorce in the first place?

 

If I were this worried about the possibility of the ex turning over the passports, I would just go ahead and order their birth certificates and save myself the angst.

[happycruiser1942]

We have to wait till Wednesday to get an answer. The judge that heard our case two years ago is out until Wednesday morning. With final payment due Friday it is going to be close! Hopefully it will go our way!

[PeggyMc]

What about postponing the trip until you are married. Maybe that would make a difference, I know if would for me.

 

Or maybe your fiancé could take the child on a special side trip for just the two of them and get some quality time in without going very far. I think kids appreciate that sort of thing.

 

Just some ideas to consider if it doesn't work out.

[todman]

you could have her wacked.

[PeggyMc]

you could have her wacked.

 

 

Time to make this thread disappear:mad:

[nrdsb4]

Time to make this thread disappear:mad:

 

 

No, not until she comes back to report what happened in court.

[RICKnVICK]

Hope all goes well on Wednesday. Keep us posted!

[ms-getaway]

It is very sad that parents use their children to get back at the other parent but it happens my 16 year old is a special needs child and my ex will not sign the papers for make a wish to send him on a disney cruise. We take him on cruises with us all the time because he did sign for him to get a passport a couple of years ago but now he wants to be an ass and doesnt want to let him get this trip and make a wish cant send him without his fathers signature. Pretty sad if you ask me but we will still take him on the cruise we have planned for September. He loves cruising his favorite thing is to sit on the balcony.

 

 

How heartless:mad: I also have a 16 year old son with special needs and he recieved a wish to disney world when he was 7. i wish he could cruise but he has too much medical equipment.

[ms-getaway]

Make her an offer she can't refuse.

 

thats classic thanks for the smile:D

[ms-getaway]

OP, I hope everything can get straightened out. Tha being said, if my ex wanted to take my 15 yo DS out of the country I'd say no, and I take him on cruises. I have sole custody and he has visitation. The reason is, he used to threaten to take my son away and I would never see him again. He did that when we were married and going thru a divorce 13 years ago. He even left voice mail saying that so the judge heard it. It is always in the back of my mind whenever DS is with his dad. Even though my ex has to have my written permission to take him farther than a 100 mile radius of my home (not his), it is a fear I will never get over...he is a vindictive SOB that would try anything to hurt me.

 

thats sad. but the OP has a whole different scenerio. they want to cruise with 2 older kids and RETURN them.

[songbird1329]

as for the poster who says the ex won't send the kids until she knows the plans -- and won't let them go to Disney or whatever -- don't tell her the plans until the kids are on the plane.

[bmwmj]

Time to make this thread disappear:mad:

 

Too bad it had to take such a turn. I know I'm curious as are lots of others to see out the judge decides and if they all get to go on THIS cruise, not an alternative. No suggestions other than to do it legally, but I hope it works out for OP.

[mariemorgan]

Get it worked out?

[nrdsb4]

^^^The OP said they are seeing the judge on Wednesday, so won't know anything until then.

[misguidedangel]

I feel she is being cruel and holding it against your two step kids.. The kids are old enough to make their minds up if they want to go, and I assume they do. I think the step kids need to have a heart to heart with their mother that it is their life and their vacation, and to NOT ruin it for them. She has a right to say no, but at 17. that child is amost a legal consenting adult.

 

You are likely going to need a judge to decide this matter as the mother is being unrealistic. Now, if you offered to pay her to come along and be in the room with the two kids, she'd have no objections about it at all, but since she is not going, then a judge may need to declare the oldest emancipated and free to choose (and the right to have no one hold their passport hostage).

 

There will be problems if the two kids can't go becuase your two will be able to go, but the other's won't--instant jealousy. The mother probably thinks this and also thinks if she holds the kids back and says no that you will cancel the trip for everyone, making her happier and everyone miserable......

 

Divorce and shared custody is a nasty business because one spouse can get vindictive and make the others life miserable and not allow anything.

 

I wish you luck

[mariemorgan]

^^^The OP said they are seeing the judge on Wednesday, so won't know anything until then.

 

Thanks I missed that part!

[gone_cruisin]

To all those that stated anything to the effect that they should just take them without the notarized letter.......

 

Yes, I agree, I have NEVER been asked by Carnival or Customs for this letter. But here is where I think they will definitely need one! If they decide to just go on their own without the mother's consent and letter, then all she has to do is report it as a kidnapping.

 

Unfortunately, alot of jusges do not want to make rulings on things like this. They require the parties to work it out amongst themselves. Usually involving some give and take (like offering up more holidays in exchange for the approval).

 

The OP's fiance CAN legal get the passport (at least in Texas). There is standard wording stating the both parties are required to provide documentation/signatures for such things. But like I said earlier, she can deny them the right to leave the country.

 

Good luck - I hope the judge will at least hear your case. As a back up, I would discuss other options to offer to her in exchange just in case the judge stands firm. Is there anything about the possession schedule she doesn't like that you could offer to her? We had to give up Christmas to get the notarized document from my bf's ex. Small price to pay for such a great time!