Parents, Please control your kids!!!!!

[halos]

I'm 23 going on my first curise August 7th to western caribbean on the valor. Kids can't be anymore worse then seeing young adults trashed out of their minds everynigt acting like a fool which what will happen to me a few of the nights! Being drunk loud etc... Another question here i've searched i'm trying to figure out how much spending money i should bright what do alcholic beverages cost just for domestic/import beer.

 

(LOl...I knew it was too good to be true, but at least we made it to page 4. :p )

 

I don't recall what the beer costs

Bring lotza money.

[Nliedel]

Raising kids is a dang tightrope of rules and not rules, restricting but allowing enough freedom so they don't turn into rebelious teens at 13 and do something stupid. It's a nightmare and one screwup can ruin someone else's life forever (I am talking major screw up here, not something silly). It's full of Tiger Traps and HUGE, leaf covered pits of doom and unless you REALLY REALLY want kids don't do it.

 

Behavior: My best friend has two autistic kids, she just about dies whenever either of them do the least little thing wrong. She goes way overboard and does not have to panic like that. Most people "get it" and know kids are kids (I am not talking about the behavior the OP witnessed, just the occaissional small thing). I have an autisitc son with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (adopted) and I too cringe in horror if he just acts like a kid sometimes, I also have three other kids who are "normal" but one of them is high strung and prone to falling apart and sobbing sometimes. I have to be quick with him to remove Playstation time, which helps, but sometimes he gets overloaded and needs a break, so he gets one. It has made me leave venues I really wanted to enjoy but I am not going to subject other people to his breakdowns. Most parents feel like I do. Most parents want people to say "your children are so well behaved", makes us feel like we are doing something right sometimes.

 

Some people think and say "well the people on this board always 'Say' that their kids do not do these things". I believe it. Most parents are concerned the problem it only takes one kid.

 

Gene and I were celebrating our anniversary last weeked at a local hotel. At dinner there were children (this place has a great pool and there are always kids on the weekend) everywhere. Most of the kids were well behaved. One was whining and acting like a jerk. His grandparents (who he was with) were just letting him have whatever he wanted and letting him whine for more. I almost smacked them by the end of our meal!

[halos]

Raising kids is a dang tightrope of rules and not rules, restricting but allowing enough freedom so they don't turn into rebelious teens at 13 and do something stupid. It's a nightmare and one screwup can ruin someone else's life forever (I am talking major screw up here, not something silly). It's full of Tiger Traps and HUGE, leaf covered pits of doom and unless you REALLY REALLY want kids don't do it.

 

 

So, so true.

It is so impossible...and I find that I have a harder time with my oldest because she's the first. I've told her to have patience with me because she is my guinea pig and I'm figuring out how to do this job as I go along.

It is SO scary. I know, as a mother, there were times I'd go to bed in tears wondering if I was doing it right. It doesn't take much to screw up a child...that's for sure. My husband and I look at them all the time in wonder now, thinking, "how did we pull this off??" because we really didn't know what we were doing. We were pretty young (by today's standards) when we had them...I was 23 with my first. We flew by the seat of our pants. He simplifies it saying we were consistant and we stood together at all times (which was tough. Sometimes he'd give a punishment that I thought was too tough for the crime committed or vice-versa...but we never disagreed with each other about the girls in front of the girls ) Punishing your kids is so freaking hard. No one likes to see their kids cry...but if you are weak and don't take the hard road, the results are disasterous. The good thing though is that if you start out taking the hard road and are consistant, you really don't have to travel that raod too often because they really learn quickly that you aren't a push-over, so they don't test you... so with parenting, the hard roads are usually the ones that are most effective.

Now, I'm at the very weird stage of parenting an adult child. She'll be 20 in July. Again, I feel lost. Since she comes home for the summer, I've warned her before that although she has total freedom away at school and is independant, when at home, the rules apply. I told her after her freshman year that it wold be tough. She still has a curfew. But she adjusts well, she never argues with us about it...she's a much better kid than I was :eek: Thank GOD! The only consolation I have is that when the second child is going through stuff, I know exactly what to do because I've done it once already.

When is someone going to write the rule book to make this job easy???

[L2J]

The only consolation I have is that when the second child is going through stuff, I know exactly what to do because I've done it once already.

 

When is someone going to write the rule book to make this job easy???

 

 

Not exactly LOL.

 

Probably never so you might just as well draft your email to UB now.:p

[halos]

Not exactly LOL.

 

 

LOL...for me it's that way. I think it's because I just feel more confident in my decision making by the time #2 has things that need dealing with...with #1, I questioned everything I did....like I said, it kept me up at night.

[L2J]

LOL...for me it's that way. I think it's because I just feel more confident in my decision making by the time #2 has things that need dealing with...with #1, I questioned everything I did....like I said, it kept me up at night.

 

LOL...not for me. Mine are like night and day. My youngest comes to live with me in June and while I've been very active in their lives, I'm questioning everthing I can think of:eek:

[lil nemo]

True, but forgive me for feeling insulted when it was just the latin culture that was being mentioned. I must only presume that you are multicultural to be able to speak on our behalf, if not then maybe an opinion is better received from someone that has walked in our shoes and truly understands our culture. Please bare in mind that the U.S. culture is a multitude of various cultures, for I have yet to meet a U.S. citizen that does not have some ancestry other than caucasion, not by skin color but heritage. Speaking as one with much experience in the area, not only personally, but professionally as well. Discipline may range from culture to culture, but the end results is the same. Most parents want to raise well behaved young men/women that will be a well educated and productive adult. Our kids are the legacy we leave behind, no matter where we are from. Again, this is IMHO.:)

 

Thanx to MamaMick & halos for understanding my view point and not judging...

Please don't feel insulted. I am deeply rooted in culture. and fight predjiuices daily.

I think this thread has stayed in what western culture is expecting of children thats all.

[Disneycruiser#1]

Nliedeal and others, I am grateful for people that adopt and wish we could. My sister has also adopted and I admire you all so much! I almost pointed out in my rant that my own mother is very disabled and has been for awhile. It makes me furious when children who are old enough (and adults) point at her or say things about her in front of her.....she is disabled but her hearing in just fine.

 

She has always worried her disabilities would cause her grandchildren some type of harm or shame. I would reassure her that my children would grow up understanding disabilities and be kinder for it and thank goodness that has happened. I can remember the first time my oldest even realized my Mom was in a wheelchair and that was "different" than other grandma's. He was over two and he thought it was cool. He does not see the wheelchair he see's and loves his Grandma.

 

Teach your children not to only to respect the disabled but all adults and other children. Have them say yes and no and answer if not order (dinner) for themselves and say please and thank you, have them hold open a door for others, do not allow them to charge the elevator when the doors open, do not allow them to run up and down the stairs or up and down the hallways knocking on doors. This is not cute it is rude.

 

I also admire those of you who have gotten or are getting through the teenage years with your children. I know that will be a challenge. I also agree that if you are too "hard" or go over the top with restrictions children will rebel. I try very hard to keep that in mind. I worry a lot that having to be Mom and Dad (with my husband gone so much bc his 19 year Marine career). I worry I am doing something wrong (that I do not know enough about football or soccer or baseball) but so far my sons behavior and better yet hearts are in the right place. I know my husband will be proud of our boys proud when he returns again.

 

It feels great to have people compliment me on their behavior. Last summer we were on a 8 hour flight but I always come pre-pared because I am their Mother and it is my job to have "things" to entertain them not the Flight Attendant or the person in front of them. I have noticed a look of dread on on some waiter's faces when they see young children and in the end they are relieved with good behavior and we receive a compliment and that reinforces my sons conduct.

 

Why in today's society is being polite and well behaved a shock? It should be the norm.

 

Last year we took our youngest on a birthday cruise. I saw the look when we went to dinner the first night. At the table was a middle aged couple and 2 daughters in their late teens. They ended up being the best table mates we have ever had! They were thrilled our children enhanced their cruise and did not disrupt it and the evening of my sons birthday when the CCL servers brought out a birthday cake they sang along and brought gifts for both of my sons. You can not get better than that!!!

 

We have 3 MAJOR rules in my house:

 

1. Do not say to someone else what you would not want said to you.

 

2. You do not have the right to hurt anyone else and no one has the right to hurt you.

 

3. If you lie your punishment will be more severe than if you don't. So admit it so we can talk about, deal with it and learn from it.

 

I do not spank my children. I put them in time out and now they are older (3 and 6) I can put them in their room with books only. Each parent has to find out for each child what works and what does not.

 

Anyway so this thread does not get yanked bc of being off topic. I still hope someone reading this entire thread realizes we are speaking about behavior of children and if you even suspect your child (or you) falls into this category you probably are correct and do something about it. Not only for a better vacation and life for you but for all of us who are trying so hard. Too many times on these boards I read about people worrying about kids on their cruises and it is used to offend me but not any longer. I now understand why. I worry about kids on my cruises/flights/life and I have children.

 

Some of you point out many children feel entitled to toys, cars, vacations and clothes. I feel as if my children are entitled to love, safety and parents that set a good example the rest is earned.

 

Your children are not entitled to be brats and disrupt other peoples lives, vacations, class rooms, yards. You are lucky to have children and please, please, please tell them no. They will not hate you for saying no and as many others have said in the end it is better coming from you than being in a situation that can not be fixed easily.

 

Also, please do not let your children roam alone on the ships or think a older child can watch all 5 of their siblings or cousins....that is stupid and dangerous. It just takes one mistake to make your world crumble (and theirs) and in todays world protect them as much as you can.

 

DC

[bossladylana]

I have worked in education for the last 30 years. I can tell you I have seen a steady decline in the way children act and the parenting skills.

When I first started working in education, children were better behaved and had better manners and morals. If you talked to a parent about their child's bad behavior, the parent seemed much more willing to do something to resolve the problem. They were upset that their child misbehaved. Nowadays, when you talk to the parent, they get angry at you, not at the child and it is always everyone else's fault. It is the teachers fault, the bus drivers fault, the other children's fault. Never their child's fault.

ALso, so many children today are so disrespectful. If someone in authority says anything to them they are mouthy and talk back in a very disrespectful way. When you see most of them with their parents, they talk to the parents the same way. My children were not allowed to talk to me or their father in a disrespectful way and neither are my 8 grandchildren. They also knew they could not talk to any other adult that way.

 

I raised 3 very well behaved children that I could take anywhere. (2 girls and one son) They are now grown and are responsible adults. I am very proud of all 3 of them. They are good parents who are trying to raise their children the same way they were raised, with lots of love, but also taught manners and morals.

It wasn't always easy. It's much easier to be a lazy parent who doesn't discipline their children. Or who just sits and yells but never carries out the threats. It is very hard to always be the mean old parent who won't let your child do what "everyone" else is doing"

My daughter made me very proud when she was a teenager at a friends house once and the friend was talking back to her parents and being very disrespectful. One of the parents asked my daughter if she talked back to her parents like that. She replied. "absolutely not. For one thing, I would be picking myself up off the floor if I talked to them like that, but mostly because I love and respect my parents too much to talk to them that way."

Someone else told me they asked my other daughter how she turned out to be such a lovely young lady. She told them because her parents had not only taught her manners and morals and how to be a responsible, good person but we had taught her by setting an example by the kind of people we were and the way we lived. I thought that was the nicest thing a child could ever say about their parents.

[halos]

Bravo Disney :)

[halos]

I thought that was the nicest thing a child could ever say about their parents.

 

I agree. Makes you feel good, doesn't it??

 

I have to say that although parents (at least me) relish those moments..I have to admit that the pride is small compared to the sheer relief...when you can take a deep breath and think, "whew! The kid is going to be OK"

[Lookin4Paradise]

I by no means was making this a race issue, but, pointing out that there are many different mindsets and cultures on a ship, and understanding some of those cultures help you understand behaviors of both parents and child. other cultures have different standards. and one might not think that while on a ship in the carribbean it would be adopting western standards and cultures.

 

Just as by skin color alone I would not assume someone of caucasion look to be of U.S. culture.

 

I agree - I too was just saying that other cultures view things differently. My neice looks caucasian as well - her mother is a fair-skinned redhead and her father is Spanish. Kind of an "explanation." I apologize if I offended anyone:o ; I was just saying that different cultures have different expectations for their children. When my parents were in Germany while my dad was in the Army, people took their dogs to restaurants but NEVER their childen. The dogs would lie under the table, and no one knew they were there until the owners got up to leave. It's just a different culture. :)

[mrstrod]

A lot of you keep saying some parents have the mentallity that their kids should have monds of their own. Here's my opinion:

 

NOT IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

It's my responsibilty to teach my children the right way to grow into funtioning adults. I have two children - Rebecca is 5 and James is 2. I don't cook, so we ALWAYS go out to eat. Since we eat out more often than not, it would really suck to only go to McDonalds or burger king beacause that's the only place exceptable for kids. My children, sit at the table, color (only if restraunt give them stuff - I don't bring a thing) and eat their food. They engage in conversation politely and if ever one of them were to step out of line - I have absolutely no problem what-so-ever getting the check and leaving immeadiately. And believe me, a punishment would be doled out at home!

 

To the non-parents that are complaining - you are right. Children should not behave as beasts. The problem with thses children is not that they don't know how to behave when they go out - it's that they don't know how to behave at all. I am sure they are no angels at home either.

 

To the parents of the unrully children (and you know who you are) - Get a grip, In todays world our children need more dicipline thatn ever before. You're gonna send these spoiled bratts into the world totally unprepared for what they face.

 

Just my opinion!

 

- Tara

[Lookin4Paradise]

I agree - I too was just saying that other cultures view things differently. My niece looks caucasian as well - her mother is a fair-skinned redhead and her father is Spanish. Kind of an "explanation." I apologize if I offended anyone:o ; I was just saying that different cultures have different expectations for their children. When my parents were in Germany while my dad was in the Army, people took their dogs to restaurants but NEVER their childen. The dogs would lie under the table, and no one knew they were there until the owners got up to leave. It's just a different culture. :)

 

I tried to edit, but I took too long!! Anyway, I SINCERELY apologize if I offended anyone. I merely wished to point out that every culture views things differently. And I would NEVER condone judging anyone by their ethnicity. Spaniards, Puerto Ricans, Mexicans, Venezuelans, etc. are all unique - just like the Pacific Northwest is different from the Northeast and China is different from Japan. I know that everyone desires for their children to be good, upstanding citizens - but everyone goes about that in different ways. Some spank, some don't; some yell, some don't; some do time outs, some don't. I just used the example that I know best (Venezuela) to say that children are raised with different philosophies in other parts of the world. I suppose that I didn't put enough into my post for it to come across as I wanted. Again, I apologize.

[MamaMicki]

Hello all,

This is the best thread about kids that I have ever read!!! Kudos to everybody.

It was really enjoyable reading. Take Care Everybody!!

[lil nemo]

I agree - I too was just saying that other cultures view things differently. My neice looks caucasian as well - her mother is a fair-skinned redhead and her father is Spanish. Kind of an "explanation." I apologize if I offended anyone:o ; I was just saying that different cultures have different expectations for their children. When my parents were in Germany while my dad was in the Army, people took their dogs to restaurants but NEVER their childen. The dogs would lie under the table, and no one knew they were there until the owners got up to leave. It's just a different culture. :)

Yes, it is important And we do have to consider cultural diversity when it comes to child rearing and behavior and understand what the western culture finds unacceptable other cultures may not. And they may even live in the U.S. but still honor there native cultural.

There is certainly an extent we as parents are respondsible to teach diversity and acceptable behavior while visiting a locale. But, a ship in the middle of the ocean isn't nessarily an american culture ship, just because 50-70 less or more percent of the populus is from the US.

And when we shake our heads that even the security or staff of a ship is not trying to control the children, they also are of a culture diversity, AND MAY SEE behavior differently too.

[halos]

LOL...not for me. Mine are like night and day. My youngest comes to live with me in June and while I've been very active in their lives, I'm questioning everthing I can think of:eek:

 

Good LORD!! :D

Oh baby!!

Liv...are you in for it or what??? ;) Your youngest is 14? 15??

LOL!! The thoughts of my husband (who is an excellent Father) having to deal with either of our two on his own...without me...well, it kinda makes me laugh.

Just keep in mind that once a girl gets boobs, she becomes very smart and can out-wit any man...even her Daddy...so be careful!!! ;)

Godblessya!!!! :D

[L2J]

Good LORD!! :D

Oh baby!!

Liv...are you in for it or what??? ;) Your youngest is 14? 15??

LOL!! The thoughts of my husband (who is an excellent Father) having to deal with either of our two on his own...without me...well, it kinda makes me laugh.

Just keep in mind that once a girl gets boobs, she becomes very smart and can out-wit any man...even her Daddy...so be careful!!! ;)

 

That's what I said *shakes head*

 

LOL...I think I am so it's time to get the Drill Sergeant hat on:eek: She's 14. Bday is in october.

 

Actually she's a good kid and "hopefully", despite the boobs, she will not give me too much grief:o

[tef43]

She's 14.

Get ready for your life to change, forever.

 

Where's she staying while you're off carousing on VV?

[halos]

That's what I said *shakes head*

 

LOL...I think I am so it's time to get the Drill Sergeant hat on:eek: She's 14. Bday is in october.

 

Actually she's a good kid and "hopefully", despite the boobs, she will not give me too much grief:o

 

 

I'm just kidding with ya Liv...it's going to be great, you'll see. Daughters are amazing, and watching them become women is a gift. You're going to love every minute of it, I promise you. :)

[caviargal]

I just ended a two year relationship with a man that has 3 kids, 22, 17, 14.

 

One of the biggest issues we faced was how children should be discplined. I am not a parent but I do not think it takes a brain surgeon to know what is right and wrong. I was raised to be a productive, responsible adult and I helped raise my much younger brother. Plus, we had the assistance of a family counselor to help us work through this, who advice he just chose to ignore.

 

The 17YO and the 14YO lived with us for a year and a half, as they did not want to live with their mother. We lived in my home. Before they met me, they were never aware that kids were supposed to have chores or any responsibility at all. They kept their rooms filthy, and I do not mean sloppy but horribly dirty. Their father's take was that "kids need to be kids and have fun, they do not need responsibilities now". All they needed to do was bring home good grades. They had no accountability for anything. His 14 YO wore what she pleased, which was often inappropriately revealing and way too old for her. Her behavior was provocative and I cannot imagine what kind of a woman she will grow into. Both kids left their stuff laying everywhere and would not pick up themselves no matter what. There would be twice the mess when their friends came to visit.

 

Were they polite children? Yes. But they were bing raised to have no respect for their own space or the space of others. Right before I ended this relationship, me and the former SO had taken a cruise. I have a 4BR 3BA house so the kids all had their own space and then some. But, when we returned, my bathroom and bedroom were trashed even thought they were clearly told that this was my personal space and I expected privacy and respect of my things and my space. I cleaned and changed the sheets the day we left because I enjoy coming home to a clean house. The main part of the house was also neat and clean. Anyway, I came home to my last mess and that was it.

 

These children are being raised by a parent who, IMHO, is doing them a great disservice by allowing them to live like pigs and to disrepect other peoples things and space. This will certainly hurt them in the long run.

 

They spend hours a night with friends and with the TV, and no accountability was ever in place to make sure they cleaned their rooms or jsut picked up after themselves. They were allowed to do anything they wanted to.

 

It is a sorry state of affairs and I am certain they are not the only kids being raised like this. Some parents have no business being parents. Permissiveness is the lazy way out IMHO.

[halos]

Caviar..you are one smart woman for getting out of that mess. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you, but dang girl, you sure did the right thing. A future with those step-children as adults would not have been pretty.

[Disneycruiser#1]

Wow, good for you for getting out from under that mess....I am sorry for you though and know that must have been hard. That is just wrong, you give them a nice place to live with their Father and they show disrespect like that. It sounds as if he does not have a clue. You would think he would clue in now that he is stuck with them and does not have you.........

 

Take care

DC

[Nliedel]

My kids are the ones that have to live in thier rooms. As long as I can walk and not be put off by odor they can be pigs and I am OK with that. The rest of the house is VERY clean. Not immaculate, but I have a toddler and so nothing is untouched by grubby hands, but darn clean. Dishes are handled by the almost 8 year old and almost 6 year old. They load and unload the dishwasher and I fully expect it of them. They also are expected to pick up what they play with in the common areas and not make a mess of my room, and to remember that it is *MY* room and using it to play video games in is a privilage and NOT a right.

 

We currently have a problem in school where one child is bullying Gene-Gene, who is small for his age (small birth parents). This kid has left bruises on my son. Now G3 did call him a crybaby, once, in the fall.. so I can see why he was mad at first. G3 apologised and has tried to work it out in every way possible since then. The school tells my son to "avoid" this kid, even tho they are in the same class, it is a mess. We have a birthday party planned for next weekend and I asked my son if we should exlcude this boy (rotton little sh__ is what I called him, and well deserved). He said "No, mom, that would not be fair to him and I don't want to make him sad".. He is an amazing kid.

[Disneycruiser#1]

I agree with the score cards but if we do that then we have to also score the dumb parents and give them their sign as well and it is open season on any person 50 and below who runs down the hall yelling and knocking on doors after 10:00 pm........open season plus hunt down the parent and throw all of them over board and if they have a suite or better cabin than who ever gets to them first gets the cabin (lol) :)