Question For Ladies Traveling Alone

[MollyBrown]

I generally travel solo on the transatlantics, as I have business overseas and my S.O. prefers land to water.

 

I will usually attend evening events with my tablemates, but there have been times when I've gone out alone. Do those of you ladies who travel solo feel uncomfortable going to evening events alone? Perhaps not the shows so much, but anything going on in bars and clubs, such as the G32, for example? I have done this, but have felt like an odd "man" out and a bit awkward.

 

I know there are gentleman who are on hire to dance with solo ladies, but I'm not yet very adept at ballroom dancing. And it is probably awkward for people to approach single ladies, particularly men, because it will be thought they're looking for a pick-up, or else their wives won't be very happy about it. Then again, to add to the discomfort, if some man happens to be eying me in my solo state, I fear that might be the reason, and I walk the other way! So perhaps there is no comfortable way for a women to go out alone, unless she's on the make, which I am not.

 

It seems the double standard might still be alive, in that a man can freely go out and about by himself, but a woman might be looked upon as being either a bit pathetic, or hot to trot! Must we only go out when we can find people to accompany us? I'm very independent, but I think it is still looked upon as slightly odd when women wander about alone.

 

I am youngish, by the way, late 30's.

 

Any thoughts?

[colleency]

I'm late 30's, and I don't see anything wrong with traveling solo. I have been known to attend Victorian ballroom dances, and you are expected to dance with many men. Just because they ask you to dance doesn't mean they're on the make.

 

I am, however, married, so it's possible that I'm not seeing it from the same angle that you are.

[atticus]

All five of my cruises have been as a younger (28-34 y/o) solo traveler thanks to generous gifts from parents who are no longer able to travel.

 

The first cruise I took I felt very apprehensive about sitting alone in the bar - let alone at the bar - but experience has taught me to make the most of my vacation.

 

You probably will get approached by men, and not just those that are single....there was a man on the last cruise who was looking for young wife number five except he had older wife number four traveling with him to help with the selection. That's one of the great things about ship travel, you do meet all kinds.

 

I try to get to know the bartenders in the bars I may be visiting in the evening. This way when I come in they can sort of look out for me and will do their best when they have a moment to talk to me. Some of the male bartenders have an uncanny way of letting any persistnt men know to back off.

[dc-farer]

I generally travel solo on the transatlantics, as I have business overseas and my S.O. prefers land to water.

 

I will usually attend evening events with my tablemates, but there have been times when I've gone out alone. Do those of you ladies who travel solo feel uncomfortable going to evening events alone? Perhaps not the shows so much, but anything going on in bars and clubs, such as the G32, for example? I have done this, but have felt like an odd "man" out and a bit awkward.

 

I know there are gentleman who are on hire to dance with solo ladies, but I'm not yet very adept at ballroom dancing. And it is probably awkward for people to approach single ladies, particularly men, because it will be thought they're looking for a pick-up, or else their wives won't be very happy about it. Then again, to add to the discomfort, if some man happens to be eying me in my solo state, I fear that might be the reason, and I walk the other way! So perhaps there is no comfortable way for a women to go out alone, unless she's on the make, which I am not.

 

It seems the double standard might still be alive, in that a man can freely go out and about by himself, but a woman might be looked upon as being either a bit pathetic, or hot to trot! Must we only go out when we can find people to accompany us? I'm very independent, but I think it is still looked upon as slightly odd when women wander about alone.

 

I am youngish, by the way, late 30's.

 

Any thoughts?

 

 

I travel solo all the time and never feel the least bit uncomfortable going out alone. In my opinion, it all has to do with attitude -- you know, smile and the world smiles with you. A double standard, if there still is one, only exists in people's minds...just don't let it take root in yours! If you worry about what other people think, then you may never do what you really want to do. I'm a bit older than you are, but still very well put together and I have made wonderful friends aboard ships -- married couples, other single women and men, crew...all sorts of interesting people -- who don't feel the least bit bothered or threatened by my solo status and who never look at me as "pathetic or hot to trot" because it is clear that I am neither -- rather, simply interested in having some fun, some conversation, a few laughs. Put away those doubts about others AND yourself...and instead, put yourself out there among the living. Don't let anyone else define who you are or dictate to you how you should behave. Life is far too short to worry about what other people may think. You know who you are and that's all that counts. Carpe diem!

[travel-to-go]

I do plenty of things alone. Marc like to think of me as a social butterfly, while he would rather go home and watch TV (ugh) or go to bed. I drag him off into things. But I have no qualms about going off alone if I want to party and he doesn't.

I like to strike up conversations with people. Find out a little bit about where they are from, what they do "when they aren't crusiing around the seven seas" I usually find a way to work something into the conversation... "When Marc and I (that's my significant other) went here..."or something along that line will suffice without being obvious. A casual mention in the course of a conversation without making a big deal of it is fine. I don't want to make a big deal because then it looks almost like I am flattering myself, or thinking "all men are pigs", which, of course they are not! I have a wide range of interests and can talk about just about any subject. (ask anyone who knows me <LOL> I can talk about ANYTHING!) But more important, I try to shut up and either ask questions or just listen if I don't need to help bring the conversations along. With practice you'll find that you can pull this off naturally. I genuinely do love to hear about other people and places, and what other people like to do. "So is this your first cruise? works to get people talking about what they love to do in their leisure time. And "What do you think of the ... Have you tried.... yet?" Also, I rarely drink to excess, which is what, I think, gets most people in trouble that you hear about (mostly on Carnival cruises! <EG>). I like to drink, don't get me wrong, and may get a little "happy" on occasion, but I don't get staggering down, take-me-to-your- room, drunk. That's just plain dumb. Even if your resolve is good, in those cases, maybe your ability to take care of yourself would not be! So as long as you have your wits about you, and talk to the person just as you would someone of a different age group who is really interesting, or someone not available (What if their wife is suffering mal-de-mer and just in the cabin lying down and wants to be alone!) or even as if I were talking to another woman or maybe a gay man. Heck, you don't have any qualms about talking to folks here on the list. Just be yourself. You'll do fine. Honest!

 

Karie

[MollyBrown]

Thanks for the input.

 

I was playing a tiny bit of the devil's advocate to make my point, as I'm not as extremely awkward about the whole thing as I apparently sound. But I do tend to be on the shy side, and it takes practice to overcome that. I'm fine once I find my tablemates, and have met people, male and female, on occasion while attending events on QM2 solo.

 

I don't mean to sound like little red ridinghood who views men as the big bad wolves. I guess when it comes to gents, I'm much more comfortable with someone who casually chats with me, but don't know what to make of wordless eye contact.

 

Anyway, glad to hear other ladies feel no discomfort in going out alone. I posted this question as I hoped to hear other ladies' experiences and viewpoints...a little girl talk. Perhaps I sounded somewhat like a little lost sheep, but I'm not at all.

[travel-to-go]

I don't mean to sound like little red ridinghood who views men as the big bad wolves.

Perhaps I sounded somewhat like a little lost sheep, but I'm not at all.

 

Nah! I've seen enough of your posts to pretty much figure that you could hold your own, and I sort of doubted you were shy about traveling solo! It just didn't seem like what I had seen of your posts! <G> I suspect you're a bit outsoken like me. Maybe it's the anonymity of posting vs. face-to-face, but somehow, I bet you are charming and self-confident in a crowd!

 

Anywaym have a grand time, and if you find any of those wolves, get their numbers for me. In case I ever get rid of Marc <G> (not likely- especially after his sweet Valentines Day treats!)

 

Karie,

wolfette in sheeps clothing <BEG>!

[bobby1119]

Traveling solo can produce alot of anxiety, and I empathize with you, MollyBrown, and all other solo travelers (business travel excluded, of course). As a single male traveler, I, too, was worried about some of the same issues. All the more reason I can empathize with and be sensitive to the greater pressures -- and sometimes peril -- that solo female travelers face, especially given the way that men, single or married, behave when they see a solo female or any female for that matter (Yes, I am a proud male feminist!)

 

I made my first solo crossing on QE2 in 2003 and was very apprehensive. I took a table for 2 by myself just to make the experience a crucible to test myself. I did very well and found myself being asked to pull my chair over to other tables of two to join in for after dinner coffee, dessert and conversation. It was delightful. I always go to the QE2's Yacht Club for a late night drink and conversation. I have been amused by the fact that as I male I, too, was apprehensive about being hit on, and I often am, sometimes by solo women (usually older) and, more often, by males.

 

As a young retiree this December, I have booked the full 2007 QE2 World Cruise as a gift to myself. Although I still have some apprehension, I am excited about it. Because the cruise is so long, I have requested a table of six or eight, preferably with other singles.

 

Enjoy your crossing on Queen Mary 2! Remember, MollyBrown, you are unsinkable!

[MollyBrown]

...and if you find any of those wolves, get their numbers for me. In case I ever get rid of Marc <G> (not likely- especially after his sweet Valentines Day treats!)

 

Karie,

wolfette in sheeps clothing <BEG>!

 

Will do! Thanks.

[MollyBrown]

Traveling solo can produce alot of anxiety, and I empathize with you, MollyBrown, and all other solo travelers (business travel excluded, of course). As a single male traveler, I, too, was worried about some of the same issues. All the more reason I can empathize with and be sensitive to the greater pressures -- and sometimes peril -- that solo female travelers face, especially given the way that men, single or married, behave when they see a solo female or any female for that matter (Yes, I am a proud male feminist!)

 

I made my first solo crossing on QE2 in 2003 and was very apprehensive. I took a table for 2 by myself just to make the experience a crucible to test myself. I did very well and found myself being asked to pull my chair over to other tables of two to join in for after dinner coffee, dessert and conversation. It was delightful. I always go to the QE2's Yacht Club for a late night drink and conversation. I have been amused by the fact that as I male I, too, was apprehensive about being hit on, and I often am, sometimes by solo women (usually older) and, more often, by males.

 

As a young retiree this December, I have booked the full 2007 QE2 World Cruise as a gift to myself. Although I still have some apprehension, I am excited about it. Because the cruise is so long, I have requested a table of six or eight, preferably with other singles.

 

Enjoy your crossing on Queen Mary 2! Remember, MollyBrown, you are unsinkable!

 

Well thank you. How refreshing to hear from a male feminist! It is definitely worth your while to book a table for 6 or 8. I always do, and it's been great fun.