teens freedom on cruise- thoughts/ideas

[kaseyoz]

On our last cruise, our kids 15 and 12(nearly 13)stayed with us the majority of the time. The next cruise which will also be during school holidays so lots of kids, we are going with another family.

The other family kids have always had more freedom than ours and our son is not as socially adept as other teen.They are now both 16 and our son has never been to a party or out at night with friends, he is very shy but likes being with this other boy.They have virually grown up together

 

I was wondering what are your thoughts/ideas on teens wandering alone around the ship.

What rules did you give your teens. We want our kids to have fun but worry about where to draw the line at freedom without making him look uncool in front of his friend.

 

I think the girls (13) will be ok but of course they will have rules!

any thoughts welcome

[caribbean dreams]

I let my teens wonder, but i know exactly where they are every second, They can go to the Disco but if they want to leave they have to come and tell us were they will be at. when we go to bed, they go to bed, I think is it wrong for some of these parents to let their kids wonder the ship all night, long after the parents have gone to bed and they have no clue where or what their kids are doing. I also check on them to make sure that they are where they are supposed to be. Luckly my Girls have always been kind if clingy to me so most of the time they opt to go where i am going.

[karmac]

This is also a worry for me as I have a 15yo son. He's sensible but you never know what they're going to get up to if they get in with the wrong crowd. We are now less than 3 weeks away (yippee) but I am starting to get a bit worried about the kids. How to keep track of them etc. One thing for sure though, they will not be staying up after we have gone to bed.

 

Karen

[NARELLE]

This last cruise (New Year) we let the kids have total freedom for the first time - no curfews. My son is 16 and my daughter just turned 14. As it turned out there were 2 girls on the cruise that had attended the same High School but had left a year ago. Troy and one of the sisters were quite close when at school. He hadn't seen her for about 18 mths. The four became inseperable. My daughter on previous cruises was very clingy to the point that she was also shy and wldn't interact with kids from the teens club. This last cruise was a welcome change. I gave them no deadlines but 9 out of 1o times when we came to bed my daughter was already in bed asleep. Their little group began to grow and alot of the time they would be together in someones cabin watching a movie, listening to music etc. When they were "walking around the decks" I spied them a few times and they were never being naughty. In fact there was a few people on board who knew of us and weren;t backwards in forwards telling us if they had seen wrongdoings. I think that there has to be a cetain amount of trust there - you trust that they will do no wrong for the way that you have reared them. I never had anay trouble and in fact half the time we ended up with everyone elses kids with us as the children still wanted to know where we parents were all the time too. On the Sun there was one main deck where most of the nighttime activities were, so you can keep an eye out for them.

YOu are there to have a good holiday but so are they. They need to be a bit independant of you. We all ate dinner together every night and caught up with what each had done thru the day. Mind you when our son came in at night - always after us he wld always let me know what he had been doing during the night and who he had been with. he is a fairly outgoing person (probably because he dances in front of 500+ people each month) and easily makes friends. We thought we were going on the ship to get away from the phone - but guess what it never stopped ringing the whole time with arrangements being made to meet up and do things together. They had an assortment of ages in their group. I think Kelly was the youngest 14 and the oldest was 19. They all intermingled very well together.

[Tropicalshowers]

This will be our first cruise (school hols. as well!) and our boys will be in different kid's clubs as one will be 12 and the other 15. At first the boys were disappointed to be 'separated'(don't know how separated they'll really be), but now they are quite looking forward to it. We have always had a 'check in' system at home. If our oldest goes to the movies with friends, he checks in on arrival (by mobile) & does the same when the movie is over. If the boys go to the park, they come home every hour to 'check in.' I gather from reading other threads that the kids can sign themselves in & out of the kid's club & if this is so then we will ask the kids to 'check in' with us first when they've signed out, or are planning to be somewhere unplanned. That way we hope at least to have a rough idea where they are! I don't want to cramp their style (or fun ) either & don't know if this will work, but we will see what eventuates.

Cheers.

[smurfette]

HI all,

 

My children weren't teenagers at this cruise (phew) but I did see 20ish old guys walking around with walkie talkies. I overheard someone saying that you can hire them - this means that if the kids can't find you or vice versa at least they can ask where you are - as they can't go to certain places like the casino, but that shouldn't stop you. Kids clubs offer children from the age of 8 to self sign themselves out - we weren't comfy with our daughter signing herself out at this age so she had to wait for us.

 

KaseyOz - I think if you and the othr parents set some ground rules together and then dish them to the kids then everyone is on the same wavelength from all parties involved.

[4theloveofcruising]

The cruise i went on was a real party cruise with the majority of passengers being between 18 and 30. There were some teenagers on board and I thought one group in particular got too much freedom from their parents. They girls must have been about 13 y/o and they were going to the adults deck parties. They were having a great time dancing, which was good to see, but the adult deck parties can get dangerous with people taking drinks onto the dance floor, wine glasses, bottles of wine which get dropped and smashed. Also the dance floor can get crowded and the younger ones get squashed, not to mention all the drunk people. At about 12 midnight, the DJ made an announcement saying this party was for over 18s only, if you were underage you had to leave, and the girls left quick smart.

[rockie]

Please please please, your kids MUST have curfews people. I don't care how much you think your kids behave unsupervised, but every cruise we have been on the tweenagers and up have caused no end of trouble. The group may grow bigger but so does the trouble. Even very young kids were not with parents a lot of the time. A lady at our table had a 13 yr old and a 15 yr old. They both had curfews and one night broke them. They weren't allowed out for several nights after that. That particular night they were in large group but the group was behaving itself, but good on this mother for her stance. I don't believe in giving kids a free range, it is dangerous. Kazeyoz, please watch your 13 yr old as they usually end up with older kids. I have very strong views on this as you can tell. Cruising is great for families but so many parents get onboard and forget they have responibilites with them. A 14 yr old boy got drunk on our last cruise, the older kids were obviously getting the drinks for him.

 

Sorry Kazeyoz for 'going off', but I think you have the right idea for your kids.:)

 

Now, I wait to be shot down in flames.:eek: :eek: :eek:

[caribbean dreams]

Rockie, i totally agree, on a cruise i was on at 3:00am teenagers were throwing plates off the side of the ship from the pool deck, broke the mirrors in the elevator, wrote manes on the brass stair railing and cussed every word, did their parents know where they were or what they were doing? I think not.

I kept hearing " its their vacation also let them do what they want"

a few families got dumped off at the next port because of the way their teens were behaving. Now don't get me wrong i have 3 of them and i know they are not perfect and i do keep tight reins on them and know where they are every second.

[luvvin_u_2]

i just turned 17.. on my cruise there was an 11 year old running around dressed like a tart at 1 in the morning except their family had 2 leave in noumea as a brother got shot back home.. i think 15 and over let them be free as long as they arent throwing things over board or acting like tarts.. if they are just dancing in the club let them have a good time.. mum only set a rule for me and it was not to walk around too far away from the ship in noumea (it would be the same for vila) just incase anything happens.. u never know when u are overseas.. i dont go out a lot at home counting down till i turn 18 lol.. but the cruise is a chance to just have a great time n meet great people.. the teens club can get a bit boring and childish.. probably great for the under 15's:)

[aussiedisneyfan]

On our Star cruise it seemed to be the 11-13 year olds running riot. I didn't have any problems with the older kids. Our daughter is only 8 but had sign out privileges with conditions. She was only allowed to sign out to go to the cabin or meet us at certain times. She had to let us know before going to the cabin. This was so that she could go to kids club and then meet us at certain times such as dinner, bingo without us having to sign her hout. When she left kids club twice without following the rules, once after we specifically told her to stay there until a certain time, we revoked her privileges and she had the choice of staying there or with us. No other option.

 

Karon, I think your kids are old enough to be given some privileges. Arrange to meet them at certain times or perhaps certain ringing times.

[kaseyoz]

My main concern is that both boys are opposites in their backgrounds, mine shy, never goes out and other boy very outgoing , hda several girlfriends , out most nights till 3 and 4 am . How can i meet in the middle. My son has proved he is not easily led and is trustworthy. I guess i have to be brave and give them so freedom with restrictions of course.

 

rockie i have no problems with your post, in fact i agree with evrrything you say, that is my problem....

[karmac]

Rockie, I also agree with everything you say. I have many friends who think I keep too tight a leash on my kids. Having said that, I know that my kids have more respect for me than their kids do for them. I can tell that by the way these kids speak to their parents. I'm not overstrict, I do allow my 15y.o son to do certain things. He has even been to a few concerts (Simple Plan, Greenday) but I have driven into town to pick him up. This Sunday he is off to Luna Park to a Yellowcard concert & yes, I'll be driving over there (at least an hours drive) to pick him up. I'd also like to add that he has done all these with his female cousins (21, 17 & 15) so that makes it a little easier. You know, when he went to Greenday concert, someone told me I was a "good mum" for going & picking him up. Funny though, I didn't think of me as being the good mum but them as being the bad mum for letting their kids catch the train home at that time of night. And no way was I going to stop him from going, when I was his age all I wanted to do was go to concerts & my dad always came & picked me up. The other two are still too young for that sort of thing.

 

Karon, if your son is as shy as you say he is, I don't think you'll have a problem because he's not going to be easily led astray. Don't be surprised if he ends up spending his time with you rather than this other boy (I can't believe he stays out until 3am at that age). But yes, I know your dilemma. It's these reasons that I wish mobile phones worked on board because my son got one for Christmas & at least I'd be able to ring & ask where he was ( and then go & check).

Anyway, I think I've raved enough.

 

Karen

[luvvin_u_2]

why dont u agree to disagree on a time do be in bed, because it sounds like u are worrying:rolleyes:

i think 1 - 2:30 is a good time.. at least he can have fun for a few hours.. some nights he'll come home before that and some nights maybe a few mins later.. just as long as he knows he cant do this at home he should be ok..

i think deck parties should b an exception though.. if you trust the boy and ur son everything should be fine:)

[DanFromSyd]

I didn't want to post in this thread as I dont have kids, but from an uncle's perspective who took his 10yo nephew on the sun in Jan. Here are my thoughts.

 

Basically I think being a closed community the ship is relatively safe. The kids should meet people there own age in the kids clubs and in your case already knowing someone should make it easier.

I would say at 15 they should be pretty responsible. I mean in 3 years they will be an adult. and at 15 are probably going to parties etc on land. (if not now they will be in a year or 2) So it might be a good place to test the waters so to speak. Set them ground rules, tell them that if they break the rules you'll break them!!

i would say a curfew of 1-2am is the latest. All teen activities were finished by 1am on the Sun and allowing them an hour to cool down before going back to the cabin probably isnt a bad idea. If you are night owls and are up at that time you'll find them anyway. As has been said most of the night life on the Sun is on one deck. So chances are you will run into them.

 

On our cruise I saw plenty of teenages "hanging out" in terraces after it closed as well as the back deck. Hell I was in Terraces till 3am myself with friends until the cleaners kicked us out!!

I would rather see a group of teenages sitting together chatting in a lounge rather then running up and down corridors at 2am.

 

I would caution them about underage drinking.. Dont shelter yourself thinking it doesnt happen. It does, it happens on land, it happens on cruise ships...

 

Life as a teenager is all about compromise. You want them to do nothing, they want to do everything... you need to meet in the middle. Compromise is what builds healthy relationships between parents and kids.

 

 

Rockie: I think that is the big difference between our boards and the others we dont flame anyone. Its great to have an opinion and I dont think anyone has a problem with the views that have been expressed by yourself and others... I think everyone agrees!

 

Cheers,

 

Dan

[smurfette]

Maybe only make a few small rules and give yourself the first 24huors on board to figure out how everyone is reacting to the holiday. I know that it was totally different from what I was expecting when I hopped on board, and it did take a couple of days for our family to fall into a "routine".

 

I'm not sure if someone is on the cc board to tell you about the walkie talkie. I know I saw young men walking around with them finding out where each other was.

 

 

I don't have teenagers, but you know yur children better than anyone - do what is right for your family and your children, regardless of what the other family is doing. It's your holiday and your hard earned money. Also, when they get back from holiday it would be a hard bargaining tool - "well you let me do it on the ship so why not on land."

 

I'd say relax and take it as it comes.

[cruiselover999]

I think it's important for kids to learn to be independent from their parents in social situations. A cruise ship is a wonderful place to begin the process. Having said that, I think the most important thing to remember is that YOU are responsible for you child's behavior. Giving your child a long leash is still keeping it pretty short, considering that you're on a ship and he can only go so far! My 16 year old has been wandering cruise ships since he was 10, armed with a walkie-talkie and firm guidelines. This time, at 16, he will have the freedom to stay up much later, go dancing, etc...BUT, I have eyes in the back of my head, and if I see ANYTHING shady going on, that leash will become a choke collar! LOL Honestly, as long as you have a trusting relationship with your child, chances are that he will not behave inappropriately. The ones who do are the same ones who behave like that at home! RELAX & ENJOY!

[luvvin_u_2]

dan is right about in 3 years or so they will be an adult..when this happens it will give them pretty much as much freedom as they like and they will take advantage of it to the max if they havent had much freedom although with guide lines.. i think its best to just relax as a few other people have said..

my brother is 11 he could sign himself in and out of the kids club but at night he used the walkie talkie 2 let mum know when he got back to the cabin.. during the day he just walked around and had friends to play with.. he knew to come back for dinner and he was fine..

just if you find out your kids are doing anything terribly wrong stop them from going out:)

[Skyrules]

My main concern is that both boys are opposites in their backgrounds, mine shy, never goes out and other boy very outgoing , hda several girlfriends , out most nights till 3 and 4 am . How can i meet in the middle. My son has proved he is not easily led and is trustworthy. I guess i have to be brave and give them so freedom with restrictions of course.

 

Like Dan, I wasn't going to comment because I don't have kids, but I think if your son has proved he's not easily led, then you probably haven't got anything to worry about. As long you set down the ground rules from the start. If your son and his friend have been friends for so long, and your son has always looked up to him, I think if he was going to be lead astray by him, it would have happened by now.

 

Kym

[NARELLE]

Karmac,

 

I agree with what Dan has said.

having said in my previous post about no curfews etc and trusting. I am just like you. Back on home soil he is back to having restrictions and rules to obey.My son also went to Green day - his first concert. I allowed him (there was a group of them) to go by train in the daylight but ensured they were picked up and brought home. I have been told I have the reins too tight (by my Mum and husband ) on him and have only started in the last 6 mths to allow him to go out. This is because where he works - Hungry Jacks Cabramatta they are all older than him, school all older - he is in a year ahead of his time, ballroom dancing -- the grp he is friends with all have cars and he is the youngest. I have the problem that he wants to do what all the others do and he has restrictions. I always pick him up from work, regardless of the time and if he goes out always drop him off and pick him up. I must admit mobiles are the best thing at his age invented. He constantly keeps in contact with me and lets me know of his whereabouts.

What High School does your son go to? Our kids go to Fairvale High. They dance at Liverpool RSL.

I did see young ones and adults with walkile talkies on the ship but people seemed to be having trouble with them that they cldn't hear each other - just my observation.

As dan and I both said most of the activities occur on the one deck and he was right we often run into the kids at one time or another during the day and night. during the day we could always find them round the pool area.

[karmac]

Hi Narelle

 

My son goes to Lurnea High & the other two go to Lurnea Primary, my daughter starts high school next year. My son is in year 10. I know someone who goes to Fairvale High, she is in year 11.

It's certainly a worry when they get to that age isn't it? You want to do the right thing by them and I guess we just have to hope that that's what we're doing and that they make the right choices in life. This may sound silly but my biggest fear is someone going overboard. I've read quiet a few stories on the net about such things happening:eek: . Maybe I should just stop reading:) . Anyway, I'm just going to wait until we get on board, sus out the ship & basically play it by ear. I've already given them the lecture about NOT leaving their drink somewhere & then going back to it.

 

Karen

[NARELLE]

we must think alike

that is exactly why we never went on a cruise until 6 years ago - I was scared they wld fall overboard. I started cruising as soon as I left school when I was eighteen and love it. I never started cruising again until after my first marriage ended and then I wld never have thought my second husband wld like cruising - how wrong I was. After our first family cruise on Fair Princess they were all hooked.

I must say on this last cruise that if the kids got a drink and were around the pool area they wld come and leave them with us if we were up there.

At night they wld often buy a "mocktail" - 2 slurps and it was gone.

I can honestly say I didn't even think about spiking drinks with the kids being at that age!. Are you going in school holidays?? I must say on all other cruises Troy has lived and breathed kids club and then teens club but found this time (maybe because it is the first time in school holidays) that there were too many kids and very "clicky". They hardly ever went there this time. Said it was boring I think too many 13-14 yr olds. Even my daughter complained too. Maybe because they are growing up! We are taking them on Sapphire next January and they are really excited about that. troy keeps pestering about the teens club and what facilities that ship has. He is in Year 12 and is only turning 17 in July - see what I mean about being the youngest for everything. He probably knows the person that you know from Fairvale in Year 11.

[kaseyoz]

thanks for all your replies guys it wonderful to hear what everyone thinks. It IS great to also hear from dan, luvvin etc because they can give the view from a younger age set. umm still thinking about this one. will have to play by ear i think with lots of talking beforehand