Question on kids - not what you think!!

[stbmom]

I posted this on the family cruising board as well, but it is kind of slow so I will ask it here too:o

 

Okay, my ds is an extreme extrovert and has never met a "stranger". He is one and is a ham! We are working with him on this. Here is my question, while I completely understand an toddler not knowing the stranger rules I am astonished at adults who seemly don't understand stranger rules. We travel a lot with ds and it never fails that we have adults of all ages who do things like tell him to "come here", try to pick him up, etc.

Believe, he is cute - I understand:D

But come on people! I have to teach him about stranger danger (anyone watch Dateline's To Catch a Predator!). I am fine with people smiling at him, waving, even saying "hi". But just last week we went on a trip and at breakfast at our hotel an older gentleman sitting alone was watching my son walk around (we do let him walk around for those child haters:p , and yes I was right beside him) and the man kept telling my son "come over here and see me". Even at the airport people kept asking my son to walk over to them:mad:

We live in the South, to I understand being hospitable! We have taught him to say "hi", smile, even wave - but NO I will not have my son walking up to complete strangers.

I usually try to just say "oh he is tired right now" or make up another polite excuse for my not letting him to come over there. However, I don't want to lie in front of my son constantly (especially as he gets older). Also, I don't mind people who are staff playing with him, I am refering to folks such as other customers, etc.

 

What do you do when complete strangers cross the line into what you have taught your child is inappropriate stranger contact? I am asking because I can imagine we will deal with this on our cruise as well (he is such a cute kid and all:)

[rsscaptain]

"Thank you for being a kind person. The world needs more people like yourself, and I apprieciate it. However, I'm sure you can imagine that I am obligated to teach my son boundaries, and one for his age is, he must not go to strangers!"

 

I often admire young ones and would never be so intrusive, (even with the best of intentions) as to ask them to come to me.

 

You have the right motives, and you have to teach your children how to exisit in this world.

 

I admire you!

[cruisin from florida]

With a big smile to the adult, and an apologetic "you know how it is" look, repeat your expectation to your son. "Remember - you don't go up to strangers."

You can even smile apologetically and say to the adult, "You know how it is these days - we have to teach him to be careful."

Most adults (especially the grandmas and grandpas) will nod in agreement. You haven't offended them - you have included them as understanding adults.

If you end up in conversation with the adults in question, you can then allow your son to interact with the new "non-stranger."

 

I will say, however that for now I wouldn't worry too much about stranger danger. Right now, and for years to come, YOU will be making sure your son is safe, by being right with him whenever he is in public. I'm about as protective as they come, and my boys are now well into their teens, but when they were little they met a lot of strangers. The message that I gave them, safety-wise, was that they were safe with ME. And they had to stay with ME when we were out and about. As they got older, the message changed. To keep them safe I needed to know where they were, who they were with, and what they were doing. That's still the rule. And I trust. But verify. :-)

[kmdress]

Not sure how old your ds is, ours is now 3.5 was 1 for his first cruise and will be on cruise #4 in March. All I can say is good luck!!! Ours was picked up and hugged by what seemed like every member of the staff. He also had his picture taken with many of them. They love children and many miss their own, so its nearly impossible to get upset. We also tend to talk with everyone we meet, whether at meals, at the pool, or on the elevator, so the stranger concept is very difficult on a cruise ship!! Our older 2, ages 14 and 13, tend to know more people by cruise end, than we do! Best to just keep a very close eye on him and re-enforce the never walking off with anyone but mom or dad. Good luck

[rsscaptain]

With a big smile to the adult, and an apologetic "you know how it is" look, repeat your expectation to your son. "Remember - you don't go up to strangers."

You can even smile apologetically and say to the adult, "You know how it is these days - we have to teach him to be careful."

Most adults (especially the grandmas and grandpas) will nod in agreement. You haven't offended them - you have included them as understanding adults.

If you end up in conversation with the adults in question, you can then allow your son to interact with the new "non-stranger."

 

I will say, however that for now I wouldn't worry too much about stranger danger. Right now, and for years to come, YOU will be making sure your son is safe, by being right with him whenever he is in public. I'm about as protective as they come, and my boys are now well into their teens, but when they were little they met a lot of strangers. The message that I gave them, safety-wise, was that they were safe with ME. And they had to stay with ME when we were out and about. As they got older, the message changed. To keep them safe I needed to know where they were, who they were with, and what they were doing. That's still the rule. And I trust. But verify. :-)

 

Perfect!!!

[FinelyCruising]

I think as long as you are watching over him he is safe in the environments your describe. The Predator is a loooong way off for your child, and the two scenarios are quite different.

 

As you and your child engage in being social people, you can provide continued feedback on how nice the person was, or if you thought the person was a bit off, you can let him know how you feel about that too to allow him to understand your queues.

 

As the two of you continue on, one thing I would recommend would be to establish a "code word" that you both know that means danger and will be a word that both of you know and will allow you to walk away from a situation that either or both of you feel uncomfortable in. If that occurs you need not be obligated to be socially graceful to that stranger. Your intuition will be guiding you and there is no better guardian angel than that.

 

Have fun, and it really is sweet to have such an outgoing child who charms so many others.

[FinelyCruising]

I think as long as you are watching over him he is safe in the environments your describe. The Predator is a loooong way off for your child, and the two scenarios are quite different.

 

As you and your child engage in being social people, you can provide continued feedback on how nice the person was, or if you thought the person was a bit off, you can let him know how you feel about that too to allow him to understand your queues.

 

As the two of you continue on, one thing I would recommend would be to establish a "code word" that you both know that means danger and will be a word that both of you know and will allow you to walk away from a situation that either or both of you feel uncomfortable in. If that occurs you need not be obligated to be socially graceful to that stranger. Your intuition will be guiding you and there is no better guardian angel than that.

 

Have fun, and it really is sweet to have such an outgoing child who charms so many others.

[Soxfan05]

Great advice so far.

 

The only other I would give is that when in public places like airports etc. where you may have to wait, bring along a new game or toy that will engage him. He is less likely to go into "performance" mode or seek out attention from others if he is busy with something he enjoys. It will also give you a break from having to talk to every person he encounters. LOL Good luck and enjoy!

[on board]

When our kids were younger we had the same trouble and I did not like others calling them over and trying to pick them up. When people would do this I would also tell them in a nice way that we have taught our kids not to talk to strangers and never to go up to a stranger. Some got it some did not! One instance I can remember was this couple that was probably mid 40's waiting to board the plane came up and started talking to our kids and offered them a piece of gum, that is when I stood up and told them no thank you and I would really appreciate it is you never offered strange children anything! He was not happy and told me we did not have to worry about them, I in turn said well maybe I don't but how am I suppose to know that from a complete stranger. I guess we weere suppose to make that call according to how they looked and dressed!:rolleyes: I always kept my kids very close and also taught them they were to never ever stray away from us.

On the ship the employees did want to pick our kids up and while on vacation anywhere, I never allowed them to do this no only because of the stranger thing, but also I really did not want my kids handled by someone that I had no clue how clean they were or because of any type of illness!

Just keep an contant eye on them and this also keeps them from going places that they should not be also.

[Travelgrrl]

I often have little goodies with me on cruises (sometimes for poorer children in the ports, but often I run into people I know from the ship whose kids look as if they could use a pick-me-up) but what I do is offer the little toy or treat to the mother, and say, "Would your child like this?" If so, they can take it from me and give it to the child themselves.

 

Maybe those who like to treat little children would be wise to do something similar, so as not to freak out the parents! :)