Need some funny tips for newbies - Toastmasters

[detroitwingsfan]

I am giving a speech for my Toastmasters group and am looking for some ideas.

 

Some tips for newbie cruisers. Funny things, what you wish you would have done different the first time. Like a top 10 for cruise virgins. How to make the most out of your trip.

 

My mind is blank and I know you guys will have some creative and funny suggestions.

[mithryl]

1. Bring half the clothes you've planned...and twice the money.

 

2. Don't skip formal nights...it's an elegance cruising experience. Guys...bring or rent a tux (you may not have worn one since your wedding...or maybe even your senior prom!) I promise you will look and feel wonderful. Gals...who doesn't like to turn heads when you walk into a room.

 

3. Be polite...don't hog poolside chairs, there are really enough to go around for everyone.

 

4. Relax and have fun...you've earned it!

 

5. Respect and have fun with the crew. Remember, they are working 7 days a week for 6 months straight trying to give you a great cruise experience. They have left their own families behind in order to provide for them in the best way they know how. How well would you hold up under those conditions?

 

6. Bring Bonine...just in case you encounter rough seas. It shouldn't make you drowsy and it can really help you adjust and get your "sea-legs".

 

7. Plan some fun shore excursions (on your own or through your cruiseline). You've spent the money to get to your destinations...now enjoy them to the max!

 

8. Take advantage of the shows on board the ships. The stage productions are generally very professional and well done..and they're free!

 

9. If you like to dance, dance to your hearts content...there's no cover charge in the lounges.

 

10. Book the best cabin you can afford. If you can swing a balcony...do it! If a suite is not beyond your budget...do it!

Give yourselves the very best experience you can afford. You can always choose to downgrade on future cruises (although I doubt you will).

 

11. Be prepared to be "hooked" on cruising. it's that great!

[WKM]

1. Book an inside cabin. You are never there so why spend the money on something you are not using, when you fall into bed after you have done everything you can do on the ship, all you need is a bed.

 

2. Decorate your cabin door so you can find it after you have been in the bar half the night.

 

3. Bring some extra clothing for dinner in your carry-on. You don't want to be the only one at dinner in shorts and a t-shirt that says sink the ship.

 

4. Bring duct tape. Hundreds of uses for this wonderful product. To name a few, strapless bra, get the sand off the carpet in the cabin, great fix for hems on skirts or pant legs, for broken glasses, and luggage. It also holds the curtains together so the sun will not wake you in the morning. Now if you get the inside cabin, no problem. As I said hundreds of uses.

 

5. Watch out for the toilets. Be sure you are standing when you flush. That suction will take you down.

 

6. Don't pile the food on your plates when you go to the buffet. I have seen 1 foot high piles of food. I promise they have lots of food so you can go back if you need to.

 

7. Use the stairs if you are going up one flight. No one seems to know they have stairs, they will wait for hours for an elevator for 1 flight up. :confused:

 

8. For the midnight chocolate buffet, pile it on!!!!! You can never have enough chocolate.

 

9. Whatever you do, do not wear a speedo. It is out of date, and it really hurts everyones eyes. Same goes for 70 year old ladies in a 2 piece.

It is not out of date but it does hurt the eyes!!

 

10. Main thing is have fun, talk to everyone, and join in the activities. You never know who you will meet, might be your new life long friends, and if you don't like who you meet don't worry you probably will never see them again, especially on a big ship.

 

 

Hope this helps,

Carol

[WKM]

This is a change for #9.

 

Whatever you do, do not wear a speedo. It is out of date, and it really hurts everyones eyes. Especially do not wear your underwear under the speedo. The underwear sticks out!! Same goes for 70 year old ladies in a 2 piece. Not a pretty sight.

[WKM]

Here are some things you can do if you get bored.

 

1. During the evening of formal night. Sit in the bar and rate the outfits 1-10.

 

2. Fly a kite.

 

3. Shoot skeet off the back of the ship.

 

4. Do laps in the baby pool.

 

5. After seeing how many Texas Teas you can drink, see if you can make it back to your cabin.

 

6. See how many times you can go up and down the elevator without it stopping.

 

7. Sit on the toliet and see what it feels like when you flush it.

 

8. Take flash pictures during the performance to see how fast you will be ejected.

 

9. Throw streamers from up above when they are setting up for the champagne water-fall.

 

10. Wear shorts to dinner.

[celbercrz333]

WKM, lol on #8, the air feeling is funny. Did anyone mention to dress like a tourist so you can tell who's on your ship once you're on land?

[WKM]

celbercrz333-I hear the locals are complaining about the tourist dress. :rolleyes:

[WKM]

Rate Speedos (men & women). Have a few people with numbered signs sit near the pool and as someone walks by show a number just like in sports competitions. You may need a few 'negative' numbers for this one, LOL.

 

See how many buckets (from buckets of beer) you can stack around your deck chair in one afternoon.

 

Move people sleeping in deck chairs to the other side of the ship & when they wake up tell them they slept through the cruise & we're on our way home.

 

Start yelling - shark, shark, shark in the salt water pool.

 

Find a women in a very prominent gown on Formal Night, walk up to her and say, "Very nice gown, there's a lady on the other side with a gown on exactly the same as yours".

 

These were from a CC member to add to the list.

[detroitwingsfan]

These are great! Cracking up!

[Lady Patriot]

YOU'RE WARPED!! I LIKE YOU!! :D

 

One more, although I don't know whether you can use this one on a speech.

 

Bring a Fart Machine to the lifeboat drill, especially if you're in a cold wind and standing around for an hour waiting for everyone to show up.

[Lady Patriot]

Concerning the barf bags....

 

I noticed they no longer have directions on them, saying "Open top of bag and place offending matter inside. Twist ties shut and dispose of." (True story, this was actually written on a barf bag on an American Airlines flight.

 

How are we going to know what to do with a barf bag if they don't tell us??:eek: :confused:

[WKM]

Last minute things to remember!!!!

 

1. Remember all the documents. No documents, no cruise.

2. Stop the paper.....if thieves come by and you have 16 papers in your yard it is a pretty good bet you are not home.

3. Stop the mail..... after 16 days the mail man can only stuff so much junk mail in that box.

4. Get rid of the animals.......they will be pretty pissed off at you if you don't.

5. Passport........No passport, no cruise.

6. Confirmations-car/hotel/airlines.........need ways to get to the ship. No ways, no cruise.

7. Turn up or down thermostat.........no need to keep your plants comfortable.

8. Be sure all doors and windows are locked before you leave.........We don't want an open invitation for all the neighbors to have parties at your house when your not there.

8. Don't forget your list of family and neighbors, e-mail /addresses/phone #s....... You want to remind them how much fun you're having.

9. Remember to close the garage door. If you have a remote be sure the garage is all the way down before taking off.

10. While you are in the car and waiting for the garage door to come down, make sure you have your Passports, confirmations, AND documents with you. It is not fun going back to get them. (You might miss the ship)

11. Finally if you do forget your passport, confirmations, and documents, AFTER ALL THESE REMINDERS, I will wave goodby to you from the top deck.

 

Need anymore?

 

Later,

Carol

[Rockportgirl]

Move people sleeping in deck chairs to the other side of the ship & when they wake up tell them they slept through the cruise & we're on our way home.

 

Hilarious! :D

[Dewaco]

Just a quick HI! to a fellow TM. 4 of the ladies from our club (Singles & Friends Toastmasters) will be on a cruise June 3, 2008 in the Mediterraean (Carnival Freedom). Look out Italy!

 

You just gave me some ideas for my Toastmasters speech. I am working the Humorous Speaker manual.

[WKM]

Glad to help!

 

Carol