UKstages

that's not actually true in most customer service organizations i've personally been involved with and i've been in the contact center business for more than forty years. my own experience with executive escalations at NCL, including just a few weeks ago, is that these are handled by staff in miami. handling executive correspondence in an offshore location rarely ends well. i think you're correct that the exec doesn't typically see the message himself or herself on the first pass, but as it becomes a thorny problem, they certainly do. i regularly received emails from the VP of marketing, the CEO and the CFO at my most recent employer, all asking what we're doing with this customer complaint or that. these folks regularly review customer sentiment from online monitoring services (well, maybe not the CFO) and absolutely review customer satisfaction survey scores on an almost daily basis. the CEO actually did receive and read all email addressed to his public-facing email address, although rarely responded personally.

one of the problems with iceland air is that they are not a member of any airline alliance, such as one world or star alliance. (they do have partnerships with alaska airlines and jet blue, however.) so even those with status on other airlines can't choose seats ahead of time. presumably, only those who are members of iceland's own "saga club" frequent flyer program can do this.

' slot manufacturers deliver machines according to the casino's preference. manufacturers generally have three payback options from which casino slot directors can choose. when you consider that minimum payback by law in nevada is 75%, it is not unreasonable to think that one of the payback options offered would be 75%. in reality, few machines are set to 75% in nevada... because nobody would ever play them. 85% is a more likely payback for a penny machine in nevada and in new jersey, where the minimum payback by law is actually 83%. dollar machines are usually set closer to 90% or 92%, with $5 machines paying closer to 95% or 98%. for the record, i never actually played "rich little piggies." i just used that reference for the joke. but they do have that machine in the casino. some "advantage slot players" (if you believe there is such a thing), claim that rich little piggies is a "banking" slot and can be manipulated for profit. i personally don't think so, as i've seen people put a thousand dollars or more into the machine when it's allegedly "due," only to get a high value bonus round with all features that pays only six or seven hundred dollars. it's still a random thing, even if the piggies are about to pop with high value features. i did play some buffalo gold collection, on which i got a modest handpay and i played a few dollar slots and i played quite a bit of "money burst" at the 10 cent denomination. but. mostly, i played VP, and, yeah, the gods of variance were not on my side.it's tough when you're playing UX.... even if you hit bonus quads, without a kicker and a strong multiplier, you will lose. i earned over 30K tier points on this trip and received the largest OBC comp i have ever had (based on loss, not action). i stopped playing jacks years ago... low volatility, yes, but just not exciting enough for me. i quoted the jacks pay table because i thought it was pretty good... for a cruise ship. on UX, i was playing DDB; on single line i played TDB. as you know, with the variance on DDB, you can lose your shirt. with TDB, you can lose your shirt and your underwear. there was some kind of glitch in the machines... only when playing TDB, though. the machines would go to a blank screen and have to be rebooted. they reached out to IGT for a fix. apparently, the video poker machines are leased... i found that surprising. slot machines with licensed characters, sure. but VP? also, surprising: NCL pays an hourly rate plus transportation (in USA ports) for IGT techs to service the machines when needed. interesting. i had thought new ships were exempt from CAS bookings for the first six months or so. i'll have to look into this. i am guessing with my recent loss, i can book pretty much any cruise, any ship. yes, but they can still make policy changes... such as opening up all seats in the indulge food hall for universal dining (allowing guests who sit at a particular station to order from any restaurant in the food hall, not just the one they're sitting at).

i was unaware that this group was given the improv for their nocturnal escapades. being that comedians are no longer scheduled to perform in the improv, i’m pretty sure that this would have had no impact on the decision.

i meant, of course, to say "assassins," not serial killers. i regret the error!

so, wrapping up here… is 21 days too long to spend on one ship? normally, i’d say no… but with many canceled ports on this itinerary and the transatlantic nature of the first cruise, this meant there were 10 or 11 sea days, depending on how you calculate. and most of those were with bad weather and colder temperatures, and since the prima has so much outdoor space, it definitely put a damper on the trip. would i do it again? yes, but not on the prima. perhaps never on the prima. for now, she’s a one and done. (or “two in one” and done). would i try the viva? sure. it will be interesting to see what corrective measures they take fixing some of the known problems. but i think we’re likely not to see real design improvements until the prima class ship after that. my next cruise is on the joy in october. i’ve been on the joy before. and so i can say with certainty that there is no joy in prima-ville.

cruise next i have never used cruise next certificates and see no value in using them. all my base fares are covered by the casino and i make good use of $250 = $500 cruise first certificates for ancillary expenses. so, my dealings with cruise next mostly involves deleting seven or eight broadcast voicemails from them on my stateroom phone, throwing away six or seven flyers delivered to the stateroom, and avoiding their gaze at cocktail parties and when traveling about the ship. but i do have to check in with them for booking of behind-the-scenes tours and wines around the world. after the first cruise, i became sapphire, so there was also the matter of booking “dinner with the officers.” i received my very first latitudes pin… what are these for exactly? i did actually see somebody wearing one, but i can’t for the life of me understand why. because i had never received one before, the CN rep gave me both a platinum and a sapphire. um, thanks. i think. i was able to book wines, BTS and the dinner with officers. i went on the BTS tour for the first time and found it interesting. i didn’t attend “wines around the world” on the first cruise because i hadn’t had any sleep (see my other post) and on the second cruise, i forgot completely about it. it would be lovely if this appeared in your app’s daily schedule as a booked item, but it doesn’t. and the dinner with officers? i never received a letter informing me of the day, time and location. now if you’ve read my other post about this cruise, you may remember that on the first cruise i received several misdirected messages… one of them was for somebody’s dinner with officers. perhaps my invitation went astray. perhaps the information wasn’t entered properly or my invitation went to my old stateroom. not a major mishap, but, i would have had a lot to say to officers! of course, i did notice on that letter i received for somebody else that the “officers” were a manager of something or other and a cruise next rep… not exactly my idea of a fun or worthwhile evening. my score for cruise next: C-

excursions let me first explain that i have very mixed feelings about NCL excursions. they are overpriced, sometimes obscenely so. and yet, they are convenient. and there is that thing about them holding the ship if you’re delayed. that’s more of a marketing and sales tactic than something that the average person has to ever worry about, and yet it does lend itself to peace of mind. plus, i usually have $400 - $600 in nonrefundable OBC for each cruise, and i do get a 15% latitudes discount, and $50 FAS off each tour, so i do book NCL excursions. of course, NCL does not allow you to book excursions in advance and charge them against OBC, so that poses a problem. or, i should say, it’s never been a problem before this trip. on this trip… yes, big problem. on both cruises, i had trouble booking tours and also getting preferred times for the tours i could book. also, the price of the tours invariably is higher once onboard and you have to really hound them to get your latitudes discount and $50 credit. yes, i know you can book in advance, pay for them, cancel onboard and rebook using OBC… but that is just so… cumbersome, especially if they charge you the higher price once onboard. i made a point to get on the ship early so i could be among the first to visit the excursions desk. and i was there at about 11:25 on embarkation day in NYC. as it happens, their “system” was down. so they couldn’t take any orders or fulfill any requests. they asked me to fill out a paper order form. i did, and then next day i received a notice that two of my requested excursions were “sold out” and that I had been placed on a waiting list for them. one of the tours that was “sold out” was a hop on hop off bus “tour” for halifax. how do you sell out of a “hop on hop off” tour with virtually limitless capacity? there was no word on the other excursions, all of which were for many days ahead… the iceland stops at the back end of the cruise. the next day, i received a ticket for that hop on hop off tour. but still no word on the icelandic excursions. a couple of days before we hit our first port in iceland, i stopped at the shorex desk to ask if i should be concerned that i hadn’t received my tickets yet. the rep looked in the computer and said there was nothing there… i had no excursions in iceland. then she excused herself and went into the back office… for fifteen minutes. when she came out, she gave me my tickets for three excursions. she said they were there, but they hadn’t been printed yet. something didn’t smell right about that. and the times were off. one tour was for 7:15 am… i’m not a 7:15 am kind of guy. basically, i think what happened is that my excursion requests were not processed properly and she went in the back and found the original order form and set me up. if all that needed to happen were for the tickets to be printed, it would not have taken fifteen minutes. and my requests would already have been in the “system,” displayed on the computer. as it happens, two of those tours were to be canceled because of port cancellations and delays, which left me with a $300 overage in nonrefundable OBC. so i bought a $321 bottle of macallan enigma… and i don’t even drink scotch. but it’s nice to have in my bar for friends. similar (mis)adventures with shorex on the second cruise… sold out tours, waiting lists and inexplicable booking practices. there is no prioritization of orders… the orders don’t seem to be processed in the order in which they come in, and there is no apparent prioritization due to latitudes status. (that has never been a promised benefit. should it be?) and there is very little transparency with these guys. i swear, they just make stuff up. of the five or six of them, i found one who i felt was a straight up legit rep. the quality of the actual tours varied widely, as it does when you book outside of NCL, but overall, i was happy with the tours once they were underway. several of the iceland and norway tours delivered on the promise of breathtaking scenery of mountains, fjords and waterfalls. shorex desk: C+ the tours: B+

smoking i don’t smoke. i don’t like the smell or the exposure to the carcinogens contained in second hand smoke. the same applies to the carcinogens in vape smoke. i consider it a serious health risk. so i appreciate that the prima, like all NCL ships, is largely smoke-free. of course, there are about 11% - 15% of those reading this who will say there aren’t enough places to smoke onboard. anyway, that’s my perspective from the get go. and it’s the perspective through which i filter the following comment: the prima fails at maintaining a smoke free environment and has lax enforcement of onboard smoking regulations. within three minutes of boarding, i was outdoors on deck 8 and i passed a guy vaping. a few minutes later, i passed another. this would continue, both indoors and outdoors, for the next 21 days. the vapers either haven’t read the rules or don’t care about the rules. or they think the smoking rules don’t apply to them. or they are just so self-entitled as to not care about their fellow passengers. any way you slice it, there is a whole lot of vaping going on… some of it is blatant and some of it is surreptitious. but i never once saw a member of staff tell anybody to stop. the casino is non-smoking, but as reported upthread, a good portion of the casino adjacent to the smoking room stinks like stale cigarettes. similarly, there is a humidor (a cigar room) on deck 7. the smoke smell from that humidor, which has an ineffective double locking door entry chamber (like on the starship enterprise) extends all the way past the metropolitan bar to the hallway leading to hudson’s, to the stairwells on decks 6, 7 and 8, and to the entry of both the local and los lobos (deck 8). a good part of the problem is that, based on my unscientific study (looking through the glass each time i passed), most of the people who use the humidor appear to be using it to smoke cigarettes, which is forbidden. cigar smoking only, according to NCL. and the more people that go in there to smoke cigarettes, the more times the door is opened, allowing smoke to escape. and yet nobody from staff monitors this room or says anything to the folks who go in there and smoke cigarettes. and if they do, the passengers aren’t listening. you simply can’t have an effective smoking room if smoke from that rooms dissipates over square footage far greater than the room itself. then there are the people who believe it is their birthright to smoke (cigarettes and marijuana) on their balconies. (six rooms near me on this 21 day cruise). that’s both an annoyance and a fire hazard. and nothing is done when you report it. cruise after cruise, ship after ship. adherence to and enforcement of NCL smoking policy: F

casino the casino is small, but rather expansive! it’s set up over a large part of deck 6. i like the layout, although others have complained that it’s too spread out. there is a small-ish smoking room with a good number of slot machines and two tables. the smoke seeps out from that room and much of the nonsmoking casino surrounding that area has a strong smoke smell… so about 25% or 30% of the nonsmoking casino is really off limits to those sensitive or allergic to smoke. the stale cigarette smell extends to the duty free liquor shop located on the other side of the smoking room. on embarkation day, when we know that nobody has been playing in the casino for the previous six, eight or ten hours, the smell still lingers. there is a small, unmarked “VIP room,” behind the penrose bar. (enter from either side). it has a few high limit tables and two multigame video poker machines. also, cookies or pastries are available there through much of the day. i spent a lot of time in there playing VP because it was a quiet place to play and they have great air conditioning. rarely was there anybody else in there. both of those machines had problems, however, and they had to be rebooted seven times… meaning that my play was interrupted seven times by machine malfunctions. there were three other VP machines on the floor that had the same problem and had to be rebooted. that’s ten times on five machines. it’s really easy for the house to make money in a casino, but you kinda have to keep the machines in good running order! (there were other machine problems, including many machines that had no sound. hey, gambling is entertainment… would you watch a movie without sound?) the staff, slot attendants, hosts and slot techs are terrific and focused on guest satisfaction in a way that few other departments on the ship are. the penrose bar serves as the casino bar, so if you have a “free drinks” card from the casino, you can get your comped drinks at that bar. but because the penrose serves as a gen pop atrium bar, they are overtaxed and have difficulty keeping up with casino drink orders. as at many bars throughout the ship, there can be long waits for service. in addition, there are servers who will bring you a drink at your table or machine. but the speed of service is hampered by how slammed the bartenders are. if you’re a strong player with a frequent casino presence, the slot attendants, hosts and servers will know you by name and check in regularly to see if you need anything. the machine mix in the casino itself is odd… some popular games like buffalo and money burst and rich little piggies thrown together with a bunch of machines you’ve likely never seen or heard of before. there’s no way of knowing what the payback is in this casino, but let’s just say those rich little piggies are now on public assistance. and after spending 21 days onboard, i’m here to tell you that the machines don’t “feel” like the machines in major gaming jurisdictions or even other NCL ships. they just don’t play the same. you can’t really tell unless you play millions and millions of spins (which i didn’t, of course), but my best guess is that payback is probably close to 75%, which is an abysmal return. i played slots and VP and had a very bad run at VP, including 3-line and 5-line ultimate X at the 25 cent denomination, so this was an incredibly expensive vacation! (VP paytables are surprisingly decent, by the way. there is no “full pay” VP, but 9/5 jacks is widely available and that’s better than what you will find in some land-based casinos and far better than what you’ll find on many cruise ships.) my cruises are “free” from casinos at sea. i pay port fees, taxes and gratuities. based on my action and loss this trip, i’m pretty damn sure the offers will continue. (i’ve come home a winner before from some cruises. on others, i’ve lost money. this was one of those other cruises!) my overall score for the casino: B drink service: B the likelihood of winning any money: F.

hawking and needling and harassing, oh my! as on all ships. there’s a lot of relentless hawking of merchandise, spa treatments, cruise next certificates, duty free goods, jewelry and art on the prima. the park west “art” gallery and the cruise next team are the major offenders here. i think there should be an “opt out” program. sign up and these charlatans can no longer leave you voicemails every day. wear an opt out sticker or pin and they can’t pitch you as you pass them in the hallways. #MakeItHappenNCL my score for relentless hawking: F (well, in truth, they get an A for the actual hawking, they do that really well, but assuming that most guests don’t want to be bothered, that’s an F for bothering everybody and relentlessly pitching merchandise and services of no interest to many.)

rubber ducks i’ll freely admit that i don’t really understand the curious practice of “hiding” rubber ducks around the ship. maybe it gives kids something to do, and maybe they’ll receive one online status report for every twenty ducks released into the wild, so the organizer can find out where his or her duck has traveled to… and that might be interesting for a minute and a half or so. but i myself just don’t get it. i did find a duck on one of the main stairwells on the very first day on my way to dinner. i took it with me and placed it on the table, so i could read the tag and figure out what it was all about. no sooner had i done that than my server pounced on the duck, picked it up and claimed it as her own. there was no question involved… it wasn’t as if she said “how cute! may i have this?” it was more like an assertive, assumptive “rubber ducky, you’re the one! you are now mine!” it all happened so quickly and was so odd that (this thing i didn’t want and had no allegiance to) would be snatched away from me without notice. i found another duck on the stairs on the second cruise and put it back into the pool, so to speak, for others to find/enjoy. but what’s with the hiding in plain sight? wouldn’t the whole thing be more fun if these were actually hidden in game cabinets in the observation lounge or under couches or in go cart cars or on top of or inside a mini golf obstacle or under a stack of wrapped napkins and utensils at the buffet? rubber ducks… no score, just a big: ?

elevators the online reports are true. there are indeed long waits for elevators. except when there aren’t, such as very late at night. i’m not sure if this is appreciably different than other ships, but it did feel like there were longer than usual waits. perhaps that’s because of the haven exclusive elevator bank at the aft of the ship, which seems to be where an elevator bank for the gen pop would normally be. pro tip: if coming from an upper deck, it’s much quicker to take one of the two slides down to deck 8 rather than wait for the lift. you’re welcome. elevators: B-

UK immigration as is now customary, there was an “oversea enroute” face-to-face UK immigration inspection a few days before we actually arrived in the UK. this is one of those things that is truly done “for your convenience” and eliminates bottlenecks when arriving in southampton…. so, bravo! but, like many things on the prima, it was mishandled. i arrived at the observation lounge at the appointed time for my deck, only to be told they were running late and to come back “later.” i asked how i would know when to come back… they said they have been announcing this delay on the PA system. i said, “uh, no, you haven’t, actually. I’ve been listening for it. there have been no announcements.” a tussle, er, spirited conversation, ensued in which the assistant GM, who seemed to be in charge, insisted to me and several other guests that they had indeed been announcing the delay and advising people of which group was currently being called. in the meantime, one couple said they couldn’t come back later, as they had other plans, and they were let through. the GM got on her phone to verify that they had been making announcements and found out very quickly that – for whatever reason – they had not. the inspection had been going on for almost three hours at that point and not a single announcement had been made. she didn’t apologize, but she let all of the people with whom she had tussled through. this is yet another example of NCL not fixing the underlying problem. announcements commenced shortly thereafter, but there didn’t appear to be any examination as to why they hadn’t been delivered previously… and no examination of how the people running this thing, never stopped to realize that they themselves heard no announcements in the observation lounge, which has a PA system on which these things are played. UK immigration: A, for convenience in disembarkation, F for execution.

signage / navigation there have been some reports online that the signage is very bad on the prima and that people don’t know where to go or how to get there. i didn’t find that to be the case, from the very earliest days of the trip, i had no problem finding my way around. there are a lot of directional signs! i do believe there is one fatal flaw with the design of one type of sign, however… and as often as i looked at this sign, it still messed with my mind till the very last day of the cruise. throughout the ship, at every elevator bank on every deck, there is a graphic image of the ship that orients you toward the front and back of the ship and features the words “port” and “starboard.” HOWEVER, they only put those words on the bottom of the graphic, regardless of which way the front of the ship is or which side you’re standing on. so, depending on where you are, and how linguistically inclined you are (as opposed to being primarily a visual learner), the word “port” would be placed adjacent to the starboard side of the graphic, and the word “starboard” would be placed adjacent to the port side of the graphic. i figured out what was going on pretty quickly, but my mind still struggles to reconcile that disconnect every single time. (it’s as if you were viewing the word “brown” but it was printed in the color blue.) signage: B

hudson’s and the commodore room these are the two main dining rooms on the prima, both venues serving the same food each night. they used to feature the same menu for every night of the cruise, but, thankfully, that’s been changed. the menu now rotates, as on every other NCL ship. the wraparound views in hudson’s are stunning, but the choice for their chandeliers can only be described as puzzling. they look like spatulas one might find in liberace’s kitchen. the food is decent… you’ll find something to eat. but it’s mass produced catering hall food, largely unseasoned and under-seasoned and it’s always served room temperature, regardless of what you order. special requests are honored, but just barely so. if you ask for extra marinara sauce or crushed red pepper (or “chili flakes” as the filipinos call them) for your chicken parm, the waiter will arrive without them, but then bring them, after you’ve consumed ¾ of your meal. there is often a long line at hudson’s and they will give you a beeper and tell you to return when a table is available. one day, when the restaurant was very busy, i agreed to share a table. i didn’t realize it would be a table for ten or twelve or whatever it was. i thought i would be sharing a table for two. i met some interesting people, but a table of that size, with different couples and solos, will slow down service considerably. it took me close to two hours to have lunch! another day, i was told to wait until a table was ready… they had no two tops. over the next ten minutes, i watched as two separate couples arrived and were seated ahead of me, each at their own table of four, apparently. i asked about this and they said that’s because they can seat two people at a table of four, but solo diners can only be seated at a table for two. i pointed out that if they seat one person at a table for four, and two people at a table for two, they will have the same number of empty seats… three. so why not seat the diners in the order they arrive? this is another example of “rules” that staff must follow, even when they don’t make sense and they can’t explain them. seating at hudson’s is in three or four concentric “rings” that line the perimeter of the space. that’s great, but if you’re in that outer ring, not only is it very busy - with lots of foot traffic - but people think you’re staring at them when all you’re really doing is trying to look at the view out of the floor to ceiling windows. i had prebooked reservations at hudson’s on several nights, but that doesn’t seem to matter. you still have to line up in a general queue to get to the host station and enter the restaurant. i never got to try the commodore room, as it was “closed for a private function” throughout the entirety of the second cruise. i had prebooked reservations for this restaurant and wasn’t informed until i showed up at the venue. apparently, they closed the room for a group of only 125 who were onboard. this, in my opinion, put a strain on other dining venues throughout the cruise. (that same group, by the way, dined in all the other venues and was quite rowdy… applauding and whistling and whooping and hollering inappropriately during shows in the prima theater. at one point, they were scolded from the stage by performers and security had to be brought in to quiet them down.) my score for hudson’s… view: A+ food, service: B

the local the local on the prima is really two restaurants. there is a long passage on the starboard side of the ship with the bar and a collection of small low-rise tables (coffee table height), which seat two to four comfortably. these are ideal for drinking, not so much for eating. there are also a series of high-rise communal tables, which seat six or eight people, as well as seating at the bar. on the other side of the kitchen, is a traditional coffee house restaurant set up, with closely packed tables. i found that of all the restaurants on the prima, the local was the most consistently inconsistent. portion size, temperature of the food, availability of items, service… these all varied wildly. service was mostly poor. on the bar side, it often took quite some time to get a server’s attention. and when he arrived, he would invariably get the order wrong. or forget an important part of the order, such as utensils. it’s pretty hard to eat chili without a spoon. or a piece of cake without a fork (or a spoon). and there is no reason you should have to wait twenty minutes to receive a caesar salad and a bowl of chili, both of which are pre-made. (on a side note, regarding caesar salad… i have yet to see an appreciable difference between the caesar salad at the local and that served by cagney’s or the MDR or any other restaurant. OK, maybe you get an extra morsel of shaved parmesan at cagney’s… but it’s essentially the same product in every restaurant!) the bartenders are all wonderful, but not very attentive. they do a big walkup business at this bar and waits of five to ten minutes are not uncommon. i would be OK with this, if the bartenders acknowledged you as you arrived and told you they will be with you in a few minutes. but they won’t make eye contact. so you wonder if they’re just busy or if they haven’t seen you. on several occasions, i would wait patiently and then somebody new would walk up just as a bartender finished a drink and then he or she would move on immediately to the new person, without serving me. at other times, there would be a bartender back there, not making drinks, but asking others questions… “have you seen pilar? where is pilar? is pilar on beak?” and still others would be stocking the fridges rather than tending to customers. on the restaurant side, they seemed similarly clueless. on one occasion, i saw that everybody who ordered after me had already received their meals. i was waiting ten or fifteen minutes, which is a long time at the local, where a limited menu and premade items generally mean service is quick. i asked the hostess and she checked in the kitchen and came back and apologized and said there was a problem with the POS system and my order had never printed. OK, fair enough, but hadn’t anyone who kept passing by my table noticed that i had never received anything to eat? another time, i asked for a sprite zero and the server disappeared and went to the bar and came back and said they were out of sprite zero. another server appeared less than a minute later and i ordered a sprite zero (“if they have it,” i said) and some food. she came back 90 seconds later with a sprite zero, which she got, she said, from the bar at the local. the local also has an outdoor dining area on the prima, adjacent to the restaurant on the port side. same food, same service. but if you enjoy your reuben sandwich interrupted every couple of minutes by screams from those plummeting down the side of the ship in one of the slides, the outdoor local is for you. due to bad weather, i only saw this outdoor area open on two days throughout my entire 21 days onboard. they don’t handle special requests very well. ask for an extra ramekin of thousand island dressing for your reuben in addition to the dressing they normally put on the sandwich and you will get a sandwich with no dressing and the requested dressing on the side. ask for a sprite zero with a splash of cranberry and you will get a sprite zero and a separate glass of cranberry juice. when they get things right at the local (it does happen), it’s a great venue, with tasty food available virtually around the clock, and – since sandwiches and burgers are cooked to order – you can actually get some of the hottest food on the ship at the local. but catch them at an odd time, with an indifferent server and you’d be much better off with room service. my score for the local, therefore, is in two parts… for the food and the nearly 24-hour access and convenience: B for the staff and the service and the overall lackadaisical nature of the place C-

palomar this is another example of a restaurant searching for a concept and a purpose. NCL was hoping to develop a new hot dining venue they could replicate on other ships going forward, but nearly everything about it falls flat. it has no clear identity, although i take it it’s supposed to be primarily a mediterranean seafood house. but they mix cuisines and proteins indiscriminately. they have those stainless or nickel salt and pepper mills here that many have admired in other restaurants onboard. the only problem was that the salt was placed in the pepper chamber and the pepper in the salt chamber. so, when you followed the “S” and “P” arrows and twisted in the appropriate direction, the wrong spice came out. (at least at my table.) service was attentive. favorite dishes? only a couple. i had the scallops and they varied between being undercooked and just fine… on the same plate. but they weren’t really seasoned. they didn’t taste like anything, especially scallops. i will say that the greek dessert, galaltoboureko, was tasty and authentic. and the “mushroom tartare,” as an app, was absolutely a standout. i’d eat that every day, if i could. everything else was just barely OK, but nothing to write home about. i had a reservation to eat here again on the last night of the cruise, but changed it to onda. mmm... onda! my score: C

le bistro what can you say about what purports to be the most elegant restaurant on the ship when more than half the tables have views of lifeboats? WHAT were they thinking? the food is good, but the menu has grown stale… and what’s with the upcharge now on the beef rossini? it is arguably the same filet you get at cagney’s and onda with no surcharge. and those scallops… could they possibly be more diminutive and inconsequential? service is attentive, but there is just something off about this version of le bistro. i’ve been on ships on which cagney’s was off. i’ve been on ships on which moderno was off. on this ship… le bistro is off. the staff tries hard, the food is OK, but sometimes things just don’t gel. that was the case here. i had a second visit planned here for the second cruise and i canceled. my score: C

cagney’s a solid outpost of the popular cagney’s franchise. meat cooked properly, plentiful and well prepared sides, attentive service, attractive surroundings. there’s nothing spectacular here, but in a world where some cagney’s restaurants on some ships are hit or miss, this is a well-executed version of NCL’s signature steakhouse. i ate here twice. my score: B

onda by scarpetta this is another standout on the prima. i ate here three times, as well. attentive service, wonderful negronis, great filet, terrific and authentic pasta, great pizza. (unlike la cucina on other ships, you CAN get pizza as an app here on the dining plan!) it’s a lot of food and my only quibble is that they don’t offer doggie bags, or any type of container, as per a corporate mandate. there’s no way you can eat all that pizza and still have room for the rest of your meal. i took mine back to my cabin on a plate, with a cloth napkin, and had it for breakfast. my score: A+

los lobos one of the best specialty restaurants on the prima. great service. personable staff. tasty and consistent food, killer spicy margaritas, fun and flavorful tableside guacamole, great Mexican street corn. i ate here three times on my 21 day back-to-back. my score: A

indulge food hall this dining option is terrific and consistently offers some of the best food on the ship. but imagine if everybody who couldn’t get tickets to a taylor swift concert showed up anyway, not to sit in the parking lot, but to storm the barricades and wander around the arena looking for a place to sit. that’s what dining at the indulge food hall is like. it is immensely popular, and even more so as the cruise progresses and word gets out how good it is or people return to get more of what they enjoy. it’s the syd norman’s of NCL restaurants… tremendously satisfying, but you really have to plan ahead and be willing to get there long before they open. there’s a sign at the entrance to the food hall that says “feel free to sit wherever you want.” if only! i don’t think anybody at NCL understands how grating that sign is or how ironic. it should probably be changed to one that says “take no prisoners and pray.” the place is just too damn small. outdoor seating doesn’t help in inclement weather and – besides – it requires human beings to take orders, which upends the high-tech concept. NCL was counting on that outdoor seating to expand the dining capacity and - at the same time - they severely underestimated how popular indulge would be. as far as human beings taking orders… the tablets are temperamental. sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. the tablets use the same wonky internet that we do, and when the software updates, things slow down and your interaction with the tablet delivers error messages and not food. on four separate days (out of 15 or so that i chose to indulge myself), i was given a paper menu and could not order on the tablet. it is a great concept, mostly well executed, except for the tricky tablets and the size of the venue. if you get there a half hour before they open, or possibly twenty minutes or so before they close, you will be able to find a seat, but arrive once service has already begun and you’re out of luck…. most times. many people seem to set up camp and stay for a couple of hours, which means that many of the tables won’t “turn” during opening hours and won’t offer additional guests the chance to dine. there’s also a fair amount of chair swapping and “borrowing,” which leaves some tables without the proper number of chairs. and there are large tables being occupied by just one person, who often say they are waiting for their friends or family to arrive. i was told that very thing, then found a seat, then walked out after having eaten about 40 minutes later, only to see the same person still holding an empty table. bear in mind that lunch service only runs two hours… and that one person occupied an empty table without ordering anything for at least forty minutes. solo diners are at a particular disadvantage… in two ways… most of the seating is for four or more. (there are also a few tables for two.) and most desserts are self-serve, requiring you to go fetch them. of course, if you do that, vultures will swoop in and take your table. (can’t blame therm.) i was able to befriend nearby tablemates, who saved my seat. but i wound up eating many of my desserts standing, at a counter, on my way out of the food hall. the “free” desserts aren’t that great, anyway. they do offer a mini deconstructed version of banana banoffee, the popular dessert normally only available in the haven. it’s not quite the same as the big version in the haven, but it hits many of the same flavor notes. the paid desserts, available at “cocos” for $3 or so, appear to be much more upscale. (i didn’t try any.) there is a “freestyle” self-serve coke machine in the beverage station at indulge, but it doesn’t work as often as it does. you must scan your keycard in order to authorize the dispensing of drinks and that functionality breaks down frequently. also, they only put plastic cups out during opening hours, so you can’t go in there and get a drink at any other time. of note: this machine may be the only place onboard you can get minute maid lemonade! there are a few other problems, namely that those who can find a seat adjacent to each of the restaurants can only order food from that restaurant. the other dining options won’t show up on the tablet at all. this is another example of NCL suits sticking to their original concept, even though it proves to be flawed once deployed and an impediment to their guests’ enjoyment. there is no reason those valuable seats can’t be made into “universal” dining spots. if the NCL dining team who conceived this think there is interaction between the guests and the chefs behind the counter (presumably that’s the reason they did it this way), they need only visit to see that’s not happening. those seats need to be converted to universal dining. there are also many bar stools at dining counters, which poses a problem for some older guests (a target demographic). as you get older, many people require back support. they can’t sit on stools without a back. many can’t get on stools at all. another problem is that many NCL customers seem a bit bewildered by the tablets. several times, i was called to duty to explain to people how to use them. a big part of the problem is that after you place your order, you haven’t really placed your order. a screen pops up, a few moments later, asking if you want to tip. if you don’t see this, or don’t make a selection, your order will time out. also, the tablets are a disaster for ordering drinks… most drinks are shown as being “sold out.” and the few that are capable of being ordered through the tablet are shown with prices, which confuses people. and if they are able to figure out how to order, a 20% tip automagically appears on the screen further confusing people, since the drinks are fee for those with a drink package. another ordering problem is that certain items can be “customized,” and few people understand how that works. essentially, you’re given a grouping of related items like condiments at tamara, but you have to go in and individually select each one you want separately in order to customize. please note that menus for all restaurants differ from lunch to dinner and your favorite item at lunch may not be available during the dinner service. my favorite “restaurants” at the indulge food hall are tamara, serving authentic Indian food and “q,” which offers a somewhat simplified version of the menu served at the “q” specialty restaurants onboard other NCL ships. one problem with “q” is that, unlike the full-service specialty restaurants on other ships, there are no barbecue sauces available for your use tableside and most of the items are served under-sauced, using just one classic sauce. (there are no options for other bbq sauces.) that’s a problem for a barbecue joint! they should make a “side” of barbecue sauce available to order as an option on the tablet. other restaurants here include “nudls” featuring asian, italian and german noodle dishes (including an excellent shrimp pad thai), the latin quarter (apps), tapas (served out of a food truck), the seaside rotisserie (serving all manner of grilled and skewered meat) and “the garden” (salads). there is also a pay for play starbucks, as well as a full bar, both inside and outdoors. my score for indulge is a solid B, but it would be an A+ if they could figure out how to handle the volume of guests who wish to be served. (perhaps open a take-out window?)

the buffet the buffet, the “surfside café and grill,” is really in two parts… there’s the traditional buffet, a.k.a. the “café,” and then there is a smaller “grill,” that serves mostly hamburgers and steaks (although at breakfast, it’s just another place to pick up bacon, eggs and sausage. i think i saw eggs benedict in there, too.) everything you’ve heard is true here, too… it’s small and crowded and kind of noisy and raucous and the food is, well, about the same as any other NCL buffet. i only ate here twice in 21 days, as i had 10 specialty meals booked and most of my other meals were in the indulge food hall or the local. i would have eaten here more had it been easier to get - and keep - a seat. it’s a problem for solo diners… there is no easy way to get up and get your food and expect your table to still be there, unoccupied, when you get back. there was a clever fellow, now deceased, who ran a gambling website called the “seven stars insider” and he published a downloadable printable notice that said something like “table occupied… be right back.” or something like that. makes a lot of sense to carry one of those with you if you’re going solo on the prima and intend to eat at the buffet. my score for the buffet: C

room service i didn’t use room service. but the room service folks are also responsible for delivering the aforementioned “treats”… treats given to the club balcony guests and those sent by the casino. because i was sleepless for nearly three days due to cabin noise (read my other post), i often had the “do not disturb” sign on during the day on sea days. and just as often, i would be awakened by a phone call from the room service folks who pointed out that i had DND on and wondering when i would like my delivery. that’s just bad form… what about “do not disturb” do they not understand? this is another example of people on NCL ships not paying attention to small details. and they don’t come back to redeliver, by the way… those treats are lost forever. they said they would come back, but i waited ninety minutes and let it go. my time is worth more than a half dozen chocolate covered strawberries. i did get shrimp cocktail sent by the casino one day… and because that is a ”perishable” item, they deliver that at a prearranged time. and - indeed - it arrived within five minutes of that time, so that was well handled. pro tip: many people don’t realize that you can make and change your restaurant reservations through room service. there is a button on the phone for this, although they will invariably answer “room service” because… few people on NCL ships pay attention to small details. but this works really well and can be requested or changed at virtually at any time. there was never an occasion when i was not able to make or change my reservation. room service delivery: C restaurant reservations through room service: A+