SwissLe

It is directly from the ship so you don't have to deal with any of the other shuttles. When I click on the booking link I get a web form to e-mail them, but if that doesn't work for you, maybe try calling the phone number. Or maybe you can get SwissLe to buy tickets for you, if he can drag himself out of bed and/or the spa that day :D

I feel so offended by that; you can compensate me with a hot stone massage and a cocktail!

DAY urmmm 7

Hello again my criticers. It's nearly a week since I boarded the Epic and I have to say if I was getting off tomorrow there would be tears! Good job we've still got another 15 hey?

So let's get on with the update. Yesterday we were in sunny Tenerife. I had a visit to the private Haven Courtyard. It was certainly that as up until about 3.30pm there was not another soul to be seen.

Just me, two hot tubs, a shallow but warm pool, plenty of padded loungers, changing area with showers and a sauna. I look lunch in the courtyard bar area, I had the burger which was mighty tasty, overlooking Tenerife.

After sailaway I returned to the cabin to freshen up for dinner at 6.45pm in Le Bistro. A shower, again managing to flood the room, and I wore a jacket tonight as Le Bistro is supposed to be a little more formal.

The butler treats today were some really tasty chocolates, I will be finishing these ones later!

The service tonight in Le Bistro was patchy at best. The captain was having dinner with the Owner's Suite guest at the table adjacent which caused our server much stress. She basically fell apart. I had two portions of the bread delivered, then the starter and then I think the main course was forgotten about as it took a while to come; and it was only after ordering more drinks did she run back into the kitchen hastily after looking at my empty table.

Nonetheless the food was of good quality and adequate taste. It is not my idea of fine dining and defiantly on this occasion did not meet the service standards of a fine dining experience.

I chose the scallops to start and the filet of beef for main. Following those was the creme brûlée. Le Bistro will not be featuring in my report from now onwards.

After dinner I went to watch the Battle of the Sexes show in the Bliss Lounge which was funny but the audience weren't very into it. At some points it was just me and another guy at the bar joining in clapping and counting down.

When some guy started murdering Bohemian Rhapsody at Karaoke I made my way into the casino and spent my $20 pocket money in a slot machine. I came away with 0.5c but I played for around two hours, so good value for money!

It was Burn the Floor night earlier in the Bliss Lounge and the Latino music was still in full swing when I returned. I said hello to my dancing cruise friends but decided to be sensible, I hope you're reading Mother, and retired to bed.

We're in Funchal today and I'm getting off, yes you heard that right! I'll update you later with what I found on my gentle stroll.

Good Morning (just) from the lush island of Tenerife. We docked on time this morning and the sun is shining for us.

We parted ways yesterday afternoon where I was chilling in the cabin before going to dinner at Moderno.

I had a cocktail at the new bar between Cagney's and Moderno before going in and was excited that a new cocktail menu is launching in the next few days. Some exciting additions including one which requires them to infuse gin with lavender at each bar a week in advance. I will return to this bar to get more information during the next few days.

A beautiful window seat was allocated to me in Moderno. Friendly staff explained the card system for the waiters carrying all the meats around and that I should start with the buffet. The buffet is extensive, not your usual salad bar. Cheese, vegetables, pasta and cold cuts are also included.

After filling up on salad your waiter will change your plate and turn the card to green, signalling for the meat-fest to begin. Sausage, beef, chicken and more. Just see the menu posted below. They are served with your choice of sides, all beautifully presented and tasty.

The meal was great and the people carving the meat very friendly and wanting to chat - unlike this type of restaurant on land.

After dinner I waddled to the top deck for a walk, before coming back down to the shakers bar. I bumped into the head bar supervisor who was working the haven captains cocktail party and he'd promised to make me a Singapore Sling but was called away. He shot behind the bar and made it before carrying on his work - excellent service.

At 10.30pm I went to the dancing competition to support a girl who was wanted to compete, but her name wasn't picked due to huge demand that night. The show was OK, but it was more a silly event than a serious dance competition so lucky she didn't get picked!

After this the seven of us went to Bliss and danced the night away. Throw in some sambuca, more cocktails and a 3am finish in O'Sheehans and you could say I am not feeling on top of the world today. I'll be staying on the ship and I am about to head up to the Haven Courtyard for a dip, bubble and snooze in the sun.

See you later!

Hi There SwissLe

 

 

 

Really enjoying your daily updates and looking forward to joining you next Wednesday. I have booked the shows and dining venues in advance for most days although struggling to book anything for the 16th Jan?

 

 

 

I've noticed you haven't mentioned the casino at all but was wondering do you know whether you can use cash in there instead of the onboard account? If so, is it US$ they take? I presume the onboard account will be billed in US$

 

 

 

Also, can you tell me or possibly find out, what is the latest you can disembark on the last day in Barcelona (24th Jan)

 

 

 

Thanks in advance

 

 

 

Mick

Hi Mick,

Latest would be 10.30am I believe. I will confirm this later today though.

All onboard transactions are in USD, in every location. In the casino there is a ATM with a 3% charge for this on top of any currency charge your card issuer may make.

I've had no issue swapping my dining reservations around, if I am flexible on time or days. It's not so important the order of them, just as long as I cover them all!

Any other questions let me know, happy to find out.

https://vimeo.com/151042889

Tepenyaki Timelapse

DAY 5 cont.

After leaving you last time I headed to the only place left open for breakfast, The Great Outdoors. This is an al fresco buffet area with fixed seating next to the pool bars and pool deck. The sun was shining and I had a quick snack on some pancakes (I think they'd been under the hot plate a little too long) and chocolate milk. I could've sat soaking up the sun all day but wanted to at least touch dry land after 3 days.

So as planned today was just a short stroll around the city. I ended up in a department store and grabbed some bargains on Biotherm men's products which were already a good price but has an additional January discount of 10%. The shops were busy for a Thursday but it must be because the holidays have just come to an end here. After looking in Massimo Dutti, Pull and Bear and a few other shops I decided to head back to the ship.

A quick lunch was consumed in the Garden Cafe, it was very quiet compared to the last few days. The choices here are endless, and everything was piping hot. I had a salad, freshly made pasta and a cheeky pretzel roll - salty heaven.

As the Garden Cafe filled up I decided I would collect my laptop and nip to the shopping mall opposite where on the 3rd floor there is a McDonalds and Burger King both offering free WIFI.

As I was walking out of the restaurant I nearly slipped on an unmarked wet patch on the floor. Before I could tell a member of staff another lady took a tumble right in front of me. She hit her head and arm on the counter, but quickly got back to her feet (refusing my help) and staggered on her way. She was stopped by an restaurant manager but didn't want his help either.

My plans for stealing wifi from the shopping centre were scuppered when McDonalds and Burger King told me their connections were down. This left the shopping centre network which is worse than useless. I sent some emails using this before moving on to HyperDino supermarket for a bottle of water. 2litres for €0.20 - a little cheaper than on the ship!

I'm now back in the cabin and just rearranged my restaurant bookings. I had planned to see the Priscilla show again tonight but this one has also been moved to the next night. Instead of eating at Le Bistro tonight I will be dining at Moderno at 18.45 and Le Bistro tomorrow night at the same time.

The butler has added to the feast of food with a vegetable dip platter, a huge plate of cake and a bottle of bubbly. I'll add that to the one in the fridge.

After that I've planned to meet some more temporary cruise friends in the Atrium as one of them is partaking in the dance contest at 10.30pm. Her sisters have told me she's a professional dancer so it should be interesting to watch!

Signing out from Las Palmas.

Thank you for taking the time..We sail with you starting next week in Barcelona.

 

your daily read is a really component to my pre-cruise preperation and excitement building :-)

 

 

 

Any way you could take a couple of pics of just the evening entertainment portion of some of the dailies and post them? There is a thread with some from November and I am wondering if they are similar or with the new itineraries have changed that up as well.

 

 

 

Thank you!

 

 

 

Angie

Here you go, let me know if you can't see them;

DAY 5

Gooood morning from dry land. We've made it, at the relief of the crew most of the passengers will be our of their hair for one day.

Let's first catch up on yesterday. After breakfast I headed up onto the outside deck at POSH (a private area for Haven guests and a small number of passes are available at guest services for a weekly fee). The weather was clear skies with low wind of around 10nm and temperatures of around 20oC. I did some sunbathing with jeans on enjoying the first rays of sunshine this cruise. Many were far more brave and donned swimming costumes but it was a little too chilly for me.

At around noon I could hear a light lunch tempting me back inside. I'd read in the cruise planner that there was a Mexican Buffet in Moderno today so I headed down. Gosh it was busy but easy to see why. Great American style Mexican foods washed down with a corona and a mojito. I had burrito, chimichanga, tacos and lots of cheese. For desert I had a slice of sponge cake with a Mexican flag on top.

Feeling like I'd eaten way more than originally planned I waddled back to my cabin and watched a movie on the bed for a couple of hours before being politely interrupted by our butler with his afternoon treats. Sandwiches, a huge fruit plate, chocolate strawberries and cookies today. It was only polite to try the cookies, but I left the fruit for later.

Day 4 marked the rescheduled Priscilla show. I'd booked the 7pm show online and received a call asking for haven guests to meet at 6.30pm for priority seating. I walked down at around this time and was escorted in by the assistant conceirge past a rather heated queueing system for other passengers; there was shouting and exchange of words from a couple of guests. Calm down - you're on vacation and it's just a show!

The entire left hand side of the Epic theatre was roped off for the haven guests again causing some dirty looks and people attempting to sneak over the velvet ropes. The staff managed to hold them back before allowing free seating around 5mins before curtain up.

Whilst waiting there was bar service, and plenty of multi-lingual announcements about the content of the show and it's unsuitability for children. This didn't deter many and there were kids of all ages; from babies to teens in the crowd.

The show is spectacular, the staging, visuals and performance were all some of the best I've seen at sea. The story may not be to everyone's taste but I think we're all at a stage in our lives where a cruise ship show isn't going to make us question are sexuality, right?

This didn't deter many from walking out during one of the first scenes where there are men crawling about wearing next to nothing, but sorry ladies - I think they're more interested in me than you!!

It was an energetic and well thought out show and something different. A welcomed change and this is from a massive fan of the Blue Man.

What does make me a little angry is the number of people walking out during the closing scene. These people have danced, sung and acted for an hour and half for you and you can't even hang about to give them a round of applause? Seems very rude to me!

After dinner I was feeling a little hungry so thought I would try my luck at Cagney's just above. I was able to get a table in just five minutes without a reservation from a very friendly restaurant manager.

My server was Thomas and he put in a stellar performance throughout. A real reminded how good cruise ship service can be. Caring, chatty and efficient throughout despite the late hour.

I had the baked potato soup followed by the filet mignon served with mac'n'cheese. Thomas also insisted I had a portion of truffle fries and also bought over a potato gratin. At this late hour and after my Mercian feast at lunch I was ready to burst, but that didn't deter him from wrapping up a cheesecake for me to take back to the cabin. I've probably got more food in the room than the stores downstairs now.

After a walk up on deck and I went to catch up with some temporary cruise friends downstairs in Bliss before calling it a night at around midnight.

I awoke on day 5 at 6am to the sound of the deck chairs being dragged out so reached for my earplugs and went straight back to sleep. The next time I opened my eyes we were docked in a slightly overcast Las Palmas.

As promised there is very little planned today, apart from a visit to the shopping centre opposite for the land wifi.

See you guys a little later.

SwissLe, I am now going to prove just how blonde I am. It was not Monica as our Concierge on the Jewel, it was Florentina! Monica was our Concierge on the Pearl in a 2 BR Haven suite in 2013. So sorry to bother you about this but I'm glad my DH pointed this out to me as Monica would have given you a blank stare, then smiled and replied "perfect". hehe.

Haha! I may just try it to see if she can actually smile! She must be having a bad week as a couple of others have said the same.

If you could please, tell Monica a huge "HELLO!" from Kent and Cindy Peterson. She took awesome care of us in the Garden Villa on the Jewel the week of Thanksgiving 2014. Also tell her that Cindy's Mother Judy and her husband Bill have not stopped talking about how wonderful their cruise experience was with NCL. You can also add that Judy and Bill have managed to "not get lost" during the entire year of 2015! I think she will remember what a time we had keeping track of them on the ship!

I will try but she couldn't remember the above poster from Dec 20th 2015! 400 people a week must just blur!

Absolutely wonderful review, SwissLe.. I am truly enjoying your review on board the NCL Epic. I say this because I will be boarding the ship when you disembark. If it is possible, could you please let me know if the ship will be broadcasting the NFL (American Football games) on the ship. My team (Arizona Cardinals) is having a pretty good year and I hope I can see that Sunday game I might miss. In any case, I hope you have a wonderful trip and I look forward to your postings :)

http://www.sport24-tv.com

Sorry I don't know the exact answer to your question as I am not a sports fan. The above website is the channel they have onboard and if you click schedule and then ship you can see what they have.

Have a great cruise and thanks for reading.

DAY 4

Continuing on from the end of day 3, I left you just as I went for an early dinner in the Epic Club. I was feeling sleepy and couldn't muster the effort to venture any further.

Dinner was a mixed affair. I started with the fixed menu polenta cake with asparagus and for the main selected the daily special of chicken cordon bleu. The polenta cake was a nice texture and well presented, but the chicken dish came from the kitchen stone cold. The plate was roasting but the potato gratin and breast were freezing cold - but cooked through. I can only assume they were sitting under a hot lamp for too long.

The waitress firstly told me that's how it was served but would check with the chef. My plate disappeared into the kitchen and a new one came back out, piping hot and with a sauce. No apology was given but the dish was actually pretty tasty.

On a side note I do have high expectations when it comes to service, and there are many staff delivering such a service onboard but for each one of those there is another delivering detached; almost robotic service. They do their scripted job with indifference and nothing more. Mistakes happen but it's how you deal with these that make all the difference. I've also witnessed many times staff will ask a question, a colleague will come up whilst you are answering and they will start talking together - sometimes in their own language. It comes over as rude and dismissive. You'll then have to repeat your answer or drink request once they have finished.

After my dinner I had a drink in the Epic Club lounge before retiring to bed to watch Bridge of Spies and falling asleep half way through.

Day 4 and we're on the high seas again, slowly crawling towards our next port of call tomorrow morning. I awoke around 08.00 and headed to the spa for my morning shower and dip in the hot tub.

I arrived to have the thermal suite to myself, but half an hour later it did start to pick up. I think I'll leave it a little later next time as the water was rather cold in the thermal suite - I can only assume they switch the heating temperature down during the night.

After a shower in the spa I headed back up to the Epic Club for a relaxing breakfast. The sun was shining in and reflecting on the ocean, a reminder why we love cruising so much!

Breakfast was my usual eggs benedict and some cold cuts to start. All served with lashings of iced water. A great start to the day.

I'm now headed to find somewhere to sit and read my kindle for a few hours whilst they make up my room.

With the Haven Spa Suite shower (we were in 14151) what we found was that if you direct the water towards the back wall of the shower (the wall opposite the door), it won't flood at all. In general, stand with your back to the back wall and use the hand held to spray yourself in the direction of that back wall. Yes I know it is not the rain shower head - that works best only when the ship is not moving. This should help resolve your flooding issue almost completely.

 

 

 

In regards to the hairdryers, what concerns me is that this shutting off is usually a indication that there is something wrong with the hairdryer (such as a clogged filter and/or vent or a flaw in design.)

 

http://www.knowhow.com/article.dhtml?articleReference=899&country=uk

 

 

 

I also got an extra hairdryer from my cabin stewardess which actually caught on fire. Luckily, I knew what to do and swiftly unplugged it, dropped it in the sink and then drowned the fire in the sink. My telling my cabin stewardess of this resulted in her housekeeping manager attempting to blame me for "using the hair dryer too long." It takes a whopping 5 minutes to dry my hair, so I told him that was quite impossible. A simple, "We're sorry that happened and thank you for putting out the fire," would have been an appropriate response. I was not looking for compensation, but a little appreciation for my swift action to protect THEIR ship from fire would have been nice. Our cabin stewardess produced a third hairdryer. This one also shut off after only a 1 or 2 minutes. Since I could get about 4 minutes drying time with 2 dryers, I took to drying the front of my hair first and one side with the original dryer until it shut off, then drying the other side with the other dryer and letting whatever was left of the back air dry. I can only hope that Mr. Del Rio finds out about this issue. Surely he won't think this is acceptable for a suite experience.

 

 

 

Sorry to read you don't like Naples. My family used to live there. We LOVE Capri, Positano and Sorrento - possibly my favorite area in the whole world. Enjoying your review!

Oh your hair drying experience is very dramatic, and I agree the way that your complaint is dealt with really does exacerbate the issue. If they apologised profusely and were sympathetic you'd be more inclined to let things slide. It's the air of distrust and brushing off that just makes things worse. I guess after 8 months of cruise complaints you become icy.

As for the solution to the flooding I am not so sure. The motion of the ocean is making three large beach towels and four other towels soaked through with water then going into the rest of the room. It's also a bit like taking your car into the garage and saying it squeaks at 60mph on the road and they ask you to drive it at 30mph! [emoji3]

I love Sorrento too, but going for one day in the rain isn't my idea of fun. Sorry if I offended your family home with my comments on Naples.

Daily Treats in Suite;

Love your thread, your writing is so pleasant to read!

 

 

 

Thanks for movies on demand info, would you happen to know if there are any French translations offered in the movie choices?

 

 

 

Enjoy the cruise!

No, all the movies are in English. There is a normal TV channel with dubbed looping language movies - mostly German when I've skipped past it.

There is TV5 for French people, that and BBC World are about the only TV channels. Oh and one sport!

DAY 3

Well I left you at breakfast on our first sea day yesterday. After breakfast I headed to the meet and greet in a new location of Le Bistro.

The meet and greet was a great success. NCL as usual put on a great spread of snacks, food and senior officers attended in abundance. We were also given cards with the name and direct dial of each of heads of department.

I hung around the meet and greet for around 1 hour, I could hear the bubbling spa calling my name. The sea conditions were 'moderate' today but judging by the amount of water spilling over from the thermal suite pool it was a little worse than that.

For a sea day the spa was also 'moderately' busy but I was able to try each area without a wait. The gym area was a different story; very well attended and a wait for some of the machines.

That said, I think Epic has one of the best spa and gym combinations at sea and a spa pass on a cooler cruise like this is priceless.

In the thermal suite there is a large changing area (segregated by gender) accessed via a key card allocated to you at the spa reception desk. Within each spacious changing rooms there are lockers (coded), showers with shampoo and body wash, toilets, a sauna (complete with obligatory naked older man) and vanity area.

Once through the changing area the unisex thermal suite has a refreshment station upon entry with infused waters, teas and hot water. Through into the main section with padded loungers, four showers, two saunas (one warm and one hot), a steam room, heated tiled loungers, a hydro therapy pool with loads of water features, a regular jacuzzi and out to a large aft facing balcony with additional padded loungers.

This area looked great, everything in working order and great condition. Two girls were constantly cleaning and mopping the floor.

After some snoozing and bubbling I returned back to the cabin to get ready for some lunch. Due to the motion of the ocean the cabin really did flood despite four towels being left out. I called the Hotel Director to report my issues with the shower and hair dryer. Mustafa immediately sent a senior housekeeping staff member to the cabin who did a great two-man show, with my steward, of pretending they've never seen the issue before with the shower lip (it's only been going on since 2010) and that the hair dryer was cutting out as it was too hot.

The steward was armed with a squeegee and once the senior member of staff left admitted it was a regular issue and that during the rougher seas of recent most people's cabins were flooding.

I left him clearing up our demonstration and he left a spare hairdryer for me to use. I went to Epic Club for lunch and had a tasty two course, bruschetta and asparagus, lunch washed down with a UBP piña colada looking out to sea. Perfect service with a view to die for.

It was the first sea day of the cruise so that means 'Norwegians' Night Out' aka dress up if yo fancy. I had booked myself in for an express shave the previous day in the barber shop.

The shave was impressive and I think excellent value at just over $50 including service charges. The barber was from Thailand and did the full works from facial scrubs, hot/cold towels and a lashing of moisturiser to finish, using all Elemis products. There was no hard sell at the end and I left with a silky smooth face. The only negative is the goldfish bowl setting of the barber shop with two people gawping in from the bar and a regular flow of traffic going past - it needs a door.

I returned back to the cabin to have a shower and don my glad rags for the captains cocktail party in the Epic Club bar. It was really difficult trying to do this with most of the cabin floor covered in a layer of water. I ended up putting my socks on outside the cabin, not very glamorous.

At the cocktail party many of the senior officers acknowledged my issues with small notes on even smaller notepads. All officers were great at small talk and did the rounds. I met some nice other haven guests and swapped a few stories before heading to my 9pm reservation at Teeppnyaki.

On my way through Monica grabbed me and said that she had a message for me that another suite had been found, even though 'the ship was full' and I could move there. I knew the offer was a penthouse in the haven. I specially chose a spa suite due to the walk in shower; I don't like showers over the bath because, in my personal viewpoint, they are much easier to slip in and being tall I find the ceiling too low and the head the same.

I told her I would take a look at the suite tomorrow and asked if I would be able to keep the suite for the next sector (due to a computer cock up on booking I am supposed to move into the next door spa suite). She said I would have to move into the spa suite originally allocated and see if there is an issue before she could do anything. She did her best to make me feel like I was making the issue up and no one else complains - which just isn't true as you can see the complaints online going back years.

Nevertheless I wasn't going to let it out a dampener on the night. I had a great meal at Teeppnyaki, the chef was great and did some original tricks and banter I'd not heard before. I had the filet mignon and it was perfect cut of meat. It also helped that our table mates were really into it and sang along etc. I washed it down with two wasabi cocktails which were really tasty.

I then moved into Bliss lounge for the party, which was in full swing. Earlier in the night the DJ was most definitely catering to the Russian crowds with the music choices but as the cocktails went down, the music changed to more UK/American styles and I danced until around 2am until he could play no more. Met some great people, mostly young first cruisers looking for a good time.

I headed to O'Sheehans for a nightcap and a snack. Ended up with the chicken pot pie, but really had a hankering for the chicken tenders - come back Blue Lagoon. After setting my alarm for 8am to meet the tour of Tangier in the morning I hit the hay.

Day 3 began with me being awoken by the captains announcement that would rock the ship. We'd attempted to dock in Tangier, Morocco but due to heavy winds we'd been unable to tie on. Three tugs had been drafted in to assist but had failed. I cancelled my alarm and tucked back in for some relaxing unexpected bed time. I think that the weather had done me a massive favour and completely understand that this is outside of the control of NCL - others were not so understanding. It was the port of choice for many.

I woke around 12 and headed to the spa, again the thermal pool dumping its water over the side due to the rocking of the ship. I lay on a heated lounger and had even more snoozing activity and competed my afternoon with a bubble and sauna.

I'd taken my toiletries to the spa to shower there to prevent me turning into Noah again. The showers aren't as fancy but much less mess! Freshly showered I headed to the Concierge desk to see the suite they'd offered. Monica wasn't there so I was assisted by a pleasant guy who indeed showed me a haven penthouse with shower over bath.

On my way up to the Haven I'd decided if this was the case I'd keep my spa suite and just shower in the spa - with my suite being in a closer proximity to the facility. On returning to the desk I told Monica my decision and she simply replied 'perfect'. It really wasn't but I don't want to let her attitude ruin any more of my vacation.

I returned to my room to watch a movie and ordered a pizza from room service. Jonathan delivered it in record time, way faster than I think humanly possible. It was hot, delicious and perfect for a movie watching session.

I am now heading up to the Epic Club for dinner and a few drinks before ending the night early ready for another sea day. See you tomorrow.

More videos and photos when I get to dry land, or should I say if the weather lets us!

Day 2

Good Morning from the 'beautiful' Norwegian Epic.

We left each other yesterday at the first cocktail. After the first piña colada there were a couple more glasses of prosecco in the Haven Bar. Apparently some of the cocktail menu is unavailable due to a loading issue of ingredients - I read this on a review (on another cruise review website) a couple of days ago. I will explore this more with the F&B director.

Whilst sitting at the bar I met up with our butler - Jonathan - and he really can't do enough for us. He kept on asking for what I preferred and wanted to make my holiday perfect. I told him that I am very low maintenance but my fellow travellers on the forum May have some jobs for him! He also informed me that despite the announcements my stateroom was ready for us. The all clear was run on schedule at 13.30.

Whilst people watching at the bar it became clear that the majority of passengers onboard this week are from America/Canada (I can't really tell the difference in accent, sorry!) and followed by Russian. Then an eclectic mix of German/British/Dutch/Other.

After this I moved into the Haven Club Restaurant for lunch. Seated in the window overlooking beautiful Barcelona and the W hotel, what a treat this was. Great service and an even better 'French Dip' sandwich with some water - pace yourself, you've 21 days of this were repeated in my mind.

After lunch I moved down to view the cabin, a full video and photo tour will be uploaded in the following day when I'm on a land WIFI.

As you know we are in a spa suite so these are down on deck 14. Follow the signs for the spa and gym. My cases were outside on arrival and Jonathan was there to give me a full tour. The tour really is essential for those who have never sailed on Epic before.

CABIN REVIEW

Upon entry to the cabin you'll be in two camps - those that have sailed on Epic before who will find it significantly more spacious than the other lower categories and those who are first time Epic cruisers who may be expecting a spacious suite, but certainly won't be satisfied by this square footage.

The area is dominated by the large round bed - extremely comfortable and adequately long enough for my 6ft 3 length with pillow (something tall people from other Epic categories will appreciate). The rest of the space is occupied by a large bathtub positioned in the window. Whilst I appreciate the marketing prowess of this installation, I can't help thinking I'd prefer a dining table and chairs instead - leaving me to walk to the spa down the corridor when I fancied a soak.

The 'bathroom' - an open plan affair with a vanity unit and voiles to attempt segregate the area - is made up of a large walking shower with partial obscurity glass door and toilet with full obscurity. More on the shower later. Toiletries are still Elemis (some CC'ers have reported other ships including Escape moving to Bvglari) and you get Shampoo, Conditioner, Body Wash, Moisturiser and Soap. There is also a shower cap and scrubber pad in the vanity area. The bath has a large jar of salts.

The lighting system is controlled from within the vanity area using a digital control panel. A natural position for light switches is near the door, which on Epic you will only find a energy saving card slot. There is also another hidden switch for the vanity light above the sink. The switches by the balcony door operate the electric blind next to the bathtub and outdoor light. It does take a little getting used to, but there are worse gremlins to come in this category of cabin.

The balcony area is a good size, with an overhang above protecting from the elements of this cooler cruise. I wouldn't expect to do any tanning on this particular location. Whilst I understand most enjoy a range of patio furniture it does look rather cluttered with two loungers, two chairs and a footstool. Again, I am not too sure why they couldn't make up for the lack of an indoor eating area with an outdoor dining set instead.

The cabin has ample storage for two people for one week. There is a wall of cupboards but you will find the usable space inside these restricted due to the shape and curved nature of the design. Hanging space is half height and limited - it's clear that Epic is not designed for longer voyages and ball gowns, but custom designed for its shorter freestyle cruising.

On the work surface there is a full bar set up, with even more glassware and cocktail making apparatus hidden in the cupboards, and a Nespresso coffee machine. As a non coffee drinker the smaller footprint of this machine is a blessing. It also makes hot water for tea if that's your bag.

A real change for the better is the replacement of the DVD lending library (the DVD player remains in place) with free movies on demand for suite guests. There is a really great selection of new movies, it took me by surprise how up to date the titles were and what a selection they had. All of them appear with a $0.00 charge. Some of you may be deflated to know that the 'adult' section still attracts an additional fee!

Also supplied by Jonathan were a huge array of extra coffee pods, teas, canapés, fresh flower arrangement, fruit basket, sparking wine, bottle of still water, selection of cookies and ice bucket. He really is looking to cover all bases or just make sure he fills all work space!

There is also an invite to the captains cocktail party on day 2, with the reminder about not shaking hands, and a truck load of stuff from Latitudes to fill any remaining area.

A letter from the spa was on the bed instructing us to visit the spa to get our complimentary access sticker attached to our sea pass. What a scary thought having to attend the spa on embarkation day.

I trundled down to the spa and was met with a huge amount of people. I queued at the desk for my sticker but was abruptly told that I needed to do an orientation tour. I politely declined but was told this is not optional and to take a seat in front of the lady giving her talk on cellulite removal.

I will now point out that my limit of spa enjoyment is sitting in a hot tub on my own or snoozing on a hot stone bench. Over the years I've been comp'ed many a massage and treatment but I just don't enjoy being touched by a stranger in a pan pipes playing stuffy room and certainly don't cruise to lose inches by being electrocuted whilst covered in seaweed.

Again, just like embarkation, you are passed from sales pitch to sales pitch. Most of the girls were understanding and passed me straight onto the next but wouldn't let me skip until I came to a nice girl offering facials. She translated my face - obviously one of her skills - and moved me right onto the girl with the ability to give me a sticker.

Sticker assigned it was now 16.20 and the SOLAS drill was looming. My assigned location was a bar, Maltings, indoors. I made my way through the crowds of dazed tourists and took a seat. The station leader was yet to set up. I must say that the way NCL conduct these drills in recent years are simply in the interest of passengers comfort and not adequate in terms of education. Very few people payed attention to the long rambling announcements not helped by our station leader constantly using a megaphone over the top. I guess NCL view this as a box ticking and making sure people know their assigned station - the other instruction can come in he unlikely event from the trained staff.

After the safety drill I had a drink at the same bar, but it became hugely busy with rude customers barking orders at the swamped bar tenders. I do wish some British people would learn some manners and patience. I ducked away to the sail away party in posh.

The party wasn't well attended due to the low temperatures but I did meet some nice fellow cruisers and we donned some blankets to try and see out the departure. A 18.30 departure time came and went, we decided to retire to the warmth of the Haven lounge. We sat chatting and drinking until 8pm when my stomach started calling.

I visited the Garden Cafe for the first time, and found it suitably busy for the first night. The food looked delicious including some beautiful carved beef. A quick check of the screen outside revealed a wait at all restaurants but I decided to take my chance at Taste.

I arrived to be surrounded by people with pagers. A friendly welcome revealed that I could be seated immediately as a 'valued haven guest'. I'd not heard that before in the MDR but certainly did get my special gland going, unusual for me.

Tonight I was waited on by Jafhar who was in top form despite the number of people being served. He was helpful, efficient and even stopped to chat but was quite offended when I could only manage to eat a main course. He insisted sending me home to unpack with a cheesecake. It really was faultless service throughout, the topside of beef perfectly presented and cooked. He'll definitely be getting a mention.

After unpacking I was just about ready to fall asleep standing up, going from 4am really does take it out of you. I unpacked my bags and slid them under the bed before running a shower.

Those of you who've stayed in a spa suite before will know the huge issue with the beautiful walk in rain shower. It foods the cabin. The lip from the edge of the shower into the bathroom area (which as above is open plan) is not high enough to stop the water flowing out. The angle of the shower base is completely wrong, the drain is dry whilst the water flows over the lip.

I simply cannot believe the ship would have such an extensive dry dock and an issue like this would not be taken care of. The only solution is to make three sausage towels to form a barrier to stop the water running out.

Upon exiting the shower another issue arises, the hairdryer cuts out after 2-3 seconds. With damp hair I crawl into bed and realise there are still lights on in the shower and bath base. Out of bed again and round to work out the digital panel, then fumble around back into bed in the dark.

Getting up in the night to use the toilet will treat you and any cabin occupants to a light show, as its on an automatic sensor. There is also zero sound insulation, and very echo prone, so make sure you are comfortable who whoever you choose to cohabit with.

I will also need maintenance to take a look at the bed as it seems to be vibrating and rocking like I've never experienced before.

Whomever designed these suites didn't stay in them, the small niggles are rather frustrating.

I was awoken this morning at 6am by the sun loungers being placed on the top deck and someone running shortly after. On a day with little to no sun expected and low temps do we need the loungers?

I'm off to the Epic Club now for some breakfast. Fancy joining me?

We're now onboard, the concierge is Monica.