Gasoline for the fire - Remedies(?) for formal wear attire

[greydog]

I’m throwing down a gauntlet (ducklet?) of possible sanctions ( correction – since you paid for your cruise I can only label them RECOMMENDATIONS ). Hopefully, enough ‘recommendations’ (scaled from “I’m OK, You’re OK” to “Blackbeard’s Island Exile”) appear below. Contributions from others will be subject to random search and inspection and answering under threat of penalty whether you visited a farm or are hiding fruit or vegetables in your underwear.- rules per my new board name – ‘Host’ Greydog(maybe I’ll get more respect)

 

1. “I’m OK-you’re OK” Since you paid for your trip and the other 95% of us are cruising for free – it is only right that you make apparel decisions in your vacuum. In fact, in the spirit of ‘welcome to my world”, please recommend in the DB what the rest of us freeloaders should wear. In fact, you should also select our ports, length of stay, drive the boat (but NOT DANNO), assign our cabins, etc. We 95%ers now accept the “If it feels good – do it” life ethic (from the Gospel according to Carnival?).

 

2. “Suffer the innocents” Child staff in tuxedo, gowns will be contracted to impersonate little innocents and be seated at main evening DR tables near the entrance. Whenever a “its only recommended’ wearer enters, the innocents will point and loudly state in their best shriek “Look Mommy – that person must have paid for their cruise because they’re the only ones who understand what ‘recommended attire’ means”

 

3. “Style Points” Cap-Club Elite members ( keepers of the ‘FLAME’, the noble followers of Lord JW-who-must-not-be-named) will be given Olympic scoring paddles with the duty of scoring main DR entrants’ attire. 3 Paddle marking’s apply – ‘Thumbs up, down, and an ‘open hand wiggly sideways’ for borderline cases. Scoring guidelines – (excuse me, ‘recommendations’) polyester and or leisure suits = automatic “T-down”. There is a SLIDING scoring range for spandex ranging from “Oprah-narrow” = T-up to “Oprah-wide”=T-down. (A special “double thumbs up” paddle will be used if anyone who adopts Duck33’s proposal for ‘nude dining’.)

 

4. “Hey – I’m on the ‘Jumbo-tron” A video camera will display main DR entrants on a two-story high DR screen. ALL diners, including cruising freeloaders, will view entrant’s attire and will react with a spontaneous crowd “Murmur..murmur..murmur” buzz amongst their tablemates. A decibel meter will register an appropriate “crowd murmur level” DR eviction score.

 

5. “Jumbo-tron Awards” Variant of ‘4’ above. Everyone scores all entrants’ attire and at meal’s end, the CD announces and recognizes, with spotlights and fanfare, the cruiser judged most deserving of a coupon for either a free tuxedo rental, a $100 bargain barn certificate, or an etiquette seminar.

 

6 “The ‘CARRIE’ treatment“ Again, the Princes of the church, the Cap-Club Elite members will hold a rope tied to a bucket of pig’s blood poised over the main DR entrance.

 

7. “Blackbeard’s Island Exile” This method places a cargo net over the entrance and those so deserving will be promptly bagged, tagged and tendered immediately to Carnival’s private cay.

[tbelian]

ROFL...

 

You gotta apply for a writers job on Letterman's show LOL! .....

[barbarabeeb]

OMG that has to be the funniest thing I have read in a while!!

 

~Carolyn

[JNLROSE]

That is hysterical!!! :D

[DUCK33]

that was a joke? it all sounds quite practicle to me

[MSBYRDY]

I love it, thanks for the chuckle.

Marilyn

[morriscats]

Loved it - keep writting.

[Blazerboy]

Love the Jumbo-tron idea, and the score cards.

 

But I hate to break it to all of you, but "rate the gown/trash the poor slob with her" has been a favorite activity of many on cruise ships for decades.

 

And, yes, I'm sure there's a special place in "heck" for those of us who do it, so don't flame me- I'm already headed for a "warm" everafter. But honestly, don't some people EVER look in the mirror? :D

 

And maybe I'm wrong, and St. Peter WILL be at the gate, snapping his fingers and saying things like:

 

"Oh, no, Missy, you're not gettin' through in THAT outfit- heaven has no room for bad spandex-and-glitter. And tell what's his name with you that the only people who look good in Dockers are the models in the ads!"

[greydog]

Love the Jumbo-tron idea, and the score cards.

 

But I hate to break it to all of you, but "rate the gown/trash the poor slob with her" has been a favorite activity of many on cruise ships for decades.

 

I hear ya Blazerboy. Janet Jackson didn't invent the 'wardrobe malfunction' And I guess Joan and Melisa Rivers 'red carpet picks/pans' would be much less popular except for 'people watching' disposition. I've seen lots of heads turning among the tables in reaction to 'the good, the bad and the ugly' entrants.

 

I admit to keeping a weather eye out myself - self-appointed semi-official duty - to alert my wife to a 'vision'. Sometimes its to point out a gown style I think would be nice on her (I count this as a 'good deed' for the day) And ladies, I know why my gender likes high heels, but I think we get much the better part of the deal by just having to open car doors and pull out chairs. Of course if you factor in 'taking out the garbage' it becomes more even.

[Leebo]

Ok, I'm new here and this will be my first celebrity cruise so if someone could inform me of what you guys are talking about...I'd love to get in on the joke.

 

I'm guessing...that people obviously don't adhere to the dress codes all the time and think they're above such "rules"? I hate people like that. I personally don't own a tux, only a good suit, but if it said "Tuxes Only" I'd just go eat somewhere else on board or rent one.

[greydog]

Ok, I'm new here and this will be my first celebrity cruise so if someone could inform me of what you guys are talking about...I'd love to get in on the joke.

 

I'm guessing...that people obviously don't adhere to the dress codes all the time and think they're above such "rules"? I hate people like that. I personally don't own a tux, only a good suit, but if it said "Tuxes Only" I'd just go eat somewhere else on board or rent one.

 

Leebo:

"dress code' is a perennial battle - think 'Hatfields and McCoys, North and the South, Ben and Jerry'. There are two ACTIVE 'exchange of views' raging right now on board page, one titled "Dress code solutions"....join the fray no eye gouging or biting BUT hitting below the belt and name calling is expected and will be graded .

[DUCK33]

leebo

 

while i agree with greydog it is an on going battle, the only reason the battle exsists is because certain people try to justiy not following the dress code that is clearly spelled out in the celeb brocheure.

 

simply put for a guy

 

casual- dockers or the like with golf shirt or a similar collared shirt.

semi/informal- dress slacks dress shirt sports jacket. for a more youthful look

i often wear a colarless dress shirt and vest instead of jacket

formal- dark suit or tux

 

personally i do not see the outrage but to each his own