I am just sick about this....

[Fam of 5]

I was lurking and stumbled upon this thread. If I can give my opinion as a mother of three girls. I would look at several issues. One, the financial loss (if any) if she doesn't go. Two, the cultural aspect of a cruise over a week of cheerleading. Three, keep in mind she is 9 years old and should not be making this decision at all. That should be made between her parents and you. Has she ever been on a cruise before? Cheerleading will not go away, however this opportunity of a family cruise may not be available again. Missing camp will not affect the rest of her life at 9 years old. Once she get into the older years 15 to 18 these mandatory camps can be reflected on college applications. This is the time when every decision you make revolves around extra curricular activities. This is just my very humble position. Good Luck

[01Sweetpea]

Bingo! Well said!

 

I don't know how many times I've had a visit planned and "something" has "come up". DH is just going to have to suck it up and let her make the decision...my bet is that she'll choose camp.

 

I resent your statement that my husband has to "suck it up." We have been planning this vacation for months now, and although it's no-one fault here, it's amazing how many times fathers are suppose to just "suck it up."

 

WHY? Why should cheerleading come before a fathers RIGHT to have a vacation with his child?

 

He COULD force the issue with his daughter and his ex, but that is not something he wants to do, it wouldn't accomplish anything except hard feelings. He supports his daughers cheerleading as well as all the other activities she is involved in.

[kbatschke]

I was lurking and stumbled upon this thread. If I can give my opinion as a mother of three girls. I would look at several issues. One, the financial loss (if any) if she doesn't go. Two, the cultural aspect of a cruise over a week of cheerleading. Three, keep in mind she is 9 years old and should not be making this decision at all. That should be made between her parents and you. Has she ever been on a cruise before? Cheerleading will not go away, however this opportunity of a family cruise may not be available again. Missing camp will not affect the rest of her life at 9 years old. Once she get into the older years 15 to 18 these mandatory camps can be reflected on college applications. This is the time when every decision you make revolves around extra curricular activities. This is just my very humble position. Good Luck

 

Great points Fam of 5. A 9 year old should not be making the decision. I just can't imagine any long-term impact on her chearleading future by missing one week of camp and 9 years old. Family vacations just get more difficult to put together as the kids get older. Manditory camps or anything for a 9 yr old? Wow, what have we come to?

 

I would absolutely speak with the coach and explain the situation; you thought camp would be later in the summer as usual, you booked your vacation accordingly. If the coach is not understanding, you are dealing with a jerk (IMHO of course) that I wouldn't want my kids involved with. Every coach experiences these situations and, unless they have an annually established camp date (so there is never any confusion about when to plan for it,) they have to be understanding.

 

Every family has to set priorities; ours was family first, education second and sports etc. third. We would take kids out of school for family vacations etc. We wouldn't skip a planned vacation because of sports. My youngest son missed a 'manditory' football week because we had a scheduled vacation. We spoke with the coach, he wasn't happy about it, but he let our son off. It was our son's responsibility to make up the conditioning time, which he did. It was a great lesson in compromise and commitment. Our son had to do the workouts on his own before the trip, so he was in the same shape as the rest of the kids when he got back.

 

In any case, good luck.

 

Karl

[01Sweetpea]

I was lurking and stumbled upon this thread. If I can give my opinion as a mother of three girls. I would look at several issues. One, the financial loss (if any) if she doesn't go. Two, the cultural aspect of a cruise over a week of cheerleading. Three, keep in mind she is 9 years old and should not be making this decision at all. That should be made between her parents and you. Has she ever been on a cruise before? Cheerleading will not go away, however this opportunity of a family cruise may not be available again. Missing camp will not affect the rest of her life at 9 years old. Once she get into the older years 15 to 18 these mandatory camps can be reflected on college applications. This is the time when every decision you make revolves around extra curricular activities. This is just my very humble position. Good Luck

 

Financial loss - We've already bought the plane tickets (which was $150, so we would eat -that no big deal), and the cruise is not paid in full yet, have about 3 weeks for that.

 

As for the others, I'm not sure when we'd be able to cruise again or have a big family vacation. This was a long time in the planning (and savings).

 

What is upsetting me the most (I guess) is that she was REALLY looking forward to this vacation. She helped pick out all the excursions, we've been clothes shopping, and now she's going to be stuck making a decision I feel a 9yo shouldn't have to make.

[L2J]

I resent your statement that my husband has to "suck it up." We have been planning this vacation for months now, and although it's no-one fault here, it's amazing how many times fathers are suppose to just "suck it up."

WHY? Why should cheerleading come before a fathers RIGHT to have a vacation with his child?

 

He COULD force the issue with his daughter and his ex, but that is not something he wants to do, it wouldn't accomplish anything except hard feelings. He supports his daughers cheerleading as well as all the other activities she is involved in.

 

I didn't mean that to be offensive...it was an expression. You said it yourself...."it's amazing how many times fathers are suppose to just "suck it up." Sadly that is what we "non-custodial" (or whatever it may be called in different places) end up doing more often than not. He's just going to have to deal with it if she chooses the camp as opposed to the cruise. Would I be angry and hurt? Yes but I wouldn't let her know that.

And "forcing" the issue is just going to breed animosity IMO...at least it does with my ex.

[ccletzgo]

I have no idea what my DH is going to do. We are taking our first "family" cruise on the 7/3 Miracle. Our family is a mix of his and her kids, so it took ALOT of changes, schedule rearranges, flexability, etc for my DHs daughter to be able to cruise with us. We just found out this mornng, that his daughter has MANDATORY cheer camp the exact week we are booked for this cruise.

 

The plane tickets are already paid for, DH & I have already requested the time off we need, this is not good. I know everyone's easy answer will be either:

 

1. change the dates of the cruise - not possible, DH only got 2 specific weeks of vacation for this summer, we scheduled the cruise for one and his ex is taking the kids away on the other

 

2. Don't send her to camp - this would be DHs choice, however it WILL be a battle with his ex for her to miss this camp. His daughter is VERY into cheering, it's competitive cheering, not school sponsored, so I'm not sure she's going to want to miss it.

 

I can't believe this!

 

 

For 8 years..... my life revolved around Highschool football, wrestling, and Dance and Drill team. We had to work around it.. If my son or daughter missed a camp it would affect there entire season in the sport. Now we are over those years and I am still not used to being able to plan a cruise pretty much when ever DH and I want. :confused: You may just have to go without her. :( Today, I credit Highschool sports to both of my childrens success. The discipline life they lived has now carried on to there higher education and careers.:)

 

 

 

WAIT a min. I just went back and read a post that she is 9 years old. O.K. right now, that drill camp may seem like its do or die, but it will not make or break her cheer future. Cheer for 9 year olds is not considered a school sport........Its a program that her parents are Paying for her to be in. Which of course makes it very important. I'm just saying it wont affect her future with cheerleading.

[01Sweetpea]

Livtojump - Sorry if I jumped on you, this is so upsetting to us.

 

DH has no intention of "forcing" her to go, that will only push his ex up against a wall, and we don't want that.

 

Step-family live sometimes isn't all that fun! :(

[kris12]

Just out of courisity are they getting next seasons choreography at this camp? If so missing that week would be a BIG deal.

 

I feel for you, its a rotten position to be in for everyone.

[BlueHerons]

Good luck with this sweatpea, you are obviously between a rock and a hard place. Just know I'm thinking of you with this, I've been there when my husband has been in the same position. It is almost like we bear the brunt of the whole thing.

[L2J]

Livtojump - Sorry if I jumped on you, this is so upsetting to us.

 

DH has no intention of "forcing" her to go, that will only push his ex up against a wall, and we don't want that.

 

Step-family live sometimes isn't all that fun! :(

 

No problem...Used to it ;) I would be upset too.

 

No...a PO'd ex is not a good thing:eek:

 

Nope!

[sweetjem]

hello i have had a daughter that cheered for many years was a all american chearleader for 3 years in a row and danced in the pro bowl if this SD is that good they will do what ever they have to to keep her on the squad and your DH needs to put his foot down with his Ex if he pays support there should not be any question made as to his time with his daughter as far as her making her own discession I think she is 9 you said that is what is wrong with these kids today parents let the kids make there minds up came from family of 7 and when my mother or father said we were going on a trip or what ever we had no mind to make up..

 

sorry not out to hurt anyone here but just my thought .

 

truimph MAY 21 woooooooooooohoooooooooooooo

[Randy & Carmen]

sorry not out to hurt anyone here but just my thought .

 

 

Oh, I'm sure you didn't......Sounds like SweatPea and DH have a good head on their shoulders and have had some of these frustrations before and having been thru them myself I empathize and wish them well....As we say in TX......"This ain't their first rodeo":D

[01Sweetpea]

Just out of courisity are they getting next seasons choreography at this camp? If so missing that week would be a BIG deal.

 

I feel for you, its a rotten position to be in for everyone.

 

Choreography is worked on from May (try-outs) until camp and is then revamped all year (which is something I don't understand, they are FOREVER changing their routine). At camp, however, is when National bids are given out, and then the gym decides on which competition they will be attending next year.

 

DH & I understand that this IS important to her, which is why he is willing to give up so much of his time with her for her (and her sister) to participate.

[lilsonicfan]

Have you and your husband talked to the coach, I think that is actually a great idea. If the coach suggests that it would be okay for her to miss the camp, then I would bring her into the meeting with the coach so she can hear it herself from the coach... then you and your husband can tell her that you'd really like her to come on the vacation.

 

If the coach suggests that she really should attend camp, then maybe you can use the coach as teh bad guy? and reassure her that you'll take another cruise for sure, another time (even though you're not certain.)

[Luckyroot]

Maybe I shouldn't even stick my nose in here.......I have no stepchildren, or annoying ex's to deal with.

 

I think your DH should at the very least try and talk to the coach, explain how important this trip is to your family. He/she MIGHT relent (albeit unhappily).

 

I think 9 years old is too young to make the decision herself. BUT.....I also think 9 is young enough that if you DID force the issue, she would have a good time anyway (unlike a 16 yr old who WOULD be miserable the whole week.......just on principle! LOL) but I understand you don't want to have to force her to go.

 

I think it's very sad that the ex isn't being more pro-active in trying to have her daughter spend the time with her dad. I feel at this young age, it is not going to make a tremendous difference in her future career whether she attends this camp or not.

 

Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision. Go on your cruise and have a wonderful time. If it turns out she cannot go with you, buy lots of presents and send lots of postcards to remind her that you still love her. (which, of course I know you still do)

 

My thoughts are with you all.

[Excited7]

Maybe someone already said this....but you have 2 kids going right? Why not take one, let the other go on to Cheer Camp and have the one going bring a friend? That way the one going is not bored silly with their parents and you guys wont lost as much money. You were going to fork it out anyways why not let someone who wants to go use it.

[Wennfred]

Sorry to hear that, Im in the same boat, but as for me, my Ex is also a cruiser and understands what it takes to book and pay for a cruise, My Daughter is involve with Tons of activites and I know she can take a week off for a Cruise, so I would be ok there, as for it Being a Manditory Event, thats probably Bull, because it probably came from the Ex mouth.. I dont see Cheerleading as a Educational event where as Vacations, you learn about other Cultures and Different parts of the world, now thats Education! I think she will be missing out on a life changing experience. Good Luck there.

 

Majority of the Schools in N.Y.C where I grew up didnt have a Cheerleading squad and we all came out ok. :)

[halos]

I resent your statement that my husband has to "suck it up." We have been planning this vacation for months now, and although it's no-one fault here, it's amazing how many times fathers are suppose to just "suck it up."

 

WHY? Why should cheerleading come before a fathers RIGHT to have a vacation with his child?

 

He COULD force the issue with his daughter and his ex, but that is not something he wants to do, it wouldn't accomplish anything except hard feelings. He supports his daughers cheerleading as well as all the other activities she is involved in.

 

Wow. :eek:

I think you put too much into that 'suck it up' statement. I can't imagine how hard it is to be a step parent...so I am very sorry that you feel pain in this...but your statement says it all..'FORCING the issue'.

What good will that do? Will your husband and your step daughter enjoy this cruise if it is forced??? If you allow her to make the decision, she just may choose to go with you...wouldn't you prefer that it be her choice and not forced??

I know she is only 9...but these things are important to a child...not that family time isn't...but like I said, the bond between them will grow strong if he takes an interest in HER interests....not to mention that being on a team is a committment and if she feels committed to the team, forcing her to turn form this committment is going to be very difficult for her.

Being a parent sometimes means huge sacrifices. Forcing this child to go will make no one happy...and sadly, because YOU are the STEP person involved...you may be the one who winds up looking like the monster here. I know you care about your husband, and the pain he feels about this mess must hurt you horribly...but you should really step back from it.

You mentioned that cheering means a lot to your step daughter AND her mother....I hope there isn't an issue there because her mother is involved with this sport along with her...and I also hope that her mother isn't forcing the cheering just to keep the daughter from vacationing with you. These situations get so nasty and the kids are the ones who suffer.

 

Sorry...just read your later posts...

 

It does suck that your step daughter may have to make this decision and it will be very difficult...but let's face it...kids these days, because of their hectic schedules and loads of activities deal with this all the time...being a child from divorced parents always compounds this issue. It does indeed suck..but it is what it is. Just trust that she can do it Please explain to her that she should make a decision and not look back...whatever she chooses will be the right thing.

tell her that when you look back...all you see is your a**.

Again..I'm REALLY sorry. This situation is difficult and I really am sending positive thoughts your way. Try to trust that in the end it will turn out alright. Please keep us informed...we all really do feel your pain.

[01Sweetpea]

Maybe someone already said this....but you have 2 kids going right? Why not take one, let the other go on to Cheer Camp and have the one going bring a friend? That way the one going is not bored silly with their parents and you guys wont lost as much money. You were going to fork it out anyways why not let someone who wants to go use it.

 

We actually have 4 kids, 3 are suppose to come with us (DH's oldest daughter 15, immediately opted out of the vacation when we were discussing it which was no suprise as she's not a "vacation" kid. She's already giving her mom a hard time about having to go vacation with her). So, if SD doesn't come we are down to 2 kids. 2 boys that will be very disappointed that their "sister" isn't coming on vacation with them.

[lrizit]

I have an 8 year old boy from an ex, and I am very blessed that we do not have these issues of "timesharing". I have never had a problem with my ex when it came to our son, fortunately. I do understand the importance of her doing the things she loves in life, but I would be leaning more towards this family trip, honestly. This may sound manipulative, but does she know about all of the "fun, cool" stuff? Maybe playing that up could help. I know it's sneaky, and I don't want to be on anyone's bad side, but when my son found out about getting in a pool with dolphins, and 24hour pizza, and waterslides...I think he'd sell his Nintendo to go. And he is involved in Boy Scouts, so there is that choice, but I know he'd go on this trip and miss everything scout related for that week. I guess the other difference is, he does live with me, and sees his dad on weekends, but to me, that makes this trip more valuable for you. I know ultimately it's your husbands choice, and it's a tough one, but if your step-daughter is anything like my son, they're easily distracted. Unless, of course his ex would drill into her head what she's "giving up." I hope she's not that selfish, but you never do know now. Good luck, and I do hope the decision you all come to works out best for everyone in the family. We'll be thinking of you.

[01Sweetpea]

Halos - If it did become a "forcing" issue (which it won't) it would be DH, not me who would be made out to be the bad-person. It happens often. :(

 

As for her mother, no issue. Her mother and my DH both try to do what each feels is in the best interest of the children, unfortunately, sometimes their opinions don't agree.

 

Her mother believes that the cheerleading COULD lead to scholarships (which could be a possibility), so anything that is cheerleading related comes first in the girls lives. They are in the gym twice druing the week (for 2 hours) and EVERY Sunday (for 2 hours). He had to fight last year to get to see the girls on Father's Day!

[Wennfred]

The last thing we need here is another Bomb threat like we had a few years ago, 19 year old girl called in a Bomb Threat on a Cruiseship because she prefer to be with her Boyfriend at home. I think she is still doing time. So other then the Cheerleading stuff, find out whats the real issue behind it.

 

Like another person mentioned, if both girls drop out, find out if the 2 boys have best friends, call their parents and tell them if they are willing to pay for half of the tickets so they can go, all you need is the Name Transfered and their Birth Certificates.

[Ehpride]

I can see how being involved in things is important, but kids today seem so overscheduled. I remember when I was in elementary school, I had time to just go outside and play and be a kid. I think that sometimes parents really underestimate how important free time can be to a child and their development. Competive cheerleading at 9 just seems a bit young to me.

 

On that note...I can see how this is a really tough spot for you guys. I hope that she ends up going with you on the cruise and that you all have a great time! Let us know how it goes.

[halos]

As for her mother, no issue. Her mother and my DH both try to do what each feels is in the best interest of the children, unfortunately, sometimes their opinions don't agree.

 

 

 

Believe me when I tell you that isn't an issue of divorce!! ;) My DH and I have disagreed PLENTY of times on what is in the best interest of the kids....it's always tough...being a parent is very tough and it totally sucks sometimes....because most of the time, lets face it...we have NO idea how to do it!!! I wish they came with directions!! You just have to pray that you're doing your best...it's all you can do. Hang in there...this will work out.

[01Sweetpea]

So other then the Cheerleading stuff, find out whats the real issue behind it.

 

Like another person mentioned, if both girls drop out, find out if the 2 boys have best friends, call their parents and tell them if they are willing to pay for half of the tickets so they can go, all you need is the Name Transfered and their Birth Certificates.

 

There is no other isssue. She is very happy to come to our home, gets along real well with her "brothers" and me. It's cheering and her feeling of being pulled betweeen the 2. She wants to be on this vacation, however, she's feels guilty if she's not at camp. We had this issue last year with her. She was supppose to stay with us at Disney for an extra 6 days after Nationals. In the end she didn't because "She'd be letting her team down" and "she'd miss bonding time with her team on the airplane home." So she opted to go to school instead of staying in Disney (she regrets that).

 

There will be no need to get other kids to attend this vacation with us. DH will know within a few days if his daughter is coming with us or not. If she is GREAT, if not, we'll switch to a different cabin, and eat the $150 plane ticket.