.......idle jottings

[ho-hum]

And so on the first night we stayed in St. Thomas.......yuk !

Overlooking a deserted establishment of depressing tourist shops: malls as they are called in the States. The owners of the various establishments cant even be bothered to open them for the too discerning passengers of SD and no doubt would prefer to stay at home watching the "game" or banal quiz shows, drinking beer, eating chicken wings and maybe practicing making babies.........anything than go to work !

Our Club Director in his "blah-blah" said we can "sit out under the stars and see the bright lights of St.Thomas".....not sure whether this was said heavy with irony but the only bright lights HH would like to see is a fire sweep through this dump burning everything to the ground !

(Yes saving all the babies, children, women, cats, dogs, donkeys, old people...hell everybody !).

He also advised we would'nt be leaving until 5.0am the next day for our "comfort".

A distortion of the truth (albeit a clever one). Were there 20 foot waves beyond the harbour or Godzilla lurking below the sea surface? No of course not: instead we had no air cross ventilation of sea air during dinner outside.

But at least we had the "lights of St.Thomas".

"Lights of St.Thomas": indeed ! Ehh Cabbie

 

Did you know St.T is twinned with Schittolla ? HH is'nt......it is a real Schittolla !

 

Earlier that day supplies came on a large lorry and were offloaded and taken onboard.

Chef Tomasz buzzed around the place always with a huge smile but this time he insisted HH comes to the side of the ship to view 2500 lbs of onions sitting on the dock of the bay (good name for a song that) !

HH had no idea we ate so much in a week. We dont he said, I ordered 250lbs !! They can stay there, I wont be accepting them all. The joys of being a chef. Tomasz is an amazing guy. hH will ask for some onion soup tonight...haha

 

Well it was the turn of Michigan and Montreal last week and this week its the turn of Denver. Our old friends from Denver are here, with whom we had a wonderful dinner, sitting on the rear deck overlooking them "bright lights" !

We met them first on a crossing and the sense of humour is wonderful and naturally he reads "idle jottings": the drivel that it is, ehh Abenaki.

HH cannot persuade him to post, he would be so funny and insightful.......the sheer waste HH says to himself but Dave is a wily fella and HH will work ruthlessly on him plying him with vodka sodas (though he doesnt need much encouragement these days).

 

HH has been seeing new people onboard and greets everybody with an angled left hand outstretched for shaking.

It creates some alarmed responses with several considering maybe HH is a member of the Masons or some such other secret organisation especially when combined with the secret password "we love the bright lights of St.Thomas, how about you ?".

HH explains the reason for the odd greeting and then the cause for the reason etc......changing car tyre.......jack falls over.......ouch !

Again a look of incredulity spreads across their face that some aged and podgy, probable "nancy boy" is even attempting to change a car tyre.....surprised he can even open a tin of caviar, lardy boy !!

 

Blondie has encountered a few odd passengers at Concierge who are quite uptight and rude even: here is a selection:

- being asked to sign Yacht Contract; "Hell this is worse than East Germany before the wall came down" ! Now the really funny thing is, is that he looks exactly like Benny Hill, the UK comedian of the 70-80's. Later leaving the ship he was asked for his card. He had lost it ! But I must go ! HH tells him it will take just a few minutes for a new one. He struts off complaining and returns a few minutes later. Drama over. Ho hum sings the BH theme tune as he waddles around.

-cabin 466, 1 row ! Pardon, cabin 466, 1 row. Sorry sir I dont understand. We are in cabin 466 and we onLy have one robe. Ah robe ! Yes that's what said, 1 row.

- asked for an ESTA form, one passenger haughtily replied "Are you accusing us of being illegal immigrants ?"

- can you make me a reservation in one of the restaurants ? Said a lady at 10.0pm after coming out of cocktails well sauced. I'm sorry but we have just one restaurant and last orders were at 9.30pm. What ! Thats ridiculous. Crew are seen later rushing food to her at the Pool Deck.

 

Extraordinary is'nt it ? You have no idea what these ladies at Concierge have to put up with sometimes and yet they are always smiling and helpful and genuinely want the passengers to have a great time.

This is an odd crowd, even odder with HH onboard !! Eh Cabbie ?

Can you imagine HH in their position answering these people....."Basil Fawlty" eat your heart out !

[kathyanddanny]

Good Morning HH,

 

Can you have someone send my breakfast to house 102 please?...we're starving over here!!! I have forgotten how to cook! If that's what you call what I do!? Haha!

HH, please tell us how you REALLY feel about St.Thomas... LOL but to be honest! We were not that enthused about it either. Did you ever go to cafe Amicci? The pizza place we told you about? Yum! Yum!.

Love Benny Hill!! but this new guest sounds like a handful! I would advise, keep your distance...LOL all I can say is the girls at front desk are little sweethearts, hope he does not give them too bad of a time.

Enjoy week two!:)

[fpebbles]

hH will ask for some onion soup tonight.

 

Basil Fawlty would be proud!

[Zimmy]

HH, DH and I have friends onboard this week - C & F. We met them on a SD cruise, of course. They're very nice - you and Blondie should introduce yourselves. I think they're in the owners suite.

[MACT]

The lurking has to stop...

 

I gave myself a good talking to and with a deep breath I now appear and confess that these “idle jottings” are quite the most ridiculously wonderful excuse to waste a few precious hours of each day.

 

What did it for me? The “Benny Hill” scene. Loved him, he just poked such fun at life. The image of Benny Hill with references to East Germany… priceless.

 

All we need now is for “Benny” to try and chase a beautiful young lady or two around deck 5 whilst HH whistles the theme tune. It’s worth getting on a plane now to join in the fun.

 

Lurcio is no more…sorry this is heading down Frankie Howerd territory now.

 

Many thanks HH and I look forward to many more jottings of wisdom, wit and tomfoolery. “Tom who?”

 

MACT

[Zimmy]

HH, DH and I have friends onboard this week - C & F. We met them on a SD cruise, of course. They're very nice - you and Blondie should introduce yourselves. I think they're in the owners suite.

 

I may have spoken too soon, HH. They may be on the I. I know they left from Barbados. Was that the I or the II?

[ho-hum]

Good Morning HH,

 

Can you have someone send my breakfast to house 102 please?...we're starving over here!!! I have forgotten how to cook! If that's what you call what I do!? Haha!

HH, please tell us how you REALLY feel about St.Thomas... LOL but to be honest! We were not that enthused about it either. Did you ever go to cafe Amicci? The pizza place we told you about? Yum! Yum!.

Love Benny Hill!! but this new guest sounds like a handful! I would advise, keep your distance...LOL all I can say is the girls at front desk are little sweethearts, hope he does not give them too bad of a time.

Enjoy week two!:)

 

 

Breakfast may take a little while to arrive Kathy !

 

We did not go to Cafe Amicci for a couple of reasons:

- hell it was hot

- not a fan of St.T (you guessed right)

- Chef Tomasz asked what HH would like to eat for lunch. Rice & Dahl. Could'nt give that up ! Oh yummy, prepared and served by Laxman from the Galley. The man is a Master of Indian cuisine.

 

Goran was furious that HH did not get pizza !

He reminded HH that he always buys way too much and he usually has what is left !

Service was curt in the evening dinner........VERY SULKY !

[ho-hum]

HH, DH and I have friends onboard this week - C & F. We met them on a SD cruise, of course. They're very nice - you and Blondie should introduce yourselves. I think they're in the owners suite.

 

Swanky friends eh Zimmy.

Not so sure they would be prepared to drop down the social scale to us "lottery winners" from the UK !!

But your "command" will be obeyed and we will forward your greetings and felicitations accordingly my loveliest (assuming they are in the OS

 

Anything else HH can do for all you other folks out there "freezing your pert little bums off" ! (or not).

Sorry must dash, arranging food parcel drop over outer settlement in Montreal area.

OK Goran launch helicopter, we have a mission to accomplish.

"Do it yourself HH ! Why dont you send THEM pizza from Cafe Amicci ?"

 

I may have spoken too soon, HH. They may be on the I. I know they left from Barbados. Was that the I or the II?

 

SDI, lovely lady.

Nobody by those initials in OS or AS.

Not a word good lady......mishtakes appen.

[vandrefalk]

Why doesn't CC have a "like" button :eek:

Vandrefalk

[ho-hum]

Mr. Hum, are you still onboard? If so, are you adjusting to life without K&D? I know they wish they were still aboard.

 

Sorry Jim, yes staying on.

We were supposed to go to Bitter End Yacht Club today but were told there is a norovirus problem, so it was avoided.

On our way to Montserrat...and a tad choppy too.

Quite a few "no shows" at dinner.

[ho-hum]

Mr. Hum, are you still onboard? If so, are you adjusting to life without K&D? I know they wish they were still aboard.

 

Sorry Jim, yes still onboard with a few internet gremlins.

 

Should have been Bitter End zyacht Club yesterday but a norovirus occurrence meant we approached "The Baths" differently.

On way to Montserrat.

Quite choppy and a large number of "no shows" for dinner.

Edited February 24, 2015 by ho-hum

[ho-hum]

Why doesn't CC have a "like" button :eek:

Vandrefalk

 

Funny you said that Lady V, a guy from Michigan asked the same question about a "dislike" button !

 

A "Like" button: indeed !

Haha

Edited February 24, 2015 by ho-hum

[ho-hum]

The lurking has to stop...

 

I gave myself a good talking to and with a deep breath I now appear and confess that these “idle jottings” are quite the most ridiculously wonderful excuse to waste a few precious hours of each day.

 

What did it for me? The “Benny Hill” scene. Loved him, he just poked such fun at life. The image of Benny Hill with references to East Germany… priceless.

 

All we need now is for “Benny” to try and chase a beautiful young lady or two around deck 5 whilst HH whistles the theme tune. It’s worth getting on a plane now to join in the fun.

 

Lurcio is no more…sorry this is heading down Frankie Howerd territory now.

 

Many thanks HH and I look forward to many more jottings of wisdom, wit and tomfoolery. “Tom who?”

MACT

 

"And now the prologue...."

 

Welcome MACT to "idle jottings" (often known as the "Dark Side" !)

 

"Titter ye not".......its a shame really, looking like Benny Hill, oh the poor thing, stop tittering.

 

Bit worried it takes a "few precious hours" to read the few posts each day.......learning difficulties ?

Dont worry you're amongst chums.

Take Jim for example, goes to that gun range each day, has'nt hit that barn door once !

Ho hum cant change a car tyre !

Edited February 24, 2015 by ho-hum

[ho-hum]

We certainly are picky, aren't we? I think the solution is to roll the ol' Citation X and fly into the airport with the shortest reported wait time. That should most definitely solve all of the many issues outlined above (with the exception of building up the supply of Avios). Oh, wait a minute, charge the flight on your BA Visa and watch the number of Avios multiply!

 

Don't say I'm not looking out for your best interests, my friend!

 

 

And here you are bothering to reply and offering help........sure am "picky" in friendships too but in your case dont know how HH deserves your friendship old friend.

But sure am grateful.

 

And so Charlie, chatting over our woes at Atlanta with Zoltan at the bar, he said he never had any trouble thro' Atlanta and blondie said we went thro once before with no problem (HH tends not to record airport experiences except when they are hell),

And now the replacement Hotel Manager (Jamie) who passed through Atlanta has advised ho hum that he had no problems with Border Security but his flight had to turn back when a passenger was ill. It took him 3 days travelling from S.Africa ! Poor chap.

 

Where HH will give USB&S credit is that they actually produce statistics on the internet about "wait times".

Now for the time we were passing through (and ho hum uses that term very loosely as the issue was that there was precious little "passing" going on and a hell of lot standing motionless !) the various alternate airport times were as follows:

 

ATL: Ave time - 53 mins. Max time - 90 mins. No. of flights: 1

 

MIA: Ave time - 45 mins. Max time - 119 mins. No. of flights: 9

 

ORL: Ave time - 24 mins. Max time - 48 mins. No. of flights: 1

 

ForRt L: Ave time - 8 mins. Max time - 19 mins. No. of flights: 3

 

PHI: Ave time - 5 mins. Max time - 16 mins. No. of flights: 3

 

Now it also turns out that outside the actual arrival times, Atlanta did quite well. So maybe it is due to a shift change.

Whatever the reason: it was completely un-acceptable.

If Philadelphia can process 3 planes in 5 minutes then Atlanta should "pull their finger out" !

 

Oops just checked "FlightStats". Flight delays in Atlanta excessive due to weather conditions. It turns out they had snow and ice and as they have few de-icing machines, flights were delayed.

 

Oh the joy of travel !

 

Maybe we will have to try Atlanta one more time.

 

If ho hum were French and they offered Airmiles then it would be Paris - St.Martin but HH is not French. A fellow passenger advised HO hum that from St.Martin, you then get a plane to the island of your choice.

So checked out LIAT: (they have been known to simply cancel flights at a moments notice) but their website was un-responsive.

HH then asked for a quote for a direct private flight: no reply.

 

So between the USB&S "black shirts", hotel staff losing reservations and US potential bad weather and the "joy" (HH says with heavy irony) of Caribbean "customer service" (again said with even heavier irony), pricey hotels, burnt barbecue food offered as authentic Caribbean cuisine (how pretentious is that), sweet, garish coloured and toxic rum punches served in the flimsiest of plastic containers with ice infused with God knows what from an ice bucket containing the barman's marihuana stash wrapped in cling film and served by some dis-interested, un-communicative yuf who grunts short in-comprehensible words completely expressionless as if undergoing trials for a cheap heavy sedative, travelling to SD in the Caribbean is HELL !

Mr.Picky: indeed he is !

 

Aint those the facts Cabbie ? Good day to you SIR !

Oh and "have a nice day".

Edited February 24, 2015 by ho-hum

[abenaki]

2016 is indeed going to pose a problem getting to SD2 easily for us too. Will just have to stomach the dreaded St Thomas. Things could be worse I suppose.

 

It would be most appreciated if you went ashore today in Monserrat to do a bit of a recce....

[MACT]

"And now the prologue...."

 

Welcome MACT to "idle jottings" (often known as the "Dark Side" !)

 

"Titter ye not".......its a shame really, looking like Benny Hill, oh the poor thing, stop tittering.

 

Bit worried it takes a "few precious hours" to read the few posts each day.......learning difficulties ?

Dont worry you're amongst chums.

Take Jim for example, goes to that gun range each day, has'nt hit that barn door once !

Ho hum cant change a car tyre !

 

 

 

Yeah...use a finger under each word for guidance, nice and slow. Thankfully the good Lord did not create such an affliction on me when it comes to drinking.

[kathyanddanny]

Acronym for: Leaving. Island. Any. Time. Avoid at all costs!!! 😱😝

[Jim Avery]

Sorry Jim, yes staying on.

We were supposed to go to Bitter End Yacht Club today but were told there is a norovirus problem, so it was avoided.

On our way to Montserrat...and a tad choppy too.

Quite a few "no shows" at dinner.

 

It will be interesting to get some first hand info on Montserrat from "The Source". We have helicoptered over Montserrat and sailed by close enough for the ash from the volcano to flavo(u)r our martinis but have yet to go ashore there. Hope the bumps smooth out soon. Any interesting new campers aboard??

[piratelooksat45]

Montserrat is a new port for us next year.

 

Ho hum the pressure is on, looks like a lot are counting on you to do some research.

[Zimmy]

We had a stop at Montserrat several years ago. At that time, SD was the only ship stopping there, and they were not really equipped for tourism. We wanted to do what we could to help the economy, but there was little or no opportunity to do so. We did take the ship's excursion, which was highly educational. It included a trip to the top of the mountain to see the volcano monitoring station, walking through the ash field and seeing George Martin's studio. We then went to see the new city. We were most impressed by the view when we sailed past Plymouth at dusk. The greyness of the ash covering everything. The stillness. As we stood at the rail, nobody on board spoke. It was a modern Pompeii.

[vandrefalk]

Oh, Zimmy, you are so right! I think it was our very first SD cruise in 2004, we sailed by Monserrat with Capt. Berg -- it was eerie seeing the town of Plymouth covered in ash -- and we were all silent. In 2008, we booked a cruise precisely because it was going to go ashore in Monserrat -- that was the year I broke my leg the day before the cruise! I was heartbroken that (a) I was afraid they wouldn't let me on the ship and (b) that I wouldn't get to see the island As it turned out, the crew was absolutely fantastic in making sure I got to go everywhere (although I couldn't manage the steps to the volcano museum) and even arranged to move me to a smaller van so I could get closer to some of the views. We went again a few years later and I did see the museum. It is absolutely haunting to go through the "wadis"-- those riverbeds that are still full of ash -- to see the remains of Plymouth -- and to see what they have been able to rebuild. There is much of the island that is still uninhabitable -- and the last trip there was smoke from the volcano. It is a very special place -- as are the people who still live there -- one of my favorite memories of the Caribbean!

Vandrefalk

[ho-hum]

Wow, the interest in Montserrat, hmmmmm.......

 

So Blondie & Ho Hum land by tender on a small quay in Little Bay with a group of other travellers. The wily Dave is more interested in finding a bar after his sojourn to "The Baths" yesterday, which in his opinion, took too damn long !

A very funny Norwegian travel agent naively (or is it hopefully) believes there will be a bar serving champagne !

 

Not for us, the intrepid explorers wish to strike out on their own on this british island.

So after landing on The quay we are directed by a bored lady official to pass through the customs building where there is nobody and leave the other end to be greeted by a 56 year old man called Theodore with dreadlocks and green t-shirt.

"You want a taxi man"

A price is agreed, well below the organised tour price, part of which consisted of being bundled into a van and being taken to a museum wherein just 10 curled up at the edges photos are fixed to the wall ! Other museums around the world should take note ! (He says with heavy sarcasm).

 

Blondie senses a "catch" with this amiable taxi driver and believing she will be sold into the "white slave trade" or abducted until a ransom is paid in doubloons suggests we check out other taxis.

Nonsense this is a fine upstanding man of The Rasta community and overrules Lady Mingey-Moo (LMM) !

What possibly can go wrong ?

 

We pass a group of young, smartly dressed, smiling Jehovah Witnesses.

Having found God renders them with bland, smug expressions.

"Would you like to meet Jesus ?". No not today thankyou.

"Would you like to go to heaven ?"

What and miss all my friends, Jim and Raggy ?

Ho hum aint biting. They return to their self-congratulatory stance beaming the joys of being one of the chosen ones or is it releasing trapped wind ?

Difficult to tell and there is a funny smell in the atmosphere.

 

And so we catch our first sight of the "taxi"....mmmmm.

Lady Mingey-Moo reiterates the earlier phrase, Cabbie-fied. "what can go wrong": indeed !

Having been promised it would be air-conditioned we clamber in and Theodore opens the roof !

We wipe spilled currants off the seats and LMM pops a few in her mouth......mmm, quite an odd taste she says.

And so we head off with songs waling from the speakers.

Tap Theodore on his shoulder and tell him to turn it off !

And so begins our journey through the new capital. Brightly painted, modern buildings line the well constructed road. We climb up into the hills and listen to the story of the volcano that erupted in 1997 (?). It first spewed out steam and gas (smell of sulphur) in the air then ash/sand spread out. A year later the volcano spewed out huge rocks. The people were evacuated. The islands original 30,000 were reduced to 5,000: most migrating to the "Motherland" (UK) and a few to other European countries.

Theodore witnessed the day of the first eruption. Eventually the flow and the heat destroyed a bridge to his vIllage which he had been evacuated from along with his parents. His mother still lives in the UK. She is in her 80's and in declining health. He lived there for awhile too but he hated the cold which "get into da bones, man". Yep thats true.

 

Now we pass a gorge, well a former gorge which has been settled in 20-30 feet of ash/sand.

The road is bumpy now. Lady MM aint happy.

Some enterprising company is taking the sand/ash, grading it and exporting it. A newly elected government is considering taking it over for the benefit of all the people, hmmmm....

 

Well now we are entering the Exclusion Zone (for which he has a licence to enter) and either side of the road are various houses with trees growing through them (well the timber ones, that is): the concrete framed houses are more robust but have plants growing out of the fertile ash that surrounds the property.

We arrive at a deserted hotel and explore it. Papers, beds, clothes hangers and two safes remain also set in ash. At the rear is a patio and pool full of plants, ash and things that plop about in the water.

And there below is the view of Plymouth.

The former capital of 20,000 people totally deserted with most parts submerged in the ash that rolled down the mountain in three "rivers" taking out the town and ending in the sea, leaving just a promontory that was the former quay !

 

We return to the taxi and head back to the ship a partially alternate route but the smell of sulphur has changed somewhat.

We ask what the smell is.

Theodore explains he had some goats in the back earlier that day !

Goats !

Lady Mingey-Moo looks at ho hum who is now grinning widely and exclaims...these are not currants are they ?

She grabs the bottle of water and gargles spitting out the err "currant" flavoured water.

Hehe

 

Get me back to the ship, I'm going to be sick or ....,,,,, myself !

Its just re-constituted grass thats all, ho hum assures the ashen faced Lady Mingey-Moo between laughs at her expression.

Theodore is oblivious to the commotion in the back due to the noise of the taxi and continues to explain the animals that roam in the Exclusion Zone, among them, by chance, the said goats.

"Tis interesting deez goats love frog"

They eat frog ?

"Ya de dead ones"

Dead ones ?

"Ya dey dead coz of the virus from fruit impirted from Dominica dat kill em"

Lady MM is about to faint now....having re-assured her that the "currants" were simply grass, she is now thinking she will die from infected, digested frog meat !!

 

Theodore goes on to explain that new frogs from the UK have been re-introduced.

None of this is helping Lady Mingey-Moo.

 

We return to the ship, Lady MM showers, cleans her teeth several times and awaits "montezumas revenge" combined with "talking into the white porcelain telephone" !

Nothing.

She joins HH for champagne before lunch at the TOYB.

 

Later we sail passed Plymouth and see the view from the sea. It is staggering, the extent of the destruction.

Quite a day.

Later that evening ho hum asks Goran to prepare a dish of currants to accompany Lady Mingey-Moo's usual dish of yoghurt after her dinner.

The currants are placed before her.

The horrors of earlier return as she stares hatefully at dear ho hum.

Haha

[ho-hum]

It will be interesting to get some first hand info on Montserrat from "The Source". We have helicoptered over Montserrat and sailed by close enough for the ash from the volcano to flavo(u)r our martinis but have yet to go ashore there. Hope the bumps smooth out soon. Any interesting new campers aboard??

 

 

Montserrat is a new port for us next year.

 

Ho hum the pressure is on, looks like a lot are counting on you to do some research.

 

Hope the preceding piece meets your expectations chums.

 

And on the subject of interesting new campers onboard Jim.

Well tis funny you mention it but there is a grandly titled, single, male passenger from Transylvania who resides on tbe 2nd floor but for the first two days could not find the main Dining Salon (at the end of the corridor next to the lift and stair) !

He insisted a SD official co ducts him on a tour of the ship to discover what else he is missing !

He is an inveterate smoker and does not confine himself to designated areas unfortunately and wears striped shorts resembling boxer shorts (maybe they are). Sadly he eats alone outside and appears lost in thought.

Several passengers have tried talking to him including one's goodself whilst on the tender to Montserrat, he acknowledges the kind gesture and simply smiles nodding his head but he does not speak.

He has met Blondie and by all accounts, he is quite enamoured and believes her to be un-attached !

HH will you keep you informed of developments !

After the "currant" episode earlier she moght be tempted to "upgrade".

Several of the girls on the ship are "Googling" him to determine his wealth !

Look out ho hum !

[ho-hum]

Acronym for: Leaving. Island. Any. Time. Avoid at all costs!!! 😱😝

 

Haha (unless you are travelling with 'em, then its boo-hoo)

[ho-hum]

2016 is indeed going to pose a problem getting to SD2 easily for us too. Will just have to stomach the dreaded St Thomas. Things could be worse I suppose.

 

It would be most appreciated if you went ashore today in Monserrat to do a bit of a recce....

 

As advised earlier "Mission accomplished" Abenaki.

Get here soon we are missing you......greatly.