What's the best approach when someone won't control a child?

[Suzanne74]

We were in disney and a family with young kids were driving us crazy at the Polynesian. The mom or dad would walk the halls with a crying baby to put them to sleep, I guess. :confused: One night it was after midnight and the dad had the baby out there pacing back and forth in the narrow echoing hallway. My husband went out and politely asked if he could please go back in his own room as our daughter was trying to sleep and it was late. He rudely said "Well if I go back in the room, then my other kids will wake up too!!!" So he much prefered keeping his own family asleep while ours and others suffered. Why he couldn't go outside or down the hall by the vending machines at the least, I don't know but after a few of these late night moments, my husband called the front desk. I don't think anyone ever came. :mad:

 

Anyway, I feel your pain. I think 90% of parents use good discretion with their kids. I don't care if I see temper tantrums, smart-a$$ kids, screaming babies IF the parents realize they need to be removed from the situation. I have also found during my people watching that the kids (young and tween) that seem to act up the most have parents who pay attention to them the least. It really makes me sad when I see that becuase the poor kids just realize that any attention is good attention.:(

[JsMom2]

Wow, I'm sorry this happened to you, what a nightmare! How very frustrating that they did not have an empty cabin to move you to.

 

That being said, in these situations I've found the most effective method is to empathize with the parent. This tends to make the parents feel guilty that their child is disrupting your vacation. A mean look will express your feelings, but will not make them want to help you.

 

If the problem continues, one of the things I've done in the past is ask the parent, "Would you like me to say something to him/her? Kids always listen to other adults before they listen to their parents." Again, this puts you on the side of the parent and can sometimes make them want to work with you rather than against you.

 

Of course these solutions are not fool proof or guaranteed, but just something I've found to work in the past.

 

And for what its worth. I believe that if someone cannot travel without disrupting all the passengers around them, then they should be packed up and put off at the next port. That may sound harsh, but it sounds to me as if the family you encountered was just being plain inconsiderate!

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Dr_DNA]

Many people have offered great opinions, many of which would work on common, decent people. Unfortunately, however, we live in a society where personal responsibility is almost completely dead. There are several that believe in it, but as a society, it is at best, on life support. People don't think about how their actions affect others, but even worse, many don't even care. Its all about me, me, me, me... Quite frankly, the OP shouldn't have to do anything because people should have the common decency to do the right think and at least try to not to negatively affect others. But obviously in this case, the family didn't care and no matter what the OP did/say to the family, it probably wouldn't have made a difference. I probably would have taken it further with the Purser, but I'm not sure where that would get you. Sorry that you had such a negative experience because of others inconsiderate actions. Hopefully next time those around you will be more considerate.

[bplazo]

I have to agree with the above poster. I do not think that saying anything to these inconsiderate people would have done any good. I would have been calling guest relations until something was done.

[CowPrincess]

I would have been calling guest relations until something was done.

 

I honestly don't know what guest relations could have done, except gotten annoyed with us.... as others have mentioned (far, far more lucidly than I could have) these self-absorbed boors were interested only in themselves and I can't see the ship having put them off at the next port over badly-behaved children. (By about day 3, my friend and I would CHEERFULLY have pitched them into the ocean, but we may have been caught!)

 

Mis behaving children are definitely annoying but the parents who seemingly "arent doing anything about the situation" might have simply exhausted all of their known resources.

 

One thing would have been to at least shut their cabin door to contain the tantrums. Another thing would have been to go to a non-populated area at night to walk with the screaming baby. This was totally not a question of parents "out of ideas" -- it was an issue of them not caring about the effect they were having on others.

[JsMom2]

A little off topic, but let me share something I discovered when we sailed on the Norwegian Star back in 2002. We were in an inside cabin that was next to some steam pipes or something. Anyways there was a terrible knocking sound that kept me awake most nights, which of course really put a damper on my cruise. I went to the purser's desk on multiple occasions and complained. They told me they didn't have anyplace to move me, and and meanwhile kept sending maintenance guys to the cabin which didn't help at all. It wasn't until the last night that one of the guys discovered where the knocking was coming from. And then they magically had an outside balcony cabin available to move me to!

 

I haven't sailed NCL since, although we are going to try them again this December.

 

But what I learned from the experience is to keep pushing the issue if you have a problem with your cabin. I have a feeling that they always keep one or two cabins open in case of emergency situations. And the case the OP described definitely would fit that criteria!

[ezjack1825]

Most of y'all are a lot better than me. I was raised to be polite, and to a certain degree I expect it. I now have a 7 month old son, and if he is acting up (thank God it is rare), I make sure I do whatever I can to minimize the impact to other people.

 

There are a LOT of inconsiderate people in the world and on cruises. My DW and I were on a cruise a couple years ago where there was a large party with children near us. The kids were acting like kids and we were joking with one another about it until the adults got more obnoxious than the kids. We complained to the maitre d who went over to them and they GOT WORSE!! It's just unbelievable to me sometimes. Maybe it's just in how I was raised.

 

Yes, I have seen people at the mall or a parking lot starting to slap their child in the FACE for misbehaving and I have grabbed their hand before they could. It's amazing the furious look they give you and start yelling at you that they can discipline their child as they like. They normally are smart enough to stop or wait till I'm gone when I advise them they better try taking me out before they ever strike a child. I know people have their own ways of parenting, but striking a child in the face / head is never acceptable in any circumstance. I've only had one person try to take a swing at me after doing that. The cops agreed I acted in self defense and appreciated I stayed to supervise the child till they arrived. Needless to say dad was kinda sorta on the ground. Oops. Sorry about that, I guess I couldn't subdue my passions to protect a child. My bad.... Hehe...

 

My point? Courteous people will try to be courteous but you can't help stupid people.

[notentirelynormal]

Most of y'all are a lot better than me. I was raised to be polite, and to a certain degree I expect it. I now have a 7 month old son, and if he is acting up (thank God it is rare), I make sure I do whatever I can to minimize the impact to other people.

 

There are a LOT of inconsiderate people in the world and on cruises. My DW and I were on a cruise a couple years ago where there was a large party with children near us. The kids were acting like kids and we were joking with one another about it until the adults got more obnoxious than the kids. We complained to the maitre d who went over to them and they GOT WORSE!! It's just unbelievable to me sometimes. Maybe it's just in how I was raised.

 

Yes, I have seen people at the mall or a parking lot starting to slap their child in the FACE for misbehaving and I have grabbed their hand before they could. It's amazing the furious look they give you and start yelling at you that they can discipline their child as they like. They normally are smart enough to stop or wait till I'm gone when I advise them they better try taking me out before they ever strike a child. I know people have their own ways of parenting, but striking a child in the face / head is never acceptable in any circumstance. I've only had one person try to take a swing at me after doing that. The cops agreed I acted in self defense and appreciated I stayed to supervise the child till they arrived. Needless to say dad was kinda sorta on the ground. Oops. Sorry about that, I guess I couldn't subdue my passions to protect a child. My bad.... Hehe...

 

My point? Courteous people will try to be courteous but you can't help stupid people.

 

Unfortunately your effort to stop the violence probably made it worse. Without a doubt the parent went home and was even more angry with the child for making them look bad.

[ezjack1825]

Unfortunately your effort to stop the violence probably made it worse. Without a doubt the parent went home and was even more angry with the child for making them look bad.

 

No, actually he went to jail as I pressed charges and followed up as a witness to attempted child abuse which unveiled the child and spousal abuse at home. As far as I know he is still in for multiple charges.

 

Nothing against you personally, but it amazes me when people think you make violence worse when you stop it from happening. What has our world come to....

[amel232]

CowPrincess- I totally understand your experience. I am so lucky after 5 Disney cruises I've never encountered what you described.

 

But I'm a very well seasoned traveler despite my limited cruise experience. Because I'm a business traveler "Road Warrior" it's not just cruise ships that have this problem. This happens just as abundantly if not more at hotels and resorts.

 

Here are the things I'd have done -

 

1. I never confront a passenger on my own; in this day and age, it's better to let the Purser handle the situation. When you confront a passenger/guest you risk escalating the issue because you're irritated and trust me, the parent is REALLY irritated w/ the child and now you.

 

If that didn't stop anything then I'd...

 

2. Record the noise for 'evidence' on my digital camera video function (or cell phone..) or my actual camcorder and note the time and duration. If you don't have that, call the purser or guest relations immediate any hold the phone out through the door if you have to or tell them to come to the deck immediately. Take photos of the open doors or even of the parent walking up and down. I'd do this discreetly of course.

 

If that didn't stop anything then I'd...

 

3. Request re-accommodation and if that can't be done for a full house, ask this question this way: "What can you do to remediate this situation?" Some house managers will offer a partial refund, a free night's stay in the future, or change to another sister hotel. Given much of this isn't possible on a cruise, you have to know what will make it right for YOU. Have a goal in mind in what will satisfy you. For me, I'd expect a healthy on-board credit so I could go relax and get some quiet/sleep in the spa.

 

If they cannot accommodate that, then I'd...

 

4. Ask to speak to the officer in charge above the purser. If none will present themselves to rectify the situation to your satisfaction, then I'd ask for acknowledgment of my problem with them in writing and that they were not able to remediate the problem with a room change, on-board credit or refund. I'd ensure I get a copy of that letter to the Captain during the cruise and to the RCCL corporate after I got on shore. If they will not document/confirm in writing, I would write the letter myself on Cruiseline letterhead and state they refused to acknowledge the problem in writing. Why do I do this? To pursue a refund of some size after the cruise or to obtain a discount on a future cruise. This isn't scamming the cruise line, mind you. This is addressing their failure in their customer and operations process to ensure all passengers have a restful, peaceful vacation. Any operations manager of any customer business will want to know defects in their process for handling problems and dissatisfied customers. That's their job and if they aren't apprised of the problem they can never fix it for anyone. They would not tolerate drunken adults in the hall, why is a screaming child OK?

 

I think you'll get an on-board credit before it escalates that far though.

 

That said, it's important you level set YOUR expectations and mitigate your problems ahead of time. Here are a few of those tips:

 

-Ear Plugs (the Hear-O's brand are the best imo)

 

-Noise canceling headphones (with ear plugs also popped in!)

 

-If you have an iPod, you can buy a white noise track from iTunes. It helps drown a lot of ambient noise.

 

-Ask in advance (for hotels or for cruise lines) if your cabin/room has an adjoining door. If it does, ask for another room. Adjoining doors don't block sound at all. (for hotels, ask when you check in if you can be placed in a room away from other people if capacity is low and has no adjoining doors).

 

-If you want to control the sounds around you and have peace and quiet on your terms and timetable and anything short of that is completely unacceptable, it's best to stay home. When you leave home, you are subject to the problems of others and you have to live with some tolerance and empathy for others. No one w/ a screaming baby is happy and is so consumed with stress may not realize what they are doing to other passengers.

 

-Empathy, compassion - do unto others! Imagine yourself with that child and your dream trip ruined and embarrassed by their behavior. Handle the situation the way you want to be handled. Some families cruising are doing so with autistic children, disabled kids - and had no idea the reaction of their child would be as it is. Which is why it's key to let the cruise line handle the problem and find a solution. Insist they find a solution and take notes as if you're creating a post for this board but give the purser the documentation. Also make sure the purser isn't an assistant or whatnot, make sure it's an officer truly empowered to do SOMETHING.

[notentirelynormal]

No, actually he went to jail as I pressed charges and followed up as a witness to attempted child abuse which unveiled the child and spousal abuse at home. As far as I know he is still in for multiple charges.

 

Nothing against you personally, but it amazes me when people think you make violence worse when you stop it from happening. What has our world come to....

 

I'm glad that happened and I really didn't mean that what you did was wrong - I have a habit of doing the same thing. What I meant is that unfortunately it doesn't always help but makes the situation worse once the person is behind closed doors.

[ANETLY]

I have to say since I just got back from my first cruise with a two yr old who went through tantrums too that it was very difficult for me, but that's because I DID try to be considerate of other ppls feelings. We had three cabins and no way did I ever leave the door open when he was screaming (I know that doesn't stop the noise, but still). I think that was very rude of that family. Also, when my lo acted up on deck, we went back to our room, so as not to expose everyone else to his fits. I don't know exactly what you could have done, but I had one family try to talk to my toddler and make him laugh when we were waiting in a long line. That helped me soooo much and made me feel better than the witchy ppl who growled at me and made snide remarks.

[OceanDreamin]

We had a similar but slightly different situation on our last cruise. It was me and DH's 1st vacation WITHOUT our DD, and we were looking forward to some quiet, romantic time together. We also ended up in cabins in the midst of a group who were very loud, but these weren't kids. They were a group of fighter pilots on board to celebrate their buddy's batchelor party! They were not only yelling and partying in the hallways, but they had loud whistles and thought it was great fun to go marching up and down the hallways blowing the whistles!!:eek:

 

One evening DH and I happened to be in the cabin to get my camera (I wanted to go on deck and take sunset pictures), and I heard them come back to their cabin. I jokingly said to DH "I would love to take a picture of those idiots so I can show everyone why I'm coming back from my relaxing vacation looking so tired!" DH grabbed my camera, went out in the hallway and snapped the picture as he walked past their open door. They said "Hey, you missed, come in and take our picture." He did. They said "Okay, now you have to buy us a bucket of beer."

 

So we went up on deck and I took the sunset pictures I wanted, and DH went and bought I bucket of beer!:eek: I couldn't believe it. I told him okay, but which ever one of those idiots has that f &*#@(^ whistle does NOT get a beer.

 

Needless to say, the guys were shocked when they saw DH actually walking down the hallway towards them with the beers. I asked which of them had the whistle - it turned out they ALL had one. I then told them that they had woken us up numerous times. I was all in favor of them partying and having a great time, but could they PLEASE do it up on deck, in the clubs, somewhere NOT in the cabin or hallway since they are disturbing other passengers. I pointed out that even at that time of day (early evening) there could be people in the cabins nearby that might be napping. They were really quite apologetic about it. They were just so into having a good time they were just clueless about the fact that they were disturbing other people. I'm sure DH buying them a bucket of beers went a long way towards them having a more open attitude to listening to our complaints, but they were very considerate after that and we didn't hear a peep out of them in the cabin or hallway - just up in the disco and lounges.

 

I think HOW you approach people makes a great deal of difference in the outcome. Unfortunately, there will always be inconsiderate jerks who won't change their behavior no matter how politely you ask, and then you just have to escalate it to security, the purser, etc. as other well-stated prior posters have said.

 

All that being said, that is the first time in all of my cruises that I have experienced anything like this, or have seen unruly passengers (adult or child).