A Tourist's Prayer

[ontdi]

I'm not sure whether this is the place to post this or not, but will try anyway.

We have just returned from an Avalon River cruise on the Rhine & this was read at a staff talent night. It is funny but "oh so true". It is appropriate for anyone who is cruising or travelling by land.

I hope you enjoy it!

 

Tourist's Prayer

 

Heavenly Father, look down on us, your humble obedient tourist servants, who are doomed to travel this earth, taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking around in drip-dry underwear.

 

We beseech you, Lord, to see that our vessel is not attacked by pirates, our luggage is not lost and our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.

Protect us from surly and unscrupulous taxi drivers and of course unlicensed English speaking guides.

Give us this day, divine guidance in the selection of our cruise ships that we may find our reservation honoured, our cabins made up and hot water running from the tap and shower.

We pray that the telephones work and that the operators speak our tongue and that there is no mail waiting from our children which would force us to cancel the rest of our voyage.

Lead us, Dear Lord, to good, inexpensive restaurants where the food is superb, the waiters are friendly and the wine is included.

Give us the wisdom to tip mercifully in currencies we do not understand. Forgive us for under tipping out of ignorance and over tipping out of fear. Make the natives love us for what we are and not for what we can contribute to their worldly goods.

Grant us the strength to visit the museums, the cathedrals, the palaces and the castles listed as "musts" and if per chance, we skip an historic monument to take a nap after lunch, have mercy on us, our flesh is weak.

 

Now this part of the following prayer is for the husbands on board.

Dear God, keep our wives from shopping sprees and protect them from "bargains" they don't need or I can hardly afford. Lead them not into temptation, for they know not what they do.

 

This part of the prayer is for the wives.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them with us. Save them from making fools out of themselves in cafes and nightclubs. Above all, do not forgive them their trespass, for they know exactly what they do.

(Now all Together)

When our voyage is over and we return to our loved ones, grant us the favour of finding someone who will look at our self made videos and listen to our stories, so our lives as tourists will not have been in vain. This we ask you in the name of Thomas Cook, American Express and Avalon WaterWays. (Substitute your favourite cruise line here).

Amen

 

Have a great evening!

[jwattle]

Too cute; I love it!!!!:D

[c-legs]

BRILLIANT !!!! Thank you so much for this delightful piece.:cool: :)

Cheers

[BBJJTJ]

:) Amen to that!

[Bargeo]

Love it!!!!!! I will copy it and send to my buddies who are cruising with me in January.