Helllllllllllp....Safety Concerns

[David-n-Rita]

I agree on all acounts!!!

 

 

She is not being sensible, and she knows it. Cruise ships are very safe. If kids were injured or falling overboard - it would be all over the news.

 

I hope you find a positive resolution to this. Here's a couple of links.

 

http://www.cruisecritic.com/articles.cfm?ID=241

 

http://www.cruisereport.com/NewsReader.aspx?news=453

 

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TRAVEL/03/05/cruise.ship.safety/index.html

 

Just to play devil's advocate here...

When was the last report of a child kidnapped off a Carnival ship?

When was the last time a child was kidnapped from their own bed in the good old USA?

 

When was the last report of a child killed in a random shooting on a Carnival ship?

When was the last report of a child killed by a random bullet in the good old USA?

 

Good luck with this one! The silver lining is they eventually grow up and then ex's who use their children to punish their ex's new family situation have the wind knocked out of their sails

[crusinpsychRN]

We were attacked by pirates on our 2/22 cruise in Cayman!

They hit us with the big canon and told us we were sinking. Priate excursion.

 

(For the past 30 minutes I couldn't get this posted in the original post...server can't be found.)

 

P.S. She's the pirate.

[Thebookworm]

I totally disagree with the posters who said wait until the child is older. This woman is a bully who doesnt care about what is best for her child,just what is best for her. The only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them.

[srlafleur]

Parents who behave like that end up losing in the long run. My stepson's mother was something of the controlling type, though the only time we took him out of the country was to Canada to visit relatives, so she really didn't/couldn't say much. (We did get him some funky pants and a fake earring when we took him to California, just for fun and to torque her just a little ;) because of her "concerns").

 

Anyway, now my stepson and his wife have very little contact with his mother, even though their back yards abut. in fact, my daughter-in-law won't speak to her and we don't even know why. What goes around comes around. You don't want to speak ill of the ex's in front of the kids, but ultimately, the kids grow up and can see for themselves.

[mlzangel78]

I would think that your stepson would love going on this cruise. Does he know about it yet? If so, I would guess he would try to persuade his mother to let him go.

 

I hope the mediator does see through her pettiness and admonishes her. She is causing herself the stress by being so mean. Good luck.

 

While i agree that the mediator will see through all the BS, i have to disagree with asking the child to persuade the other parent, its not fair to ever put kids in the middle of parental disputes... its equally as manipulative as the ex wife trying to keep her son form going just to be a pain in the ass to her ex..

[TahoeBob]

Just another ex trying to get back at someone........typical.....

 

IMO, the mediator will see through the BS.....they deal with it all the time....I hope it works out for you.......I would however try to get the mediator to hear the case ASAP.......its only fair to you 2......

I will add to this, when in mediation stick to the facts, do not bring anything up about how unreasonable the other person is. Talk safety records, kids clubs, activities for the kids, learning opportunities and the like.

 

My sons EX tried to bring up lots of stuff not relating to being a good parent, the mediator cut her off so fast and told both parties that they were only interested in whats in the best interest of the child.

 

Good luck.

[trock]

I can not imagine being so selfish and controlling as to deny my own child a vacation with a parent just to satisfy some old anger.. Here she is pregnant - I am assuming started a new life, and is still carrying this grudge..

Some people are just so strange...

 

I have no suggestions for you. I just wanted to say I hope it works out and you have a great cruise.. :)

[5waldos]

I will add to this, when in mediation stick to the facts, do not bring anything up about how unreasonable the other person is. Talk safety records, kids clubs, activities for the kids, learning opportunities and the like.

 

My sons EX tried to bring up lots of stuff not relating to being a good parent, the mediator cut her off so fast and told both parties that they were only interested in whats in the best interest of the child.

 

Good luck.

 

Excellant advise!

[TigerStar]

Best of luck.

 

 

Dress like a pirate for the mediation.

[Rockportgirl]

best of luck.

 

 

Dress like a pirate for the mediation.

 

 

lmao!

[jensing317]

We are having to work with a mediator to help determine whether my husbands ex-wife will allow thier son to go on our cruise with us. She claims she is concerned for his safety; more specifically, pirates and kidnapping. I have done all of the research, and know that the pirates aren't in the Caribbean, and know the heights of the railings and most importantly, we always make sure our kids are safe. Duh! Anyway, has anyone had experience with this, and what might the clencher be to put her in a position where she has no argument about the safety factor. Any specific articles I can find would be so great.

 

We are sailing on the Conquest in October! Yay!

 

Thanks in advance!

 

There was a Conquest review not too long ago where the poster took the behind the scenes tour and reported that they were told that the ship has such a powerful fire fighting system that SHOULD there ever be a random pirate attack, they had the means to literally blow them out of the water.

 

Since the kid is 12, try telling him that mom says he can't go and let the tween attitude take over. Mom might just change her mind after that. :rolleyes:

 

We dealt with this with my ex and I know it is not fun at all. Luckily, my custody agreement gave me the right to determine my child's location at all times and that he didn't have the right to deny DS's right to a vacation.

 

Whatever the outcome, good luck to you.

[Soonerbaby]

Thank you so much everyone! This is all great advice and hilarious as well!

 

I think I will get an eye patch for the mediation! :p

[nrdsb4]

Since the kid is 12, try telling him that mom says he can't go and let the tween attitude take over. Mom might just change her mind after that. :rolleyes:

 

 

While i agree that the mediator will see through all the BS, i have to disagree with asking the child to persuade the other parent, its not fair to ever put kids in the middle of parental disputes... its equally as manipulative as the ex wife trying to keep her son form going just to be a pain in the ass to her ex..

 

As a child of divorce, I have to agree that putting the child in the middle is not a healthy thing. Even though you're telling the child the truth, it still puts him in a bad and uncomfortable situation. I don't recommend it.

[chasinraynbowz]

Parents who behave like that end up losing in the long run. My stepson's mother was something of the controlling type, though the only time we took him out of the country was to Canada to visit relatives, so she really didn't/couldn't say much. (We did get him some funky pants and a fake earring when we took him to California, just for fun and to torque her just a little ;) because of her "concerns").

 

Anyway, now my stepson and his wife have very little contact with his mother, even though their back yards abut. in fact, my daughter-in-law won't speak to her and we don't even know why. What goes around comes around. You don't want to speak ill of the ex's in front of the kids, but ultimately, the kids grow up and can see for themselves.

 

 

You are VERY right. When I divorced my childrens father (they are adults now), I made a promise to myself that I would never say anything negative about him because no matter how I felt, he would always be their father. I kept that promise. Unfortunately, my ex said some pretty bad things about me. My son finally had to tell him that I never spoke bad of him and he would appreciate it if he stopped talking bad about me.

 

My son is grown and has a son of his own and has very little contact with his father. Both of my kids have told me they appreciated the fact that I never put them in the middle and never made them choose.

[onthehighseas606]

I totally disagree with the posters who said wait until the child is older. This woman is a bully who doesnt care about what is best for her child,just what is best for her. The only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them.

 

I disagree. If the EX wins on this one, where will she stop? The ex is pregnant and can't have any "stress?" I would take her to court and let her stress about going to court. Her choice if she doesn't want the stress. She's being impractical, and sounds like her hormones are wacky due to her pregnancy. She's using her condition as a whipping post. JMHO.

[5waldos]

Thank you so much everyone! This is all great advice and hilarious as well!

 

I think I will get an eye patch for the mediation! :p

 

I was thinking about your mind set as shown by the title of this thread- although you will have to present your arguments as being safety related I think people here are correct when they say it is almost certainly a control issue. Although I guess one question would be- has she done this with other things? What if it were a land trip? It may be that she really is afraid of sailing. But if this is a common theme with her, keep that in mind in couching your answers. Perhaps offering a daily email would be of some help or at least further diffuse her cause.

[kf657]

I feel so srory for you and your husband, My brother was just as nasty to his ex and trust me it came back to haunt him..

 

I have cruised with all 4 of my children at many ages..one son has CP and is mildly retarded...He is a socially well developed young man now, and knows how to behave in social situations--Because we take him everywhere and have been told that All travel is an educational advantage to ALL children.

 

Your step-son would be missing out on a very enjoyable and educational experience..AND he is old enough to see what is really going...that is a shame.

 

Good luck and I hope you ALL get to go on the cruise....

[RossTheBoss]

Soonerbaby, I hope the mediation works out in your favour. I know you'll all have a great time together on your cruise and then share great memories.

 

When I read that the concerns were pirates & safety all I could think was I sure hope the ex doesn't find out about the Hairy Chest Contest! :D. Seriously there's a very good chance that the mediator (or a close relative of the mediator) has been on a cruise and know that the concerns of pirates & safety are bogus.

 

I'll be thinking of you and hoping all goes well. Hopefully the well-wishes work.

 

Regards, Ross

[Raven Days]

I would take it before a judge. He/she can then order the exwife to allow the child to go or prevent the child from going. By using mediation on such an issue, she really doesnt have to abide by it and you would end up in court anyways. So go straight to the source and get it court approved. Most times the judge will question the child and ask him/her how they feel about it and if they want to go.

 

IMO she is being spiteful and controlling. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

[cdn seeking heat]

Maybe throw some statistics her way regarding the number of children that sail each year. Also may want to elaborate on the kids camp activities.

Great suggestion!!

I don't envy you on the position you are in. If it turns out in your favor, hopefully, but not likely, she will not go to this extent again.

So sad for everyone involved.

[janabm81]

We had a similar problem the first time we wanted to take my husband's 3 boys on vacation with us, and that was just to Texas. What we did was let her have her way but then when she wanted to take them to Branson, Missouri a few months later we told her No. She went ahead and spent the money on a fancy lawyer for mediation and once we went we explained the situation that if she gets to take them to Branson, Missouri then we should be able to take them to San Antonio, Texas. It ended up that technically we both won, she got permission to take them to Branson and we were able to take them to San Antonio. Funny enough though, she spent all this money to get this straight and then she never did take them. We haven't had a problem since!

I sincerly think that the best way to work it out is through the mediators. It really helps to have someone who doesn't have feelings towards either party to decide what would work best.

 

Good luck to you...I hope it all works out!:)

[halos]

Maybe throw some statistics her way regarding the number of children that sail each year. .

 

 

...and toss in the statistics on how many are kidnapped by pirates ;)

 

I have to be honest. At first when I read the OP, I thought that the mother of this kid was just being a witch....but when I thought about it for a minute. I imagined myself allowing someone to take my baby on a cruise (without me) and to be honest...it would freak me out as well.

Obviously I wouldn't be concerned over pirates (I still think that worry is a bit odd...OK, very odd) but, I probably would be freaked out if my baby was on a ship and I was not there watching him/her.

 

Sometimes, I know as a mother...no matter how much you trust your DH or your in-laws...you still feel that NO ONE is gonna take care of your baby like you do. (especially if that DH is an Ex)

 

Just wanted to put that other perspective out there.....

 

We absolutely feel like she is just being spiteful. She likes having control and putting my husband in positions where it seems he "needs" or "wants" something from her. Anyway, the child will be 12 when we sail. .

 

TWELVE???????

 

Oh for Pete's sake...disregard everythign I wrote above.

yes, she's being a royal *w*itch.

 

Sorry you have this aggravation :(

 

I totally disagree with the posters who said wait until the child is older. This woman is a bully who doesnt care about what is best for her child,just what is best for her. The only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them.

 

I agree.

 

It is so sad when a parent takes out their divorce frustrations on a kid....it really pisses me off when I hear stuff like this.

 

I can not imagine being so selfish and controlling as to deny my own child a vacation with a parent just to satisfy some old anger.. Here she is pregnant - I am assuming started a new life, and is still carrying this grudge..

Some people are just so strange...

 

I have no suggestions for you. I just wanted to say I hope it works out and you have a great cruise.. :)

 

I agree.

[waldocruiser1]

We are having to work with a mediator to help determine whether my husbands ex-wife will allow thier son to go on our cruise with us. She claims she is concerned for his safety; more specifically, pirates and kidnapping. I have done all of the research, and know that the pirates aren't in the Caribbean, and know the heights of the railings and most importantly, we always make sure our kids are safe. Duh! Anyway, has anyone had experience with this, and what might the clencher be to put her in a position where she has no argument about the safety factor. Any specific articles I can find would be so great.

 

We are sailing on the Conquest in October! Yay!

 

Thanks in advance!

 

Rather than spending all the money on lawyers, invite her to come with, and split the cost, she will see it is safe, you don't have to spend time with her, and your son gets to come with on vacation.

[Cruizincuzin]

We absolutely feel like she is just being spiteful. She likes having control and putting my husband in positions where it seems he "needs" or "wants" something from her. Anyway, the child will be 12 when we sail. It's an Ocean View room. She hasn't even contacted us to discuss it...when my husband spoke to her, (she is pregnant) she said her doctor said she couldn't have any stress, so she couldn't discuss it.

 

The theory behind the mediation is that both parties come to an agreement, and both parties live up to the agreement. We added it into our joint custody modification because she is very controlling. There is no sole custody, no primary custodial parent, we had that removed as well.

 

We did mention in our last email to her that when we tried to google information regarding pirates kidnapping kids in the Caribbean, all results returned included Johnny Depp! :D She may not have appreciated that.

 

I know we have to have her permission to take him out of the country and to get his passport.

I went back to capture this post--if she is giving you grief now discussing the cruise, what is she going to do when you get ready to get the passport and the parental permission slip? Please address these issues with her now, stressful or not, I have read many other posts here on CC by distressed parents having issues with the ex-spouse being spiteful. Best of luck to you! (From the been there, done that divorce files)

[skylock]

I think the Op is making too much of this. The mother can only cause problems if you let her cause problems.

 

Unless there was a specific thing that said you had to get her premission before taking the child on vacation, she would get a call the morning I was leaving saying we will be on vacation for the next 7 days. We will let you know when we get back.

 

If she wants to throw a fit when you return, just tell her you took your 50% on vacation and her 50% came too.

 

The child doesn't need a passport.