Need advice~Fiance's ex won't let us have the kids for vacation!

[Giggles319]

Sadly, it depends on custody agreements and most joint agreements in the states automatically have the part where neither parent can take the children out of the country (some even specify out of the state or county) w/o signed permission from the other parent. You would have to at least get a paper from her with permission and her signature and have it notarized when you both sign it. Other than that the only real thing you can do is advise her that if she doesn't allow you to take them in all fairness that means she has no hope of taking them herself on any sort of vacation that will violate your custodial agreement because you obviously won't give her permission to either. And if your agreement is even to the point of not being able to leave the state w/o permission she better hope she never wants to take a real vacation with them.

 

It's sad for the kids, though, because they'll probably hold this against her for a while.

[Litewait]

I dont think I would say anything to her or the kids until everything is filed!! That way she cant try to do something. Catch her off guard so she can't be prepared with some "plans" that week or something.

 

I really feel for you. I have a horrible ex. Can not stand to even talk to him. We text, it's that bad. However, he has never begrudged my 2 children any vacation.. They are both platinum!!

 

To the poster who said they need to quit getting married and having kids.. I agree he is on marriage number 3 and doesnt have a pot to p*&$ in..

 

Good luck and I hope you all have a great time. Cruising with my kids are my fondest memories!

[cruise_pirate]

Maybe you could talk to her asking again if she will let the kids go, if she says no then tell her you will be talking to an attorney and going after legal fees along with it. The kids are not babies and I am by no means a lawyer, but if you throw up a bluff like you are taking her to court maybe she will cave. But then get a notarized document stating they are allowed to cruise with you.. Good luck!:)

[scubapete]

If they don't get to go, take lots of pictures and make them an album. Send it to them with a set of drums and an electric guitar. Wait for phone to ring.

[mebecindi]

Please keep us posted. I would like to know how this turns out.

 

Best of luck to you!!!

[Sams_mom]

Please keep us posted. I would like to know how this turns out.

 

Best of luck to you!!!

OMG! I'm having flashbacks!

 

My (now ex)DH and I had to be ready for battle whenever we planned a vacation. The first time we took his son to DisneyWorld she called the police the day before we were scheduled to return because SHE told us to come home on that day. She told them she didn't know where we had taken him. Our neighbor called us to let us know the police had come to our house, so we just called the police from Florida and filled them in.

 

Sadly, I could fill a book with stories like that.

 

You were right to call an attorney. You can get yourself into a lot of legal trouble with someone like her. It is always best to document, document, document.

 

Please let us know what happens. I am sure others on this board will be able to learn from your experience.

[ms-getaway]

The same thing happened to me in the past..although it was a kindergarten graduation trip to disney world. She was all good with her daughter going until last minute. NO trip insurance!!! However my daughter and I went alone and were able for bring back his and his daughters ticket for use at a later date. and southwest was wonderful by giving a full credit for the air fare and sending her a beautiful disney snow globe.

 

However there were two heartbroken 5 year old girls..because someone was insecure and chose to be evil.

 

Worse part is the custodial parent has more say. I would get the kids to ask her again and again and again........did I say again.:)

 

i wish you the best and hope you will all be cruising together.

[nrdsb4]

UPDATE:

Just spoke to the attorney we used in 2008 to get family vacation time. He said it should not be a problem to file a paper with the court for our vacation. He said she does not have any right to limit where we take the kids because she requested that no limit be put on where she takes them for vacation. (Which by the way she has never taken them on vacation, uses her vacation time for work to spend bike week with boyfriend) She is the one who requested passports to be purchased and with going to the Bahamas it is not out of the county. So he is going to write up all paper work and file with the court in the next day or so. Can't believe we actually have to go thru this but not surprised at all!

 

 

OP, going to the Bahamas is most certainly going out of the country. The Bahamas are not in any way associated with the United States, therefore is a foreign country.

 

It sounds like you guys have a really good case regardless. Good luck and PLEASE let us know how it all turns out.:)

[katiel53]

OP, going to the Bahamas is most certainly going out of the country. The Bahamas are not in any way associated with the United States, therefore is a foreign country.

 

I would worry if your attorney said the Bahamas is NOT out of the country. It certainly is and if he doesn't know that, then I guess I would look for another attorney.

 

I do think you are doing the right thing going to an attorney. Those people who told you to have the kids be mean etc. are going to cause more trouble for them, and make the mother treat them poorly.

 

Those who told you to just take them on the cruise with birth certificates don't have a clue as to how your fiancé could be arrested upon return. Sometimes people giving advice don't think with their brains, but do with other body parts--sometimes with their hearts, which is not all bad, but bad advice,

 

I do hope you win the case and the kids can go, but if you don't, then I guess at some point they will learn how vindictive their mother is and how selfish. I know it might take a long time, but believe me it does happen.

 

 

PS I would try to get my attorney to put in there that if you win, x has to pay the attorney fees and court costs---- I bet she changes her mind before the court date! Good luck.

[basill1970f]

I am wishing you lots and lots of luck. I didnt read all of the posts however, I want to say its really those two kids who I feel for. How a parent can be so unthoughtful to hold something like that from their children is beyond me.

 

I am divorced and do have a different last name than my daughter who I have taken on 3 cruises while she was a minor. I dont think they asked for proof but I always handed the notarized letter from her father over with my ID, our Birth Certificates, my debit card etc. I didnt want to risk flying to Florida only to be sent back home.

 

She is now 19 and we enjoyed a cruise together this past February as she could make up her own mind to do what she wanted.

[Crusin6]

Probably the same reason shes divorced! Theres some folks out there with a crazy mindset that the general population just cant fathom.

 

A bit off topic but we've got a friend whos ex husband convinced his son that he wasnt college material and should just get a job instead.. All so he wouldnt be pressured to contribute financially to the boys education. In the end it all worked out well(insert sarcasm), the Boy is 22 with no skills and has a fine career as a host at the local Bob Evans.

well, that boy was partly at fault too....college loans, maybe? or community college or trade school? Maybe dad wasn't so far off.

 

 

I am a big advocate of higher education...even beyond college....that kid could have done it if he wanted to without his father's wallet.:confused:

[cruisinsly]

Wow, makes me so glad that my ex and I never had children together. I agree with the advice of going through the attorney. But DO NOT tell her that you are going through your attorney, surprise her with it. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out.

[SnglCruiser]

I know that your question has been answered and you have already retained an attorney but I wanted to give you a few things to think about.

 

There is a difference between joint custody and physical custody.

 

Most parents have joint custody - with one having primary physical custody.

 

In most states, joint custody requires that the parents consult on major decisions which would include vacations, travel out of the country, etc.

 

Most divorce decrees say that the parents have to consult, but if they can't agree then the parent with physical custody at the time has the final say.

 

If his decree has this provision, then all he has to do is say, I want to take them. She says no. He says, okay, well I consulted you, we don't agree. I have physical custody at the time. I have final say and they are going with me.

 

GOOD LUCK and please keep us posted.

[boaterette]

Im not sure where to start! We surpried our 4 kids (2 mine and 2 his) with a cruise for Christmas this year. His ex never said anything would be wrong with it! Now that final payment is due next week he asked for their passports and she refuses to give them to us. She feels that the kids don't need to take a trip like this. They are 15 and 17! Besides hiring an attorney and fighting her in court does any one have any suggestions! :(

 

 

Too bad you don't know any people who know people. I would put the screws to her. Oops sorry watched the godfather last night.:D Any one have a spare horse head lying around?

[dadroy]

It sounds like the OP has already gotten the ball rolling to settle this, but to put in my 2 cents. I am one of those people who was brought up to follow the rules. On the Carnival site they say

 

All guests 16 years of age or older must provide an official photo I.D. When traveling with a minor and both parents/legal guardians are not cruising, we strongly recommend bringing an original signed letter from the absent parent/legal guardian authorizing the minor to travel with you. This will expedite processing by the Department of Homeland Security. Please note that a notarized letter to this effect is required if debarking with children in Mexico.

 

I know often the Carnival site is wrong, and I have traveled with a minor child 4 times now. Only once, on RCL was I asked for the letter, which I produced. One of the times with minors was my 9 year old and a neighbor friend, not even a relative.

[babyher]

Too bad you don't know any people who know people. I would put the screws to her. Oops sorry watched the godfather last night.:D Any one have a spare horse head lying around?

 

 

*LOL*

 

I was going to say in my first post. Something about an "accident" between now and the cruise. :)

 

Actually don't laugh I had a cousin who's husband filed for divorce and he ws getting really crappy about it. Before anything was finalized he dropped dead of a massive heart attack on a tennis court with his new GF.

 

Let me tell you widow money is wayyyyyyyy better than divorcee money :)

[hankandteri]

The awful part of all of this is that, no matter how this turns out, there will be bitterness all around for a long time to come. Everyone loses and the kids will lose the most.

 

Tragic. I'm so sorry.

[lillulu]

This is the exact reason I waited until my child was 18. I already had enough legal stuff in the courts against the ex why add more. Now we can go where ever we want and ex has no say!:D

[DollyJ]

*LOL*

 

Let me tell you widow money is wayyyyyyyy better than divorcee money :)

 

Having been both divorced, and widowed, I gotta tell you widowed sucks. I doubt money would have made it much better. ;)

 

 

To the OP, I hope the attorney can get this taken care of in court. It's not fair to the kids to either have you ask them to pester their mom, or for their mom to say they can't go unless she has a damned good reason (which she seems to have not shared with anyone...)

 

Divorced sucks too.

[happycruiser1942]

Hopefully will have an answer from the judge today. We have tried calling her and she won't answer the phone. Her boyfriend called Wednesday night and said he doesn't understand it, they have no plans for that week. Just being difficult.

[Elaine515]

Im not sure where to start! We surpried our 4 kids (2 mine and 2 his) with a cruise for Christmas this year. His ex never said anything would be wrong with it! Now that final payment is due next week he asked for their passports and she refuses to give them to us. She feels that the kids don't need to take a trip like this. They are 15 and 17! Besides hiring an attorney and fighting her in court does any one have any suggestions! :(

 

Yes the papers say that we get them one week in the summer for vacation but she still refuses to let them go. The have tried talking to her about it but she really doesn't care what they think. She is actually not speaking to them at the moment because they want to go.

 

The divorce was final in 1995! She has had time to get over it!

 

 

 

I have a feeling that if someone left me either pregnant or with a newborn AND a 2 year old, I wouldn't get over it either and this is her way of getting even....

 

With that said... I have taken not only my nephew, but lots of my daughters friends with us on our cruises and have never been asked for any type of letter, let alone proof of who they belonged to!!!

 

What a nice way to bond 2 families together...... I hope it works out for all of you...

[2SCcruisers39]

This sounds crazy but..... offer to take her with you!

[Jimbo20000]

Happycruiser, knowing it would cost a bit, how about paying for the ex to go too? Carnival ships are huge, and you probabklty wouldn't see much of her anyway.:)

[peppermintpatty]

You cannot just use a birth certificate. The cruise line states this as true BUT when I questioned the passport office they said under NO circumstances is this allowed. If the child is over 16 they MUST have a valid passport.

 

They stressed that the cruise lines are incorrect on this point. I trust them more than the cruise line.

[ladyd11933]

You cannot just use a birth certificate. The cruise line states this as true BUT when I questioned the passport office they said under NO circumstances is this allowed. If the child is over 16 they MUST have a valid passport.

 

They stressed that the cruise lines are incorrect on this point. I trust them more than the cruise line.

 

 

That is not true...while my teens have passports, we traveled with our friends and their 3 teens over the age of 16 and their birth certificates were just fine. If it a closed loop cruise you do not need a passport even for a teen.