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Friday Giggle 16th April

kiwi sailor

By kiwi sailor,
in P&O Cruises ( Australia )

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kiwi sailor

kiwi sailor

Posted
Posted

Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish.

 

Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into VB!"

 

The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer.

 

The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

 

The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

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Sandielle

Sandielle

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A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band.

 

Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or swim."

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cazz0069

cazz0069

Posted
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A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band.

 

Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or swim."

 

Hahaha thats a good one!

From the deck of a cruise ship, passengers could see a lone bearded old man as they passed a tiny island. He was jumping up and down and waving frantically. One of the passengers asked the captain who it was. To which the captain replied. `I dont know,but every year when we pass, he goes nuts` :):Dperately waving his hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. The cruise ship captain replied, "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."

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RD MULLET

RD MULLET

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To keep in the theme of cruising and this site, the criteria for jokes should be that they have to be "Travel or Holiday" related. And naturally, can only wind up the Aussies and not the Kiwis.:D

Baaaaaagain

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cazz0069

cazz0069

Posted
Posted
A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band.

 

Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or swim."

 

Hey Sandy, i think we found the same site :p

 

 

A panhandler was caught trying to sneak aboard a Princess liner about to embark on a three-day trip to the Bahamas. He was caught by the Purser who threw him off the ship telling him, ... Beggars can't be cruisers.

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rkmw

rkmw

Posted
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its not a cruise joke but its clean

 

A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven.

He knocks on the Pearly Gates and St. Peter opens them.

"Yes?", asks St. Peter.

"I am here for Jesus", says the Pakistani.

 

St Peter turns around and shouts, "Jesus, your taxi's here"

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rkmw

rkmw

Posted
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Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly coloured frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates.

That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"

The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid."

All of the men sat and marvelled at the courage of such a manly man's man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.

Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."

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Guest012

Guest012

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My contribution for the day:cool::cool::cool::D

 

 

A lady on a cruise bought a parrot on an island stop and took it back to the ship. After two days at sea the lady found her new friend laying on its back - feet pointed straight up.

 

She hailed the ship's doctor, "Please help my friend," wailed the lady. "I'm sorry the bird is quite dead" said the doc. "No, no..it can't be", cried the lady.

 

The doctor called in his own pet, a Labrador retriever, which sniffed the bird, shook his head and walked out.

 

Next, the doctor called in his cat which carefully walked a circle around the bird and walked out.

 

"No doubt about it ", said the doctor, "That is a dead bird."

 

The doctor reached for his pen and pad. He wrote out a bill and handed it to the lady. "Eight Hundred dollars!?" cried the lady.

 

"That's Correct! I'm charging you for three procedures. There is my opinion, a lab report and a cat scan."

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Ripeka

Ripeka

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A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!":p

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bobhsv

bobhsv

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Two women were sitting by the pool. They asked the Cruise Director "What kind of water is in the pool, freshwater or seawater?" The CD replied that it was seawater. Lady replied "Oh, that explains why it is so rough today".

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RD MULLET

RD MULLET

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A lady aboard a cruise ship was not impressed by the jazz trio in one of the shipboard restaurants. When her waiter came around, she asked, "Will they play anything I ask?"

 

"Of course!" replied the waiter.

 

"Then tell them to go play shuffleboard!"

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yatchet

yatchet

Posted
Posted

Well it's almost Friday..

 

A Gentleman visiting the wharves one day [ must have been waiting for a cruise ship] He suddenly felt the urge to relieve himself. He came across a wharfie [ think his name was thied] and he asked, " excuse me sir, would you kindly direct me to the urinal" The wharfie scratched his head " jeez mate never 'erd of it", how many funnels 'as she got.

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