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What do you wear while boarding in Norwalk, CT while waiting for reservations for the speciality restaurant by the T-pool where children were swimming in diapers on an Adults only Cruise who happened to be captain's club elite members so they were entitled to a coupon for a free meal at Johnny Rockets even though those are only on Voyager class ships of RCCL so can I wear jeans on formal night while getting my massage in my suite by my butler who said I could bring my own flask on board but not my own soda or bottled water?

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You can wear your bathrobe on deck as long as you have previously spent a long time getting the runaround by Customer Service. until you got a quick email response from Jack Williams, allowing you get your questions answered by incognito Celebrity Employees who are currently removing your belongings from the 21 seats you "reserved" by the pool at 0530.

 

Oh, and those employees do enjoy the phone cards, tchotchkes from your home town, and money in advance.

 

They'll help to get you on first to those "priority" tenders, get you the recipes for those unique martinis you had on board, tell you on which side of the ship you can smoke, help you organize your cosmetics in your over-the-door hanger, plug in your power strip, hang up your extra hangers, and get you anything off the dining room menu delivered to your cabin (during mealtimes, that is).

 

They'll also help you identify those fantastic bargains in the ports of call. Why, those simpletons in the stores recommended by the Shopping Guide have no idea what jewelry costs in the US, and that's why they'll let top quality jewelry out of their stores for only a fraction of the price it sells for at home. Their loss is your gain!

 

And after you return back to the ship, you can fondly recall the Glory Days of Celebrity, when they tied something around something else on your plate, when the Captain's Club was the exclusive province of those who had--wait for it--$35 to pay for membership. That kept out the riffraff, unlike today, when the "great unwashed" gets 2-for-1 in the specialty restaurant, just like they get back home at the IHOP with the coupon book they bought from the Cub Scout next door.

 

Oh, and you actually had to hand your tips to those smiling third-worlders from Tsunamiland--you couldn't charge it on your shipboard account to get the frequent miles, but you could get a cash advance in the casino. If you could ever get over the guilt at your exploitation of them, you'd round up your suggested tip to the nearest dollar.

 

And you'd spend a lot of time on your veranda (either under the "overhang" in Concierge Class or with your nakedness being mocked by those one deck up from your Sky Suite) thinking about that glow in the toilet.

 

'Night, Folks!

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