Azura Review

[William Hartnell]

My good friends the Rosebaskets have asked me to share with you their review of their recent trip aboard Azura. Unfortunately ostracised by they who must never be mentioned they are unable to do it themselves. It's a cut and paste so apologies if it's not formatted correctly, not very PC savvy i'm afraid!! Happy reading :)

 

Before I start I would like to apologise in advance I didn’t know whether to submit it as a review or publish it as a book! I can’t spell and my grammar is appalling so if you wish to comment on such things don’t bother, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks no, matter how clever it is! So if you haven’t got 20 minutes I wouldn’t bother starting to read it.

We sailed on Azura, a 16 night round trip from Southampton to Venice and back with stops at Malaga, Dubrovnik, Kefalonia, Korcula, Corfu and Vigo in September 2011, we are a family of two adults and a ten year old boy with autism and an eight year old girl sharing an obstructed view outside cabin on E deck.

Check in was faultless. We arrived at the terminal at Southampton at 12.05pm, our son is a part time wheelchair user and we were directed to the special assistance desk where we registered and were given our cruise cards (which double as cabin keys) and taken through customs and onto the ship by a member of staff, we were sitting in Verona on deck 15 by 12.20pm.

The ship delayed its sailing by 3 hours because of a car crash on one of the main routes into Southampton. The captain announced that he would be leaving as soon as the last Eavesway coach party had boarded. The ship had received phone calls from worried passengers afraid that they would miss the ship. They were told that if they were on an official coach then they could be sure of boarding, otherwise the ship would not wait specifically for them. A lesson to learn here for both P&O and their passengers alike. P&O (on our cruise, and I don’t know if this is standard practise) stated that passengers should check in at 3pm ish (depending on which passenger you spoke with the time varied slightly) Now, if you are a “virgin” cruise passenger, you would follow the rules and turn up at that time and plan your journey accordingly, alternatively , the more seasoned passenger travels by coach, down the night before or ignores their check in time and turn up when they want anyway knowing that the boarding time is to stop everybody turning up at noon. If major accidents occur, then surely passengers should be given a time for departure rather than “when the last coach arrives”. I got the impression that people were bombing down the motorway, looking for Eavesway coaches just to make sure they were in front of them, which could have caused another accident, not to mention stress levels through the roof for drivers and companions. I understand that 10 passengers missed the ship (I didn’t get offered a better cabin though! (Just kidding))

I’d wrenched my shoulder while humping suitcases around, so my first call just prior to sail away was to the Dr on Deck 4. Lovely staff, easy to use, very thorough, I only had to fill in a form and a quick health questionnaire and make a note of my symptoms. I saw the nurse first who took my blood pressure 4 times with a machine, then took it again manually because the machine couldn’t take a reading. I then went to see the Dr, an Australian in his mid 30’s, who reminded me of a Greys Anatomy actor, I believe they call Mc-dreamy??! (Hope you’re enjoying Dexter Doc!)) Unfortunately I went in with a shoulder problem and came out with very high blood pressure and a fever of 38.5% The Dr eventually let me avoid quarantine and decided to let me go on the promise that I went back if I got any worse or had any other signs of illness. The computer was down so they couldn’t give me a bill there and then, but it would be sent to my cabin later on. I sneaked a glancing peak at the nurses form before I left and saw £120, which obviously put my blood pressure up further! I later learned that you shouldn’t take “sneekypeeks” because when the bill arrived it was actually £40 and I was on cruise A120! Well looked after, straight in, good care and attention and diagnosed with a condition I didn’t even know I had (just thought the air con wasn’t very good!) all for £40, money well spent.

Cabins are standard but comfortable and adequate with kettle, tea, coffee, milk, sugar and biscuits replenished daily as well as a fridge, hairdryer and safe all available FOC to use during the stay. Cabin Steward came twice a day to make up the room in the morning and turn down the beds and the Pullman berths during the evening. Alex was our steward and I shall come to Alex a little later!

We liked the idea of the Seascreen and “movies under the stars” shown at 8pm and 10pm, Up to date films and recent cinema releases were shown (Pirates of the Caribbean – On Stranger Tides was the most up-to-date), unfortunately most were PG13 which were too old for our kids. The screen did flicker at times and had vertical and horizontal lines but overall didn’t spoil our enjoyment. Blankets are laid out on each bed prior to the start of the film in case you feel the chill. Waiter service was available for drinks and you could also purchase pop corn (pre bagged) and ice cream bars from the staff. If you watched from deck 15 sat on chairs you had to crane your neck, deck 16 was perfect for watching but the beds were taken early and the view from deck 17 was hampered by a handrail running right through the centre of the screen. My advice would also be to get two or three cushions for your bed because they become unbearably uncomfortable at the 65 minute mark! I would at this point like to thank the gentleman who threatened “to kick my head in” for “reserving” 3 loungers while my wife took my 2 children to the toilet for spoiling the aforementioned film, of course, in future, I shall give up the beds so that they may stand while he and his wife enjoy the film in comfort after arriving at 2 minutes to 8pm and expecting to get the best seats!

On this cruise there were 4 formal, now called black tie for some reason, which included the captains cocktail / welcome aboard reception (on day 3???!) Black and white night, ladies gala evening and a masquerade ball evening. 4 semi formal, now called smart jacket required (though only for the male of the species) and 8 casual in which country and western, 60’s and 70’s, and tropical themes were incorporated. I have to say that 99% of people dressed accordingly for formal nights. Slightly less for semi formal simply because (and I’m guessing here) the younger end of the spectrum not possessing a sports jacket. The formals were by far the most formal I have ever been on. Unfortunately on black and white night I had a slight pre dinner wardrobe malfunction with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice ending up down my DJ and with no back up suit available I wore a white long sleeved shirt, black tie with 925 silver stitched in and black trousers (now I would have worn my sports jacket, but Harris tweed style would have stuck out like fish and chips at a jelly party.

Anyhoo the glares and daggers I got all evening as I walked around the ship would have made any normal man run back to his cabin and blubber into his pillow, though as I’m made for far sterner stuff I hid in the corner of Brodies behind a column near the pool table and took part in the quiz. At this point I would like to thank the drunk (at 8pm!) with the bushy white / grey hair who looked like a cross between mad jack mc mad and the nutty professor (still in a DJ however) for dancing between me and the only view of the television I had while trying to do the picture quiz (as I was hiding from the glares at the time you understand) despite me at first asking him politely to desist from jigging, which made him jig faster, I assume because he thought he was amusing me. To then performing the opening scene from Riverdance in which he tried to get his embarrassed male colleagues to join him before finally going on to his Fred Astaire number from Easter Parade prior to his now cringing wife ushering him away from the TV and pointing at it telling him that people were trying to view the quiz. Unaware of the TV and the quiz he continued to dance in front of his pals and approximately 3 minutes later the penny dropped that were was a quiz taking place which people were trying to view on the TV he sat down, in silence, for the duration now realising his mistake.

Returning to the dress code on themed casual nights I think P&O should make it clear to passengers prior to departure that if you are planning to get into the spirit of the occasion and choose to wear fancy dress that you will be in the minority, and by minority I mean 0.0001% minority. There was one extremely tall lady (maybe because of the 8” platforms) who dressed up in “Fab and Groovy” gear on 60’s and 70’s night, she was the only person I saw make any real effort apart from the entertainment staff. She looked tremendous, if you were that person I commend your outfit, your appearance and your guts, because I would have run back to the cabin to change in immediately due to the fact that I stood out so much. On tropical night a few men and one or two women did wear an Hawaiian shirt or sarong and the diners in the MDR were given lei’s to wear. On C&W night a couple of groups did turn out in cowboy hats, boots and vests, though I suspect that they were part of the line dancing club that were aboard. If you plan to cruise with P&O my recommendation is to adhere fully to formal nights, take a jacket with you (men) even if you only carry it around with you and totally ignore casual nights if you want to conform and fit in.

Entertainment was interesting to say the least. I cannot comment on any performances in the Playhouse as we didn’t get to any mainly due to the fact that our autistic son wouldn’t have been “appreciated” by both the audience and players! We did go to the Manhattan several times to see the tribute acts George Michael, who was extremely good, Elvis, who was extremely bad and Freddie Mercury who did his best but had a lot to live up to as the guy on Ventura the previous November was outstanding. Ted Robbins and Aiden J Harvey were comedians. The AJH show was BAD (and I mean bad in the original sense, not the so good it was bad sense!), jokes and impressions from the 70’s, not done with nostalgia or irony, racist and homophobic undertones and trying to endear oneself to the audience by joking that Northerners are stupid, that Liverpudllans are thieves or that the welsh have sex with sheep is at best ignorant and at worst vile. It might go down well in the clubs of Majorca (where he told us he was living at least 20 times in 30 minutes) but P&O should seriously consider recruiting less rebarbative acts in the future. We did not see Mr Robbins’ show but did meet him in the Venezia, my kids know him from the CBBC show The Slammer, he was extremely pleasant stayed and chatted with them and us for ages. I heard mixed reviews about his show, but the man himself was a great credit to P&O for spending time and socialising with passengers and provided one of the highlights of my holiday that after 10 minutes of talking to him the penny dropped with my wife that he was Den Perry in Phoenix Nights, priceless!

While aboard there were other talks and celebrity speakers, former radio one controller Johnny Beerling, racing jockey / broadcaster Richard Pitman and a former high ranking Police Officer Ian Brown, who was the talk of the town. Everyone I spoke with commented on how interesting and informative he was and his talks were always full. Richard Pitman walked around the ship frequently and was happy to talk with passengers and seemed an amiable chap.

The in bar entertainment on the other hand was, at times, embarrassing. The houseband, Jetset, were passable, unfortunately they had to back singers who mumbled their words, forgot lines and tra la la’ed through classic tunes. I thought our luck had changed when on day 12 the “warm up act” for Freddie Mercury turned out to be the best singer on the ship by far, but I was later told that she was the Cruise Director and didn’t sing in the bars very often (mores the pity, as she outshone all the other acts)

A special mention must go to Mark Smith, between 8.30pm and 10.30pm most nights in Brodies, between the quizzes, he played Keyboards for ½ an hour and sang for an hour. If you’ve ever seen the opening to Sister Act with Whoopi Goldberg who sings in a Las Vegas show lounge and one person slowly applauds at the end of each song you’d get the idea of how popular he was. I actually died with him on one night, when in a room of over 200 people he didn’t receive a single round of applause for 4 straight songs. In his defence I would say he wasn’t that bad, but I’d be lying. The guy kept on going throughout the fortnight, no comments and no half hearted performances. Soul destroying work. If you ever travel when Mark is performing give him a special round of applause because believe you and me he deserves a medal just for standing up there!!!

Karaoke in Brodies was even better, 2 hours and only 4 people got up to sing. Usually the staff are fighting them off the microphones, I guess that all the “talent” were waltzing in the Atrium or foxtrotting in Malabar at the time. I take my hat off to the guy who sang (and I use the term with a great deal of irony) “Feelings” This was comedy gold and should be shown on TV if P&O have got security footage. I still can’t make up my mind whether he was actually a professional comedian moonlighting or a passenger who just doesn’t know his abilities.

The casino was a little strange, good selection of gaming tables, helpful staff, lots of lessons BUT if you like to play slot machines it can be a little difficult to get used to. Firstly you use your cruise card to play; you put it in the machine, set up a password and pin number and then request any amount from £10 to £100 be transferred to your casino account. The money is deducted from your cruise account, but be warned if you have any OBC this money is not taken into account at the end of your cruise, so for example if you have £300 OBC and you spent £200 on drinks and £100 in the casino you would lose £100 of your OBC and have £100 taken from your credit card. You also do not receive any Portunus discount for casino purchases. But what’s really strange is that you don’t feed the machines and they don’t pay out by kerchinging tokens out of the bottom, they make a noise when you win and add it to your casino account so you’ve no physical way to keep track of your spending and unless you keep tight rein on your daily spend all the £10’s soon mount up as we found out. Any credit balance is not transferred back to your cruise account it is kept in a separate account by the casino, which you have to physically collect prior to disembarkation, which is given to you in sterling. Now my tip here is that if you are a little short on funds to tip your waiter or steward go to the casino, set up an account, have a couple of spins, cash out and receive the cash in your hand. It goes on your credit card and it’s a better, cheaper way of getting funds rather than going to the foreign cash machine and withdrawing Euros, just a thought.

Food was plentiful in the buffets, salad and cold meats were always available (even at midnight and beyond) as well as the usuals like fries, pastas and cheeses. Plenty of vegetarian options and lots of choice for puddings including the daily “British” warm puddings like sponge and custard, spotted dick, jam roly-poly etc. that you don’t get on the American lines.

Noddys’ (Kids) tea ran between 5pm and 6pm daily in the starboard side buffet area. Unfortunately we ran into problems on the first evening. There is a sign which specifically states “this is kids’ tea, for under 16’s only” We travelled twice last year on Ventura and were told that kids’ tea was for kids and their families. I was stopped from dining with my children because the Maitre D drew my attention to the sign and told me I couldn’t eat with my children, but I could go outside and get a burger or pizza from the junk food joint at the other end of deck 15. When I asked what I should do with my kids while I went to queue I was told “that’s your problem” and when I stated that kids tea was for kids and their families I was rudely told “that’s on Ventura, you’re on Azura now, We do it differently on this ship” Well not according to the brochure and the P&O website you don’t matey (was my thought, not my comment!) After tea the kids went to kids club and I went to reception (fuming) I was dealt with by Shilpi, (the best receptionist I have come across in over 20 cruises) she calmed me down, took my details and said that she would get the restaurant manager to have a word with me. The following morning I received a call from Nestor, the restaurant manager, the guy couldn’t apologise enough, explained that the staff had just rotated and that so many people without children tried to eat kids’ tea that they had put up a sign to stop the adults without children using the buffet. He arranged to meet with us personally at 5pm at the buffet. He explained to the maitre D that parents could eat with their kids and that the sign was to stop “other adults” from raiding the food. He then went round to all the other families in the buffet at the time and explained the situation to them and told them that they too could eat if they chose to from the buffet. He made himself known to all users throughout the cruise and carried trays, helped with highchairs and arranged for babies’ milk to be warmed and special treats for individual kids with dietary requirements, a thoroughly good bloke and a credit to P&O!

We ate in Venezia for dinner when not dining with the kids and the service was second to none, all the waiters were “junior” waiters but in my opinion far better than the surly waiters in the MDR (with whom we met at lunch) the wine waiter Gaston and waiter Ganesh were brilliant, attentive and on the ball. The menu never changes in Venezia of an evening though the food was excellent most of the time. There are 4 choices for each starter main and dessert, plus a choice of pasta and pizza dishes if you like. One choice from each course carries a supplement. Giant (and I do mean Giant – the biggest I have ever seen in my life) prawns were £4.95. Fillet steak for main was £6.50 which came out on a lava stone which you then cooked yourself and a strawberry / alcohol dessert which I didn’t try for £4.95. I like fillet steak a lot and for £6.50 thought it was great value. I’m on holiday right, I cook all the time at home and it’s not a novelty for me to cook a steak so I said to the waiter I that I didn’t want to cook it myself, could chef cook it medium and serve it on a plate, a simple request, a reasonable request, or so I thought. The chef was the worst member of staff I encountered on the cruise bar none. He refused to serve it how I had requested it and it would come out in the normal way. I thought the waiter was joking, but no! Much to my surprise it actually came on the lava rock, sizzling away. Anyhoo I cooked it myself and didn’t raise a fuss.

The next evening Nestor came to the restaurant, specifically looking for us, one of the waiters had told him what had happened and he had played merry hell with the chef. I was offered a complementary steak to apologise, which I accepted and ask that it be cooked medium and be brought on a plate. No problem was the reply. Now the chef obviously had issues with authority and refused point blank to plate the meat, voices were raised and the meat came out on a lava stone. A waiter then took it to an empty table, plated it up and brought it to my table. The waiter explained that the chef thought I was a P&O spy making sure that he was doing his job properly and he was going to send out the meal according to the handbook.... Aghh I ask you, you get them everywhere, jobsworths! Nestor assured him that he would take full responsibility if I turned out to be a P&O spy and the chef agreed to cook the steak medium in future, which he did, but it still came out on a lava rock each night and the waiter sneakily plated it up before serving it! Unfortunately near the end of the cruise my fillet steak was sent out raw in the middle and I returned it. Another replacement came out shortly after and again raw on the inside. Obviously I was perturbed, the maitre D, Frances, a charming man, came to investigate. I showed him the steak and asked him if it was cooked “medium” “No sir” came the reply and he stormed into the kitchen and voices were raised for several minutes. While this was going on the wine waiter explained that it was the chef’s responsibility to defrost the steaks and because he had forgotten to take them out early enough had tried to defrost them in warm water an hour before starting. Most people don’t notice this when they are cooking the steak themselves on the stone, as they cut it the stone seals it, but when they are cooked to order they can’t be cooked evenly and so don’t cook in the middle. So after that I avoided the beef and the chef (well he did have big knives!)

Going back to our steward, Alex, he was very efficient, the room was always clean and tidy and never missed, though in there lay a slight problem. Ann Widdecombe described Michael Howard as having something of the night about him; this is how we viewed Alex. First let me say he did nothing wrong per say but, there was just something we couldn’t put our finger on. He knocked on our door to see if he could make up the room at 9.05am despite the card in the door reading resting, I was ill on 2 separate days and he was made aware of this and asked not to disturb me by my wife, despite this he walked in on me while I was asleep the first time and rang at 11am on the other occasion to see if he could make up the room. You have a horizon daily news letter delivered to your cabin every early evening, which is left in a slot outside your room. This was done religiously for the first 9 days, on the 10th day he decided to let himself into the cabin, without knocking or announcing himself, to leave it on the bed. My wife had just taken our 8 year old daughter back to the cabin to get showered and changed after a messy chocolate party at kids club and she swears blind that he saw them enter the room 10 minutes beforehand.

On another occasion the kids were horsing around just outside the cabin door just prior to my wife and I leaving for dinner. He came down to us and told us that our son needed “a good smack around the head” as he was beating up his sister. I took this to mean he needed a clip round the ear, but my wife was most distressed and was worried that in future he may take matters into his own hands. Again I must stress that at no time did he do anything inappropriate, but as previously stated definitely something of the night about him. Just as an aside he had a tremendous head bobble every time I spoke with him. I asked my parents’ butler (who were onboard in a suite at the same time) what exactly it meant because I hadn’t come across it before. He laughed and told me Indians in some parts of the country do this all the time just like you or I would nod our head in agreement or shake our head when we disagreed with something. He suggested (and I don’t know whether he was winding me up or not) that Indians (which he was one himself) can’t make a decision about anything so they bobble their heads, neither agreeing or disagreeing with you as they don’t want to be tied down to anything they have said, but I still don’t know whether to believe him!

There were only 67 kids on board this cruise and ½ of them were under 3’s so the kids clubs were unusually empty, which was good for my kids. The youth staff are excellent, the best we have ever come across and P&O should be proud to have the best facilities combined with the best staff on board of any of the major fleets. The kids club head Sarah made us feel welcome and both her and her deputy Andy arranged a meeting with us so that our autistic 10 year old son could get the best out of the club. They explained that while P&O did not offer one-to-one care for children with special needs they were more than happy to try and accommodate his needs and work with both the child and parents to get the best possible holiday for the kids.

Parents had to sign their kids in and out on a session by session basis and no one was allowed to collect the kids without the staff knowing who they were and you had to introduce grandparents / aunties to the staff and get them to register if they were allowed to take the kids out of the club at any time, which is a great comfort to parents knowing that their children are in safe hands.

The facilities themselves are fantastic, split into 4 age groups, each with their own room. Fun starts at 9am and lasts until 10.30pm in school term time. The night nursery is full of tiny beds for the under 5’s from 6pm each evening, while the 5-8 area has PS2’s, a ball pool / climbing frame, wide open space for games and crafts and a 50” TV and DVD/video/Wii system for the kids to use. Each day is given a theme like pirate day, space day, secret agent day etc and activities are based around the theme. Each hour has its own activity all of which are published and given to parents on registration. Our daughter used it as a guide to plan her day and worked around what was happening in the club each day, we had to drag her away for her meals at times which shows how much she loved being in the club and interacting with the staff.

Scubas, the 9 – 12’s club only had about 10 members who turned up as and when they wanted and could sign themselves in and out as they pleased. We were worried that our son wasn’t capable of supervising himself and so we arranged for a member of staff to bleep us (which they gave us a pager for free of charge) if the room was to be left unsupervised so we could collect him. The room itself was left unsupervised between 2pm and 4pm as that is when the staff went to the sports courts or swimming pool with members of the club who wanted to take part in those lessons. Ironically this would get us in a spot of bother, but more on that later!

There was another club for teenagers, but whenever I visited was bereft of teens and was an extremely clean part of the ship as I noticed on several occasions that cleaning staff would visit the room to “dust” for 10 minutes when they needed a sit down!

Another great facility is the family room next to the teens room, which has 7 TV’s with built in Wii’s each with a different game, so there was no fighting for which game could be played at any given time. The games included Wii Sports, Just Dance2, Carnival, Wii Sports Motion Plus and Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games. The wonderful thing about this room is that no one else on the ship seemed to know about it or use it. We went in on several occasions and never saw a soul. No seats, no tables just empty space ideal for our kids to run around and not upset anyone, perfect!

Now speaking of not upsetting anyone, at this point the review gets contentious and will divide opinion, and have people reaching for the comment button, so if you don’t want your blood pressure raised look away now! I’ll give the scenario and my totally unbiased opinion of what occurred and if the other party does stumble across this review and can be bothered to read this far down then they are welcome to add their twopenneth.

The tale begins at 4pm on the 2nd sea day. My daughter sees the “youthies” having fun in the pool (not the family pool under the sea screen (coral?), the other family pool with the wave machine, probably the aqua pool) playing with the 9 -12 year olds, which ended in them all being pushed in the water by the kids. My DD just having learned to swim wants to go in the pool by herself as she is now confident in the water, despite our apprehension we took her back to the cabin, got her ready to go up to the pool and arrived at 4.50pm, the sun had moved from the pool has had 70% of the sunbathers and the pool was virtually empty. We let her swim for a while, watching her all the time and talking to my parents who had turned up for a pizza in the meantime. The odd person used the pool from time to time, no problems. She got out of the pool gets her mum to watch her jump in (as is the norm for our daughter (watch me, watch me mummy, mummy, watch me) did this a couple of times and resumed swimming. About 10 minutes later she got out of the pool and jumped in again. A couple were swimming lengths (nowhere near her) The aging male swimmer turned around took 4 strokes to reach her tapped her on the shoulder and grabbed her arm and told her not to “dive bomb” him, he then let her go and carried on swimming lengths. She came out of the pool shocked, upset and in tears because the man had “told her off” He was unaware that we were supervising her and had seen the incident first hand. He denied having swum to reach her, initially touching her and subsequently grabbing her, though the grab marks on the top of her arm were a bit of a giveaway. Unfortunately at this point my wife’s maternal instinct went into overdrive and flipped shouting at him to get out of the pool.

The gentleman (and I again use the term very loosely) swam to the other side of the pool and asked a waiter to summon security as he had been verbally abused by my wife. Holding my temper I went to the nearest phone and rang reception and asked that whoever was responsible for the pool area to be summoned immediately to sort out the problem. The waiter had informed security and his boss, the Outdoor Bar Manager who came to see what the problem was. In the meantime Shilpi from reception had seen my daughter crying on the CCTV monitor in reception and came up to make sure she was OK.

The Bar Manager said this was the second incident in two days that someone had complained about small children jumping in the pool. He pointed out that this was the only pool that kids could have fun in, that there were 2 adult only pools on the ship and that the youth team used it for games, which included jumping in regularly on an afternoon and if they could jump in why couldn’t the kids, and there was me thinking that I’d be admonished for letting my DD jump in, not the response I expected!

Meanwhile security had been informed that youths were being disruptive in the pool area and had called the head of youth to sort it out. When Sarah the youth manager arrived she could not believe that it was my DD (the little angel that she is!) who had caused “all the disruption”

At this point it, though extremely serious the situation was becoming more and more like a Carry On film or a West End Farce. The chaps wife became quite distressed and started to defend her husband by verbally abusing my wife without actually witnessing what had transpired (which is quite admirable in its own way) The Outdoor Bar Manager told the swimmers to get out of the pool. The male swimmer refused to get out of the pool until security came. Quite a crowd was by this time gathering around the pool wondering what all the commotion was about. My father then chipped in with a rude gesture directed at the swimmer for which he got a clip around the ear from the other ‘arf which knocked his false teeth out that smashed on the deck (sorry, I made the bit about the teeth up, but the rest is true) The Manager then once again ordered them both out of the pool, they ignored him and carried on swimming lengths. The Manager went behind the bar and turned the wave machine up so high that water from the pool began lashing the deck making it impossible to swim or even stand up in, which forced the couple out of the pool. This was all because my 8 year old had jumped into the pool while they are swimming lengths.

At this point the guys wife came over and apologised, unfortunately it came with a caveat which wound my wife up even more and told her to shove her but (if you’ll pardon the expression) In an effort to calm the situation I put my wife back on her lead and accepted the ladies apology (even though she didn’t actually know what she was apologising for)

Security hadn’t been idle while this was happening; they had been monitoring the situation on CCTV and had played back the original incident on tape, which corroborates exactly what you have read above. Later that evening I was contacted by security to ascertain how far we wanted to take the assault on my daughter. If we wanted to take the matter further we had two options, we would involve the Police in Malaga (out first stop) or the Captain could have the couple and their belongings removed from the ship while in Malaga. The couple in question should consider themselves lucky that my wife didn’t get her way ..... We took no further action and I assume the couple remained oblivious to the fact that their holiday was nearly cut short by a few seconds of impulsiveness. It should be noted that my daughter was so distraught she would only go in the baby pool from that moment on and that she later asked what a “dive bomb” was. I guess the moral here is no matter how much kids annoy you keep your hands and opinions to yourself or you could have your holiday curtailed.

One morning I was awakened at 4.30am with an announcement over the ships intercom “Code Blue staff to A352” three times in quick succession, now If my wife had heard the shout she would have been to cabin A352 like a bullet out of a gun (she’s not a Dr just really nosey!) but I just ignored it and mentioned it the following morning. Apparently she informs me that this is an emergency call for people suffering a heart attack (she watches a lot of casualty) Nosey as she is she asked the butler what the story was and he told her that a member of the laundry crew had suffered a heart attack and the crew were summoned to assist. Now I’m no Sherlock Holmes but what was a laundry man doing in a passenger cabin at 4.30am. The “laundryman” was taken by ambulance in Corfu along with his baggage and partner (I assume to a private hospital, because if he went to Corfu “General” I fear the worst for him, I’ve experience of Corfu General Hospital and it ain’t pretty!) So laundryman if you are reading this I hope you’re recovering and are feeling much better, let us know if you are OK. Note to P&O; come up with a better call sign (like “sponge pudding to A352”) to stop the nosey passengers from snooping!

Anyway, that’s the end of part one.... If I get lambasted in the comments section there won’t be a part 2 (thank god I hear you cry) so be nice if you want to hear about the ports of call. TTFN

[lancashire_cruisers]

Hi Rosie (c/o William H)

 

Thanks for putting your review on here. I really enjoyed reading it, although there were some parts that made me madder than a mad thing that's really mad!

 

I've got a nearly 12 year old daughter and I applaud your restraint in dealing with 'the swimmers'. Had it been my daughter treated in that way I'd have demanded they be keelhauled and dumped ashore at the first opportunity.

 

In what reality do they seriously think it's acceptable to grab and frighten a little girl in that way?

 

We're doing a very similar itinerary on Azura next year so I'm waiting for part 2...... and hoping we don't get Count Alex as our cabin steward :D

 

Debbie:)

[littlesteelo]

Brilliant review! Gave me a good laugh! If it was me I would have had them thrown off in Malaga. Serves the selfish guy right for what he did. I probably then would have laughed about it over a glass of champagne later. Yes, I'm evil like that :D

[Catherine Janaway]

I like reading people's reviews but wonder why these people can't submit their own? :confused:

[William Hartnell]

I like reading people's reviews but wonder why these people can't submit their own? :confused:

 

They cancelled their account because they were consistantly censured by the opposite of the rockers, (which I dare not mention incase I break the rules :rolleyes:) but they did promise to submit a review of their cruise and I agreed to facilitate them before they left.

[Catherine Janaway]

They cancelled their account because they were consistantly censured by the opposite of the rockers, (which I dare not mention incase I break the rules :rolleyes:) but they did promise to submit a review of their cruise and I agreed to facilitate them before they left.

 

 

Ahh I see - say no more! ;)

[qm2lover]

Really enjoyed your review.

 

Waiting for part two.

 

Thanks.

[kevinyork]

Must be tired but still not sure about why they didnt post the review themselves. Why have they been censored?

 

This review did make me think. Is there another type of holiday where we would break down and analyse every tiny aspect? Cruising is sooo different isnt it.

[butchandm]

Must be tired but still not sure about why they didnt post the review themselves. Why have they been censored?

 

This review did make me think. Is there another type of holiday where we would break down and analyse every tiny aspect? Cruising is sooo different isnt it.

 

Are you a P & O "stooge"?:rolleyes:

[andyecc]

Hi

My wife and i are on the Azura in july 2012 if i see security and half of the ships management running by my sun bed i know your on board,GREAT REVEIW! can't wait for part 2.