Pearls...To do or not to do?

[Red84]

So I was talking to my Best Friend who is going to Ordain over Bill and My's wedding. I informed her that I was going to provide the jewelry to everyone who was participating in our wedding as part of my gift to them. She thus informs me that while she appreciates the gesture she will be wearing her own jewelry that her mother made for her. When I asked her what the consisted of she told me they were pearls. I am extremely superstitious and one of the superstitions I have always followed was that pearls were bad luck at a wedding as pearls represent tears. So I asked her not to wear them as I was worried and she laughed at me and said she didn't believe in that "mojo" so she will still wear them. Causing us to get into a huge fight. she says I'm acting like an idiot and I think she is being rude. Does anyone have any advice?

[VASOXFANN]

Interesting dilemma. Since she is the officiant and not part of the actual wedding party, I say let her wear what she wants. The matching attire and jewelry of the wedding party doesn't usually extend to officiants.

 

Although it is a nice gesture for you to offer to get her the jewelry, since she doesn't want it, save yourself the money.

 

But if it's that big of a deal to you, talk to her again and let her know you aren't budging on this. If she doesn't understand, find another officiant. It's your wedding, and you should have what you want.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

As for the pearls, I wore them at my first wedding, but that was in the early 90s:rolleyes: The marriage lasted 18 years but wasn't great.

Edited August 13, 2014 by VASOXFANN

[Red84]

Interesting dilemma. Since she is the officiant and not part of the actual wedding party, I say let her wear what she wants. The matching attire and jewelry of the wedding party doesn't usually extend to officiants.

 

Although it is a nice gesture for you to offer to get her the jewelry, since she doesn't want it, save yourself the money.

 

But if it's that big of a deal to you, talk to her again and let her know you aren't budging on this. If she doesn't understand, find another officiant. It's your wedding, and you should have what you want.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

As for the pearls, I wore them at my first wedding, but that was in the early 90s:rolleyes: The marriage lasted 18 years but wasn't great.

 

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my question. I should have taken the time to explain that there wont be pearls anywhere near my wedding lol and that includes wedding party AND guests. its something my family understands and will be posted on our website for all the guests to understand. I know it weird but I would rather not tempt fate lol.

That being said :) I agree I guess I should talk to her again...I would hate to have to find a different officiate but if it has to happen it has to happen...

Wow 18 years is a LONG time!!!!

[VASOXFANN]

Good luck! I hope she understands.

 

It WAS a long time. We weren't together for part of it due to military and graduate school. I'm not a huge believer in divorce, but enough got to be enough.:rolleyes:

 

This time is the right time, and I can't wait to spend a lifetime with FH! :D

[mrstriceasnice]

In the end it is your wedding. Unless this officiant is a deal breaker for you then explain to her that you would love to have her but if she insists on the pearls then you will have to either use the provided officiant or find someone else.

[dancinman66]

I think she is being insensitive as it is your wedding

Tough one on how to deal with it as she seems really stuck with her opinion

 

Try talk nicely that you really are superstitious about pearls at a wedding and would hope that she would reconsider wearing them as it is your day

 

Maybe give in a bit and say wear them at the reception but not at the wedding itself

 

A bit of give and take if that's ok with you

 

Good luck on this dilemma

 

 

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[ImaginationCruiseBride]

My mom wore pearls in her wedding and we got married on their 54th anniversary. My friend who made my jewelry for my wedding made me pearl teardrop earrings and a bracelet....I've been married for 10 days...and so far so good.

 

Seriously though...if it important to you, then you will have to decide which is more important to you, having her officiate or not having pearls...it is your wedding you have the final say and if she can't respect that....

Edited August 14, 2014 by ImaginationCruiseBride
because I pushed enter too soon.

[Red84]

Thank you guys!!! I will take what you said into consideration. Looks like a long fun conversation (sigh) lol

[6rugrats]

Maybe she thinks it's lucky for her to wear the pearls and is worried about problems later on in your marriage if she doesn't? Just a thought.

[mrstriceasnice]

Speaking as an officiant, my job is to do whatever the couple wishes and if it is something I feel I cannot in good conscience do it is my job to tell them they will have to find another officiant. I always tell my brides what I normally wear and ask if that is fine with them, ask if they want me to add any accessories in their colors, etc. In the end as an officiant your presence will be in the pictures of the day and therefore it is the bride's decision.

[dancinman66]

I wish you all the best with this as is a tough spot

 

 

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[Red84]

Thank you everyone for you advice it seems the situation has resolved itself by my friend not only taking herself out of the wedding but out of our friendship because I yelled at her for trying to take over the wedding plans...sigh so much drama...:(:(:(

[mrstriceasnice]

Thank you everyone for you advice it seems the situation has resolved itself by my friend not only taking herself out of the wedding but out of our friendship because I yelled at her for trying to take over the wedding plans...sigh so much drama...:(:(:(

 

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Such a shame that this test of her friendship proved her unable to pass. Maybe with time you will recover a portion of your friendship again.

[VASOXFANN]

Thank you everyone for you advice it seems the situation has resolved itself by my friend not only taking herself out of the wedding but out of our friendship because I yelled at her for trying to take over the wedding plans...sigh so much drama...:(:(:(

 

OMG! :eek:

 

It sounds like she wasn't a very good friend to begin with.

 

Weddings (and bridal showers) are definitely times when one's true friends rise above the fakes! HUGS!

[dancinman66]

Thank you everyone for you advice it seems the situation has resolved itself by my friend not only taking herself out of the wedding but out of our friendship because I yelled at her for trying to take over the wedding plans...sigh so much drama...:(:(:(

 

 

I so feel for you now as times like this you really need close friends

You do find out who they are through tough times

Big hugs and wish you all the best

Was such a tough circumstance for you to deal with also

Greg :)

 

 

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[ImaginationCruiseBride]

Oh wow! I'm so sorry you have this added stress. At least your wedding isn't like next month, and you have plenty of time to either make up and work it out, or to get over losing a friend and moving on. It still sucks...I know. Again, I'm really sorry.

[Red84]

I just wanted to thank everyone for your kind words. While I am sad to lose a friend and confidant because of miscommunication, I plan to keep moving forward and plan the best wedding and life with my Fiancé I can...Wonder if I can get my new Officiate to dress in a Star Wars costume lol

[ImaginationCruiseBride]

Our officiate was my daughter's college roommate she would have dressed in a Star Wars costume...of course we paid for her cruise so she would have done whatever we asked.

[Red84]

Our officiate was my daughter's college roommate she would have dressed in a Star Wars costume...of course we paid for her cruise so she would have done whatever we asked.

 

Haha that is awesome!!! I would love a Darth Vader to marry us lol

[dancinman66]

I just wanted to thank everyone for your kind words. While I am sad to lose a friend and confidant because of miscommunication, I plan to keep moving forward and plan the best wedding and life with my Fiancé I can...Wonder if I can get my new Officiate to dress in a Star Wars costume lol

 

 

Congratulations and best of luck

 

 

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