What rules do you set forth for your teen?

[CAT GIRL]

Thanks to all for your wonderful replies. DH and I are discussing

all of your posts and will be sitting her down with our rules. Since the

cruise is only 3 nights and we'll be at a port each day I

don't think there'll be much opportunity for to be roaming around without

us. But I do like to be prepared.

Thanks to everyone.

[Leejnd4]

I don't know if that Op was trying to give advice or being a wise guy. Don't be nieve!!! Their are 14 yr olds having sex these days, and it happens on Cruiseships just like in any City. I take my 14 yr old GD with me on Cruises and I hear a mouthfull of things that happen with teenagers from her on the Cruises. I have seen making out going on late at nite in areas on the ship, with young teens!

Oh please, I'm not naïve, and I would hope that my earlier comments would have indicated some understanding of teens, their behaviors and issues.

 

I just felt it was HIGHLY inappropriate for someone to be saying that to a bunch of parents of teenage girls, in the midst of a serious discussion about how to prevent such things from occuring. I doubt any of us parents are interested in hearing some ADULT making such crude comments about OUR young daughters!

 

Now if this poster was making some sort of attempt to reinforce to us the dangers and temptations that exist for a young girl, there were ways to do that without being so vulger and disrespectful.

 

Don't mistake my disgust for naïveté. I was a teenager in the 70's -- I know full well what goes on when parents don't provide appropriate boundaries. We just don't need to be reminded of it so crudely.

[flagger]

I am soooo sorry if you were offended. Never once was it suggested that an ADULT would be having sex with a teenage girl. There were all these comments about keeping drinks with you at all times. Well the comment about birth control and proper use of condoms is just as valid and is in no way crude or disgusting. Now what is disgusting was your name calling and jump to conclusions based on a very real and important caveat to both a teen male AND teen female.

[Leejnd4]

I am soooo sorry if you were offended. Never once was it suggested that an ADULT would be having sex with a teenage girl.

Any sex with a 14 year old girl is wrong and unlawful.

 

There were all these comments about keeping drinks with you at all times. Well the comment about birth control and proper use of condoms is just as valid and is in no way crude or disgusting.

These weren't comments about keeping *alcoholic* drinks with them! It was about making sure nobody slips something into their cokes! Nobody was suggesting that these kids were doing anything wrong. Your comment made it clear you felt that they WERE...and that we should, in fact, SANCTION it by asking our kids to use birth control and condoms.

 

Now what is disgusting was your name calling and jump to conclusions based on a very real and important caveat to both a teen male AND teen female.

I apologize for the name calling. That was wrong of me. I stand by my assertion that your comment was inappropriate. I do not feel that it's an important caveat to tell a 14 year old girl to go on birth control before she goes on a cruise!

 

Not to mention that your comment came across as flip. This is not a topic that should be used to toss out a flip joke.

 

Again, I apologize for the name calling. My apology is sincere. As opposed to:

I am soooo sorry if you were offended.

[flagger]

Any sex with a 14 year old girl is wrong and unlawful.

Um sex between underage teenagers is not exactly unlawful and I am not sure what law you are talking about since maritime law takes over once the ships put out to sea.

These weren't comments about keeping *alcoholic* drinks with them! It was about making sure nobody slips something into their cokes! Nobody was suggesting that these kids were doing anything wrong.

The only one who is suggesting alcoholic drinks in this case is you. Nothing I said was.

Your comment made it clear you felt that they WERE...and that we should, in fact, SANCTION it by asking our kids to use birth control and condoms.

Typical puritanical rubbish that believes that giving children information means that you are sanctioning their actions. It is about protecting them from diseases that could kill them or actions that could end up with an unwanted pregnancy. On a cruise I have come across more than a few barely teens engaging in activities that I am sure would surprise their parents.

 

I do not feel that it's an important caveat to tell a 14 year old girl to go on birth control before she goes on a cruise!

No one was telling her to go on birth control, but just asking if she was.

[KateO]

In the OP's case, the subject of birth control and condoms really needs to be brought up before the cruise by the parents if they feel that is appropriate (and it could be something they've already discussed). It's not a call to be made by an uncle or an aunt.

 

Anyone else feel that this post is completely getting off subject? The subject is what rules should she set for her Niece? She's not asking if she should give her Niece lifetime lessons... Quit flaming eachother and let's get back on track here.

[raina*faith]

I'm printing off this entire thread! I am sailing with a 15 and 14 year old! :eek: Thanks for all the questions and answers.

[bobbie0253]

Our kids are right around the age in question. 11,13,15,15.

 

It's funny because "rules" aren't much of an issue for us lately. The older two refuse to do anything without us on cruises now. We joke that we now have baby sitters. The last cruise was one of the best we have ever taken. I have never spent that much time with my son since he was a toddler! They have no interest in the teen group. Probably because they already have a friend on board....they have each other....:rolleyes:

 

So, my advice is also consider the fact that your niece may want to be with you 24/7. And if that happens enjoy every minute of it :D

[jamandamn14]

If she has a good head on her shoulders she shouldnt need rules enforced especially by you just say come in by 1 and eat dinner with us etc

[Sue L]

I have been reading this thread and some of the comments have been very valid, but I wanted to ask the OP What kind of kid is your niece?

 

Is she a basically good kid who doesn't give her parents any problems? Or is she a wild child whose parents are now bald from pulling their hair out over her exploits?

 

I know there is a lot of gray area in between these two, but you know your niece, we don't. Maybe have a sit down with her and include her parents so that they also know what the limitations are going to be. She may surprise you and give you the rules because she wants to spend alot of time with her "cool" Aunt and Uncle who are being so generous to take her on this cruise.

 

Sue

[PrincessAmadala]

Sorry, but I think this is disgusting. Maybe you were trying to be funny, but sex with a 14 yr old is pedophilia and child abuse, and that's not something to joke about. You must not have a teenage daughter, you sick ****.

 

I have waited two years to relate this episode, and while it only minimally relates to the OP topic, I know it is important to all parents of teens who cruise.

 

July 2004 we cruised on Mariner of the Seas, first cruise for everyone (Mom, Dad, DS 17, DD 14). We had adjoining balcony cabins and were rigorous in reviewing all our rules before we left.

 

We had late seating at a table for 10. Our family of 4, family A with Mom, Dad, DD 15 and DD's female friend 15, and Family B with Mom, Dad and DD 17. We and Family A each had adjoining cabins with the kids in one and parents in other. Family B had one cabin, since they were only 3. Dad B was a retired police officer who now sold insurance. We did not know any of these people before the cruise.

 

My DS was friendly and after the second night's dinner he and all the girls from the table would go back to their cabins to change clothes and hang out and meet other kids until curfew. The parents even went to a show together on two evenings. We (my DH and I) had no problem with our kids with the rules, curfew, whatever.

 

On the next to last morning (a sea day) there was a knock on our door at 9:00 AM. My DH opened it and the security chief and Dad B asked my husband to come with them next door to speak to my DS.:confused: :eek: There were no words to describe that feeling I had as I waited in our cabin for someone to come back and tell me what was going on. My head was literally spinning.

 

As it turned out, DD B never came back to their cabin the night before!:eek: Dad B had been up all night roaming the ship looking for her. Apparently he had seen my DS about midnight with some other kids (but not his DD) just sitting on the deck, talking and hanging out. However, since kids rarely get last names or room numbers from each other, all my DS could tell him was that they parted ways because she wanted to do things he didn't want to do.:( Dad B and security only wanted to talk to DS to see if he could give them any more info as to where she might be, names of other kids, but unfortunately he didn't have anything more to tell.

 

Security paged DD B and when she finally showed up, her story was that she "fell asleep" on the floor of someone else's cabin and that's why she didn't come back to her own cabin. This next part is not to disparage any other person, but according to my DS and some of his friends, she was drinking heavily with anyone who would give her a drink and trying to "hook up" with anything that was breathing. That's when she and my DS parted ways. He did not give Dad B any details that he did not ask about, but he was truthful about whatever the Dad and security did ask about.

 

We had a family meeting and discussed that since we still had one more dinner, this subject was a private, family matter and it was not any of our business to discuss with anyone else. Mom and Dad B showed up for dinner, but DD B was a "no show". Mom B said she wasn't feeling well and was resting. Privately, Dad B did compliment my DH and I on how much help our DS was and how much he appreciated what a respectful young man he was.

 

Moral: Teenagers get more stupid the further from home they are (her dad was a retired cop!) - our motto is "Trust, but verify." Luckily, in follow-up conversations, DD B only ended up with a killer hang-over and a grounded Senior year of high school.

[barbaragrace]

So, my advice is also consider the fact that your niece may want to be with you 24/7. And if that happens enjoy every minute of it :D

 

My 10 year old daughter is the same way. She does NOT like any of the kid activities and is with me ALL THE TIME.

[sgriff17]

I am soooo sorry if you were offended. Never once was it suggested that an ADULT would be having sex with a teenage girl. There were all these comments about keeping drinks with you at all times. Well the comment about birth control and proper use of condoms is just as valid and is in no way crude or disgusting. Now what is disgusting was your name calling and jump to conclusions based on a very real and important caveat to both a teen male AND teen female.

 

I agree with you Flagger. Maybe you didn't say it in the best way, but it IS happening. I think the OP who took issues with you must have a daughter around that age and "may" not want to think about that yet. The unfortunate thing is, where as she may not be, kids that age are...

 

Uggh...makes me sick.

 

Edited to say it makes me sick b/c the wife and I are going to be starting a family soon...and being a male, I can honestly say I don't know if I want a daughter! It's too hard. :( Girls at 14 these days look like girls that were 18 a decade ago. ahhhhh

[forpaws]

I don't have kids myself, but have been very involved with the raising of my brother's kids, nephews (16 and 13) and my niece (12), and I travel extensively with them...we just got back from Sovereign a few weeks ago, and I thought I had all the bases covered! I just read this thread and found that I missed the rule about not taking drinks from others and watching where they put their drinks! :eek: Thank goodness nothing happened....

 

Thanks for the input and I'll remember that one for next time!

[sgriff17]

Sorry, but I think this is disgusting. Maybe you were trying to be funny, but sex with a 14 yr old is pedophilia and child abuse, and that's not something to joke about. You must not have a teenage daughter, you sick ****.

 

LEE

 

Not that it really matters, but I took this to mean sexual relations with other people HER age. I'd seriously doubt the OP meant anything about sexual relations with Adults. That would seriously be disgusting and not funny......but that's not what I think she meant.

[Leejnd4]

LEE

 

Not that it really matters, but I took this to mean sexual relations with other people HER age. I'd seriously doubt the OP meant anything about sexual relations with Adults. That would seriously be disgusting and not funny......but that's not what I think she meant.

Well okay, I can accept that...I just was offended to see that line tossed out like that in the middle of such a respectful conversation about how best to protect our kids. If that poster had a point to make, it was not made very well or respectfully.

 

And for the person who suggested I'm not ready to accept these possibilities, oh come on -- if you actually read the thread, I think I've made it clear that I know full well all that can happen with teens. And for the record, I'm a proud liberal who believes in full sex education for teens. But none of that was the point of the OP's original question, and I continue to feel it was a crude line to toss out into this discussion.

 

'Nuff said. I think the OP got lots of great suggestions. Have a great cruise with your neice.

[Leejnd4]

double post deleted

[flagger]

In the OP's case, the subject of birth control and condoms really needs to be brought up before the cruise by the parents if they feel that is appropriate (and it could be something they've already discussed). Anyone else feel that this post is completely getting off subject? The subject is what rules should she set for her Niece?

Here is where I disagree. Here is the title of the thread

What rules do you set forth for your teen?

In the OP's post she also said:

What rules do you set forth for your teens?

Well quite frankly what I originally posted IS one of the rules I set forth when my first was a teen and he was male. Now I have a 3 year old DD and will have that talk with her long before she is cruising at age 14. Thanks to the puritans for turning my remarks into completely twisted and outlandish statements that were never posted.

[xyson]

I didn't read everyones replies but why not take the two way radios. This way you can talk to her wherever she is. Bring extra batteries or rechargables with an extra set. That way you can keep them on whenever you want to call her. I have twins but if they split up this was a rule. Otherwise I just made them stay together as much as I possibly could. They were good but you get worried so late at night. The radios are the best thing, really.

 

On another thread someone posted about the option to rent phones onboard some of the RCI ships. These apparently work better than two-way radios. I am not sure which ships have this option. The poster suggested asking at the pursers desk as soon as you get onboard.

 

Have a great trip.

[Leejnd4]

On another thread someone posted about the option to rent phones onboard some of the RCI ships. These apparently work better than two-way radios. I am not sure which ships have this option. The poster suggested asking at the pursers desk as soon as you get onboard.

Our two-way radios were not a perfect means of communication, I'll tell you that! Especially when you are used to keeping in touch with your teens via cellphone. The biggest problem that I first noticed is that if you don't hear your teen calling you, there's no indication that you missed a call. Also, it's hard to find a channel where there aren't other folks using it as well. But it was certainly better than not having any means of remote communication at all.

 

I did see something on board about renting phones that work on the ship, but I didn't catch the price.

[bmgaritty]

Here is where I disagree. Here is the title of the thread In the OP's post she also said: Well quite frankly what I originally posted IS one of the rules I set forth when my first was a teen and he was male. Now I have a 3 year old DD and will have that talk with her long before she is cruising at age 14. Thanks to the puritans for turning my remarks into completely twisted and outlandish statements that were never posted.

 

Flagger,

You're post was completely appropriate for the subject - "what rules do you set for you're teens?". It really brought the issue to mind very succinctly for all parents. Straight and to the point does the job.

 

I am really surprised by the holier than thou attitudes of some posters.....:rolleyes:

 

Have a great day Flagger!

[PVDCruiser]

Now back to the real (and quite serious and important) discussion...

 

Yes, the staff at the Navigator teen clubs was very good about keeping adults out (for which I'm grateful, given the fact that sickos clearly do go on cruises, as we've just been reminded). However, they WILL allow parents/guardians to look in on their teens. You just have to tell the person at the door who you are and who you are looking for, and they'll let you pop in (and keep their eye on you so you don't turn out to be some sicko trying to mingle with the teens, I suppose!). I wouldn't let my kids in there if I wasn't allowed access to at least see what they were doing. Hey, I don't know what all might be going on in there! As the parent, their safety and security is my ultimate responsibility, not the teen club staff.

 

I'm happy to see a responsible teen such as yourself posting in here. :)

 

Sorry to bump this thread up, but I just wanted to say thank you! :)

[sgriff17]

Sorry to bump this thread up, but I just wanted to say thank you! :)

 

Somehow followed some link and read your review on the Navigator...all I can say is, good job! Very thorough! :D

[CUinSeptember]

the one that was mentioned about not leaving the ship without permission is important. I was told that anyone over the age of 12 (!!!!!!!!!!!) is allowed to leave the ship w/out parent permission. yikes!

[cruisin from florida]

If you're worried about who your niece might end up hanging out with, I think that you need to plan on spending most of your time hanging out with your niece (and there's nothing wrong with that!) OR think about having a friend come along to keep her company. We have only cruised with our boys (plural!) so there was always a way to have the buddy system going on as they participated in the teen activities.

 

Frankly, with a 14 year old girl, on a 3 day cruise, I think you should just plan on having fun as a small group. I think you are taking the responsibility of caring for another person's child very seriously (which is TOTALLY appropriate) and you won't be able to enjoy yourselves if you are worrying about the safety of your niece.

 

If you and your spouse want to have more couple-time, you might want to check the cost of bringing a friend a long for your niece. It might be very reasonable, she might have more fun and it would probably be safer than hanging out with strangers.

 

Have a great cruise however you decide to handle it!