Never satisfied

[Sugar67]

Hiya all,

 

In November I weighed 260 lbs and decided I would NOT carry all that weight around on our first cruise. I set a goal of 100 lbs, nice even number.

 

Wow back then it seemed like such an overwhelming number. We leave on our cruise in 24 days and as of right now, I have lost a total of 72lbs.

I only have 28lbs more to go. I won't reach my goal by the time we cruise but I WILL reach it soon I hope.

 

My thoughts are these....why is it, that I focus more on what I didn't do than what I managed to do??? It really upsets me that I think this way. I know that I have accomplished so much, my blood pressure and cholesterol are down to healthy numbers, my clothes have gone from a size 22 to a size 14 but still I beat myself up over the size 8/10 160 lbs I could be if I didn't have those "bad days"? If only I had exercised more, not eaten out....you ladies get the point.

 

Sorry for rambling along here. Im just hoping that someone can help me change my mindset. I know I should be thinking that I have done well, help me convince my head of it please.

 

Thanks for listening,

Cathy

[sam73]

72 pound, that is awesome. you should be so proud of yourself. Pick up a 70 pound dumbbell and think about how much that is. Enjoy your cruise and when you get back aim to lose that last 28 pounds. I have lost 59 pounds, I need to lose 25 more. I leave for my cruise nov.5, I would like to lose 10 more by then, but if I don't that is ok. When I get back it is back to business. Be happy for what you have done, there are so many people who have a hard time lossing weight. It can be so frusterating some times. Good luck to you and have a wonderful time on your cruise.

[sharonella]

Cathy - 72 lbs!! You have done incredibly AWESOME!

 

100lbs in a year is HUGELY ambitious. Heck, I lost 50+ lbs in one year & I think that THAT was awesome, too. (I'm currently at a plateau - I've lost & gained the same 5 lbs since the 1st of the year - but I'm not letting it bother me too much - this is the happiest & healthiest I've felt in YEARS.)

 

You already know what your "problem" is - you are so focused on that number, that all the other goals you have listed that you reached seem practically meaningless to you. The fact that you set such a high goal practically set you up for "failure" - only a perfect person could have not had a single cheat, or missed a single exercise session & attained that goal.

 

You know what - you aren't perfect :eek: - none of us are. But that doesn't change that when you did momentarily "go off" your WOE, you got right back on. When you missed an exercise session, you kept your eye on the goal & made it to the next. You have accomplished SO much more in less time than most of us have been capable of - by reaching 72lbs lost AND by not straying significantly from your goal.

 

But I think you need to put IN WRITING, in BIG BOLD LETTERS, a list of ALL the achievements you have reached in this past year. Start with the things you mentioned here, but be sure to add all the "little" things, too - the things "normal" sized, active people take for granted (these are some of mine):

- going up a flight (or two) of stairs without getting winded!

- the day I TOTALLY stopped shopping in plus sizes!

- the day my walking parter started having trouble keeping up with ME

- The fact that most fruits & veggies actually are more appealing than most sugary snacks

- not feeling like the seat belt in my car has a stranglehold on me!

- having to put the seat in my car forward, because my butt's not as big anymore!

- being able to find & wear jeans that fit & are flattering!

- wearing fitted clothes (getting rid of all the elasticized waists!)

- being able to run around with my young nieces & nephews & have them get tired first!

- bike riding for 20-30 miles in a day

- trying on clothes I hadn't worn in years, & finding out they're now too big - I "lost" right past them! :D

 

Check into this "motivation" thread & post your own goals reached, too! http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=393819

 

But DO make your OWN personal list - print it, laminate it, & post it where you will see & read it every day - on your mirror, near your scale, or use it as a book mark in your food journal. Wherever. You can't define yourself by the number on the scale. If (God forbid) you never lost another pound & stayed this weight & size forever, the goals you reached are STILL so AWESOME and INCREDIBLE and INSPIRING.

 

Just because you won't have broken 3-digits by the time you cruise is not the be-all & end-all of YOU and your health and happiness! You already know this in your mind, or you wouldn't have asked for help here. You just need to convince your heart that it's so! You need to give yourself permission to have succeeded this much by getting this far, even tho you aren't "perfect"!

 

Last night on the last episode of Celebrity Fit club, they wanted to show the contestants how far they had come, so they had them carry bags filled with rubber lumps of "fat", in the amount of weight they had lost over the course of the series. It was amazing how big these bags were & how much trouble they had carrying them. Try to lift & carry a 72lb kid - see how far you get! :p

 

I think you are an inspiration to us all!

Sha

[Sugar67]

Thanks so much you two. I did go and pick up my friends little fella.....he was hard to carry after 5 minutes AND he only weighs 45lbs. That was a good idea.

 

WHat do you mean I am not perfect :eek: , my mother wants a word with you!! That line had me giggling.

 

You are right, I had the list started but had forgotten so many of the other things that were great about being 188lb and not 260lb. The biggest one, and I had forgotten it, was this summer walking out of our only plus size store here and knowing that I had just opened up another 10 stores to shop in (we live in a tiny little town).

 

It was having the choice of 3 bathing suits instead of just choosing whatever covered me the most.

 

It was buying my first ball gown since highschool and loving it.

 

It was the seamstress taking in 4 inches around the hips of my wedding gown (we are getting married in Jamaica on this cruise)

 

K I have to go now.....this list needs to get made and hung up in the bathroom, above the scale, stuck in my wallet, etc. because I dont want to feel like 72lbs is a disappointment.

 

Thanku sooooo much, I knew you guys could help me put a new twist on how I was thinking. :D

[sharonella]

Yay Cathy!! Don't forget to post some of your "milestones" in the other thread, too!

 

Speaking of other threads, I see you've only got 40+ posts so far since July 06. Maybe you could jump into a few other threads & help US - motivate US with your success stories & how you got as far as you have! Just because you haven't reached your goal quite yet doesn't mean you can't motivate us & help us reach ours!

 

Keep us updated on your progress Cathy! & post pictures of you in that wedding gown in Jamaica! Woohoo! Congrats on your wedding!

 

Sha

[kalamari]

The other poster said it well...a lot of people cannot lose weight, and look what you've been able to do. Another poster also said something about having to change your mind and attitude about how you view yourself. We are always our own worst critics.

 

This is going to sound crude but it's not meant directly to you. I read a story in a fitness magazine about a woman like you who had accmoplished a tremendous weight loss goal. The trainer told her "No matter how much weight you lose, as long as you keep telling yourself you're a big fat pig you will always be a big fat pig". It sounds horrible, but I think he had a good point. We are so used to being negative about who we are. Instead of focusing on what you haven't done, focus on what you HAVE done. When you think about how much you've improved your health, there really isn't room for you to be critical of yourself is there? I have stroke and diabetic patients, and they have serious problems that could be improved and prevented if they just could make simple lifestyle changes with eating. And the changes they need to make are simple, not complicated. I think with a lot of diets we sabotage it by how we think....it's not the food so much that is the enemy it's ourselves and how we view things.

 

Congratulations on a job well done...Menina

 

 

Thanks so much you two. I did go and pick up my friends little fella.....he was hard to carry after 5 minutes AND he only weighs 45lbs. That was a good idea.

 

WHat do you mean I am not perfect :eek: , my mother wants a word with you!! That line had me giggling.

 

You are right, I had the list started but had forgotten so many of the other things that were great about being 188lb and not 260lb. The biggest one, and I had forgotten it, was this summer walking out of our only plus size store here and knowing that I had just opened up another 10 stores to shop in (we live in a tiny little town).

 

It was having the choice of 3 bathing suits instead of just choosing whatever covered me the most.

 

It was buying my first ball gown since highschool and loving it.

 

It was the seamstress taking in 4 inches around the hips of my wedding gown (we are getting married in Jamaica on this cruise)

 

K I have to go now.....this list needs to get made and hung up in the bathroom, above the scale, stuck in my wallet, etc. because I dont want to feel like 72lbs is a disappointment.

 

Thanku sooooo much, I knew you guys could help me put a new twist on how I was thinking. :D

[WeirdEyes]

Congratulations on all you've accomplished!!!! Sha is right, pick up something that weighs as much as you lost. You will be amazed! You're going to look wonderful on your cruise! Have a great time! :D

[sharonella]

What Menina said about how you think about yourself reminded me of "way back when", when I belonged to a local branch of the weight loss group TOPS - Take Off Pounds Sensibly. The group worked a lot like how these forums work - everyone has their own WOE and WOEX, but you meet once a week for weigh ins & encouragement.

 

In retrospect, I think one of the reasons it didn't work for me then was that many in our group had the bad habit of referring to a gain as having a "bad" week and a loss as having a "good" week. That sort of slid into, "I was 'bad' this week, I gained." We were so wrapped up in thinking of overeating or not exercising as being "bad" (instead of "bad for you"), that we just started thinking of ourselves as being "bad" or "good", depending on what the scale said that week.

 

Of course, there were success stories - women who didn't get caught up in that way of thinking & were able to lose 10 - 20 - 50+ lbs to their goals. I've heard since, that TOPS has given directives to the local groups not to use that kind of terminology, and be more supportive & less negative.

 

I still remember the TOPS pledge!

 

I am intelligent person.

I will control my emotions,

and not let my emotions control me.

Every time I am tempted to use food to

satisfy my frustrated desires,

build up my injured ego,

or dull my senses,

I will remember that even though I overeat in private,

my excess poundage is there for all the world to see

how foolish I have been!

 

Sha

[kalamari]

I think instead of saying "I was good/I was bad"..it's better to say "I ate healthy", "I only ate 3 cookies and not 10", "I gave into temptation a little but I quickly corrected myself and I'm grateful"..etc.etc.

 

You guys have read my other posts, the issue, I truly believe isn't the food or "lack of willpower". It's all in our heads, and our impulsivity..the "not stopping to think about what we are doing and why". You can blame it on bad genes, bad food, bad thyroid, bad whatever, but in the end you are the only one that can make the choice about what you're going to put in your mouth.

 

You can either choose to eat one less piece of cake and learn to be ok with that, or you can eat three pieces of cake and keep blaming something for why you ate the three pieces of cake. If you fall into the last category you really lose your right to complain about it, because you're the one who made the choice to eat the three pieces...nobody made you do it. If you're worried about offending mama over the mashed potatoes, then tell mama she'll learn to be ok with you eating less potatoes.

 

Reality sucks sometimes doesn't it! :)

 

Menina

 

 

What Menina said about how you think about yourself reminded me of "way back when", when I belonged to a local branch of the weight loss group TOPS - Take Off Pounds Sensibly. The group worked a lot like how these forums work - everyone has their own WOE and WOEX, but you meet once a week for weigh ins & encouragement.

 

In retrospect, I think one of the reasons it didn't work for me then was that many in our group had the bad habit of referring to a gain as having a "bad" week and a loss as having a "good" week. That sort of slid into, "I was 'bad' this week, I gained." We were so wrapped up in thinking of overeating or not exercising as being "bad" (instead of "bad for you"), that we just started thinking of ourselves as being "bad" or "good", depending on what the scale said that week.

 

Of course, there were success stories - women who didn't get caught up in that way of thinking & were able to lose 10 - 20 - 50+ lbs to their goals. I've heard since, that TOPS has given directives to the local groups not to use that kind of terminology, and be more supportive & less negative.

 

I still remember the TOPS pledge!

 

I am intelligent person.

I will control my emotions,

and not let my emotions control me.

Every time I am tempted to use food to

satisfy my frustrated desires,

build up my injured ego,

or dull my senses,

I will remember that even though I overeat in private,

my excess poundage is there for all the world to see

how foolish I have been!

 

Sha

[From a land down under]

Dramatic title I know, but it's true:

When you have been a heavier person for a long time, when you do lose weight you often still see yourself as the heavy person you were rather than the slimmer person you now are.

If you are anything like myself there are a myriad of underlying contributing factors towards your weight. Losing weight is half of the battle - I would recommend seeing someone to talk about any underlying issues, or there is the danger of putting it back on again. For example, stress or emotional eating.

I lost over 60 pounds after being heavy all my life and I still thought I was fat - so I ate how I felt and put it back on again, am now in process of making for life changes rather than being on diets. I'm not saying that this is what will happen for you, but I really hope that every beautiful woman who has made this journey will lose what they need to on the inside as well as the outside. But that's just my story.:o

A really good idea is to take some before and after photos and stick them together around the place. It will make you grateful for where you are now, and not feel so bad about the high expectations you placed on yourself.

:)

[vikielynne]

Hiya all,

 

In November I weighed 260 lbs and decided I would NOT carry all that weight around on our first cruise. I set a goal of 100 lbs, nice even number.

 

Wow back then it seemed like such an overwhelming number. We leave on our cruise in 24 days and as of right now, I have lost a total of 72lbs.

I only have 28lbs more to go. I won't reach my goal by the time we cruise but I WILL reach it soon I hope.

 

My thoughts are these....why is it, that I focus more on what I didn't do than what I managed to do??? It really upsets me that I think this way. I know that I have accomplished so much, my blood pressure and cholesterol are down to healthy numbers, my clothes have gone from a size 22 to a size 14 but still I beat myself up over the size 8/10 160 lbs I could be if I didn't have those "bad days"? If only I had exercised more, not eaten out....you ladies get the point.

 

Sorry for rambling along here. Im just hoping that someone can help me change my mindset. I know I should be thinking that I have done well, help me convince my head of it please.

 

Thanks for listening,

Cathy

 

First of all a BIG BIG CONGRATS to you.....and I completely understand what your are saying there. About 2 years ago I lost about 75 pounds & have managed to keep it off. It's amazing to me how differently I look at food & how much more I enjoy life now. I had always been heavy so it;s taken quite a while to really 'see' the person in the mirror looking back at me. I too splurge a few times a week & eat something that I love. Then I have to get right back into the swing of it & go healthy again. There are mornings when I hop on the scale & see it notch up a bit & I think I shouldn't have indulged the night before but we're all human & you won't stick to eatting well if you don't give yourself a treat every now & then. So just think if you hadn't had those cookies or whatever you cheated on you may not have made it this far. Remember, woman ( or man ) can't live on celery alone :D Congrats Again!!!!!

[sharonella]

I'm just started taking some adult dance classes - tap & jazz. I've "danced a bit" on & off over the years - learning simple stuff to dance in community theatre productions. Usually we rehearse in church halls & the like - not real "dance studios" with mirrors.

 

The reason I'm even bringing this up here is that when you look at yourself in the mirror at home, your eyes & brain (and "baggage" you carry) can play tricks on you & you will still see the fat person you used to be, or be in denial & see yourself as thinner than you really are. (Which is why photographs can be so mind-blowing - the camera never lies.)

 

I really hated the idea of mirrors everywhere, so at first, I would look just at myself in the mirror, or just at another person's feet or arms (or whatever), to see if I was doing a step right. Last Wednesday, the instructor had us all line up next to each other to practice a kick line. For the first time I really looked at myself next to all the other women in the class. I have to tell you, it was VERY eye-opening. Yes - there are people slimmer and fatter than me, but what was really amazing is that I really wasn't that much bigger than some of the women I thought of as being the "skinny" ones! I've never felt that way before! It was pretty wonderful!

 

Sha